Linus Smallprint

@ellette-giselle

Question:

What would you do if you lived in Germany during WWII and you were hiding a Jewish couple and their baby. The Nazi’s came pounding on the door and said, “Are you hiding Jews?”/”where are the Jews?” etc. (which btw they often asked this type of question to scare people into telling the truth)

What would you say?…

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@ellette-giselle

So, even though this doesn’t sound pleasant, what I ended up doing was reading the chapter through and then rewriting it completely, using the old chapter as a reference point for events that needed to happen and dialogue I wanted to keep.

That is what I’m doing as well, but either my new ideas are much better than my old or my q…[Read more]

@ellette-giselle

I would be interested in your reasons behind why you don’t agree with her/my reasoning. Though keep in mind I won’t be changing this scene, so if you find it a waste of time then don’t bother explaining.

To put it simply, it is impossible for God to lie (Hebrews 6:18). Now of course, things are different for God, but Jesus, in Hi…[Read more]

@ellette-giselle

 This is one of the best ones yet!!

Huh. You often supprise me with the scenes that you think are the best.

I’m curious, did you write this from scratch, or was it in the draft?

In my first draft, I was unsure if I wanted to send Alan to save The Faithful after he joined them. Event happened differently there. Alan found out ab…[Read more]

@keilah-h

 It does seem a tiny bit sudden, but I don’t know cause I’ve never actually seen a person get saved and them follow their life immediately afterward. 

Alan does feel a little bit rushed to get back to planning since other people are in danger. He also felt the need to apologize to Rour, and had to go through Stripe to get to him.…[Read more]

@ellette-giselle

I was a little distratded during this chapter because I do disagree with you on weather or not it is okay for Christians to lie to protect others. However, I don’t really have a response to the arguments that Sabina gives and I belive this to be a tercarary issue, so unless you want to discus this, I’m willing to leave it…[Read more]

@ellette-giselle

Troy was a big hint. I also some some other things from it that poped up in my feed that contained some greek mythology gods/creatures, so I thought that might be the case

@ellette-giselle @stephie @keilah-h @theducktator @loopylin @theshadow

Next chapter! This scene was a little fun to write as it uses a new location that did not exist within my first draft.

The last bit of character I want Alan to develop may now be more apparent, Keliah.

Chapter the 24th – The Plan

@ellette-giselle

Is the musical based off of the Iliad or Odessy?

@ellette-giselle

But is that bad? Can Joseph not love the same thing as Aaron and still be Joseph? If you think it is bad, then……. idk what I’ll do. lol

No, it’s not bad. You just told me to keep a watch for if Joseph starts to feel like Aaron. This is just a place where the two of them could start to feel sort of samey.

Let’s just say that if…

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@ellette-giselle

Okay, why the uniform? Well, (as will be explained later) Adrian isn’t supposed to be here at all. He’s supposed to be in the Fort or on patrol, not messing around with civilians. So, technically he’s actually on patrol, but he was using the cloak to help hide the fact that he’s going in and out of the orphanage, and the fact th…

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@ellette-giselle

There we go, there is that Ardenta mistrust appearing. Poor Joseph. It’s completely understandable why he freaked out. I’m glad this is how you reintroduced Adrian to us instead of just having Joseph already know and accept him. It adds a little tension and some dramatic irony. It is a good way for Joseph to begin to understand…[Read more]

@ellette-giselle

Look, if anyone picks up the series at book two, they deserve to be confused. *shrug*

I have a friend with the same mindset. Alcatraz Smeadry will probably approve heartily!

WHAT? That doesn’t even fit with the period!!!

Like I said, my mind was in a weird place. Specifically in the place of a reader snacking on some y…[Read more]

@ellette-giselle

That works! Just swap wife and son for parents.

@stephie

The one thing I’m going to criticize is what Charles says when his son is saved: 

Okay, I will see what I can do about that. Though I may put this one off for a bit. Thank you for pointing this out. I’m not the most emotional person, so sometimes I struggle with writing em…[Read more]

@ellette-giselle

Lol, I was wondering when you would start wanting the backstory.

This is a good opportunity to see how someone who has not read Book I can understand this book. Like it or not, some people will start to read your series with Book II, III, or IV. Remember to provide the context for these readers so that they will be able to…[Read more]

@ellette-giselle

Okay, I updated the chapter. Let’s see what you think now.

Chapter the 22nd – The Coward

@ellette-giselle

Hmm… Stripe jumps on Tyn and is preoccupied with that fight? (Though it probably would not last longer than 2 seconds…) Rour attempts to debate with Stripe, saying his quaral is only with Alan and any who stand in the way (Which is why he arrested Martha)? He may be asking to leave peacefully with Alan and Tyn, promising to…[Read more]

@ellette-giselle

A week passed.

This feels a little odd right at the start of the book. I can see why you’re doing this, you’re trying to show us how over time he is adjusting, so I wouldn’t say it is a bad thing. It just feels unusual.

Joseph looked away. After a few minutes he heard Joseph’s voice in the kitchen. Sabina said something, and t…

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@ellette-giselle

YIKES! You changed your pic!

He he!

Anyhow, I don’t know why I even brought that up. I guess because it gives me recoil whenever I see it.

That’s fair. I feel the same way about ‘you do you’.

I’m trying to rework Chapter the 22nd like you suggested, but am a little stuck on what to do with Stripe. With Alan down, he would p…[Read more]

@ellette-giselle

Very well, continue.