@linus-smallprint
Active 1 hour, 12 minutes ago- Rank: Eccentric Mentor
- Total Posts: 1033
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Linus Smallprint replied to the topic The Narrow Path Trilogy Book I: The Cost in the forum Novel Critique Requests 4 months, 1 week ago
What I meant by “breaks immersion” is that I didn’t really want to pay attention to the spells. They have no use to me. They’re deeply evil in Alan’s world and useless in mine, so what reason do I have for needing them in my memory?
Makes sence.
Also the Tyn-Oliver fight was a little confusing to me after Alan’s muddled spell mind, so I…
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Linus Smallprint replied to the topic The Narrow Path Trilogy Book I: The Cost in the forum Novel Critique Requests 4 months, 1 week ago
You can’t separate spell casting from demonic power. The Bible makes that clear. So, if wyou want the spell casting, your going to have to keep the other part in mind.
Okay. I might have to rework things then, but that’s okay. I’ve talked to my sister, who knows more of my plans for book 2 about this, and she does agree that th…[Read more]
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Linus Smallprint replied to the topic Snowball Fight! in the forum General Writing Discussions 4 months, 1 week ago
I forgot about this chat.
But hey, I finally get to write the next part of my story!
John was fed up with being stuck on the island, so he decided it was time to do something about it.
“Mother, can we please depart from this snowless island?”
His mother was tying some logs together. “John, how many times must I tell you,…
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Linus Smallprint replied to the topic The Veil of Night– second book in The Flames of Hope Saga in the forum Novel Critique Requests 4 months, 1 week ago
Joseph grinned. “I grew up with Asher and Eric. I’m pretty hard to annoy.”
Hmm. I wounder how true this will turn out to be.
“Let me put it plainly,” the Innkeeper said, tersely. “A young man on the wrong end of the Empire comes into town. He’s got no money, no family, no connections. He meets a pretty— and rather naïve— girl who…
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Linus Smallprint replied to the topic The Veil of Night– second book in The Flames of Hope Saga in the forum Novel Critique Requests 4 months, 1 week ago
That makes you uncomfortable? Just saying a guy wants to give the girl he loves a hug?
It wasn’t that. I don’t have any problem with unmarried people hugging or holding hands, unless it does become a temptation to sin. It was because of the implied temptation that I felt uncomfortable.
However, I want the reader to see that…
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Linus Smallprint replied to the topic The Narrow Path Trilogy Book I: The Cost in the forum Novel Critique Requests 4 months, 1 week ago
@stephie @theducktator @loopylin @theshadow
I know I told the others I would wait until the end of this draft before I discussed if the way I included magic in the last chapter went too far, but in the mean time, I would love to here your thoughts on the matter.
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Linus Smallprint replied to the topic The Narrow Path Trilogy Book I: The Cost in the forum Novel Critique Requests 4 months, 1 week ago
No comment on Alan fighting Tyn and Oliver? I thought for sure you would protest about that. You kept on saying you were hopping Oliver wouldn’t betray Alan.
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Linus Smallprint replied to the topic The Narrow Path Trilogy Book I: The Cost in the forum Novel Critique Requests 4 months, 1 week ago
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AgTEJ9xdILI (Strong determination. One of my favorite video game songs. But this only works when Alan kicks the door down. [Also, though I love the soundtrack, I don’t agree with the story of this game and would not play it.)
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Linus Smallprint replied to the topic The Narrow Path Trilogy Book I: The Cost in the forum Novel Critique Requests 4 months, 1 week ago
As for the chapter itself. There was the part where Alan casts all those spells on himself and the stag. However, we were told that all memory of spells was erased from his mind. Plus, spells for killing bugs wouldn’t involve night vision, speed, strength, taming, etc. So, he would have had to look them up in the book, which was f…
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Linus Smallprint replied to the topic The Narrow Path Trilogy Book I: The Cost in the forum Novel Critique Requests 4 months, 1 week ago
They paint a clear connection between magic and animals, making them a power source to control,
You’re on to me. But did you notice there was one spell that included no animals?
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Linus Smallprint replied to the topic The Narrow Path Trilogy Book I: The Cost in the forum Novel Critique Requests 4 months, 1 week ago
The spells. Why do we need to know the images?
I sincerely hope none of this offended you. If it came across as harsh or mean, that is not my intent. This is (as you can probably guess) something I feel strongly about.
I for one thought the spell images were well done…
And I think the images paint a good picture of w… -
Linus Smallprint replied to the topic The Veil of Night– second book in The Flames of Hope Saga in the forum Novel Critique Requests 4 months, 1 week ago
At first, it had been hard for Joseph. So often he had reached for her hand, or opened an arm to loop about her waist, and had been forced to pull back sharply. He wondered if she noticed and hoped she hadn’t. He couldn’t know that she had the same struggle and would have liked nothing better than to lean against him and rest in the pro…
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Linus Smallprint replied to the topic The Narrow Path Trilogy Book I: The Cost in the forum Novel Critique Requests 4 months, 1 week ago
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Linus Smallprint replied to the topic The Narrow Path Trilogy Book I: The Cost in the forum Novel Critique Requests 4 months, 1 week ago
or you could have some sort of wicked lightning scar that goes up his back and twists around one or both of his shoulders.
That’s not quite how wizard scars work. I’m still figuring things out, but whenever someone uses magic, his body is attacked. The crystal he is connected to ‘heals’ him, drawing information form both the…[Read more]
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Linus Smallprint replied to the topic The Narrow Path Trilogy Book I: The Cost in the forum Novel Critique Requests 4 months, 1 week ago
Must it be a hand or foot?
You got a better idea? Maybe he could have a scar around hie eye and match with the dude I posted a picture of in my previous post. He’s already got similar hair.
Who said I did bad things to my characters?!?
Hmmmm….
if it were one of the other I say the hand. Two reasons. One, it’s going to make it s…
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Linus Smallprint replied to the topic The Veil of Night– second book in The Flames of Hope Saga in the forum Novel Critique Requests 4 months, 1 week ago
You’ve never licked cuts as a kid?
Nope.
I knew it. I knew it. As I was posting that I was thinking, “grrr, Alcatraz ruined perfectly good expressions referring to shock and surprise.”
Yup.
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Linus Smallprint replied to the topic The Narrow Path Trilogy Book I: The Cost in the forum Novel Critique Requests 4 months, 1 week ago
@ellette-giselle @stephie @theducktator
(Not sure if Keilah has read everything yet, so I won’t tag her.)
Question. Since Alan is using magic again, he is going to get some more wizard scars. I’m trying to decide what to go with, and I have a couple of options I think would be interesting. Here they are:
- Hand: His right hand will become like…
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Linus Smallprint replied to the topic The Chat Chat in the forum General Writing Discussions 4 months, 1 week ago
I don’t know. Make it look like I was so depressed I lost that person close to me that I became focused on the fighting ring and paid my debt with my life. But how to do that exactly, I’m not sure.
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Linus Smallprint replied to the topic The Veil of Night– second book in The Flames of Hope Saga in the forum Novel Critique Requests 4 months, 1 week ago
Leon nodded. “I am tired of it. You know, there’s not much more I could wish for then a home of my own. A place to settle and say, ‘this home is mine, this house is mine, these fields are mine, this family is mine.’” Leon paused, and when he spoke again his voice had dropped to a lower, almost sad tone. “With the way things are…
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Linus Smallprint replied to the topic The Narrow Path Trilogy Book I: The Cost in the forum Novel Critique Requests 4 months, 1 week ago
Yes, I had pro for a year. I like it, but I would prefer to hand draw my own map (especially if it will appear in my book.)
I have considered drawing my own trees, mountains, etc, uploading the drawings in Inkarnet, then using the tools there to make my own map, put I never got around to it.
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