Linus Smallprint

@ellette-giselle

Okay👍

(Also, apparently I am not allowed to just post a thumbs-up emoji with your tag, because I have already done that. Weird)

@ellette-giselle

Just wondering. Do you have a cover for this book yet?

@keilah-h

I will just make things easy for you and give you a new link to the feedback file.

TNPT: The Cost – Second Draft Feedback

Thanks!

@whalekeeper

If you’re talking about CWW, no problem, it’s an optional challenge. :] You should tell your sister, though, that nobody actually shares their stories on the community. You only count up your words and submit the number each time you write. So her project wouldn’t be shown to anyone.

Yes, I did mean the crazy writing week. I don’t…[Read more]

@janellebelovedpig @whalekeeper

I looked at this and showed my sister, but I don’t think either of us will be doing it this year. My sister doesn’t feel ready to share the project she is typing up and her WIP she is writing on paper. I would also like to take a break from writing and focus on some other things.

@loopylin and @theshadow

Just wondering if either of you are still reading through TNPT: The Cost.

@stephie and @keilah-h

Are either of you going to be filling out the feedback document I provided earlier?

@stephie

I read your to-magic-or-n0t-t0-magic document and it seems to me that there are more reasons for including it than excluding it. At this point all you’ve got to do is evaluate whether or not the reasons for excluding spell images are so strong that they cancel out all of the numerous reasons to include it.

I dunno, it’s a hard cal…

[Read more]

@whalekeeper

You could maybe play off the fact that kentors naturally avoid confrontation. Although Tyn wants to face conflict directly, she might still be avoidant without realizing it.

Hey, that’s a good idea. There are already some inconsistencies in Tyn’s character that she is unaware of. This would fit her well.

I knew he wanted out of the…

[Read more]

@ellette-giselle

Finished it!

I’ll get to answering your feedback questions later. I may take a month to reread the story again first. (*Goes and steals all sections of the book so I can read them offline*).

But for now, here is some initial feedback on the last bit:

I think the climax and the build-up to it were well done. As cliche as rescue…[Read more]

@ellette-giselle

hmm. Okay, do you think I should take out that part in the letter? Or should I just leave it and let the reader be happy that they guessed a plot twist or else shocked that they didn’t see it.

One more thing I should mention. Another reason I saw this is because I took a break between when Amelia first starts feeling unwell and w…[Read more]

@whalekeeper

Thank you very much for your feedback. It was helpful. I think I now have a clearer picture of what I need to work on.

@whalekeeper

Love Tyn. …like Eric, too.

Glad to hear it. These two were the least liked by my readers in the first draft. Tyn is pretty much the same. I think she is just a love-or-hate character. Eric was a disaster, and I almost removed him from the story altogether before I decided to change his role and personality because I realized he…[Read more]

@ellette-giselle

Don’t have to much to ask you, but:

Martha. Especially some Alan/Martha moments. *blink blink blink. Blinkity-blink blink* lol.

I would still like to know what your thoughts were on switching to Martha in that second-last chapter.

Just that this was a great book and one that I would totally buy. Well done! Keep me in the loop if…

[Read more]

@whalekeeper @ellette-giselle

I do have some questions/comments to your overall feedback. I will start with Ellette since she posted first.

@whalekeeper

Sorry, I didn’t realize you had replied to this before I logged off yesterday. Thank you for your thoughts as well. I was talking to my dad about the issue and he had similar thoughts.

@stephie

On the other hand, it’s magic. It’s directly contradictory to everything Christians stand for. The Fall of man happened because humans didn’…

[Read more]

@highscribeofaetherium

Thank you!

@ellette-giselle

Okay, why is that? Was it just because that seemed logical, or because you thought I was above killing a girl, (I’ll have you know I’m not. lololololol) or because Amelia brought up wanting a child in her letter to Sabina? If I struck that part of the letter, would you have been caught off guard?

I think it was a combination fo…[Read more]

@ellette-giselle @keilah-h @theducktator @whalekeeper @stephie

One question I forgot in my feedback file under Worldbuilding:

Any topics you recommend I research to improve worldbuilding and make it more realistic?

Also, I somehow completely forgot to add Stripe to my list of characters I’m most eager for feedback on.

@ellette-giselle

I love how you took the screenshot and turned it into your own style!

Thank you again. I would like to do this with the illustrations in the Narnia books someday.

@whalekeeper

you are definitely the best artist for the job.

Thank you again! My drawing skills are a gift from God, and while I have had to practice lot to get to…[Read more]