Lightningmouse

@daeus one last suggestion about the final sentence.

he is forced to confront everything he fights for shattered, everything he cherishes put to the test, and a long-hidden truth that will threaten his life.

I think that there should be a ‘being’ between ‘for’ and ‘shattered’. There needs to be some sort of verb there.

@daeus One quick note, where you say’ discovering a historic treasure, Matthew returns…”
You spelled Matthew with one ‘t’.

@daeus I really like this third version, but I still have a few battle-moves I like to use. 😛

First off, you say ‘vague shadows surrounding’. Well, my mind inserts the word ‘shrouds’ instead. I don’t know. I just think that word works better there.

Secondly, you say ‘wreak his vengeance’, it just doesn’t seem to fit. I start thinking ‘wreak…[Read more]

@daeus
Whoops! I was thinking of it as Matthew taking on the character Edwin Brook like Matthew fighting him or something. 🙂 LOL Now that you rewrote it, it does make sense. Nice work. I like the new and improved version. 😉 🙂 😉

@Daeus
I like the changes you made regarding the sentence structure that @kate-flournoy mentioned. Nice job. One other thing I noticed.

Returning to wreak his vengeance, Matthew takes on the character of the mysterious Edwin Brook. His wealth and power make his success almost certain, but strange events keep thwarting his every move.

I think…[Read more]

This sounds awesome, Kate! Thanks for sharing!

@perfectfifths
There are some very cool and well-done battles scenes in the prequels, but Anakin was very annoying.

@perfect-fifths Moody teenager indeed.
There are some very cool and well-done battles scenes in the prequels, but Anakin was very annoying.

@daeus
*melts synopsis* ATTACK!!! 😛 😀
Okay, just kidding.
So, for me, I wasn’t able to connect this:

Returning to wreak his vengeance, Matthew takes on the character of the mysterious Edwin Brook.

To this:

His wealth and power make his success almost certain

I guess for me, I don’t really know anything about Edwin Brooke…[Read more]

@daeus
*melts synopsis* ATTACK!!! 😛 😀
Okay, just kidding.
So, for me, I wasn’t able to connect this:

Returning to wreak his vengeance, Matthew takes on the character of the mysterious Edwin Brook.

To this:

His wealth and power make his success almost certain

I guess for me, I don’t really know anything about Edwin Brooke…[Read more]

@daeus
*melts synopsis* ATTACK!!! 😛 😀
Okay, just kidding.
So, for me, I wasn’t able to connect this:

Returning to wreak his vengeance, Matthew takes on the character of the mysterious Edwin Brook.

To this:

His wealth and power make his success almost certain

I guess for me, I don’t really know anything about Edwin Brooke as a…

[Read more]

@daeus
*melts synopsis* ATTACK!!! 😛 😀
Okay, just kidding.
So, for me, I wasn’t able to connect this:

Returning to wreak his vengeance, Matthew takes on the character of the mysterious Edwin Brook.

To this:

His wealth and power make his success almost certain

I guess for me, I don’t really know anything about Edwin Brooke as a…

[Read more]

Ooh, I like it! Although, I’m really not the best judge when it comes to stuff like this…Haha! But it definitely kept my interest throughout.

I don’t have anything to add, really. I agree with what @kate-flournoy said about the sentence structure. I did notice that, but, overall, I think you did a great job -much better than I could’ve done.…[Read more]

@kate-flournoy I have every confidence that Rogue One is going to be awesome, because it doesn’t have Anakin Skywalker or Jar Jar Binks in it. Those two characters made the prequels bad…this is not about those characters.

@kate-flournoy …So, I think that I’ll probably just stop now because I can’t seem to write anything that I like…at all. Good luck though!
I wrote 463 words all told.

@daeus Very good!
@kate-flournoy I think I’ll keep going…get this muse to do something with itself. 😛
So far 264 words.

@daeus @kate-flournoy
Sorry I’m late…I’ll see if I can conjure up a few words. 😛
Muse! I summon thee!

@bluejay
Ohhh, those are really cool! I love the first one especially. 🙂 By the way, I love your new profile picture. Maybe it’s not so new, but I haven’t been on here in a while; I’m just so busy with school. I miss talking to all you KeePers, though. 😉