Keilah H.

@hybridlore

One thing I’ve noticed is that you tend to use a lot of ellipses.

@theshadow

“Our house is full of ducks!!!!”

Ducks???👀

@linus-smallprint

Awesome! I approved it.

@linus-smallprint

hah!! That’s great! This is going to be so funny if I do!

@liberty

I’m going to be able to submit something!!!!!!!

@keilah-h @ellette-giselle

Y’all were talking about British and Australian exclamations and it reminded me of something that happened recently…

So we have friends who are Australian, but their dad is the only one who actually naturally has the accent. I’m a sucker for the Aussie accent, lol. And I was talking with him one time and with some…[Read more]

Also, one thing I just thought of; we don’t really care about the characters’ families since we haven’t met them yet. Maybe it would be a good idea to lengthen the first chapter by showing Jack and Elina getting home and seeing their parents and siblings.

@theshadow

This chapter does a good job building up the suspense! The only thing I would say is yeah, Ellette has a point. These girls seem to be so mean for no real reason that I can guess at yet. It makes them feel flatter, rather than like actual people who have motives and stuff for their actions. Their ultimate goal, especially in a…[Read more]

@loopylin

Sure! They’re in the entrance right now.

Vyette

Vyette glared up at the school. A boarding school! How could her father do this to her? “It’s an experience,” he’d said. An experience? Maybe for the working class. She shoved another bag at her maid, who was already carrying four. “Come on. Don’t take all day.” She stalked into the…[Read more]

@theshadow

i am so relieved Jack is still there!! Also, I have a feeling I’m going to like Dylan.
just a hunch.

also, I’m not sure about Olivia and Adaline’s reaction. You see, when people bully others it tends to be because of insecurity and cowardice. I have yet to meet a truly confidant and courageous bully. That being said, they seem too c…[Read more]

@anyone This is long, sorry

Liko

At 6:00 am, while the school halls were still mostly quiet and empty, Liko arrived at work, holding a bucket in one hand. The contents of the bucket sloshed and jiggled at his side as he made his way to the supply closet. After setting the bucket down, he unlocked the closet door.

First thing’s first: clean the…[Read more]

@linus-smallprint

Ducktator, did you see that note I added on the idea of using a slave to push Alan in the direction of trusting and obeying The Saviour? What are your thoughts on that?

I’m not sure. I see how it would help your story, and it’s an interesting perspective to take. My main concern would be people thinking you support slavery. I…[Read more]

@jonas

Wow. I love this idea. This sounds super interesting. Is it connected to your current series?

@ellette-giselle

Aw, that’s okay! If you know of a different way to get it through, I’m open to trying other things, but I understand if it’s too difficult for you to do right now.

@jonas

My favorites are Chromancy, Spectrachromy, and Prismaturgy. I think Chromamancy has too many syllables.

Also I’m really intrigued by the idea of a color based magic system, if that’s what this is. It sounds cool.

@theducktator

If you want, I have a character in the school that you can have your characters meet. I haven’t written anything for him yet but I will in a bit.

Dante

“Banned for life! Ya got that? Show your face around here again and I’m calling the cops!”

Dante Tucker found himself being forcefully thrown out of a shop at seven in the morning and into the street. A poorly trimmed bush by the sidewalk broke his fall.

“… One-eyed freak.”

The front door slammed behind him.

Dante picked himself u…[Read more]

@hybridlore

no!!! I can’t access this without my laptop!! 😭😭😭😭

I’ll let you know what I think the minute I get home!!

@jonas

My favorite is Chromancy.

Some things I’d really like to hear from y’all are scene ideas. I’m planning to go back and extend a lot of the earlier chapters (at least 1-6) because I didn’t have the same word count goal for them as I do now. So if you have any ideas for scenes that would fit into those (or future scenes) I would love to hear them. So far I have a chapter…[Read more]

@ellette-giselle (I know you’re away, so don’t feel obligated to respond to this until you get back) @theshadow @whalekeeper @koshka @raxforge

Sorry these are late, it slipped my mind until last night. Without further ado, here are chapters seven and eight (also known as the underground church cha…[Read more]