Cloaked Mystery

@vinagirl

Hello! I’m Jonas (alias: Cloaked Mystery 😎) My sister mentioned most of the things already, but I am also a homeschooler (though not for much longer—I’m on my senior year), and I write fantasy.

Welp, that’s all. I’ve never been good at the newbie questions, so I’m going to skip that. See you around!

Krenna

Krenna sat down and put her feet on the table. Whips walked through the table and sat down across from her, while Ops and Loop took the seats next to her. They liked to act normal, even though they had no physical need to sit down on anything. Someone could sit down in those seats and wouldn’t even notice them…although it was unlikely…[Read more]

Selius

Two people suddenly emerged from rooms. Selius eyed them warily, but stayed focused on the metallic humanoid who had just spoken a sentence that was made absolutely no sense to Selius.

“My name is Selius,” Selius said, in answer to the shorter girl’s question. He sheathed his sword. “Do any of you know where we…[Read more]

Btw, in that post on Dalton, I meant “falteringly” not “flatteringly.” Curse you autocorrect!

@highscribeofaetherium

Actually, I’m just going to ignore you.

@savannah_grace2009

I agree with @hybridlore (although I only skimmed it), the end seems abrupt. It almost feels like you’re stopping before the climax and resolution. Otherwise, looks good!

@rae

(his story is a salvation story… One that sometimes makes me cry).

I’ve never written something that makes me cry…But then again I don’t usually cry reading anything.

Ah, yes, perfect! I just recalled my most tortured character! (I feel a bit guilty for not thinking of him earlier, considering how tortured he is XD)

Dalton Percaro (pronounced “Dal-tun Per-care-o. It’s an Arvendin name, so it isn’t pronounced the same as the English name Dalton.)

Dalton is around 17 years old,  5’ 10”ish, has brown eyes, and d…[Read more]

@rae

Weird. I’ve always pronounced it “Nay-him.” The only problem with that spelling is that it’s a bit inconsistent since you spell Nayhelm with a y. I especially notice it since they’re in the same name, but it’s fine, since it would be a different alphabet anyway. If you spelled it “Nahelm” it would look like it might be pronounced “Nah…[Read more]

@rae

“Nay-him” is a perfectly valid pronunciation since you’re not using Arabic linguistics. I agree that the y would look bad.

@keilah-h

The asteroid belt in our solar system is also thought to be the remains of a planet, I think.

@rae

From what I know of how Arabic languages sound, I would think it would be pronounced “Nah-heem” or something like that, rather than “Nay-him.”

@keilah-h

There’s a good number of characters that have normal names too: Hugo, Carrie, Kari, etc. Ellis is also a real name, though not common these days.

@esther-c

Which group of characters are yours approaching right now?

@savannah_grace2009 @rae @freedomwriter76

Ariac

Ariac looked at each of the others in turn. He was pretty sure none of them were going to try to murder him or each other at this point.

“Very well then,” he said. “We go together. But first, do any of you have any idea where we are? Are there other people here? I don’t want to walk into a trap un…[Read more]

Selius

Whipped around as someone burst through the double doors on the opposite side of the room. There were no other doors on that wall.

That must be the exit, Selius thought. And all of these are just side rooms.

The newcomer was a bizarre humanoid creature. Selius had never seen anything like it.

“Who are you?” Selius demanded. “Are you the…[Read more]