Cloaked Mystery

@hybridlore

Ohhh… that all makes sense. I was wondering if there was a biblical underpinning to this, with the name Jesse.

To me it wasn’t clear that he had been gone. Maybe I just missed that detail. If you make sure that’s clear, then I think it works.

It’s also funny how restrictive they are on shoes. I mean what shoes are allowed? lol.

@hybridlore

That’s better. There are still a few questions I have. Why was the king completely unaware of what was going on, but then able to easily fix it? What does he usually do that he was unaware of these problems? Why did he happen to talk to Mason? Those are the main ones. The story is a lot clearer overall.

@rae

I can see that you did. …that’s a first…

@rae

Okay. Weird. A razor knife isn’t a particularly dangerous weapon. I just thought it was funny that the school is allowing literally any weapon that isn’t a firearm, but not things like paper. Irl, schools tend to be super restrictive about weapons.

@rae

What’s a menthol?

@loopylin

But she doesn’t need to go to the practice of course. I could add some new characters and maybe they could meet in the school halls, if you want. Or she could meet @highscribeofaetherim ‘s character, whoever that will be.

I also might add a second character, although I’m not sure who it would be. I haven’t RPd as Vlydia before, but I’m…[Read more]

Vlydia probably would be carrying pens, papers, and books, which gives her more reason to not want to go.

@loopylin

Lol. That’s an odd assortment of contrabands. Paper isn’t allowed, but non-gun weapons are.

@loopylin

I don’t think Vlydia would be carrying any contraband. She doesn’t carry any weapons, because she can generate crystals as weapons from her arms. She probably wouldn’t attend that class anyway, because she would already know how. If none of the characters are doing anything outside of that, I can wait, or just throw her in there anyway. Thanks!

Okay, I’ll also go ahead and say that Dimension and Conversion are also not my favorite powers, so it’s also possible I will change them. I can’t think of anything very interesting to do with the Resonance of Arcane Manipulation, so the result was Conversion. I’m not planning on having any of the Arcane powers being particularly important to the…[Read more]

I know I said I was done with this magic system. But there was one power I didn’t really like: Age. I have now replaced it. Introducing the Resonance of Destiny.

Destiny: The Resonance of Temporal Manipulation

Destiny is the Resonance of Temporal Manipulation. It allows the user to explore alternate pasts and futures, focused on one object.…[Read more]

@everyone

Okay, I’m going to introduce my character now, but I’ll wait to RP till I get a bit of a debriefing about what is happening.

Vlydiana Hsrinar

(Pronounced Vlid-ee-on-a Hsree-nar. The Hrinien people are very fond of mashing consonants together, as you can see. Luckily for everyone else’s characters, she goes by Vlydia (like the name…[Read more]

@hybridlore

I found it very interesting. I knew that man was the king literally the moment he appeared. Maybe I’m just good at that sort of guessing, because I don’t think it was super obvious, but just so you’re aware. I’m assuming you don’t want most readers to realize that right away? You might want to somehow make it a little less obv…[Read more]

@rae

I think I get it. I’m probably always going to read it in my head as “realm” with an n (nothing sounds wrong about that to me) just cause that’s how it looks. So it’s basically just that there’s a bit of separation between the vowels in the middle? Or do you actually pronounce a sharp “EE” sound in there? Is it more like the word “real”, but…[Read more]

@rae

I can’t think of anything right now, (although I do still have to introduce my new character), but I might later. If someone else wants to, go ahead.

I must correct something I said earlier. I got the schedule for the books off a bit.

Here is the schedule, copy-pasted from the source:

December 2024: Wind and Truth

Spring 2025: Skyward Legacy One(?)

December 2025: White Sand Novel/Dark One(?)

Spring 2026: Skyward Legacy Two(?)

December 2026: Skyward Legacy Three(?)

December 20…

[Read more]

@rae

The story overall was good. I’m not sure the framing device you used was necessary. There are a few typos and awkward sentences, but I won’t bother pointing them out unless you would like me to. I feel like you were a bit heavy on getting the “moral” across. It might be better to let Nahim/the reader figure it out on his/their own. The act…[Read more]

I finished Dawnshard. It was pretty good, but since I don’t think anyone else on here has read it yet, I’ll hold my comments.

Here’s another thing I’m wondering about with time dilation: aging.

You might think the answer is simple: negative dilation makes you age slower, and positive dilation makes you age faster. But what causes aging? From my understanding, it’s largely caused by cosmic rays from outer space. Because of that, I think that Positive Dilation will …[Read more]