hybridlore

@savannah_grace2009

Saraaaa… 🥹 Girl you’re so sweet. ❤️

@hybridlore

Ok awesome!! Thanks!

@hybridlore

Okay, I see what you mean. Are you thinking like, within their friend groups? Most of the story so far takes place either at school, the church meetings, or their house. Later, though, there will probably be a lot of scenes at their respective job assignments, so you’ll get to see more of the culture then. Do you have any ideas for s…

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@hybridlore @esther-c @theducktator

Thanks y’all!!

@whalekeeper @loopylin

Praying 🙏

@kielah-h @ellette-giselle @raxforge @whalekeeper @hybridlore

This is the final part of Story 9.

In my writing document, I named this story temporarily as ‘Delirium’ but I would like some better title ideas if you can give me some. Thx in advance.

Five days had passed since Baron had been taken to the Handel mansion and his symptoms…[Read more]

@savannah_grace2009

Awwww!!!

But in six months he’s moving to Florida for college…..😭😭

At least I have a little brother <333 I love him to DEATH…I literally love him so muchhhh

That is so funny that your MC is named Hallie because (I know I’ve told you this before but Imma say it again hahaha) my little sister’s name is Hallie!!! so it’s just…

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Well, I made the forum, the forum stopped working for me, and I also disappeared off the face of the earth for over two weeks😂💀 well I’ll try to answer questions/responses now😅

@highscribeofaetherium @hybridlore @keilah-h @grcr @savannah_grace2009 @elishavet-pidyon @theshadow @thearcaneaxiom @whalekeeper @ellette-giselle @loopylin @koshka @trailbl…[Read more]

@hybridlore

All caught up now. It’s good so far, though I have two thoughts. I think you could maybe show more of the oppression in Christianity/religion and the society a bit more? Specifically beyond the school and the laundromat, because it would make it feel a bit more alive. Second, maybe you could show Sara’s feelings of purposelessness…[Read more]

@hybridlore

Okay, I’m going to catch up with the rest of the chapters, but chapters 5-6 were good.

@hybridlore thank you!!

@hybridlore

yeah I missed that with them having won. But maybe that was just me.

oh okay! No problem. Sorry for the confusion.

@hybridlore

I liked that chapter about Cole. Sometimes fillers are okay if they further develop the character. Plus, it was one of your best.
you can even end it with his game death and then have him say something to a friend who’s on the game team about pulling through and winning that last one.
just an idea. But I honestly wouldn’t remove or…[Read more]

@hybridlore

I found a round about way to get access!! (Don’t ask)

anyways!! I am really liking this!!

a few notes:

Everette (I think) asks if Sara knows who Jesus was. Now, unless you have a very different theology than I do, I believe it’s who Jesus “is” not “was”.

Also, unless I missed something, the last we had with Cole was his screen…[Read more]

@hybridlore

I read the two latest and thought they were good.

I like how Cole suddenly falls into his element and ends up with his team being the top in the class. I do wonder though how he knew the right answers if he never paid attention.

@hybridlore

Okay, I am caught up now.

I see you already saw some of my comments. I like where this is going and I think Sara’s reaction to the underground church makes sense. You have good attention to detail as you write.

Out of curiosity, what draft number is this? I doubt it is the first.

Looking forward to the next chapters!

@hybridlore

Thanks!!! ☺️

@smiley @keilah-h @theshadow

Thank you ladies! Sure thing!!

@theducktator

Wait really?? Oh I didn’t even notice! Maybe I’ll have to read the book now 😝

@raxforge (you haven’t read this one yet) @ellette-giselle @whalekeeper @keilah-h @hybridlore

So, I haven’t finished this one yet, but it’s getting long so I’m gonna post it in two parts.

Also, I posted a section of this story above, and I will be making that section bold so that those who already read it can skip with ease.

With that, i…[Read more]

@hybridlore

Up to the 6th chapter. Liking it so far. It looks like your opening is well-structured for the most part. I feel drawn in and can feel the tension. Sara finding the religion stuff interesting when others seem to think it boring or not worth their time makes her a character I want to follow.

One thing. From the opening scene, I was…[Read more]