hanako

@freedomwriter76

Thanks. **Me not knowing what else to say for a few minutes…**

I have a current WIP in which, Alpha is not even born yet. I have a like ten WIP’s that are in the thought and jot stage. the Alpha story is one of those.

What don’t you understand?

@thearcaneaxiom

I need to make a mental note of that shield shape…That has potential. Thanks for sharing!

Just one question, how do they maneuver the shield when they fight? The unique shape causes me to wonder if the top part would not hinder certain movements, for instance, protecting their feet. I see, by placement of the handle, the shield…[Read more]

@thearcaneaxiom

KP doesn’t Italicize things when you copy them from other documents.

That’s annoying, it seems that most sites to keep that sort of thing if they support it at all.

@thearcaneaxiom @highscribeofaetherium

Okay, so I think the problem is that those sentences are supposed to be his thoughts, but since we’re in first-person narration, we’re already inside his head. The difference is that those are things he was thinking then as opposed to now when he’s narrating the story.

I’m not sure if there’s a goo…[Read more]

@thearcaneaxiom

That’s fair. If it feels natural to you, than I’d say leave it, as long as it isn’t creating weird jarring breaks that throw the reader out of the story, which I don’t think it is, except for here:

You’re telling me.

Where I had to pause for a moment and reread it. I’m still not sure if I understand this line 😂…[Read more]

@savannah_grace2009

What might help is to remember that you don’t have to choose them because you like them better. You should choose the ones that have the most interesting POV and character development.

Personally, I would say that the best three to pick would be Ottoline, Marcurious, and either Lilitu or Sef. And then the other two c…[Read more]

@savannah_grace2009

It’s so hard to just pick one main character out of the set of five, though! I love all them equally!!! XD

You could pick more than one. One thing to think about is that if there are characters that spend most of their time in a group, you could have one of those be a less frequent POV than the other.

@rae

My, my! 😃 I really like the way you write.

@freedomwriter76 @anyone

CONTINUED FROM EARLIER…

Two elves bore Alpha upon a stretcher into a cell, where Grathmere was held. Carefully, they set him down, and exited the cell. Alpha glanced at his father before staring at ceiling of an unidentifiable type of stone.

Grathmere was in his normal elven like form, with fiery eyes and ashen skin.…

[Read more]

@jonas

You might not care, but I try to maintain a fairly equal ratio of male MCs to female MCs in a book. This shouldn’t be the deciding factor, but consider that adding Liv as a MC would give you a 2 to 4 ratio (double the amount of female characters to male), whereas you currently have as even a ratio as possible with 2 to 3.

Obviously, you m…

[Read more]

@freedomwriter76

Oof, sounds pretty sad to me…poor siblings 🥺 (sounds pretty angsty XD)

From what I’ve read, your book seems really interesting!! 💕🤩

Well that scene was from an old story, which gave me the idea to write my current WIP based off of that. So it didn’t make it through editing, neither did most of that very sloppy 41K very rough “dr…[Read more]

@freedomwriter76

NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

**Me dying inside cuz I spent an hour typing the end of Grathmere’s story and it wouldn’t post**

Anyway, attempt NO. 2 shall appear soon, just give me another hour…**groans**

@thearcaneaxiom

Continuing the discussion of the second SA sequence that we started in the other forum, I’m terrified that KoWT won’t give us a resolved story and that we’ll have to wait for years. He’s going to write Mistborn era 3 first, and probably several novellas. Stormlight probably won’t be finished for fifteen years or so! I desperately…[Read more]

We’re high jacking this forum though, so if we talk about this anymore, we should move to the stormlight forum.

@thearcaneaxiom

Actually, I haven’t yet! I make mental note of that. Thanks!

@thearcaneaxiom

It will be characters that we’ve met though. I could tell you who if you want, although two would be a little bit of a spoiler. He made a disclaimer saying that just because a character gets the flashbacks of one of the books doesn’t mean they survive until it.

@freedomwriter76 @anyone

THE CONCLUSION OF GRATHMERE…

His son, his only living son, lay dying in his arms. So powerful was he, but he could not even save his son. A slit of red appeared under Alpha’s black lashes, his eyes were slightly open.

“You did this. It was your people, your allies who have done this.” The once strong voice of Alpha had…

[Read more]

@thearcaneaxiom

@highscribeofaetherium

I think those are the results of this being first-person. Using italics would actually be kind of weird, so you might have to actually write ‘I thought’ for each one.

@thearcaneaxiom

Sure. Let’s see…here, I found this paragraph especially confusing:

You’re telling me. I had more questions, but held my tongue because Thing’s current track record hasn’t been the most helpful for answering them, other than explaining my inability to eat.

And there were a couple other spots where it switches to present tense lik…[Read more]

Also, personally, I find it awkward when a character’s name changes part way through, so I honestly think there’s no reason to change it. Obviously I don’t know the whole story, so there might be a reason to do it eventually, but for now that’s what I think.