Faith Kindred

Yep, it was Dumas. 😛

I don’t think it’s bad at all to steal other author’s styles— it’s a definite feather in your cap if you can pull it off.

I can’t.

So I’m stuck with inventing my own style.

Ho-hum.

😛

Yup. Light you know.

Well, it depends on the way you say it I guess, but when I read/say it, it really jumps out at me and creates a disconnect with the rest of the line.

Could laser beams be deflected by mirrors?

Thanks, I see what you mean there. 🙂
But, I don’t see a problem with scootch. Does the rhyming not fit? Or are you just against its validity of being a word?

@hope Those are some great points. Thanks.

Actually Kate, I really don’t know which author you refer to, but I have no problem stealing other people awesomeness – if it is awesomeness. It might be a bad author. I hope not. But I’m gonna guess Dumas just because I used french names. But of course that’s because this takes place in France. I was stuck.

Not officially joining. But I’m still trying to finish my book within the month of November.

What? What did I do?

Thanks David. I’ve got it now.

When your five year old sister asks you, out of the blue, ‘Why are all writers crazy?’…

… you know you’re a writer.

Hey, we could turn this thread into a book. ‘The Aspiring Writer’s Guide to the Ins and Outs of a True Writer’s Life— are you, or are you not?’

Here I am at last, Daeus! Sorry— busy day.

As a whole, this passage is much, much better. You seem to be great with dialogue— wonderful for a beginner. I love the whole thing about doing things and doing nothings— so fun. This guy telling the story is a great character.

I would definitely work with the commas, as you pointed out, and as…[Read more]

So, as I was saying, there I was, sitting on the bench as I always doesn’t.

I absolutely love that line…and the whole passage too. It’s a very interesting telling of what happened without seeming to really be told, if you get my meaning. It just flows. Anyway, I just have two corrections.

They sat around one large table feasting in bursts o…

[Read more]

A, yeah, question mark. That. Thanks for the encouragement Sarah.

…We’re

Gasp! Were discovered!

You know you’re a writer when you make writing an excuse for everything.

Why are you talking you yourself? I’m a writer.

Why are you researching how to fight with a dagger? I’m a writer.

Why are you always on the computer? Take a guess…

Daniel #2 Thanks so much for your comments. And, since you seem familiar with this sort of stuff, I have a few more questions (if you don’t mind). Would a wound from a laser weapon be about as dangerous as a wound from a normal gun or would they be more deadly? Would the wound be burned at all? How much could a laser weapon go through before the…[Read more]

Sorry about the lack of commas. Apparently that’s another thing I need to watch for.

Thanks Kate, that was very helpful. Hopefully my other excerpt will help you see what problems I have everywhere and which are just sporadic. Do you think two is enough, or should I add another one?

Point four especially hit me as being true. Point one is definitely a problem for me, but I think that is partially a reaction to how I used to never…[Read more]