Faith Kindred

The girl and the… robot? she’s looking at are well done @watersnail— take it from one artist to another. And an extraordinarily picky artist at that… But you could definitely stand to work on the background and the font. Just give it more depth— I would say add color to the background behind the steam, preferably dark tones— deep…[Read more]

The cover makes me curious about what happens, so that’s a plus. The art is good, but the font, background, and general design have a lackluster effect. Personally, the cover would not make me want to read it, but I think with a professional redesign the artwork would be greatly complemented. My guess would be that the cover art style would appeal…[Read more]

They sound cool.

I swallowed hard and closed my eyes. “I can’t…I can’t go in there.”

I could feel Daren’s stare. “What’s that supposed to mean? We’re getting through this cave.”

“But…” I motioned helplessly towards the creatures covering the ground between me and the opposite exit.

“Fluffy night bunnies?” Daren’s stare turned into a smirk. “A grown knight…[Read more]

@Daeus Too funny! 😉

How about this (the numbers tell how many syllables are in each line)

4 Silenced by hate,
4 Thrall of despair
5 The melody fails
4 Death of an heir.

4 Wakened by joy,
4 Freed by the light
5 Unbound by the sword
4 Ending the night.

4 Carried by love,
4 Soaring from ward
5 Wingmasters’ melody
4 Song of the sword.

About line three of the first s…[Read more]

@Daeus Thanks.

‘fell doom of calm’ is one of the trickier lines, I just need to think of an alternative. I want it (and the next line) to carry at least a hint about the birds not singing anymore and there being silence. I just have to figure out what words to use…

@Daeus Thanks.

‘fell doom of calm’ is one of the trickier lines, I just need to think of an alternative. I want it (and the next line) to carry at least a hint about the birds not singing anymore and there being silence, but I’m not sure that I’ve done that very well.

Seems like you did a great job. The only thing I’m not sure I understand is what “Fell doom of calm” means.

There’s three line where I felt you should cut a syllable. I would take off the “the”s from the last two lines and “unbound by the sword” would be better with one less syllable though at the moment I don’t have any particularly good alternatives.

Thanks. 😉 I decided I better get working on the story, so settled down in a corner of the sewing room (the least busy room of our small house) and stared at my computer screen until I slowly came up with something. 😉

I’m not sure about ‘abides in the air’ simply because ‘abides’ is the opposite of ‘falling’. But then again, taken together, it…[Read more]

What is the youngest age of your actors? 😉 I used to put on plays with my siblings, though that was long ago when I was around 12 and the youngest was around 6. Are you directing this play too, or just writing it?

As to advice, take what I say for whatever it is worth.

1. Try to keep the dialogue fairly short, or at least in short pieces.…[Read more]

I have enough to fill all the roles separately, though I’m the oldest person participating at 16 years old.
Costumes and props… not sure at the moment. But there’s a lot lying around we could work with.

I see what you’re saying @hope. I think Megamind probably just starts his character arc lower than most. 😛
I will admit it was funny. I just can’t shake this weird feeling after I watch it, though. Not a happy “Oh that was a good story”, but more of just an “ugh”. I don’t know.

The rhythm and rhyme are absolutely beautiful— exceptional work, @hope. The only line I’m not sure about is ‘Falling from air’. It seems to have too few syllables. I would try something like ‘Abides in the air’.

And as far as I can tell, it fits very well with the story. Very well indeed. 🙂

Like @Daeus said, if you do include an character who is an ethnic minority, one should make them fresh and completely human, not following common cliches.

This is actually a topic I’ve thought some on. I am writing a trilogy and realized all my characters where white…simply because about everyone I know is white and that is naturally how I…[Read more]

I’ve never seen Over the Hedge, but I have seen Megamind. I must say I love the movie, mainly because of the humor. And I liked Megamind even when he was bad. Anyway, it’s been awhile since I’ve seen it, but I do think there is some character development through the movie. You can see him softening as he’s with Roxanna, though he’s trying to get…[Read more]

How many actors do you have? And what sort of costumes and props?

Ick… 😛 Kinda like Trump’s ‘Loser’, eh?