Esther

@elishavet-pidyon

I liked how you had Neveah try to combat the lie, and it’s obvious it’s for Sef’s sake, not her own. To make this sequence really work, maybe make Sef think her Mani is just trying to save herself – it’s not a lie about Sef, but it would make the former lie hit home. Make her really crumble since the last thing keeping the lie f…

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@elishavet-pidyon

wowww…that’s a lot to think about and really helpful!!! Thank you!

@elishavet-pidyon

Lol. Leon is more experienced than Julian. J will level out, he’s just excited and nervous and high strung and…. you get the point.

@linus-smallprint

AWWW!!! Adorable!!! So sweet!

@linus-smallprint aww cute! His paws look great too.

@stephie

XD XD I didn’t end up getting my throat blessed because the line was really long and I was like “huh, you know what, that isn’t necessary so whatever.”

 

 

 

 

 

I have a sore throat

*cries*

lollll that could be a coincidence or it could be your body, used to the concept of being blessed, is rebelling since it didn’t get what it…

And it feels like I’m going in circles. XD

If “you’re unloveable” is a side of her ‘shard of glass’, then maybe “your hopeless,” “you’re alone,” “your too far gone,” etc.

@savannah_grace2009

Wow. That’s dark. Pretty good story-wise, though. I’ll just go on a rabbit trail of plotting and hope it gives ideas. XD

I liked how you had Neveah try to combat the lie, and it’s obvious it’s for Sef’s sake, not her own. To make this sequence really work, maybe make Sef think her Mani is just trying to save herself – it’s…[Read more]

Ok! I read it. It’s good. They seem very inexperienced/in over their heads, but they’re handling it with humor so it’s funny. XD

Although the wolves were scary. O.O XD

@elishavet-pidyon

WHY would ANYONE in his right mind Say That?

It’s Julian who needs this speech. Go ask him.

He’s a little hot headed, he’s a firebrand, and he’s desperately excited to share the truth with his people.

 

Anyway, you probably do all that in this book, and I am really enjoying reading this. So far cultures are fascinating and the…

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@ellette-giselle

Ok. I am in the middle of section 2. I’ll go back and finish it. I’m just so… amazed.

WHY would ANYONE in his right mind Say That? XD I’m sorry, it’s just something I remember from a visiting missionary. You rarely if ever start off saying “the gods are false.” Telling people everything they believe is a lie will typically…[Read more]

@the_lost-journal aww that’s terrible.

@linus-smallprint

I like Rasins. Good for Leon and Julian not rejecting them.

why would anyone reject raisins!!??

Hmm. They’ve been away for about ten years, so things are going to feel very different to them. I can try to add a coming home feel.

Yes, they’ve had a wild day, and it’s just getting started.

Interesting. Both the…[Read more]

Here’s a little background on that scene…

yes, I know it is very sloppy and not perfect (I just wrote it literally today)

but here’s the cliffnotes:

• Sef is a slave of Iver, who is a Pythonos.
• Sef and Iver are currently in the throne room of the Master, leader of all Pythonos
• Iver has applied for a military position, and the Master is…

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@the_lost-journal

WHATTT
the chosen makes me wanna cry

it’s so good!!!! they portrayed it so well in my opinion hahaha

it’s my FAVORITE show of all time hahaha

@elishavet-pidyon

YES those are what I’m looking for!!!!
I will definitely be using those later in my book…

But I’m struggling with a specific scene where I need a lie XDXD and none of these seem to fit…

“Well, what are you waiting for?” the Master spat, motioning for Iver to continue. “You may begin whenever you are ready.”

Sef’s knees sho…

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@savannah_grace2009

Ooo, lies. XD if I remember right, they want to start with little lies (because they’re more believable) and then work toward bigger lies with more power. So here are some ideas for chains of lies.

“You should be able to be strong enough on your own” (so when you falter, “you must be a failure” can follow)

“If God loved you,…[Read more]

@linus-smallprint

Okay good lol

Also, Paynes cannot become Pythonos because of genetics, but I’m not sure how to incorporate that in the book quite yet…don’t worry though, I’ll make that clearer in other drafts.

@esther-c

Okay perfect! Thank you!

@the_lost-journal

Aw I’m glad <3

Some of those were lies. what do you mean? You yourself said that they were lies.

yes, they are lies…

But they’re not the type of lies in my story…

agh I don’t know how to explain it, I’m sorry!!

@linus-smallprint

I looked it up. The wolf is adorable! But, does he have a name?