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Hmm… tough. I’ll offer to help if you let me take a look at your 50% NaNo draft so that I can try to see what exactly are the issues here… (An excuse to ask you to let me read some of Wattle Fire early!) 😛
But since I don’t know the full extent of your outline and what you have planned, I’m not sure any advice from me would be useful. I can still try, unless you want me to focus on finishing QOD Part 3. 😛
If you’d like, I can put the first few chapters or so in a google doc for you to have a look at.
Only if won’t distract you too much for QoD.
INFP Queen of the Kingdom commander of an army of origami cranes and a sabre from Babylon.
All right, a few chapters won’t take too long. Not sure how much insight I can glean from that but I’ll do my best. It’s in my interest to help you get Wattle Fire done as soon as possible after all. 😛
Here’s the link. If you want, I can add more chapters when you’re done.
(Also, this is actually most of the stuff I wrote before NaNo. And it took me a while to pin down a good way to write Courageous’ stammer, so it is incredibly annoying in the first few chapters and I haven’t bothered to edit it yet).
INFP Queen of the Kingdom commander of an army of origami cranes and a sabre from Babylon.
@valtmy And I didn’t put the link in. *sighs*
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1r6o7qfNjHWGPEhU2XHHEU75aILwtQc61okrxZGZ6nJg/edit?usp=sharing
INFP Queen of the Kingdom commander of an army of origami cranes and a sabre from Babylon.
I can’t find the link?
By the way, just to get an idea on the proper pacing, can you let me know how many words you’re planning to have for this novel?
@valtmy I put it in another post.
I was planning for it to be 90-100k.
INFP Queen of the Kingdom commander of an army of origami cranes and a sabre from Babylon.
All right. I read it and liked what you have so far. 🙂 Here are some thoughts I have that may help you. I think this may be more suited to assist with refining a first draft to a second draft but hopefully some of it can apply to a Draft 1.5 as well.
#1: Word count is about 9k which I think is fair for the set-up of a 90-100k novel.
#2: There is quite a bit of what I felt was unnecessary filler and repetitive scenes. For example, Courageous waking up and getting dressed. I can tell you tried weaving some characterisation there but since there really isn’t any detail for worldbuilding or whatnot in there (unlike, say, with Yilla and her family’s more unusual lifestyle) I do not think that part is very meaningful at all. The scene could start with Courageous already at his father’s bed. In fact, what I would do is cut out the whole ‘blessing’ scene and begin with the coronation (Actually I would just begin with Yilla being called to the palace with even the assassination attempt happening off page so that everyone and everything would initially be a mystery and be introduced naturally there but that’s an entirely new direction). As far as I can tell, the purpose of that scene was just to convey Courageous’ insecurities, stammering and strained relationship with his father. The first two can also be easily conveyed in the coronation scene if the scene is detailed more so it’s repetitive. For the relationship with his father… Personally, I had not expected to meet Courageous’ father. I had expected Courageous’ father to be this menacing figure hanging in the background and Courageous’ past that is haunting him. Meeting the father in the very first chapter while he’s in a vulnerable state, frankly, just made him not very intimidating and it diffuses much of the tension and mystery there could potentially be in Courageous’ background.
#3: Speaking of mystery, I got this odd impression that you’re rushing to introduce everybody right away, most glaringly of all is Hopeful. She just appeared in the scene to irritate High-Praise and… left. Did she do anything to really affect the plot or provide any foreshadowing? No, at least as far as I can see. This makes for a rather lacklustre and not-very-memorable introduction to a character which I feel should be coming across as more quirky and fun. Speaking of quirky, again I must note to you about the choice of your POV characters making things easier or more difficult (e.g. Your POV characters making worldbuilding in SFI harder because they are living apart from the world). Having High-Praise not like Hopeful because she is unladylike is fine but please note that Hopeful is the first Traumlant female noble/royal character we are meeting. Is Hopeful considered odd and unfeminine even in Traumlant as well or is High-Praise judging her by her native land’s standards? Because, really, every other female character is “unfeminine” nowadays so it’s hard to tell what’s supposed to be “normal”. Personally, I would delay Hopeful’s character introduction to a more impactful time, dropping hints along the way (e.g. make readers wonder what sort of princess would perform surgery on her sister-in-law) to build up the anticipation. I like that you’re having a pair of fresh eyes (i.e. Yilla) coming in to the palace as that, like I said earlier, provides plenty of opportunities to describe and introduce the people and setting later.
I might have more to add later if I think of anything else or if you can let me know more specifically what sort of advice you need. But I’ll just post this first so that you have something to think on.
Thanks very much for your thoughts! I’ll definitely keep all those things in mind as I start my outline again 😀
(I would write a much longer reply, but my brain is super fuzzy and honestly not working that great 😛 )
INFP Queen of the Kingdom commander of an army of origami cranes and a sabre from Babylon.
No problem. 🙂 Take everything I say with a grain of salt though because I belong to the “Begin as late as you can and leave as early as possible” and the “If the reader has likely read a hundred other such scenes and can imagine what will happen, don’t show it” schools of thought… which I don’t think is very suitable to your writing style or for this project. If you follow my advice too closely, the assassination attempt would end up happening in the very first chapter with the coronation and your future readers would complain that the pace is too fast. 😛
All right, I think you should go have a good rest. Let me know if you need further advice. 😀
I’ll (hopefully) be writing a bit.
@rochellaine @seekjustice @valtmy @jenwriter17 @alia @bluejay @………You can pronounce it however you want.
Aw, sorry I didn’t see this until now! I was out shopping. I don’t know if you’re still on, but I won’t be able to come on right now. 🙁 Probably more on Christmas break next week. 🙂
I'm a Kapeefer 'TIL WE'RE OLD AND GREY!
www.jennaterese.comI’m looking at the Story Embers survey they sent out about how to improve their site, and having mixed thoughts from “cool” to “weird” to “that’s totally a loaded question” to “funniest thing ever!” 😛 Did you fill out the survey yet?
The question that made me really laugh was this one:
On a scale of 1 (least) to 5 (most), how interested would you be in a paid program where you met with a fiction writing mentor for 1 hour per month to discuss problems in your writing and plan out your continued growth as a writer?
And no, the question isn’t funny in and of itself. It’s just that I originally read it as “how interested would you be in…a fictional writing mentor…” and at first I was like, “well, that would be very cool, but, how would it work?” and then I realized my mistake and was disappointed.
"Sylvester - Sylvester!"
Wouldn’t we all like a fictional writing mentor? 😛
And yeah, I think I filled out the survey on the first day it was sent out, otherwise I knew I’d never get around to it 😀
INFP Queen of the Kingdom commander of an army of origami cranes and a sabre from Babylon.
@seekjustice @valtmy @dekreel @bluejay @catwing
I’m free! Finals are over. Now I can really write again without worrying about having to study. 😀 Anyone want to join me?
"Sylvester - Sylvester!"
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