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@freedomwriter76 @godlyfantasy12 @koshka @elishavet-pidyon @drawing a blank *sorry guys* *sigh* @anyone-else-reading-this
Thoughts? Changes? Edits? XD
Payton sent one of his pieces of kindling rolling towards Nathan with a well-aimed kick.
“So,” he drawled with a careless attitude, “You think you can fool us all by starting to help out now that we’re all in the same boat?”
Nathan stroked Storm’s black mane then gripped the stallion’s halter until his knuckles whitened.
“What do you mean by that?” he forced his voice to be level.
Payton leaned against a tree, arms folded across his chest.
“I didn’t think you would have to ask me that.” he replied, timing his eye roll with the end of the sentence. “Everyone knows what you are. How are we to know you won’t turn against us like you turned against that leader of yours – what was his name? Oh, yes, Malon.”
Payton was baiting him; it didn’t take any extraordinary discernment on Nathan’s part to pick that up. Even so, the pent-up frustration, doubt, and suspicion smoldered in his dark-brown eyes, burning against his fading desire to remain calm and in control. For once, Payton stepped across the boundaries Payton drew across his heart. This time he couldn’t stop the torrent of emotion surging forth.
For once, he didn’t feel like trying.
“I didn’t turn my back on Malon,” he spat out the name, half-expecting a bitter taste in his mouth. “because he lost. I turned my back on his darkness because I found my light and I can’t go back now.”
“Oh really?” His opponent cocked an eyebrow questioningly. He should have backed off now, but the thought of one final jab was a temptation he couldn’t resist. His emerald eyes narrowed like a cat about to pounce, and he abruptly switched topics.
“I suppose you enjoy being free to go into the castle again?”
This new attack took Nathan by surprise. All he could manage in reply was,
“Again?”
Payton snorted.
“I just mean you might think it was nice to have the privilege of entering Alvastia’s royal castle without anybody caring. Sort of like what happened before, you know?”
It took a moment for the full impact of Payton’s sarcastic words to come home, but once realization hit, Nathan’s face burned and his eyes flashed. Payton’s reference to time where Nathan counted himself as Malon’s soldier and aligned with the hardened warrior’s army inside Alvastia burned his memory.
He tensed, then stepped forward.
“What I did then is in the past but don’t think I don’t regret it or that it doesn’t make me ashamed even now. It’s over. I would give almost anything to change that but I can’t. It isn’t right or just to judge a man based on his past when he’s changed how he lives in the present. The war is over, but you and most of this village haven’t gotten that apparently. Do you really want an enemy enough that you’re willing to make one out of a man whose only request is a second chance? I fought for what I thought was true back then. It wasn’t right but I’ll fight all the harder for the truth now that I’ve found it at last.”
Nathan paused after this outburst to catch his breath and try, in vain, to calm his desperately beating heart.
Payton’s turn to flush. He hadn’t expected this kind of response from a man who was usually silent and aloof and it brought Payton onto the defense though it also left him speechless.
“If I didn’t fight it’s because your soldiers forced us into submission and pillaged weapons and acted like you owned every inch of Alvastian territory you walked on.”
Love your enemy. Do good to those who hate you.
Why did those words have to echo in Nathan’s mind now?
“Payton, I’m” Not sorry. Not yet. “I mean, we’ve both said all that needs to be said. It would just be easier if we went our own separate ways.”
“That’s the easy way, isn’t it? Pretend this didn’t happen? Fine. I’ll leave you alone if you think that’s easier than facing reality. Is that what you do when your past catches up to you?”
The words were sharp, penetrating. They were ruthless. They were blows of a sword. Because his outward appearance was like any other soldier, did they not think of the scars on his heart and the walls he erected as a result? He stumbled back, slipped on a patch of ice. He had inadvertently backed towards the sloping walls of a pit. He found himself falling, helpless, then crashing at the bottom, his heartache instantly swallowed up by the pain that rushed over him before the darkness fell.
Payton stood rooted to the ground.
This wasn’t supposed to happen.
This wasn’t his fault.
Only an accident. And accidents happen to anyone.
Then he saw the blood.
And panicked.
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@queen_of_alvastia. WOAHHHH!!!! 😧
I. LOVE. IT! 😍😍😍
Um, what just happened?! O.O
That was interesting, and it definitely had me hooked while reading it. I’ll have to think over any edits etc., but for now, that’s pretty good.
You have listened to fears, child. Come, let me breathe on you... Are you brave again? -Aslan
*Quiet voice in corner*
What just happened?
First Grand Historian of Arreth and the Lesser Realms (aka Kitty)
@freedomwriter76 @koshka @elishavet-pidyon Thank you guys!! <3 Pretty much what happened is Payton is having an attitude towards Nathan….XDXD
*sorry Nathan*
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- Rank: Chosen One
- Total Posts: 8156
@queen_of_alvastia. You’re so welcome! 😀 Aww, poor Nathan.
Is he okay?
IS HE?!
I need to knoooow!!!!!!
First Grand Historian of Arreth and the Lesser Realms (aka Kitty)
As far as edits go, it was confusing which character you were speaking for as the POV switches around. Are you writing omniscient view?
First Grand Historian of Arreth and the Lesser Realms (aka Kitty)
*Franticly searches* Where’d Storm go!?
That was great! I love the body language, the tones, the pros, the emotion, it’s so pretttyyyy :DD
Is this a scene from a bigger WIP? Cuz the only thing I wanna say is lacking a little bit, is the relative placement context(not a technical term XD).
Like, can they see the afore mentioned castle? What time of day is it? What does the air smell like? Ocean, land, forest, cliff, meadow, cave? Can they hear other people or other animals? Little toss away things like this, just to anchor the character and envelope the reader.Fabulous job 🙂
Ohmygoodnes poor Nathan
@koshka Well well well….I could just let you worry about him….(He’s in the snow alone with a head wound…..)
POVs = MY NEMESIS I’m not even kidding…. 🤦🏻♀️🙄 Yeah….I’m working on it…..
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@anatra23 He runs away after this scene… I just didn’t put it in yet XD
Yeah, it is, but I’m still working out all those little details XD Basically they’re in a forest. It’s a good walk away from the castle. Time of day? No clue…. *sigh*
I love your advice though! Thanks a bunch!!
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OoOoooOooo As George Villiers famously wrote: “The plot thickens…”
mmmm, I see
Absolutely! Glad to help.
@anatra23 LOL
👍🏻😉😊
Just realized there’s a million spaces after my last post….entirely unintentional. SORRY! XD
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Lol I thought my laptop was buggy
@anatra23 Nope. It was totally on my side. I just had another post do that too..
*technology*
*sigh*
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