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Sorry, just saw this now. I haven’t been able to read it for a bit with school picking up now. Sorry, hopefully at some point I’ll catch up.
That’s okay. If your too busy don’t feel like you have to read this. Thank you for letting me know where you are.
Sometimes it is necessary to paint the sky black in order to see the stars.
So what chapter are you on right now?
TNPT: The Cost is now finished. 34 chapters + a prologue and discussion questions. I’m just getting feedback for now before I start working on Book II.
Also how are you so brave?! I would be so scared that people would judge my writing. That’s why I stoped with the short story I was sharing on here… no one seemed to enjoy it, it felt like no one was reading it and I realized how horrible I am at writing. (That is the main reason why I think very little wanted to join my thing)
It took me some time to be confident in my writing. Way back when I was 12, I started drawing fantasy creatures. I showed one picture of an anthropomorphic cat superhero to my dad, and he thought it was strange, so after that, I became quite self-conscious about my imagination. I still drew fantasy creatures, but did so for a few years in secret not telling anyone, including my family, in case they judged me. During this time I had several story ideas, most of which seemed cool at the time, but looking back, they seem weird even to me. They shall never see the light of day again. One year, when the rest of my family went on vacation, I threw most of those drawings out. (I should also point out that at this point I had no confidence in my writing at all and English was my worst subject).
Eventually, grade 11 came along, and with it English 20. I hated that class. I got bad grades and I think the teacher was biased against me for my Christian worldview. My mom decided to pull me out and put me in a different course for high school writing. This course brought me back to the basics of writing and I had the freedom to write on whatever subject I chose. In that course, I discovered writing was actually fun. What? And what’s more, I was suddenly good at it, getting high grades. To my surprise, I received an email after this course from my instructor inviting me to a secret creative writing course. She had enjoyed my creative writing a lot, and wanted to see more of it.
I think this is where I started to be more confident. I realized that while some may judge me for what I write, others were interested to see it. Also around this time, I first had the idea for TNPT. And I knew that it was a story I wanted to tell. My sister and one of my best friends were into writing as well. It took a couple of years after that, but I eventually worked up the courage to come back out into the open with my fantasy imagination.
Now one thing I have struggled with throughout all and still need to overcome is my pride. I want to write for the glory of God, but I let my pride slip in the way all the time. I hid my imagination because I didn’t want people to judge me. I wish I hadn’t. While I may have weird ideas occasionally, it is good to share what I have with others so that they can tell me if it is weird in just a weird way, or weird in a ‘this is actually bad and needs to be changed’ sort of way. And it’s okay if you have an idea no one likes. Sometimes you do have to have a lot of bad ideas before you come to the good. Even the best authors have gone through this. It’s okay if some people think what you write is weird. Someone out there is always going to judge you. But don’t keep your focus on pleasing men. Focus on pleasing God.
Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men. (Colossians 3:23 ESV)
My pride is still there, even if I am openly sharing my stuff now. I’m struggling not to let the praise I do receive go to my head. Because I do want attention. I do want people to think Linus Smallprint is a great author, even if no one knows what my real name is. But when we write, it should be to glorify God. Not to exalt ourselves.
So yes, I do have the confidence to share myself, but I am still struggling with the same pride that held me back to begin with. I want you to know you are not alone when it comes to being ashamed of what you write and the judgment people pass on you. Don’t let a lack of interest others have for your ideas discourage you. Keep writing. Keep coming up with fun ideas. And, most importantly, write to the glory of God.
Also, I was enjoying your short story and would love to see the climax. I thought it was fun with the whole ‘Kindom of the Pen’ thing. And the potato thing was kind of fun as well (especially with how accurate the potato I received was).
Sometimes it is necessary to paint the sky black in order to see the stars.
That’s okay. If your too busy don’t feel like you have to read this. Thank you for letting me know where you are.
Okay, thanks for understanding. Maybe once school winds down I could pick it up again.
“Our house is full of ducks!!!!”
@ellette-giselle @keilah-h @theducktator @whalekeeper @stephie
Okay. It’s taken some time. I’ve put a lot of thought into this, but I’ve finally decided on what to do with my magic system.
I decided to change it up a bit.
We won’t know exactly how it works. One reason why I’ve decided on this is because of the narrator. He, being someone who lives in this world and could become a wizard, won’t want to know more of how it works than necessary. So it would make sense that he doesn’t tell the reader the exact way. The only thing he will know is that it is thought-based. But whether these thoughts are pictures, chants, or even something that can’t be comprehended by normal people, he does not know.
However, I still want us to understand Alan’s struggle. This is important for book two. The narrator will tell us that Alan simply has to concentrate on what he wants the magic to do. For example, if he wants to increase his speed, he will have to focus on moving faster. We will know that this is not the real way to use magic, because otherwise, Alan could easily learn new spells just by knowing they exist. But this way I can still write a believable struggle of Alan trying not to think of using the spells and only falling into them because of that. (Also, this is an interesting fantasy take on the Sermon on the Mount in which Jesus tells us we are guilt of certain sins just by allowing them to dwell within our minds.)
I also do want to keep a bit of an evil feeling to it, so that as you are reading the story, you know when Alan uses magic, it is wrong. I am still going to keep in that moment where Alan feels like he is teleported to some other place. But since I am no longer providing a spell image, I am going to have to change this.
I think an interesting thing would be if Alan is taken to a location that represents how he feels about magic at the moment. A room with a crystal he can see his reflection in. But his reflection would be himself as a fully transformed but unShattered wizard. In Book I, when he uses magic, he will be put in both fear and awe of the reflection. In Book II, when Alan is using magic against his will, he will try to run from it, but the monster will reach out from the crystal and size him by the arm, attempting to drag him in. When he learns to trust in The Saviour and no longer worries about magic’s grip on him, he will escape the grip of the monster and it will be stuck within the bounds of the crystal again.
Now I don’t know what all of you will think of this. Maybe some of you will still feel this is demonic. Please know I’m not writing this to lead people into magic, or even because I think it is cool. I am writing this to God’s glory and to encourage people in their fight against sin. But if any of you still feel I have gone too far with this, I won’t be offended if you no longer want to help me with this project. Yes, I do hope that all of you will think this is okay and continue to help me, but I won’t try to force you to see things my way. If you are convicted this is wrong and that you should avoid it, then do so. I won’t judge you. Your relationship with God is more important than my story. My book won’t be for everyone. But I believe this is the best way for me to write the story, so this is what I am going to do.
Thank you again to those of you who raised concerns about this. It did get me to think about this more deeply. I am glad to have dealt with this now rather than later on, when it is too late. This has helped me to grow stronger in my own convictions of what I should and shouldn’t do in my writing as a Christian author.
Sometimes it is necessary to paint the sky black in order to see the stars.
of course, I haven’t read the changes yet, but from what I think I’m understanding you saying, this seems like a really good option. I’m definitely still going to be reading. (unless I end up hitting some snags with the new way you chose to do this, and then I’ll let you know if I need to stop.)
I’m really excited for book 2! Any idea on when you’ll be posting it?
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
of course, I haven’t read the changes yet, but from what I think I’m understanding you saying, this seems like a really good option. I’m definitely still going to be reading. (unless I end up hitting some snags with the new way you chose to do this, and then I’ll let you know if I need to stop.)
Thank you! I’m happy you approve!
I’m really excited for book 2! Any idea on when you’ll be posting it?
I’m still trying to figure out some kinks in the plot of The Sword. I have yet to write anything for this except one scene that I needed to get out of my head. My plan is that next month, I am going to put together an outline. I may post on here for some help in figuring out how to fill in the holes. (Warning, if you decide to help, then I will have to spoil book II for you nad possibly book III as well, which I have even a vague idea for.) But I do know how I want book II to start and end, so that is the hardest part done. The theme of it will be continuing down the narrow path and fighting sin, even if it seems easier or even better just to give in.
Sometimes it is necessary to paint the sky black in order to see the stars.
My plan is to start on this at the beginning of Febuary
Sometimes it is necessary to paint the sky black in order to see the stars.
*facepalm* I just remembered I never filled out the feedback document. I’ll do that soon.
This seems like a good compromise. I intend to continue reading. Do you know when book 2 will be done?
I, for one, really like Roman numerals.
awesome!!!!
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
*facepalm* I just remembered I never filled out the feedback document. I’ll do that soon.
No worries. I look forward to your thoughts!
This seems like a good compromise. I intend to continue reading. Do you know when book 2 will be done?
Awesome! I intend to finish a draft of it this year. Hopefully with some time to spare before 2026 so that I can also figure out book III.
Sometimes it is necessary to paint the sky black in order to see the stars.
@linus-smallprint I like that idea. While I didn’t have too big of problems with the old one, this new one is a good trade-off and makes more sense to the storyline.
"When in doubt, eat cheese crackers."-me to my charries who don't even know about cheese crackers
I’ve got no problems with the new idea. I didn’t really have many objections to the old one anyways. Besides, it seems more realistic that the narrator wouldn’t want to know too much about magic. And it makes it more up close and personal; the imagery of someone pulling you in and grabbing you, trying to get you to turn away from God, is stronger, I think. It is also more scary.
You’re writing about something terrifying. Sin is terrifying. If you don’t portray sin as something horrible and deathly, your readers won’t think of it like that.
Pray, thou shalt simply add ketchup unto the mac'n'cheese.
@stephie that is actually a really good way of looking at it!
"When in doubt, eat cheese crackers."-me to my charries who don't even know about cheese crackers
I shall now answer the long overdue Feedback Questions.
Which character(s) did you find the most compelling/relatable/believable and why?
I actually really liked Martha. Being the eldest daughter, I could relate to her more than with other characters. I don’t really know why I found her so relatable, apart from that; usually a character like her would seem too perfect, but I didn’t find that she was flawless or anything. I dunno. Hope you can extract something useful from my jumbled up response to this one XD. I also found Stripe to be a great character. He reminds me of some non-believers I know–the ones who do the right thing mostly but who are decidedly atheistic.
Were there any character(s) you struggled to connect with? What could make them more engaging?
I struggled to connect with Charles. To be honest, I could never really pinpoint why. He had a compelling backstory, he struggled with magic, I liked his banjo…I suppose I found his interactions with other characters to be stiff or unnatural. Wow–something I learned in English class will actually come in handy! STEAL characterisation. Speech, Thoughts, Effects, Actions, and Looks. I found that Charles was lacking in the “effects” department. Not that he didn’t have effects, just that the effects were robotic.
I…think.
Did Alan and the other character’s motivations and actions feel believable?
Yes. I think you did motivations pretty well.
Were the relationships between characters well-developed and meaningful?
*squeals* Now they are because Stripe got hugged!!!
In all seriousness, most of the relationships were well done. You delivered in the relationship department. You also got me rooting for a romance between Martha and Alan! Don’t know whether that was intentional or whether us readers were just like “get them together.” XD However, like I’ve mentioned several times before, Alan and Charles–as well as Alan and People Who Don’t Play Major Roles In The Story But Who Are Still There–need a little bit of work.
Were there any characters you wanted to see more of?
Hmm. Not really. I didn’t find myself going “oh, come on, let’s get to the part where *insert character* comes in.”
Did any characters feel unnecessary to the story?
Not that I can think of.
Was the plot engaging? Which parts did you find the hardest to put down?
The fight scenes were hard to put down, but the most interesting scenes were the ones where Alan or other characters were feeling internal conflict. Mostly because you never knew which way they’d go.
Did the pacing feel consistent throughout the book? If not, where did it lag or feel dull?
It was pretty consistent. If anything, I would like more detail. I want to know everything that happens! *stares at the plot with wide caffeine eyes*
Were there any plot twists or surprises that stood out to you?
The whole thing with King Cyrus stood out. I was expecting him to want Alan dead or something, and then he changed the laws to better accommodate him by getting rid of opposition. And then he kept surprising me. The ending? Never saw that coming. I wouldn’t have guessed that Cyrus would want to use Alan’s powers, or that he would go to such great lengths in order to do so.
I’m also mad at you for leaving off where you did. *glares*
Was the ending fitting and satisfying, or did you feel it came too suddenly?
I think that Alan needed more time to grow in his faith. I know that as a “baby believer” I would not be strong enough to accept what Alan accepted. And I might not realise that Christ can be my strength. So…I loved the ending but maybe not so soon? On the other hand, it goes to show how powerful it can be when someone trusts God.
Were any parts of the story confusing or difficult to follow?
not that I recall
Were there any unresolved plot threads you wish had been dealt with in this book?
I would have to go back and read it in order to remember all the fine points. I don’t remember wondering what happened to particular characters, so I think you were fine.
Was the worldbuilding clear and immersive?
Yes. I really enjoyed the way the narrator described things. Overall the worldbuilding seemed natural and pretty entertaining tbh
Did it feel incomplete in any area?
A lot of it seemed similar to our world. It was immersive, to be sure, but I don’t know if you wanted it to be more different or whether it’s fine? For example, the geography is very similar (areas such as forests or farms and stuff aren’t different from those in our world). I don’t find this to be incomplete, I’m just making sure it’s intentional.
Were the rules of the world (e.g., magic, fantasy races, laws) explained well?
Yes, you were quite clear about how everything worked.
Did the integration of Christian themes into the fantasy world feel natural?
There wasn’t anything I found too “preachy” or unnatural. I do think it would feel much more complete if you developed stories, traditions, myths that aren’t actually myths kind of like the Creation myth that isn’t a myth and I could go on forever and this is turning into a run on sentence, etc. The Savior, the Helper, and the King are well explained, but there are so many layers to Christianity that I feel haven’t been portrayed. Maybe this is just the Catholic in me going “tradition! where’s the tradition!” XD
Did any parts of the world feel unessasary? Do you think any parts of the worldbuilding should be cut out?
Cut out? *gasps* How could you?! Don’t you dare cut out a thing!
Was the balance between action and description effective in creating the world?
I found it to be, yes.
Any topics you recommend I research to improve worldbuilding and make it more realistic?
I remember somebody mentioning something about horses. Male vs. female horses, rearing, characteristics, etc.
Any theological concerns for the story?
*thumbs up* No concerns.
Did this book balance storytelling with faith well? How do you feel about the way it portrayed God?
Both the plot and the theological elements were well portrayed. They were also interwoven; the plot could not have made sense without God and the Faith. I found that the way it portrayed God was well balanced. I find that stories tend to focus on one aspect of God or one sort of metaphor for His personality. You concentrated on the three main persons of God: the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. You can’t really go wrong there. (I mean, you can, but it’s harder. Kind of. I’m just going to stop now.)
What would you say the main morals of the story were?
I think they were to stay true to what you believe. We see this in Martha’s story, Alan’s story, and in Eric’s story. They were all faced with decisions regarding their faith, and we saw the consequences–positive and negative–of each choice.
Did this story make you think about anything you hadn’t before?
I’d never really had many questions regarding the morality of magic in literature. (I don’t have problems with Harry Potter, for example.) However, thinking critically about the inclusion of magic in The Cost roused doubts and questions which are important to ask if I want to be a good writer–and a good reader.
What was your favourite part of the book overall?
STRIPE GETTING HUGGED
Which scenes do you think would benefit the most from illustrations?
*thinks for a moment* Stripe getting hugged?
It’s often difficult to keep track of what’s going on and what looks like what in action and fight scenes, no matter what book you’re reading. We simply do not have the visual advantage which movies use. These scenes might benefit from illustrations.
What would you say the target audience of this book would be?
That’s difficult to say. As for age, I don’t think very young readers should be consuming content with magic as an allegory for sin, simply because it can be disturbing. Maybe tweens and teens?
Do you anticipate the sequel?
Absolutely!
No seriously. Please get writing XD
Any predictions or things you would like to happen for book 2 and its characters?
I really really want Marthalan to become a thing.
I made them a shipping name. ^
*smiles dreamily*
Any other thoughts?
I think I already yapped enough XD
Pray, thou shalt simply add ketchup unto the mac'n'cheese.
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