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I think it is high time I read through everything, that way you get a perspective from someone who doesn’t have to wait for each section and reads it in roughly a couple sittings. 👍
#ProtectAdolinKholin
Yes, the humans are upset, this just hasn’t been the focus of the story, and with other things to focus on, such as getting rid of the monster, Alan or worries about Iskyagus, this has not been shown much. I can add some subtle hints later that humans are upset about this. Lyens have so far prevailed over the humans, which they use as proof that they are better. (And then some depend on human slaves to win these wars, which just shows the opposite.)
ahhh makes sense.
Usually, the natives of the land are humans and one other race. The continent of New Savahanah (containing countries like Klaw and Kentora), is an exception as it contains three native intelligent species (humans, kentors, and kunulfs). There are a total of 13 different races, but humans are the only ones who live all over Ehverwyld.
That’s kinda how I have it set up in my stories too.
"When in doubt, eat cheese crackers."-me to my charries who don't even know about cheese crackers
@ellette-giselle @stephie @keilah-h @theducktator @loopylin @theshadow @whalekeeper
Here is the discussion guide. It’s rought right now. It was inspired by the discussion guides at the end of the second edition books for The Wingfeather Saga. However, I think that’s resulted in it being written for a younger audience than my book is aimed at (I’m kind of aiming for teens). I’m open to suggestions for more questions.
My goal with these questions is to get the reader to think and to lead him/her to Christ.
If you want, you can discuss as many of these questions as you want among yourselves as well. But don’t feel obligated to.
And that’s it! Thank you again, everyone! I might get some more people to read this. But I will eventually be taking the links to this down. When would be a good time for you all to do so?
Sometimes it is necessary to paint the sky black in order to see the stars.
I think it is high time I read through everything, that way you get a perspective from someone who doesn’t have to wait for each section and reads it in roughly a couple sittings. 👍
Awesome!
Sometimes it is necessary to paint the sky black in order to see the stars.
I’m a little behind here, but I should have read everything by Epiphany. Happy Feast of Stephen! My family doesn’t really celebrate Boxing Day; we celebrate my birthday!!! *excited screaming* Also, question, do you read the discussion questions in the backs of books normally? I always ignore them.😅
If you want to find all the cops, they're hanging out in the donut shop.
Now THAT might have just been your best chapter ever. I could feel Alan, I could sense that he was completely trust the Saviour, yet there was also pain with it, but his grief was quiet by now. If you could make the grief in the chapter before this more forceful then it would beautiful contrast to the calm in this one.
Very well done book and it was a very enjoyable read. It can use a little work in a few areas mentioned before, but it’s got a lot of potential and I’m excited to see the finished product. Make sure to tell me the minute it’s published. I aim to get one of the first ten copies!
Thank you so much for sticking around and reading this as well as your comments! This helped me get through this draft. (Especially you, Ellette. Knowing that at least one person was going to comment on every single chapter really helped me move forward.)
Oh you are so welcome! You know what, I was just returning the favor because I could say the exact same for you with LTBL and TVON. Knowing you’ll have something to say ever time I post keeps me going.
Thank you for sharing this wonderful book with us! I’m so excited to read the next one.
Your story had a good, solid plot, none of the characters contradicted themselves or seemed to step out of their character. There are plenty of memorable scenes, and I can look at Alan in chapter one and Alan in the last chapter and see two different young men, yet they are both still Alan.
(Oh, as for the scene where you lost the emotion. I think the prayer felt dry, but I do want a little more reaction from Alan altogether. He feels super trapped right now and so have him react accordingly. He’s faced with a horrible choice. Help us feel the gravity of that)
But yeah, again, very well done.
discussion questions. Hmm. I am not someone who ever reads those, but what you wrote seems to fit the story and they feel thought provoking. I think they’re good. But then again, I have nothing to compare them to.
Great job! What’s it like to be done?!?! Great feeling right? (until you face the real editing. lol)
Btw, if you ever need an editor I would be willing to do it for free. I’m not the best there is, but I can be that second pair of eyes you might need, and I can also send a few suggestion notes if I catch anything in a re-read. (If you have other plans or would rather not have me do it don’t feel pressured. It’s up to you.)
Happy Boxing Day to you to!
(Oh, the end credits song is one that you and I can finally agree on. It’s wonderful!)
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
I’m a third of the way through and I already have a lot of thoughts, so that’s good! I really like Tyn, by the way, favorite character.
#ProtectAdolinKholin
What kind of feedback are you looking for? Do you want just a chill overview of what I think, or more detailed and critique-ish?
#ProtectAdolinKholin
This will answer your question about the feedback I’m looking for.
@ellette-giselle @theducktator @keilah-h @stephie @loopylin @theshadowI made up a feedback file with questions I would like you to answer about my book. Do you have to? No. I understand if it’s too much and if you don’t have enough time, but I would really appreciate if you could answer all of these questions, whether it is with several paragraphs or a single sentence. (My sister managed to get away with one-word answers for the questions I did for my first draft.)
I am going to ask you all separately about my magic system later. That might be in a while. I do really want to discuss it with you, but I have to work most days in the coming week, so likely won’t be on this site much in the coming week.
Sometimes it is necessary to paint the sky black in order to see the stars.
I’m a third of the way through and I already have a lot of thoughts, so that’s good! I really like Tyn, by the way, favorite character.
Glad to hear! Tyn was a character I didn’t like much in the first draft and I was considering changing her a lot until I got near the end of it and she went through some really interesting character development. I think in the draft two versions I understood her more.
Sometimes it is necessary to paint the sky black in order to see the stars.
My sister managed to get away with one-word answers for the questions I did for my first draft
lol. That sounds like my brother.
I’m on it. Give me one sec….
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
Now THAT might have just been your best chapter ever. I could feel Alan, I could sense that he was completely trust the Saviour, yet there was also pain with it, but his grief was quiet by now. If you could make the grief in the chapter before this more forceful then it would beautiful contrast to the calm in this one.
Thank you! Now I will have to go back and see if I can improve the emotion in the previous chapters.
Very well done book and it was a very enjoyable read. It can use a little work in a few areas mentioned before, but it’s got a lot of potential and I’m excited to see the finished product. Make sure to tell me the minute it’s published. I aim to get one of the first ten copies!
Thank you again! It might be a while before it happens. I want to write the second and third books before I publish this one so that I can improve continuity and make proper foreshadowing. I’m still trying to figure out what all happens in those books.
Your story had a good, solid plot, none of the characters contradicted themselves or seemed to step out of their character. There are plenty of memorable scenes, and I can look at Alan in chapter one and Alan in the last chapter and see two different young men, yet they are both still Alan.
Glad to hear this. Characters were my main focus on this draft.
discussion questions. Hmm. I am not someone who ever reads those, but what you wrote seems to fit the story and they feel thought provoking. I think they’re good. But then again, I have nothing to compare them to.
It’s one of my ideas I have to direct the reader to Christ if he or she is an unbeliever. Hmm… maybe discussion guides are not the best way to do this, but I do have another idea for book three, where Alan himself will write a note to the reader, encouraging him or her to trust in Christ. (Similar to Alcatraz’s notes to the reader in his books, but less depressing).
Great job! What’s it like to be done?!?! Great feeling right? (until you face the real editing. lol)
Well, I still have a few kincks I feel I need to work out before I can call this draft completely done, but I feel a lot more confident in this draft than the previous one. (The first one felt very cringy to me, but I think I have figured out the most magor problems now). I am excited to soon be finally working on the second book.
Btw, if you ever need an editor I would be willing to do it for free. I’m not the best there is, but I can be that second pair of eyes you might need, and I can also send a few suggestion notes if I catch anything in a re-read. (If you have other plans or would rather not have me do it don’t feel pressured. It’s up to you.)
Hmm. Thank you very much for the offer. But I’m not sure. I do have someone else ‘casually’ reading the book who is an editor. She does charge, but she has quite a lot of insight to things that would never cross my mind. Such as for chapter 4, she pointed out how Alan would have likely had to reveal his wizard ‘secret’ to the tailor for his uniform. And if this is her casual feedback, I might want to hire her. I’ll think about it, but I probably will eventually hire a professional editor.
(Oh, the end credits song is one that you and I can finally agree on. It’s wonderful!)
I hadn’t heard that version before yesterday, but I knew exsacitally what I wanted, so I asked an AI bot to help me search, and this is what it gave me, and I like it alot. I like how the lady uses some unusual instruments like the ocarina.
(Also, what about Andrew Peterson’s Carry the Fire? We both agreed on that one.)
Sometimes it is necessary to paint the sky black in order to see the stars.
Happy Belated Birthday! 🎂🎊🎈
I’d give you cake, but that would be a lie, and then I’d end up being sued by GLaDOS, and that is a fight I can’t win, so sorry. I hope you had a good birthday though!
Also, question, do you read the discussion questions in the backs of books normally? I always ignore them.😅
I sometimes read them out of curiosity. I really like the ones at the back of the second edition of the Wingfeather Saga
Sometimes it is necessary to paint the sky black in order to see the stars.
Will keep questions in mind 👍
Glad to hear! Tyn was a character I didn’t like much in the first draft and I was considering changing her a lot until I got near the end of it and she went through some really interesting character development. I think in the draft two versions I understood her more.
I think she’s really fun, but I’ll talk about it in the long feedback post. 😊
#ProtectAdolinKholin
I’d give you cake, but that would be a lie, and then I’d end up being sued by GLaDOS, and that is a fight I can’t win, so sorry. I hope you had a good birthday though!
Portal mention eeeeeeee
I haven’t played the games yet (I like puzzle games) but I like listening to their soundtracks. They’re so weird and synth-y.
"When in doubt, eat cheese crackers."-me to my charries who don't even know about cheese crackers
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