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Also people like Ellette can have their limits, I’m not trying to shame that. 😅
#ProtectAdolinKholin
@whalekeeper I get that and to some extent agree. It’s just the inclusion of a detailed description of the spells kinda broke immersion for me a little. It didn’t seem THAT necessary.
"When in doubt, eat cheese crackers."-me to my charries who don't even know about cheese crackers
I’m kinda in between Whaley and Ellette on this. They both have good points I agree with.
It’s your call, Linus. Your story is the one on the line.
"When in doubt, eat cheese crackers."-me to my charries who don't even know about cheese crackers
The spells. Why do we need to know the images?
I sincerely hope none of this offended you. If it came across as harsh or mean, that is not my intent. This is (as you can probably guess) something I feel strongly about.
I for one thought the spell images were well done…
And I think the images paint a good picture of why the problem can spread so quickly.
I’m kinda in between Whaley and Ellette on this. They both have good points I agree with.
Thank you very much for your thoughts, all of you. And no offence taken, Ellette. You do raise some valid concerns. I was hoping these spells wound not come across as demonic, since I have been trying to stay away from that, but I guess they did anyway. On the other hand, Whaley makes some good point for why I should keep them in.
Can we talk about this more after I finish this draft of book 1? I do want to listen to what you all have to say and think this through, but the reason I put this in has more to do with book 2. When I tell you of my plans of that book it will be easier to evaluate if the amount of detail in the spell casting is truly necessary or not. (Whaley has already guessed some of the reasons, but not all.)
It’s just the inclusion of a detailed description of the spells kinda broke immersion for me a little.
What do you mean by this, Keliah?
They paint a clear connection between magic and animals, making them a power source to control,
You’re on to me. But did you notice there was one spell that included no animals?
As for the chapter itself. There was the part where Alan casts all those spells on himself and the stag. However, we were told that all memory of spells was erased from his mind. Plus, spells for killing bugs wouldn’t involve night vision, speed, strength, taming, etc. So, he would have had to look them up in the book, which was fine. It just seems like the first time he ever opened the book was at the gate.
He flipped through the book on the way to the prison. I can make that clearer.
The fight was pretty cool. I would have loved to see that whole scene of storming the jail in a movie. I could picture it really well, which is good. I was also afraid Alan might end up getting to like the feel of magic…………. i think he’s starting too.
Do you have a soundtrack suggestion for it? I was trying to find one, but my video game songs onle seemed to work for small parts. Here are a couple I considered:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o7pML9YzOYg (I like the sense of urgency in this one, but Alan didn’t have the feeling of I better get there before it is too late)
I’ll put the next one in a separate post
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AgTEJ9xdILI (Strong determination. One of my favorite video game songs. But this only works when Alan kicks the door down. [Also, though I love the soundtrack, I don’t agree with the story of this game and would not play it.)
No comment on Alan fighting Tyn and Oliver? I thought for sure you would protest about that. You kept on saying you were hopping Oliver wouldn’t betray Alan.
@stephie @theducktator @loopylin @theshadow
I know I told the others I would wait until the end of this draft before I discussed if the way I included magic in the last chapter went too far, but in the mean time, I would love to here your thoughts on the matter.
SEVENTH TIME IT DELETED MY POST. GRRRR
You can’t separate spell casting from demonic power. The Bible makes that clear. So, if wyou want the spell casting, your going to have to keep the other part in mind.
Okay, I got through about twenty seconds of the first song.
FF!!!! I love Final Fantasy soundtrack! XV is my favorite, and I really just love any theme of Noctis or Luna. (some of the songs I can’t stand, bit for the most part it’s a solid soundtrack,)
Alan riding through the woods and spying on the gate:
h ttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A3P-uPsgTcc
(one of my favorite movies btw. Thought watch with CP)
You have the sorrow and loss in the piano, but the violins are urging speed and action, and the two clash quiet beautifully, showing Alan’s conflict. Then in comes the drums and they begin to drown the piano as the panic of the moment takes over and the strings continue to call for action. At last it sets into a determined rhythm with lingering dread.
Alan storming the fort:
h ttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jv9EAhIcSYU
Starts with a note of dread. Then the horns bring in the terror and despair of the moment. You also sort of have a magicy type feel, but there’s just something wrong and it feels more like a downfall. Then the choir sets in, and you know that this is all going down hill.
Alan confronts Tyn and Oliver
h ttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a10dXUS3ch0
The horns come in, normally sued for the triumphant entry of a hero, but now they have been distorted to a feel of dread and hit a minor note. Then in comes the strings begging you to believe that this is right, but soon they too are twisted. Then a moment of silence. Sorrowful notes of a cello and ominous drums conveying betrayal. A moment of desperate struggle and then the piano leaving you with a haunting note of sorrow.
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
@linus-smallprint What I meant by “breaks immersion” is that I didn’t really want to pay attention to the spells. They have no use to me. They’re deeply evil in Alan’s world and useless in mine, so what reason do I have for needing them in my memory?
Also the part about the writer changing them didn’t make sense to me. Why not just not write what’s going on if he’s worried about turning into a wizard himself? Why change it? That’s the other part of the “breaks immersion” thing for me. If I were in that writer’s situation, I’d probably just not write the spells at all.
Also the Tyn-Oliver fight was a little confusing to me after Alan’s muddled spell mind, so I didn’t have much to say on that. If they’re fighting him because they think he’s gone back to magic and is dangerous, then I can’t really blame them, even if they’re wrong.
When I said I didn’t want Oliver specifically to betray Alan, I think I was imagining more of something more along the lines of him having an ulterior motive for befriending him and exploiting that later, or something.
"When in doubt, eat cheese crackers."-me to my charries who don't even know about cheese crackers
You can’t separate spell casting from demonic power. The Bible makes that clear. So, if wyou want the spell casting, your going to have to keep the other part in mind.
Okay. I might have to rework things then, but that’s okay. I’ve talked to my sister, who knows more of my plans for book 2 about this, and she does agree that this is going too far. Especially with the narrator’s comment adding in how evil it is (the first draft lacked this). I am becoming convicted I do need to change it. She had a suggestion that might work better instead. But like I said, we will discuss this after I am through this draft. Then I can find a solution that everyone can feel more comfortable with and still works for the story.
Okay, I got through about twenty seconds of the first song.
Ah. I guess Chrono Trigger is not for you then. (I might still try again later. In my opinion, CT has a far better soundtrack than FFVII)
FF!!!! I love Final Fantasy soundtrack! XV is my favorite, and I really just love any theme of Noctis or Luna. (some of the songs I can’t stand, bit for the most part it’s a solid soundtrack,)
Haven’t listened to XV as much, I should give it a try. I tend to mostly listen to the battle themes. I like the determination and heroic tone they carry.
Thought watch with CP
CP == Christian Perspective?
Thank you for the soundtracks. I will have to listen to them a few more times (I usually do before I get to know them and truly decide if I like them or not. Most of my favorite songs I didn’t like the first time I heard them.) But after first listen, they seem to be a good fit.
What I meant by “breaks immersion” is that I didn’t really want to pay attention to the spells. They have no use to me. They’re deeply evil in Alan’s world and useless in mine, so what reason do I have for needing them in my memory?
Makes sence.
Also the Tyn-Oliver fight was a little confusing to me after Alan’s muddled spell mind, so I didn’t have much to say on that. If they’re fighting him because they think he’s gone back to magic and is dangerous, then I can’t really blame them, even if they’re wrong.
When I said I didn’t want Oliver specifically to betray Alan, I think I was imagining more of something more along the lines of him having an ulterior motive for befriending him and exploiting that later, or something.
Okay. You thought he was a sneaky little lizard. Nope, he just saw his brother in Alan and took pity on him.
sounds good. Again, it’s your book. But, for me the spell images being described or not would be the difference between me putting down the series at this book or continuing if I had bought the book or checked it out in their library.
CP == Christian Perspective?
haha! That’s a good one to watch movies with always. No, Clear Play. Clear Play and Vid-Angel are filtering apps and DVD players that cut out lots of things. You as the watcher can decide what to cut. You can cut cussing, blasphemy, violence, disturbing scenes, scenes with immodest clothing, sex scenes, etc. etc.
The Jason Bourne movies are one of the many we watch because we have those filters. Otherwise there’s a lot of bad stuff. 😉
(definitely something I’ll be investing in for my future family!)
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
sounds good. Again, it’s your book. But, for me the spell images being described or not would be the difference between me putting down the series at this book or continuing if I had bought the book or checked it out in their library.
Gochya.
haha! That’s a good one to watch movies with always. No, Clear Play.
Ah. Yeah, that’s useful.
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