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@ellette-giselle @stephie @keilah-h @theducktator @loopylin @theshadow @whalekeeper
All right, ladies. Time to head into the last section of chapters in this book. What do you say we spice things up a bit?
Also, I should warn you, this is the longest chapter I have ever written.
Sometimes it is necessary to paint the sky black in order to see the stars.
COME ON YOU TWO! SHUT UP AND GET OUT OF THERE!
Okay Linus, now I’m mad.
I KNEW IT! I knew he was going to try to convince Alan to go back to magic, I just didn’t know why, or that it was such a big deal!
You have me a little panicked and thoroughly intrigued.You foretold this well and set the stage in a solid and intriguing way. Well done on that!
Oh man, I can see where this is going. I don’t think Alan will do it, but that’s going to lead to some pretty awesome scenes. After all, he’s not tasted much of “the cost” that your book is titled.
Oh I’m really liking this now!
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
btw, why isn’t the new Alan in your art collection?!?
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
Okay Linus, now I’m mad.
I do what I can. *smiles smugly*
I KNEW IT! I knew he was going to try to convince Alan to go back to magic, I just didn’t know why, or that it was such a big deal!
You have me a little panicked and thoroughly intrigued.You foretold this well and set the stage in a solid and intriguing way. Well done on that!
Thank you! Some of the things in this chapter actually snapped into place as I was reading it. Like when you make a jigsaw puzzle and after hours of staring at it, you suddenly realize you can put several pieces together. I forgot to warn everyone, but if you look back at Cyrus’s character earlier on, you may see some contradictions, because I didn’t fully understand him then.
(The funny thing after I made this realization about Cyrus’s motives is the very next day I was watching an episode of some show, and a character in there did something very similar to Cyrus. I won’t say what the show was and definitely not what the episode was because the similarities didn’t end there and you might be able to use that to guess what will happen next. I’m still going with this though because there are still differences.)
Oh man, I can see where this is going. I don’t think Alan will do it, but that’s going to lead to some pretty awesome scenes. After all, he’s not tasted much of “the cost” that your book is titled.
So what do you think ‘the cost’ is? (I am not going to make any response to your answer whatsoever no matter how close or far away your guess is. I just want to know what your prediction is.)
Oh I’m really liking this now!
Thank you! I’m glad to hear that! I’m hoping that as we go through the climax, you will continue to find it interesting. But ultimately, I hope this will glorify God.
btw, why isn’t the new Alan in your art collection?!?
I forgot to upload it, but that is done now. Thank you for reminding me.
Sometimes it is necessary to paint the sky black in order to see the stars.
well, I feel like Alan’s choice to A.) step away from magic, and B.) (the most important thing) follow God, (the Saviour) has been fair sailing. What did it cost him? Things are a little tense with Tyn, but that’s always been the case for one reason or the other. He hasn’t lost friends, he hasn’t lost freedom, he hasn’t lost respect, (he never had any in the eyes of the army to start with), and he certainly hasn’t gone through any physical abuse or had his life threatened in any significant way. However, he gained a community of people who love and even respect him, he gained his father, and he’s got a pretty nice stress-free environment. And of course he now has spiritual life, freedom, and salvation. He gained in just about every way possible, and lost nothing that really matters. So far being a believer has been nothing but fine sailing.
so, the non roundabout answer to your questions is I don’t know what’s going to happen, but being a Christian needs to start hurting. So far Alan hasn’t had to take up his cross, and I want to see that happening.
I hope he gets captured and won’t comply with the king, and then the king loses his temper and things go down hill for Alan, but really anything would be good so long as Alan comes to understand that there is a cost to following his Savior.Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
@ellette-giselle @stephie @keilah-h @theducktator @loopylin @theshadow @whalekeeper
Next chapter.
I’m trying to come up with a name for the village The Faithful find. Any suggestion?
Also, Ellette, I have included a sample of a casual conversation between guys. This can give you some ideas for some casual conversation for your male characters.
Sometimes it is necessary to paint the sky black in order to see the stars.
@ellette-giselle @stephie @keilah-h @theducktator @loopylin @theshadow @whalekeeper
Question for you after you read the section above (do not, I repeat, do not read this before).
Spaces to help hide the contents:
I already started working on the next chapter and realized that Alan’s reaction to the events in the previous chapter was very similar to Eric’s response after he met the soldiers. I’m not really sure what to do differently for either of them though and am open to ideas. I will include both bellow:
From Chapter the 20th – The Eraser
Rour finally withdrew his blade and sheathed it. “Then let us be off.”
Eric barely noticed them leave. He slumped down the wall, not caring much about how rough it was against his back, and plopped down on the ground. He was still shaking like a leaf. But then again, he was a leaf, or at least that was what Ian had said. Ian thought that if Eric stood on a hill and put his arms out on a windy day, he would be blown away like one. He said that because Eric was all skin and bones.
Eric bent his head down to his knees. He had not stood a chance, had he? While he was skinny like a leaf, the lyen soldier was far stronger and faster than him and had natural weapons. How could he have escaped him? The human had the same advantages as well, minus the claws. He should have never waved at them. Oh, why couldn’t he just undo that?
What had he even told the soldiers? Eric could not remember, for all he had been able to think of had been the sharp blades and claws and how he did not want them piercing through his skin.
I-I can’t do this! Eric thought. Would he have to go through something like this again? He thought about what Martha had told him about The Saviour. How following him came with a cost. Some anger grew within him. He looked up at the sky and gritted his teeth. Saviour! You’re supposed to save me, but you left me here! How do you expect me to follow you if your enemies can push me around like this? I can’t do this! Why didn’t you give me what I needed to escape? Why did you let them do this to me?
He noticed a brick that had fallen off of one of the carts. With some difficulty, he managed to pick it up and tried to throw it at the building opposite him. It hit the ground a few feet away from him and seemed to sit there, laughing at him.
Eric let out an exasperated sigh and leaned his head down again. Some tears rolled down his cheeks. Maybe Stripe was right. The Faithful really were just a bunch of fools. What had he been thinking? Martha had been right to worry about the soldiers. They were dangerous. Had expected Stripe or someone else to come swooping in to save him at the first sign of danger? Now that all seemed ridiculous.
He sat in the alley, slumped against the wall for quite some time. He didn’t care if anyone saw him or what they thought.
Some bells from the clock tower sounded. Eric found himself counting the times they rang. One. Two. Three. Four. It was four o’clock. He had to head back to the inn now, but he didn’t really want to. What if the soldiers were still there?
From Chapter the 29th – The Crow (apologies if this is kind of rough)
Alan stayed there for quite a while longer.
He thought about what Stripe had said. There was no way to get his father back this time. Charles was gone for good.
No. Alan jerked his head up and gritted his teeth. No. That’s what he had thought last time, and he had been wrong. There had to be a way to get his father back. There had to be! Alan stood up and passed restlessly. Perhaps he could use the emblem the kidnappers had left and his uniform and pretend he was still part of the army. No, the army would recognize him. Maybe he could turn himself in and figure a way to break out from the inside. But what if he couldn’t and was also trapped? That wouldn’t do any good.
He continued pacing, but none of the ideas that occurred to him seemed like they could work. Alan grew frustrated. He looked up at the sky. “Saviour,” Alan whispered. “Help me, please. There has to be a way to save him. Show it to me!”
The only response was the silence of the night.
“Please! You’re The Saviour! Save him! He’s only trusted in you these past several years! You can’t abandon him now!”
Still nothing.
Alan was now shouting.“Can’t you hear me? I can’t do this alone! I don’t know everything about You! I don’t know what to do without him! I need him!”
Alan squeezed his eyes shut, gritting his teeth as wet tears made their way down his cheeks. When he opened his eyes, he saw the blurred image of his sword. He whipped his eyes and picked it up.
He remembered the day General Pownce had given it to him. On that day, the lyen general had
This sword shall protect you. Use it wisely. It will defend you against the attacks of your foes. Not even magic can grip you while you grip this sword. Use it to fight to prove yourself.
But this sword is not just to protect you. Use it to protect those around you. Fight for what’s right. Protect those around you.
Alan reflected on those words. And what he saw was a failure. He hadn’t protected. He shouldn’t have let his father leave the camp, or insisted on coming! Stripe was right! He wasn’t a protector! He was a fool!Alan angrily threw the sword into a pine tree. He was not worthy of it.
So there are some similarities and some differences.
Similarities:
Both characters- Sit there for a while
- Complain to The Saviour
- Cry
- Throw something in anger
Differences:
- Eric turns his back on the Saviour and blames Him. Alan just asks for help.
- Alan tries brainstorming ideas, but Eric dosen’t.
So what do you think? Are these two scenes too similar? How do you think Alan or Eric might react differently from what you know of them?
Sometimes it is necessary to paint the sky black in order to see the stars.
To say I didn’t know the minute Alan’s father made the plan would be lying.
I knew he was going to get caught.
I really liked this chapter! I like it a whole lot!
Poor Stripe, I feel bad for him. Perfume is awful!! Especially ON YOUR NOSE!
Okay, the similarities thing
The only thing that stood out to me as being close to the same would be throwing the sword. That whole last line doesn’t fit Alan.
So, if cut this:
Alan reflected on those words. And what he saw was a failure. He hadn’t protected. He shouldn’t have let his father leave the camp, or insisted on coming! Stripe was right! He wasn’t a protector! He was a fool!
Alan angrily threw the sword into a pine tree. He was not worthy of it.
Then I think it will flow much better for Alan,l and it totally makes sense for his character and fits very well.
Give him a different train of thought after looking at the sword. Maybe more planning, or maybe….. I don’t know. Just not this response. This response doesn’t fit Alan.
Otherwise, I see nothing wrong with it.
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
btw, thanks for the “guy-talk” scene. 😉
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
To say I didn’t know the minute Alan’s father made the plan would be lying.
I knew he was going to get caught.
Yeah, I suppose it was clear that would happen. Do you think it is too obvious?
Then I think it will flow much better for Alan,l and it totally makes sense for his character and fits very well.
Give him a different train of thought after looking at the sword. Maybe more planning, or maybe….. I don’t know. Just not this response. This response doesn’t fit Alan.
That makes sense. Thanks. (This does create a small problem for me I can’t talk about quite yet, but I’ll find a way to work around it.) One thought that he would have also occurred to me. (‘Why Dad and not me?’)
btw, thanks for the “guy-talk” scene. 😉
You’re welcome!
By the way, do you have any guesses for why Alan was able to defeat his attackers so easily while Stripe was easily beaten?
Sometimes it is necessary to paint the sky black in order to see the stars.
I don’t know. I see that stuff really fast, but it might just be me. Do you want it to come as a shock?
By the way, do you have any guesses for why Alan was able to defeat his attackers so easily while Stripe was easily beaten?
Two.
One, capturing Alan’s father is a decoy because for some reason the king wants Alan to come after him willingly. However, what makes me hesitate is wondering why the king didn’t just capture Alan?
two, this is some sort of demonic like attack, and without the Saviour Stripe can’t beat it. I’m less inclined to think this way, and if it is the case, the scene needs some working on. It seems to “human” (and I use that term lightly with your world. lol) to be demonic.
But, yeah.
Those are my two guesses, but they both have problems.
*shrug*
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
I don’t know. I see that stuff really fast, but it might just be me. Do you want it to come as a shock?
It doesn’t need to be a shock. It might be fine then.
Those are my two guesses, but they both have problems.
Okay. I will say your second one is incorrect (remember, I told you earlier that I am trying to avoid demonic elements in this book), but no comment on the first.
Sometimes it is necessary to paint the sky black in order to see the stars.
@ellette-giselle @stephie @keilah-h @theducktator @loopylin @theshadow @whalekeeper
Here is the next chapter. Are you ready? Things are about to get darker.
Another thing. My school courses are finishing up so I have more time to write again! My goal is to get you the epilogue by the end of the year.
Sometimes it is necessary to paint the sky black in order to see the stars.
Just met the second crow, but I’m pausing to call something.
I think it’s his mother.
Maybe.
Also, I think you’re missing something?
He remembered the day General Pownce had given it to him. On that day, the lyen general had
Maybe “had said”
Oh shoot.
Linus!!!! WHY! I am furious with you right now. Just saying.
UGH!
Come on.
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
Just-
What-
No!
Seriously, that gave me the ugh-the-main-character-is-doing-something-stupid sinking feeling in my stomach, so bravo. You can successfully torture your readers.
In chapter the 28th, I did notice that some of the dialogue between Alan and his father is a bit stiff. For example:
Alan gave his father a concerned look. “Well don’t worry. I’ll find her and bring her back here. Then we can all be together again! We’ll tell her about The Saviour. I hope she joins The Faithful as well.”
Charles’s good eye sparkled. “That would be a great blessing. I hope you succeed. I’ll help you in any way I can.”
I think it’s all the “I hopes” that are getting at me, but honestly I don’t know what makes it feel so unnatural.
"Io non ho bisogno di denaro.
Ho bisogno di sentimenti."
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