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If you could share a bit more detail I might have an easier time coming up with ideas.
Yup, it’s Eric. (How did you know?)
Eric was hiding by the blockade, where he was waiting for any of the rescued Faithful to show up. However, he made the mistake of hiding to close and was spotted when some soldiers dismounted to see if they could clear away the trees. Eric was easily beat in the fight and taken captive. Alan then shows up, and the solider decides to hold Eric hostage to try to convince Alan to surrender.
Oliver and Tyn led some soldiers away from the escort, claiming they saw Alan and Stripe hiding in the trees. Thanks to something Oliver did ahead of time, the third carriage broke when it picked up speed and the fourth carriage crashed into it. Stripe stayed behind to deal with the soldiers there while Alan rushed away to stop the first two before they could get away.
Yup, it’s Eric. (How did you know?)
um…. because it was obvious since Martha got captured that he was a liability, and by the chapter you just wrote I knew he was going to get caught or alert the soldiers or something. (I may overstudy literary patterns.)
Sooo, maybe I’m blind, but I’m not seeing the problem……….. why can’t Stripe or Alan get him lose? I mean, Alan seems to be a pretty good fighter, and I know Stripe is!
Maybe I’m being stoopid. But for some reason I’m not quite seeing the catch.
Which soldiers is Alan chasing, and who is Stripe dealing with?
Basically, where is Eric in relevance to Alan and Stripe?
(Oh, you know what would really smart? Is if Tyn convinced the soldier to hand Eric over to her, and then she “drags him away” to “join the prisoners” and really rescues him. Now he’s been rescued by a girl.)
*shrug*
I’m sorry I’m not more helpful. 🙁
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
Give me five minutes please, and I will try to post what I have written so far so that you will have the context you need. Warning, there may be more inconcitecies/grammer mistakes in here than usual. And this is going to be a long chapter. (I might split it into two for my third draft.)
(Oh, you know what would really smart? Is if Tyn convinced the soldier to hand Eric over to her, and then she “drags him away” to “join the prisoners” and really rescues him. Now he’s been rescued by a girl.)
And a kentor too. Tyn would love that. Eric would be utterly humiliated. I’ll see what you think after you have the full context.
Here is the unfinished chapter. (Anyone else who want to read it and/or help me out can as well)
Ooo, that chapter was very well written. I was feeling very tense, even though I knew what was going to happen. lol.
Yeah, Tyn is in a good position. Have her do it. This will be so, so bad for Eric. Plus, Tyn is in a bad mood, so she may even scold him.
I have never met a guy that didn’t absolutely hate it when a girl scolded him.
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
I guess it would not be beyond Tyn to try to break off from the other soldiers and see if she can contribute more. I’ll see what I can do with that. Thanks!
By the way, you keep on interrogating me about Leon. So I want to interrogate you on Eric. What do you think about him now? Where do you think things are going to go for him?
Sounds good.
Whoa! Interrogate is a strong word!
lol
Okay, well i don’t like him very much. he seems weak and kinda sulky. I mean. I don’t know, he’s a coward, and I don’t like cowards. I feel a redemption arch, but at the moment it’s hard to see. So yeah, I’m hoping for redemption, but I’m not liking him right now.
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
I just decided to read that chapter completely out of order. I’ve only read up to chapter 5 besides this, I think, and that was a while ago. XD I can give some feedback about this chapter, as someone who read it without any context whatsoever.
I liked the sense of friendship I got from all the good guys, even if they couldn’t talk a lot because of being captured. They’re obviously friends and have known each other for some quality time. Tyn is a really interesting character right off the bat, because she’s half fantastical lion, I believe? The group seems like they have a variety of skills and/or appearances and I like how some of them can blend in with the villains, who automatically expect them to be on the bad side.
I will say… the carriage scene, once Oliver started hissing, reminded me a lot of Wingfeather Saga. XD Like if I was still in the middle of reading WS and I read part of that scene, I would believe it was part of WS. But maybe that’s what you want as an homage, I don’t know, this is just a heads up for you.
Finally since you’re asking about Eric, I thought he was fine. Sure, he’s sulky, but I don’t mind reading about him. He’s obviously out of his comfort zone and groping around, trying to do the right thing. It’s obvious to me he will have a redemption arc, and if anything he reminds me of Narnia’s Edmund, just a little funnier and gangly.
#ProtectAdolinKholin
Okay, well i don’t like him very much. he seems weak and kinda sulky. I mean. I don’t know, he’s a coward, and I don’t like cowards. I feel a redemption arch, but at the moment it’s hard to see. So yeah, I’m hoping for redemption, but I’m not liking him right now.
Ah, okay.
I just decided to read that chapter completely out of order. I’ve only read up to chapter 5 besides this, I think, and that was a while ago. XD I can give some feedback about this chapter, as someone who read it without any context whatsoever.
You know that reading books like this is the number one cause of cancer in domesticated fruit bats, right? It also causes you to lose sleep, grow hair in funny places, and decreases your ability to play Halo by 45%!
I liked the sense of friendship I got from all the good guys, even if they couldn’t talk a lot because of being captured. They’re obviously friends and have known each other for some quality time. Tyn is a really interesting character right off the bat, because she’s half fantastical lion, I believe? The group seems like they have a variety of skills and/or appearances and I like how some of them can blend in with the villains, who automatically expect them to be on the bad side.
Tyn’s a kentor. A creature that is part deer.
I will say… the carriage scene, once Oliver started hissing, reminded me a lot of Wingfeather Saga. XD Like if I was still in the middle of reading WS and I read part of that scene, I would believe it was part of WS. But maybe that’s what you want as an homage, I don’t know, this is just a heads up for you.
I get that a lot. When I first read the Wingfeather Saga, I felt as if someone had looked into my imagination and written a story from it. Also, I couldn’t think of any other way to transfer the prisoners to the capital.
Finally since you’re asking about Eric, I thought he was fine. Sure, he’s sulky, but I don’t mind reading about him. He’s obviously out of his comfort zone and groping around, trying to do the right thing. It’s obvious to me he will have a redemption arc, and if anything he reminds me of Narnia’s Edmund, just a little funnier and gangly.
Funnier? Huh…
Yup. He’s definitely out of his comfort zone. Eric’s more of a nerd than a working-with-his-hands type of guy. Being in a battle is something he hoped he would never have to do.
Thank you very much for the feedback! It is a little interesting to see someone’s perspective who only knows only part of the story. However, I hope if you have a book 1 that you actually start with chapter one and continue in the correct order.
@ellette-giselle @stephie @keilah-h @theducktator @loopylin @theshadow
Next chapter. This was getting a little long and I realized I didn’t have too much planned for chapter the 26th, so I decided to move the climax of the rescue into the next chapter. I should hopefully get that to you by the end of this week.
Ugh. It deleted my reply.
I liked this chapter a lot, though I have read most of it. lol.
I feel like you kinda brushed over the shame thing with Eric, and I’m hoping that’s because he’s too freaked out to think though what happened. I hope to see some more repercussion of that later on.
I like how Alan and Tyn dealt with that situation. It was really good.
Looking forward to more!
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
Ugh. It deleted my reply.
Try
Ctrl AthenCtrl Cbefore you post your reply to save it to your clipboard in case it decides not to work. Then you don’t have to retype anything. (Make sure you are on the ‘Text’ tab of the text editor.)I feel like you kinda brushed over the shame thing with Eric, and I’m hoping that’s because he’s too freaked out to think though what happened. I hope to see some more repercussion of that later on.
This is actually where Eric is left for book 1. I’m now trying to move the focus back to Alan for the climax. Eric will get no more development for book 2. This will be resolved at some point in books 2 or 3. I need him to be in this sorry and miserable state for his role in book 2. He will still appear in the next chapter, and it will appear that he is feeling better, but in one of the first chapters of book 2, we will learn how he is really feeling. Book one is more of a backstory for Eric than his actual story.
Do you think it is okay to leave him like this, or should I put something else in to temporarily satisfy the reader?
I like how Alan and Tyn dealt with that situation. It was really good.
Thanks!
I normally do that, but this time I forgot. :/
Do you think it is okay to leave him like this, or should I put something else in to temporarily satisfy the reader?
I think we might be sim-understanding one another.
I don’t think Eric was ashamed ENOUGH. Like, the words on the paper said he was ashamed, but he didn’t feel ashamed to me. If that makes sense.
idk, you may have somehow lost it in a show instead of tell moment.
Like, i want to feel Eric.
If that makes any sense………..
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
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