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@ellette-giselle @stephie @keilah-h @theducktator @loopylin @theshadow
Next chapter! This scene was a little fun to write as it uses a new location that did not exist within my first draft.
The last bit of character I want Alan to develop may now be more apparent, Keliah.
Troy was a big hint. I also some some other things from it that poped up in my feed that contained some greek mythology gods/creatures, so I thought that might be the case
Yes, it’s the Iliad and the Odyssey as a musicale and it was SO WELL done!
oooo, next chapter! Yay!
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
@linus-smallprint ooh interesting!!
Alan’s character development is showing through! It does seem a tiny bit sudden, but I don’t know cause I’ve never actually seen a person get saved and them follow their life immediately afterward. I was saved when I was really young and effectively don’t even remember it, so I can’t even use myself as an example.
(The fact that I don’t remember it very slightly worries me sometimes, but that’s a whole different discussion I really don’t wanna have online with a bunch of young adults I only know from behind a screen)What’s a branten, by the way?
Where'd I get ya this time? The liver? The kidney? I'm runnin' outta places to put holes in ya.
This is one of the best ones yet!!
I’m curious, did you write this from scratch, or was it in the draft?
This was super well done, and I like everything about it. (though i did see a typo here and there.)
Very well done.
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
It does seem a tiny bit sudden, but I don’t know cause I’ve never actually seen a person get saved and them follow their life immediately afterward.
Alan does feel a little bit rushed to get back to planning since other people are in danger. He also felt the need to apologize to Rour, and had to go through Stripe to get to him.
(The fact that I don’t remember it very slightly worries me sometimes, but that’s a whole different discussion I really don’t wanna have online with a bunch of young adults I only know from behind a screen)
That’s okay. I know many Christians who can’t pinpoint an exact moment, myself included. Don’t let this discourage you.
What’s a branten, by the way?
I haven’t completely made up my mind yet. It is either an oversized Canadian goose, or a hybrid between a Canadian goose and a grizzly bear (sort of like a griphion). Why a goose, you ask? Let me tell you a little Canadian secret:
Hissing cobra chickens are nasty!
This is one of the best ones yet!!
Huh. You often supprise me with the scenes that you think are the best.
I’m curious, did you write this from scratch, or was it in the draft?
In my first draft, I was unsure if I wanted to send Alan to save The Faithful after he joined them. Event happened differently there. Alan found out about his father right away and had no time to arrest anyone. The army went for Martha instead of Eric. Eric did not betray Martha, and ended up saving her from the army instead using some powers he had in the first draft (no, I’m not going to tell anyone what those powers are. He dose not have them any more, and I have much better plans for him now). In the end, I chickened out and let a gapping hole in the draft, so in never was really completed. So I suppose I did write this scene for scratch, which is why I am supprised you are saying it is one of the best. I have been quite pleased that all these new scenes have been turning out so well! Thank you!
So, I think I can safely say which scenes you have added in and which ones were in the draft. I’ve run into this same problem several times. If my book is more then a year old when I do the re-writes and big edits, you can always tell what I wrote before and what is added. I think our style and skill develops the more we write, and so when you take something you did a year ago, you can tell the new stuff. It’s like if you drew something a yeah ago, and then tried to add more onto it this year. You would be able to tell.
The new stuff is just much better then the old. It has a nice flow, tone, style, etc.
So, even though this doesn’t sound pleasant, what I ended up doing was reading the chapter through and then rewriting it completely, using the old chapter as a reference point for events that needed to happen and dialogue I wanted to keep.
However, if you want to just stick with the way it is, it’s not bad. You can just tell.
The older stuff is a little more aged and a little rougher. The newer stuff is smooth and shiny.
lol.
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
@linus-smallprint oh, good to know I’m not alone then! It’s not discouraging at all, it’s just one of those thoughts you have when you’re trying to sleep but your brain won’t let you. Y’know.
And I’m glad you have an explanation ready for why this section feels rushed. Makes sense.
and bruh that Canada meme! We have somethin’ like that where I’m from in Florida. Foreigners might be afraid of alligators and snakes. We know the real animals you should fear here are the fire ants and the mosquitoes. *shudders* Those little buggers are nasty.
Where'd I get ya this time? The liver? The kidney? I'm runnin' outta places to put holes in ya.
If you’ve ever seen the first Puss in Boots movie from Dreamworks, there’s a giant mama goose that actually does a good amount of damage to the town she invades while looking for her chick, who the main characters stole. Basing on that alone (I’ve never met a free-roaming goose, that I remember at least), I can see just an ordinary giant goose being pretty dangerous.
Of course, a goosebear hybrid thingy would be pretty cool…..
Where'd I get ya this time? The liver? The kidney? I'm runnin' outta places to put holes in ya.
a little like this but a grizzly bear instead of a polar bear, and more vicious?
(not my art)
Where'd I get ya this time? The liver? The kidney? I'm runnin' outta places to put holes in ya.
So, even though this doesn’t sound pleasant, what I ended up doing was reading the chapter through and then rewriting it completely, using the old chapter as a reference point for events that needed to happen and dialogue I wanted to keep.
That is what I’m doing as well, but either my new ideas are much better than my old or my quality of writing is improving as I am writing this draft. Hopefully a few more rewrites will smooth out those wrinkles. Thank you for the tip!
Yup, that’s pretty much what that version of a branten would look like. I like that picture. Thanks for sharing it!
I better go now. I need to run some erands and do some chores.
@linus-smallprint oooh awesome! and you’re welcome!
Where'd I get ya this time? The liver? The kidney? I'm runnin' outta places to put holes in ya.
@ellette-giselle @stephie @keilah-h @theducktator @loopylin @theshadow
Sadly, I do not know if I am going to get another chapter to you this week. I had a plan for it, and it was going well, but then one of my characters was taken hostage and is threatening to ruin the whole rescue mission and I can’t figure out how to get him out of there. Alan is the type of guy who would stop if he saw someone else’s life threatened.
This is also a very important scene, not just to Alan, but to another character as well. I need the rescue mission to go fairly well to give Alan an ego boost. Nothing too traumatic can happen that will send him into guilt mode again (so no one is going to die in this). However, for this other character, things turn out quite differently. While the rescue mission is a success, he is left feeling weak and useless. (He is the character who is taken hostage.) I’m trying to balance this scene so that this development happens for both of them. (You can probably guess who the second character is.)
If anyone has any ideas, I would be happy to hear them.
It’s Eric, I’m guessing.
Hmmm, can you get him captured without Alan knowing about it? That seems like the easiest way out.
Other then that, you could get him rescued easily if….. idk….. Stripe comes and knocks the guy out while Alan distracts him. Or something of that sort. Eric would still feel really stupid and useless for getting himself caught.
If you could share a bit more detail I might have an easier time coming up with ideas.
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
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