Home Page › Forums › Fiction Writing › Critiques › Novel Critique Requests › The Narrow Path Trilogy Book I: The Cost
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October 25, 2024 at 10:49 am #188281
also, I’m not sure if you’re referring to Alan or Rour, but I think neither of them went too far. They both are wrong about something and think they’re right, and as such it’s messing with their minds.
I was referring to Alan attempting to kill Rour.
WHAT! He didn’t go save Martha!!!!
Alan! Grrrrrr!
Alan’s beginning to think it would be better if he left that to someone else in case he does something wrong again or worse.
i don’t know who you meant by anyone going to far, but I don’t think anyone did. However, I thi9nk saying Alan is a murderer is going to far. He hasn’t killed anyone. And, even if you were to say that on Biblical grounds he is for hating his brother, Alan doesn’t believe in the Saviour so that wouldn’t matter to him. You could say he was frightened he would become a murderer, or he almost was one, but to say that he is one seems strong. As in, I don’t think Alan would have made that jump. It seems a little too drastic after he’s been thinking this whole time he’s a hero, he completely by-passes the idea of being a monster and goes straigt murderer. It doesn’t seem in character.
Hmm. I see your point. I was thinking that since he was trying to kill Rour, he realized that he was no different than a murderer. (Also, Alan has called himself a monster before, such as in the first chapter when Tyn asks him who he is. He is a character who does get weighed down by guilt). I was looking for a word that would haunt him and cause him to feel a lot of grief. Do you think he might just call himself a monster instead?
First off, why? – Ellette
yeah that is a little random. It’s somebody’s memoirs and doesn’t seem to have anything to do with your story…… – Keilah
*Poofs out of nowhere* *Nods* Mm, classic. Has it inspired part of your story or…? *Poofs away again* – Whaley
One word: Research
Since my world is partly inspired by the 19th century, I sometimes reference the Little House on the Prarie books for ideas. The farmer Charles Wherl, before he used magic, is somewhat inspired by Charles Ingles. THey are both fathers who live in a house in the woods with their families, enjoy telling stories to their children, and play some sort of instrument (Though the fact that they are both named Charles is pure coincidence). The reason why I was saying it for this chapter is to see how they built log cabins back then. This would give me a better idea for how The Faithful could repair the abandoned village Stripe found. (I really did not know what to make Alan and James do in this last chapter, but figured chopping down trees and carrying the logs over would be part of the process)
Second……. I don’t recommend it. – Ellette
Why?
*Returns the normal way by walking* Just wanted to say your chapters are really solid, and I can pretty much pick any of them, read it, and have an interesting time. I can tell you’ve been working hard.
Oh hey, you’ve been reading this as well, Whaley? Thank you for the feedback. Do you mind if I ask who your favourite character is so far?
October 25, 2024 at 11:01 am #188285I think murderer could work as long as he said Like murderer, or almost was a murderer. If you want him to say something that he is, he could think of himself as a monster or wild beast. Or, since he is trying to be the hero, an interesting flip would be to have him decide, “I’m not the hero, I’m the villain.” That would flow with his character arch and thought process. (At least what I’ve seen of it.)
As to Little House on the Prairie, I dislike the books because 1, Laura turns out to be not the greatest person and seems quiet discontent in the end, yet it doesn’t really seem to be shown as a flaw. She and Almanzo did not have a healthy marriage and that too isn’t really addressed. It just seems written off as normal. Laura is just not a person I admire. And, I don’t mind flawed characters, but when the author doesn’t seem to realize their character is flawed, I really dislike that. There are just other family dynamics I dislike. I think the first and maybe second book are good. And then in Farmer Boy the whole family relationship seems kinda messed up. So, yeah. I feel like there are better books to read from that time period. However, if you want to read them that’s great. I don’t think there’s anything evil about them, (if you were reading something like Fifty Shades of Grey or Twilight we would be having a totally different conversation) I just prefer not to read that series for reason’s stated above.
Make sense?
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
October 25, 2024 at 11:06 am #188287I think murderer could work as long as he said Like murderer, or almost was a murderer. If you want him to say something that he is, he could think of himself as a monster or wild beast. Or, since he is trying to be the hero, an interesting flip would be to have him decide, “I’m not the hero, I’m the villain.” That would flow with his character arch and thought process. (At least what I’ve seen of it.)
Ah, okay. I’ll see what I can do with that.
As to Little House on the Prairie, I dislike the books because 1, Laura turns out to be not the greatest person and seems quiet discontent in the end, yet it doesn’t really seem to be shown as a flaw. She and Almanzo did not have a healthy marriage and that too isn’t really addressed. It just seems written off as normal. Laura is just not a person I admire. And, I don’t mind flawed characters, but when the author doesn’t seem to realize their character is flawed, I really dislike that. There are just other family dynamics I dislike. I think the first and maybe second book are good. And then in Farmer Boy the whole family relationship seems kinda messed up. So, yeah. I feel like there are better books to read from that time period. However, if you want to read them that’s great. I don’t think there’s anything evil about them, (if you were reading something like Fifty Shades of Grey or Twilight we would be having a totally different conversation) I just prefer not to read that series for reason’s stated above.
That’s fair.
- This reply was modified 4 weeks ago by Linus Smallprint.
October 25, 2024 at 11:55 am #188303The farmer Charles Wherl, before he used magic, is somewhat inspired by Charles Ingles. THey are both fathers who live in a house in the woods with their families, enjoy telling stories to their children, and play some sort of instrument (Though the fact that they are both named Charles is pure coincidence). The reason why I was saying it for this chapter is to see how they built log cabins back then. This would give me a better idea for how The Faithful could repair the abandoned village Stripe found
That makes a lot of sense, I can see that.
Oh hey, you’ve been reading this as well, Whaley? Thank you for the feedback. Do you mind if I ask who your favourite character is so far?
Yeah, I’ve read some of it now and then. I can’t say I have a favorite character yet because I haven’t fully immersed myself in it. But judging by the flow of the story on the page, it has this very specific feel. I don’t know how to explain my thoughts, maybe it’s my synesthete processes kicking in, hehe.
It feels trustworthy. Reminds me of Bark of the Bog Owl by Jonathan Rogers and The Oddmire by William Ritter.
“Everything is a mountain”
October 25, 2024 at 2:54 pm #188315@ellette-giselle @linus-smallprint
(if you were reading something like Fifty Shades of Grey or Twilight we would be having a totally different conversation)
OOOF NOOOOO NOT TWILIGHT
There was one good thing about it, and that was the fact that even my trashiest works look like masterpieces next to it. And they’re at least pretty much clean!
(I didn’t read it, but I kept hearing all the hate on it and finally looked up “why is twilight so bad” and whoooo boy! That is basically THE book to look at when you wanna know what NOT to do.)
Where'd I get ya this time? The liver? The kidney? I'm runnin' outta places to put holes in ya.
October 25, 2024 at 3:15 pm #188318It feels trustworthy. Reminds me of Bark of the Bog Owl by Jonathan Rogers and The Oddmire by William Ritter.
I haven’t read either, but now you’ve got me curious
October 25, 2024 at 7:44 pm #188324YES! And Fifty Shades was all the smut from Twilight plus some.
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
October 25, 2024 at 7:46 pm #188325The Wilderking Trilogy by Jonathan Rogers is an allegorical story on the life of David, with some twists thrown in. (And a completely different world.) It’s got some great humor in it! I would recommend.
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
October 26, 2024 at 4:10 pm #188362@ellette-giselle ooof
worse than Twilight????
Somehow I thought that was nearly impossible to do without sacrificing all that makes a story. I mean like twilight has all that stuff, but a few of the story concepts are almost salvageable if they were in a completely different, better written story.
Where'd I get ya this time? The liver? The kidney? I'm runnin' outta places to put holes in ya.
October 26, 2024 at 4:23 pm #188366Nah, I think there is so much junk in twilight you might as well just dump it in the trash.
Yes. Believe me, FS is FAR worse. They basically said twilight didn’t have enough badness so we’re redoing it in FS.
We should probably quit now before Linus gets annoyed again. You and I need a forum for the random conversations we start on other peoples forums.
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
October 26, 2024 at 5:09 pm #188370@ellette-giselle oh no I never said I liked what was in there. I just mean that like if it had been an ordinary horror or fantasy story, not a romance, it probably still wouldn’t have been good for Christians to read (cause of all the paranormal creatures and stuff, blah), but at least it wouldn’t be smut and probably wouldn’t have driven half a generation crazy over it.
where’d you find out about these series btw? I’d never heard of Fifty Shades before this incident. Well, maybe once.
and yeah we should probably knock it off now, maybe continue in the chat chat forum if anything?
Where'd I get ya this time? The liver? The kidney? I'm runnin' outta places to put holes in ya.
October 26, 2024 at 5:42 pm #188372I found out about them listening to a very good podcast talking about how stories shape our culture. I can give you a link if you want. But yeah, tag me in the chat chat if you want the link.
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
October 27, 2024 at 7:41 pm #188426@ellette-giselle sure thing!!
I wouldn’t mind that. I don’t listen to podcasts much but that sounds interesting.
Where'd I get ya this time? The liver? The kidney? I'm runnin' outta places to put holes in ya.
October 27, 2024 at 7:48 pm #188427I need to read Little House on the Prairie again.
I was just telling my little sister that she NEEDS to read those books.
"Courage, dear heart." -Aslan
October 27, 2024 at 7:52 pm #188428I LOVE the Little House books!
The squirrels are collecting more nuts than usual this winter. I've already lost 3 relatives.
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