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Shattering Glass! Eric is about to get everyone in a whole world of mess. Poor Martha. She’s such a sweet girl. Oh, that conversation between Eric and his siblings, that was one of your best scenes you have every done. I don’t know why, but for some reason the way you have been writing feels almost as though we’re on the surface of the story, and then that one just got deep. It was the expression, the word choices, the interaction of all three of them combined with personality……… I don’t know, something about that was different. It was really good. The responses each of them had were perfectly fitting for the characters that they were.
Interesting. I could kind of feel this myself as I was writing it, but not specifically for that conversation. My characters for Ian and Jenny are not very developed either, I did some of this on the fly, so I am surprised you are finding it effective.
Btw, if Alan doesn’t end up loving Martha I think I’m going to kill him. THEY. ARE. PERFECT.
I know! They both like horses, are sentimental, and are separated from their fathers at some point, who they both care for. When I put them together, they just seem to get along really well. And this is just the start. Later on, there will be more moments that will make them seem like Martha would make an excellent wife for Alan. I didn’t plan on this. When I came up with this story as a teenage boy, my goal was no romance, since every story has some. But then, it sort of just happened.
My only hesitance is that Alan is now a wizard while Martha is still human. But then again, Alan used to be human, and still mostly is. If they did end up together, they just would not be able to have any children. (But then, that might make them open to adoption which means… #noSpoilers. I’m going too far into Alan’s character arc here.)
Nailed it!
I know! They both like horses, are sentimental, and are separated from their fathers at some point, who they both care for. When I put them together, they just seem to get along really well. And this is just the start. Later on, there will be more moments that will make them seem like Martha would make an excellent wife for Alan. I didn’t plan on this. When I came up with this story as a teenage boy, my goal was no romance, since every story has some. But then, it sort of just happened.
Ha! Glad I’m not the only one who can see this!!! And it’s more then the points you mentioned. I think those are a little more serfacy. I’m thinking about her being his first “Follower” influence, and the fact that their personalities go really well, and…. I don’t know.
They were just made for each other.
Well, I get what you mean about most stories having romance, but 1.) most of the romances are badly/inappropriately done, and there is a lack of Godly love stories out there. And 2.) Our story has a romance. I mean, where do think Hollywood got the idea of a Prince saving his bride? From the story of our world! And this story is going to end with a wedding, as most good ones do.
My only hesitance is that Alan is now a wizard while Martha is still human. But then again, Alan used to be human, and still mostly is. If they did end up together, they just would not be able to have any children.
Wait, why?!! Why can’t they have kids?!
I mean, Alan just has a few feathers in his hair, (and on his arm). What does that have to do with having kids?
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
It was the expression, the word choices, the interaction of all three of them combined with personality…
Yeah, something about that. I can’t pinpoint it either.
Btw, if Alan doesn’t end up loving Martha I think I’m going to kill him. THEY. ARE. PERFECT.
Just saying.
I completely agree, although I’d like to ask @linus-smallprint how old they both are? Because Alan seems to have a lot of backstory for somebody who could be about Martha’s age.
Not that age differences are bad.
*Awkward silence during which I reflect on my parents’ age difference of eight years*
"Courage, dear heart." -Aslan
@stephie yep my parents are six years apart.
Typically I use ten years as my limit for age gaps between couples.
Where'd I get ya this time? The liver? The kidney? I'm runnin' outta places to put holes in ya.
Wait, why?!! Why can’t they have kids?!
I mean, Alan just has a few feathers in his hair, (and on his arm). What does that have to do with having kids?
In the world of Ehverwyld, magic is an allegory for sin. Sometimes we suffer the consequences of sin for our whole life. Also, as I was teaching the kids in my Sunday School class yesterday, while some sins may seem little to us, they really are not. Alan may have only used a little magic and grown a only few feathers, but this has changed him enough that he is no longer human as a consequence. One of the rules that I am sticking strictly to in my world is to have no children who have parents of two different species. So if Alan is no longer human, he and Martha would not be able to have kids.
However, this does not mean that if they do end up together, it will be not a sad ending for them. I promise that. And maybe Alan will be restored to being human as well. Maybe not. You will have to wait for now.
Nailed it!
I completely agree, although I’d like to ask how old they both are. Because Alan seems to have a lot of backstory for somebody who could be about Martha’s age.
Martha is the older of the two, by about a year. She is supposed to be eighteen while Alan is still seventeen. I know, I know, if she was two years younger, then they could sing a certain song from a certain movie, but I think I am going to leave it at this.
Nailed it!
OHHHH…..
I had no idea he was no longer human.
No, no, I totally agree with the sin thing. There is no “little sin”.
I like the idea of him having life lasting consequences. It’s going to really hurt for him to have to tell her they can’t have kids because of what he did, and to know his choices are causing her grief.
I know, I know, if she was two years younger, then they could sing a certain song from a certain movie,
Oh you’re dreadful!
That song is dreadful too. At least, the message of it is.
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
Oh you’re dreadful!
That song is dreadful too. At least, the message of it is.
It’s been long enough since I’ve actually listened to it that I can’t remember the song is message.
By the way, since you shared your concerns on Eric denying The Saviour, I am curious to know what you think of the juxtaposition between his reaction to the soldiers and Martha’s?
Nailed it!
It’s been long enough since I’ve actually listened to it that I can’t remember the song is message.
Ah, well yes. The message is not the best. In fact, I normally skip that entire scene when watching that movie. But, it was funny that you brought it up.
Ah yes, Martha and Eric.
I absulutly LOVE what Martha did. Even though she was never asked to speak, by her silence she was backing up the lies her father was telling. The only thing she could have done in that moment would be to speak up, and she did. It was perfect.
I’m holding on to hope that Eric will realize how serious what he did was and come to a true repentance. Though it almost seems to me, (especially after he did that) that he wasn’t ever a true believer but the Saviour was more of almost a”lucky charm” to him. Something to bring him happiness and keep him safe.
Martha, on the other hand, seems to grasp the gravity of this and is in all the way, no matter what direction it leads her. Eric…….. not so much.
So yeah, maybe he’ll come to a point of true belief and repentance.
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
I’m holding on to hope that Eric will realize how serious what he did was and come to a true repentance. Though it almost seems to me, (especially after he did that) that he wasn’t ever a true believer but the Saviour was more of almost a”lucky charm” to him. Something to bring him happiness and keep him safe.
Time will tell for this.
Nailed it!
@ellette-giselle @stephie @keilah-h @theducktator @loopylin @theshadow
Who’s ready for the next scene?
Chapter the 22nd – The Murderer
I need to read Little House on the Prairie again.
The is one character in this chapter that I’m wondering if I’ve gone too far with him. Does it make sense why he does what he does in this chapter? (This question will make more sense after you read this).
Nailed it!
@linus-smallprint wow!!
also, I’m not sure if you’re referring to Alan or Rour, but I think neither of them went too far. They both are wrong about something and think they’re right, and as such it’s messing with their minds.
Where'd I get ya this time? The liver? The kidney? I'm runnin' outta places to put holes in ya.
WHAT! He didn’t go save Martha!!!!
Alan! Grrrrrr!
It was a good chapter. I liked it. I especially liked the brothers, (John and James.) Their relationship is a lot of fun.
i don’t know who you meant by anyone going to far, but I don’t think anyone did. However, I thi9nk saying Alan is a murderer is going to far. He hasn’t killed anyone. And, even if you were to say that on Biblical grounds he is for hating his brother, Alan doesn’t believe in the Saviour so that wouldn’t matter to him. You could say he was frightened he would become a murderer, or he almost was one, but to say that he is one seems strong. As in, I don’t think Alan would have made that jump. It seems a little too drastic after he’s been thinking this whole time he’s a hero, he completely by-passes the idea of being a monster and goes straigt murderer. It doesn’t seem in character.
“Not as well as Stripe.” His brother John walked over, carrying a shovel on his soldiers.
I think you mean “shoulders”
He was cut when they noticed Stripe rushing down the path from the opposite direction.
“cut off”?
Rour was still looking at him with a look of determination
Okay, the repetitive descriptive words just about killed me in that one.
I need to read Little House on the Prairie again.
First off, why?
Second……. I don’t recommend it.
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
I need to read Little House on the Prairie again. –you
First off, why? –Ellette
yeah that is a little random. It’s somebody’s memoirs and doesn’t seem to have anything to do with your story……
Where'd I get ya this time? The liver? The kidney? I'm runnin' outta places to put holes in ya.
I need to read Little House on the Prairie again.
*Poofs out of nowhere* *Nods* Mm, classic. Has it inspired part of your story or…? *Poofs away again*
*Returns the normal way by walking* Just wanted to say your chapters are really solid, and I can pretty much pick any of them, read it, and have an interesting time. I can tell you’ve been working hard.
“Everything is a mountain”
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