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@ellette-giselle oooh yeah I’ve always liked that culture’s style too.
Where'd I get ya this time? The liver? The kidney? I'm runnin' outta places to put holes in ya.
I liked this!! I don’t know if I mentioned this yet, but when you refer to Alan as “the soldier” it kinda throws me, especially since 1) he has a name that we know, and 2) this is something you kinda just started.
other then that, no complaints.
(I notice you use a lot of British spellings. I’m guessing that’s Canadian?) I like it a lot! It feels very familiar since I’ve grown up reading British books for as long as I can remember. I used to use a mix of British and English spellings, but my editor killed that. 🤣I also love that you didn’t have Charles turn perfect after he accepted the Savior! That is something I really can’t stand that a lot of authors do. You are not perfect when are a Christian. In fact, I feel like early on you sub even more trying so hard not to! I really love how you handled this.
you also added the wizard thing about the Savior! Love it!! 😊
I can’t wait to read more. I also really am intrigued by Stripe. I love the harsh, overprotective characters!
Oh, a thought. It might be interesting to explore why Alan can’t do enough good to erase his sins. Especially since this is a HUGE thing that even people who claim to be Christians believe.
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
PS.
Any thoughts on my music styles? lol.
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
Wow! That was good!
Thanks!
I liked this!! I don’t know if I mentioned this yet, but when you refer to Alan as “the soldier” it kinda throws me, especially since 1) he has a name that we know, and 2) this is something you kinda just started.
I’m trying not to overuse his name, so I throw in some other things to call him as well. I was using, the wizard, but when Charles is on screen, it becomes confusing as to who ‘the wizard’ is. Do you think it is okay to just refer to Alan as Alan all the time?
(I notice you use a lot of British spellings. I’m guessing that’s Canadian?) I like it a lot! It feels very familiar since I’ve grown up reading British books for as long as I can remember.
Yup, that’s the way we Canadians spell. Wow, you make it sound classical or something. It’s just normal the way we spell things.
I used to use a mix of British and English spellings, but my editor killed that.
I think you mean British and American spellings. The British are the English. Fun fact, as a Canadian, I am allowed to mix up the British and American spellings. (I did not know we spelled ‘Mold’ as ‘Mould’ until my late teens). If you think that is weird, have I told you about my fence? It is six feet tall and ten meters wide.
I also love that you didn’t have Charles turn perfect after he accepted the Savior! That is something I really can’t stand that a lot of authors do. You are not perfect when are a Christian. In fact, I feel like early on you sub even more trying so hard not to! I really love how you handled this.
Yup, I agree. When I was in elementary school, we had comics in our workbooks about Christian kids who always did the right thing. I understand they were trying to encourage us to do good as well, but it was a little annoying that only the kids who were not Christians did wrong (and they would do the wrong thing every time). I’m hoping to make more realistic characters while encouraging the reader to fight the good fight of faith at the same time.
you also added the wizard thing about the Savior! Love it!! 😊
Thank you for the suggestion!
I can’t wait to read more.
Good! Thank you!
Oh, a thought. It might be interesting to explore why Alan can’t do enough good to erase his sins. Especially since this is a HUGE thing that even people who claim to be Christians believe.
I am still thinking through how to show this. In my first draft, Alan just has a second conversation with his dad and is saved after that, without exploring this as well. I do have an idea, where Alan once more ends up causing harm, and realizes he needs The Saviour because he can’t do what’s right on his own, but (without giving too much away), it is something caused indirectly by him and it will not be entirely his fault. It’s more of an unforeseen consequence than Alan getting the wrong idea of what is right. So it might look to the reader like an overreaction (even if it would indeed make Alan feel guilty again). Any ideas?
Any thoughts on my music styles? lol.
I have only gotten around to Ender’s Game and Sound of Freedom so far. I usually have to listen to songs a few times before I decide if I like them or not. (Some of my favourite songs I disliked when I first heard them.) First impression? They are all right.
On the other hand, I am more familiar with the Narnia soundtracks. My sisters love these, and one of them plays one of the main themes on the piano regularly. I do like these, though not as much as my sisters do. I do have The Battle and To Aslan’s Camp from The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe saved to my favourites list on Spotify.
By the way, what do you think of the How to Train Your Dragon soundtrack?
@theducktator @loopylin @stephie @theshadow @ellette-giselle @keilah-h
I should let you all know. Starting next week, I will not be able to write as much. Not only am I starting three post-secondary courses, but I will also begin a part-time job (finally). I also have learned that I am now the main teacher for my Sunday School class at church, so will also have to set aside time to prep lessons for that in a few weeks. I am still going to try to write this book, but these things are now my priority. I will keep you updated. (I suspect, towards the beginning, I will have more time to write and can maybe still get you one chapter a week, but as I get further into my school term, I may have to take some weeks off writing).
Nah, just call him Alan. That’s his name after all. I mean, people don’t refer to you as “The Canadian” or “The guy with the wired way of measuring fences” or, “The guy with a part time job” lol.
They call you Justin, or Linus. those are your names/nicknames/online-names. but they are still your names.
Just call him Alan.
I think you mean British and American spellings
Whoops. lol. Yes, I did mean that.
it was a little annoying that only the kids who were not Christians did wrong (and they would do the wrong thing every time)
Good grief, tell me about it!
So it might look to the reader like an overreaction (even if it would indeed make Alan feel guilty again). Any ideas?
Hmm, Well, I would have him talk to his dad about how he’s going to cover up hi9s wrong with his good deeds. Then his dad could explain why that won’t work. I think from there that would set the stage from Alan to mess up. Here is a scene from a movie that I really love that deals with that perfectly. It was a conversation between two cops and it was really great. Alan might relate because he’s in a police-type position.
I think something like this would really set the stage for the reader to be ready to watch Alan fail and see him turn. Alan will also have this in conversation in the back of his mind. This will make his turning point less shocking for both Alan and the reader.
I have only gotten around to Ender’s Game and Sound of Freedom so far. I usually have to listen to songs a few times before I decide if I like them or not. (Some of my favourite songs I disliked when I first heard them.) First impression? They are all right.
Well I’m glad you’ve at least given them a shot. lol.
Oh man, my brother plays Narnia on the piano all the time!
By the way, what do you think of the How to Train Your Dragon soundtrack?
Lol, listened to that WAY to much. I’ll have to try it again in a few years. haha.
Okay, btw, now i have to know, Do Canadians use British slang and expressions? Because if they do, that is so cool! I love them! I use British terms a lot and people look at me cross-eyed. haha!
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
Just call him Alan.
Okay.
Hmm, Well, I would have him talk to his dad about how he’s going to cover up hi9s wrong with his good deeds. Then his dad could explain why that won’t work. I think from there that would set the stage from Alan to mess up. Here is a scene from a movie that I really love that deals with that perfectly. It was a conversation between two cops and it was really great. Alan might relate because he’s in a police-type position.
Hmm. I will think of this more. I don’t want to include much more talking in this scene so that the reader does not get bored with it, but Charles might say something like this when Alan sees him again. The mindset Alan is in now, he needs something to shake his confidence in his ability to be good again. (Right now he is thinking, yes, I made some mistakes, but I can learn from them and I will make sure it does not happen again, so messing up once more is going to help him realize he can’t be good on his own.) Thanks for sharing that clip!
Okay, btw, now i have to know, Do Canadians use British slang and expressions? Because if they do, that is so cool! I love them! I use British terms a lot and people look at me cross-eyed. haha!
Not really. I believe our expressions and slang are more similar to you Americans. My Dad is British, so I know some of the expressions from him (like anti-clockwise instead of counter-clockwise). New Zealand has more similar expressions to England.
Yup, I agree. When I was in elementary school, we had comics in our workbooks about Christian kids who always did the right thing. I understand they were trying to encourage us to do good as well, but it was a little annoying that only the kids who were not Christians did wrong (and they would do the wrong thing every time). I’m hoping to make more realistic characters while encouraging the reader to fight the good fight of faith at the same time.
Ooof, I can’t say I remember reading something along the same lines, but just thinking about it makes me cringe. I get their point but I don’t like unrealistically perfect characters.
also, you can take all the writing breaks you need! I’ll be here for whenever you do have a chapter ready for us.
oh one more thing:
New Zealand has more similar expressions to England.
haha they’ve got crazy slang down there. I was looking up New Zealander and Australian slang for the sake of writing my two Aussie/Kiwi characters correctly, and it’s like they have a whole separate code language lol.
Where'd I get ya this time? The liver? The kidney? I'm runnin' outta places to put holes in ya.
also, you can take all the writing breaks you need! I’ll be here for whenever you do have a chapter ready for us.
Thanks!
@ellette-giselle
Just had an idea. Rour has been frustrating Alan for a long time. Now that Alan is beginning to realize that The Law is in the right, he will let out some anger at Rour, justifying it by saying Rour deserves to suffer. Someone might ask him if he deserves to suffer as well because of how he arrested some of The Faithful, Alan will put up his, ‘well I’ve changed now and I’m going to undo it’ excuse. Someone might point out how Rour is not entirely a bad lyen. He is nice to others, but just can’t bring himself to trust lyens. Rour also believes he is doing the right thing, so why does he deserve to suffer if Alan doesn’t? This could trigger the guilt that will help Alan realize he needs The Saviour.I don’t mind extensive conversation scenes. But some others might not.maybe you could have this conversation later on, (if at all) but no pressure.
Thanks for sharing that clip!
You are very welcome! Have you seen the movie? (Courageous) If not, you really should. It’s pretty amazing. So is the movie Fireproof, which is my all time favorite that they’ve done. Followed closely by Facing The Giants, and War Room.
Hey!! That’s an idea!!! I like that with Rour! It brings him back into the story, cause I feel like we kinda ditched him and Tyn.
I believe our expressions and slang are more similar to you Americans. My Dad is British, so I know some of the expressions from him (like anti-clockwise instead of counter-clockwise). New Zealand has more similar expressions to England.
Aw man. :/
Oh I know about New Zealand/Australian accents!!
Oh man, have you ever been around someone from the south? We live near the south and I’ve picked up a good amount of southern slang, but it really is like a whole new language. The movies are just scraping the surface.
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
Have you seen the movie? (Courageous) If not, you really should. It’s pretty amazing. So is the movie Fireproof, which is my all time favorite that they’ve done. Followed closely by Facing The Giants, and War Room.
Yes, I have seen all the Kendrick Brothers movies, except The Forge (But that only just came into theatres). To be honest, even though they are great stories, I find them a bit boring, although it has been some time since I have seen some of them. I think my favourite might be Lifemark. My sisters love them and I think they may be going to see The Forge with my mom later this week.
Hey!! That’s an idea!!! I like that with Rour! It brings him back into the story, cause I feel like we kinda ditched him and Tyn.
Don’t worry. Tyn will be back on screen in one of the next two chapters, and Rour will probably make an appearance as well.
Oh man, have you ever been around someone from the south? We live near the south and I’ve picked up a good amount of southern slang, but it really is like a whole new language. The movies are just scraping the surface.
Not really. My dad has been down to Atlanta and sometimes mimics their accents and I have listened to some sermons by the pastor my dad met down there.
Ok, Kendrick Brothers movies aren’t super deep, but they’re fun! We watch them when everyone just wants to crash and not focus on some complex story. I really enjoy the stories tho.
Speaking of complicated stories, I’ve been listening to the Alcatraz books. I’m on the second one and I’m listening while I format my magazine. You’re the one who mentioned those aren’t you? I think you said something about them…… Anyways, I’ve been enjoying them quite a lot. I was wondering if Alcatraz ever has some sort of redemption. I mean, I don’t want him to become a perfect character because he does good deeds, but he also kinda isn’t the best right now. I believer you and I tend to be one the same page about true redemption, so I was curious. I plan on reading them to my brothers, but I like to preview a series before I do that. I was wondering what positive elements there are besides the fact that they are exposing the information control in this world, which is a very real thing.
Btw, did you ever listen to the dramatized reading? It’s quite well done. It’s a multi voice book reading with soundtrack.
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
Sorry, I had not seen your post until now. Gmail decided to throw out the notification again. Alcatraz is one of my favourite book series. I think I have only listened to some of the dramatizations for the second book.
@theducktator @loopylin @stephie @theshadow @ellette-giselle @keilah-h
I will try to get you Chapter the 17th – The Rebel next week, but since I start work and school, no promises. I will send it out in two weeks at the latest, so you can hold me accountable to that deadline.
I thought it was you who mentioned it.
I don’t know if you saw my question, so I’ll just ask it again. 😀
I was wondering if Alcatraz ever has some sort of redemption. I mean, I don’t want him to become a perfect character because he does good deeds, but he also kinda isn’t the best right now. I believe you and I tend to be one the same page about true redemption, so I was curious. I plan on reading them to my brothers, but I like to preview a series before I do that. I was wondering what positive elements there are besides the fact that they are exposing the information control in this world, which is a very real thing?
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
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