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@theducktator My family had some eclipse glasses left over from the October eclipse (which happened to be on my brother’s birthday lol), so we watched for a bit.
@highscribeofaetherium haha, depending on where you live you won’t have to wait that long. Down in Florida where I’m at, we had one last year also, and seven or eight years ago too.Where'd I get ya this time? The liver? The kidney? I'm runnin' outta places to put holes in ya.
@esther-c @whalekeeper @koshka @elishavet-pidyon @rae @joy-calle @keilah-h @anyone-else-idk-lol
Sooooo I’m currently working on a scene for one of my novels…and I need some advice😅
The two MCs of this novel have both been imprisoned by Soviet Forces (this is 1950s East Germany, btw) for being involved in the underground church.
It’s written from the POV of the MC that’s watching, but the other MC is present…and…well…the man in charge of the prison wants information from them.
One of the minor themes of this novel is persecution/standing for what’s right, and thus this scene is def important, so I don’t want to skip over it
but I really need some help figuring out HOW to write it🫠
what I mean by this is this: I don’t want to skip this scene because it really is something a lot of people have had to survive through/endure, but I also don’t want the scene to get too graphic. (it’s also an important scene because it connects to another novel idea where the man in charge of the prison is an MC and eventually comes to Christ, esp. through these two characters’ influence in this specific scene)
so I guess I’m wondering how to write pain/torture without it getting so graphic that it’s uncomfortable/traumatic for readers.
and hopefully no one will get too mad at me either way because of who the character being tortured is…
heh heh
🫠😭😅
#BeardedSteveRogersIsSuperior
@lightoverdarkness6 @elishavet-pidyon @grcr thank y’all so much!! It means a lot to me that y’all would read the scene and offer some thoughts 💖💖💖
#BeardedSteveRogersIsSuperior
@freed_and_redeemed I will not be mad at you for torturing a beloved character. I’ll be mad at the ones torturing him, but not at you.
I do the same way too much. Just two days ago, I was listening to video game character death screams extracted from their games and imagining what circumstances in an actual linear story situation would necessitate such painful howls. I ended up with electric shocks, treatment of bullet wounds, and kidney stones for one character in specific (don’t ask cause I’m not going to go into THAT story)
My mom was a bit concerned for my mental health lol. Honestly, I agree.
Where'd I get ya this time? The liver? The kidney? I'm runnin' outta places to put holes in ya.
@keilah-h
My cousins have glasses from 2017 that they brought. We got totality about 30 minutes ago. It was amazing.See if your parents will take you to Portugal in two years. There will be one there. XD I don’t know when the next one in the US is.
The squirrels are collecting more nuts than usual this winter. I've already lost 3 relatives.
@theducktator @highscribeofaetherium @keilah-h
We weren’t in totality, but we got about 90% I think. I saw it first at work, where one of my managers had a pair of glasses, and then after I got home, we had a pair my aunt gave us. I was able to get a picture through the glasses, but unfortunately I don’t think Wyoh would approve of me trying to post one.
"Real love is for your good, not for your comfort." -Justin Whitmel Earley
My cousins were trying to get pictures, but I don’t think they succeeded. And Wyoh would most definitely not approve. I tried to post a meme earlier, and a ton of words showed up instead.
The squirrels are collecting more nuts than usual this winter. I've already lost 3 relatives.
Yeah, I had to do this same thing last month… Poor Nahim was totally broken…
Anyways, what I personally did was not focus much on the physical, but went more for the thoughts and emotions of my MC. It was still awful, but not in a gruesome way.
I did mention the body language a couple times of the one being tortured, but mostly focused more on how my MC reacted to that body language more than the body language itself.
Once I get back to writing and finally edit that piece, I could show you if you want, but I doubt you need that. You’re naturally better than me already.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go off and cry cuz I also just read a couple scenes you posted before…
"You need French Toast."
My advice as a middle-grade writer and a YA reader:
1. Stick as much as possible to inner turmoil. Instead of focusing on how much the outward character is being damaged, focus on how the inner character is coping/struggling/whatever.
2. Instead of portraying each individual blow/whatever, gloss it all together into a simple picture. If a specific thing happens that is more impactful or important than others (getting knocked onto the ground) you could briefly mention that. What I find though is scenes with violence is the more that is shown the less impactful the scene (and more sickening, for me). We just need to know the character is getting hurt, we don’t need to know how.
3. Don’t make the guard out to be evil itself. Give small (perhaps almost unnoticed) flashes of humanity. Does the guard actually hate them, or is he just doing a horrible job in a cold hearted way? How does he view torture (culturally and socially)? This makes the scene more believable (and could give you another place to direct the “camera”.)
4. This one may sound obvious, but try to avoid gruesome descriptions. This could mean any description of what a character actually looks like. Words such as dripping, ran, covered, torn, mangled, crunched, ect. are dead give aways for over description. I would also advise, even at your writing level, to avoid using trigger words such as blood (or descriptions of blood) as much as possible.
All this is undoubtedly a challenge. Thus, I hereby challenge you to push yourself. All real stories have hard scenes, but that doesn’t mean they have to be disgusting. Write with the beauty of the overall story in mind. See what you can create.
First Grand Historian of Arreth and the Lesser Realms (aka Kitty)
Fork the Gork@highscribeofaetherium @freed_and_redeemed @jonas @whalekeeper @loopylin @keilah-h @theducktator @whoever-cares
Hey,I need help knowing if this scene feels forced or anything.
The context is that Mandin invited Nahim to a festival that Mandin’s family was having, and Nahim promised to finally tell Mandin his traumatic backstory.
Evening came, leaving the Banorian landscape lit by flickering torches under a deep ultramarine sky. The trees still rippled in the wind, but they were now just black forms against the sky, casting shadows over the ground below.
Nahim was walking from where he had left Mandin in an annual meeting of the Ward. He had been invited, but one look at Master Milcah’s face told him that he had been barely welcome to even come to the festival, let alone join in a strictly Ward meeting. Nahim had politely declined Mandin’s request; besides, he found the view of the stars from where they were to be most magnificent. And he needed to be alone so he could think out what had happened that day.
Why did I say I’d tell Mandin everything?
Nahim kicked a stone, watching it clatter across the stone pathway and cast shadows by the light of the torches. He’d had flashbacks to Laxan before, where he could smell again his mother’s cooking, or the smoke as lava ate away at dead bodies. Hear the laughter of his siblings, or the screams of the refugees. See the blue eyes of his mother, or the six dark ones of Vorgan. He’d been back in those memories as if he were reliving them.
He’d had dreams, many started out nice, but then always ended with Vorgan, some tragedy, and with a mysterious black figure cloaked in fog, light reflecting off his eyes and nothing else. The Traitor. The Wenbor. He’d always wake up in a sweat, sometimes yelling, with Mandin leaning over him.
Pushing away his thoughts, Nahim sat on a platform for one of the bands, the instruments still lying there. He reached over, grabbing a Seelere. He plucked its strings with his fingers, felt the bowstrings, and ran his fingers over the instrument’s smooth wood. He rested it on his shoulder, and played a sad note, the bow slowly screeching over the strings. He played another, the lamenting song slow and almost painful. He closed his eyes, letting the song sink into his heart, like a waterfall pouring into a stream.
He lost himself in the music, swaying slowly side to side as he played, and singing a low song with it, the words almost completely unable to be picked out. It grew mightier in volume, slowly, and his voice lamented with the music from the Seelere.
He never noticed the approach of his audience, for Mandin was quiet. Wiping his blonde hair away from his eyes, and crossing his arms, Mandin watched the younger Realn. The only words he caught were bits,
“Thou min lanan Laxan…florain ata sayka…lanan Laxan hon na towerae ra cuble an na eotle min nater vara ain hais…Thou min lanan Laxan.”
After stopping the song, and placing the Seelere down, Nahim started as he noticed Mandin’s presence.
“You play beautifully, and sing well.” Mandin smiled.
Nahim shifted uncomfortably. “I thought you had to be in that meeting.”
“Ugh, just formalities and tradition!” Mandin waved a hand dismissively in the air. “I heard ya out here, and decided to join you.” Silence fell between the two men. Mandin came and sat beside Nahim, waiting for him to speak. He looked absently at the stars above.
I should just tell him and get it over with, Nahim thought, gripping his leg.
“I,” He let out a deep breath.
Mandin shifted in his seat, facing a little more in Nahim’s direction, as if trying to coax him on. “I…”
“I, I enjoyed the festival,” Nahim commented, his words broken. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” The two men stared at each other for a moment.
C’mon Nahim, you can tell him, get it over with. You’re a warrior, you can have enough courage to speak.
“About…About.” Nahim’s hands began to shake. He gripped both his legs as tight as he could to keep them still. His heart was now racing in his chest, pounding like a type of hammer against his rib cage. Mandin waited patiently, as Nahim tried to collect his scattering thoughts. “Uh…” No, I can’t do this, not yet. “Your father probably–“
“He can wait,” Mandin replied decisively.
Nahim stood and took a step forward. “I, I never knew Banor could be so beautiful.”
“Now you know. I agree, the land around the Training Academy is pretty drab. The only thing pleasant is the scents that come on the wind and when the early sprouts of spring come. Right?”
“Yeah,” Nahim replied quietly.
Mandin stood, coming up to stand by Nahim. He set his hand on Nahim’s shoulder.
“Hey, don’t feel like you have to tell me tonight. Take your time. Maybe in a couple days, or months, your hands won’t shake like you’re freezing to death.”
Nahim nodded, meeting Mandin’s soft brown eyes. “Thank you, Mandin.”
“You’re welcome.” He smiled his fine-looking smile.
They remained there until Master Milcah quietly came and scolded Mandin for leaving the meeting. Mandin sighed and went back with his father, but he pitched a look of gentleness and inviting, telling Nahim he could trust this Ward. No matter what.
- Is the scene too short?
- Does the ending seem too much like a summary?
- Is it evident what Nahim’s emotions are by his body language, thoughts, et cetera. Any suggestions on how I could make this part of the scene better?
- Can you guess what instrument the Seelere is supposed to be?
- What vibes do you get from Mandin?(I know this might sound weird, but I really would like the answer to this question, cuz this charrie is the one I want everyone to love. Some can sympathize but not love Nahim, but I want all of them to love Mandin.)
"You need French Toast."
Helloooo, I’m heeeeere
1. Feels like average length to me! Then again it isn’t in book format on KP, and is one continuous page, so I may be gauging it incorrectly. I think if it’s 2-3 pages long on your document, that feels adequate.
2. If it’s the end of a chapter, it works as a summary. If not, I don’t think it’s too abrupt to have in the middle of a chapter. I feel like Nahim could just turn away from the scene, and the chapter could direct itself in a new direction without much of a bump.
3. Yep, makes sense. One thing that threw me out a little was how Nahim stuttered a bit, and his shivery response. I haven’t seen much of this character but for some reason I picture him as the stoic, silent warrior type. The stuttering especially sounds like a younger man or boy – the type like in Way of Kings, with the boy who was drafted in the army and had absolutely no idea what war was like. I know that’s a big assumption, but if I was introduced to this scene blind – which I kind of am – that’s what I think of.
4. A… tubaaaaa (nah, it’s a violin XD)
5. He seems kind. I can’t say I felt attached to him in this one scene, though. Right now his main trait is sympathy, which is a great trait to have, but I need a little more to give a verdict XD If you dive into his flaws and basic dynamic in some other scenes, I can imagine liking him.
Actually on a different note, I thought he was younger than Nahim for some reason. I read the beginning of your story a while back… and I can’t remember if this is the same character, but there was a similar character in the first chapter. And if they are the same character, I also thought that man was young. Maybe even a teenager.
“Everything is a mountain”
1. I don’t think the scene is too short. I do have to wonder if it is necessary though. It’s hard to say without context, but it doesn’t seem to move the plot forward really. I also would consider that the reader is likely expecting to hear Nahim’s backstory and feel like they’re being cheated out of it.
2. No, I think it’s fine.
3. Yes. I think everything works fine.
4. Violin.
5. It’s hard to say after one scene. He definitely seems like a good friend, but I’m not sure that that is necessarily going to make him likeable. I don’t think readers like it if a character is too perfect. That is an interesting question though, what character traits do make a character universally liked?
Don’t have much to offer at the moment, sorry.
🏰 Fantasy Writer
✨ Magic System Creator
🎭 Character RPer
📚 Appreciator of BooksOoh we did!! We were right in the path of totality. It was amazing!! Definitely unforgettable! I don’t even know how to describe it. Because the lighting kept getting funky, it was a little eerie, until it got as dark as it is right when the sun dips below the horizon. It’s so cool!!
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
Rae actually asked this same question a while back, and what she told you is basically what I would’ve said. Koshka’s advice was really good too. So yeah, I basically have nothing else to add. I feel like they covered everything I can think of. 😉
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
@lightoverdrkness6
Thank you so much girl! really appreciate the prayer <3
Oh girl, I am so sorry, I know that must be so so hard. I want you to know that I’m praying for you girl. ❤ Something that comforts me when I’m struggling is remembering that these trials are going to end one day. This fallen world that we are in is not our eternity, and our Heavenly Father wouldn’t send us here to this world to suffer needlessly. One day, everything that was wrong will be righted, everything broken will be healed. I know that for a surety. I wish I could just jump through this screen and give you a huge hug!! If you’re ever feeling lonely, I’m here for you. And God is always there for you girl, even when it doesn’t feel like it. He doesn’t care about how you come to Him, he just wants to hear from you. I will be praying for you as well. I love ya girl <33
I’m doing a little better today, so I guess my perspective of the situation kinda depends on how I’m feeling. Love you to girl! 💛
Also have you heard ‘better’ by Britt Nicole? I used to listen to it all the time, really helped me a lot. I just found it again 🙂
Honestly though like I’ve wanted to jump through the screen so many times too. 🥲🥲
Ahh that’s awesome!!! Oh my word, that’s so exciting :DD Keep me updated on how it goes!!
Thanks! XDXD I will!
I completely understand! No rush on RPing, just whenever you have a chance 🙂 Hahaha I may have to take you up on that giant fluffy cat sometime XD I’ll try to RP this afternoon 🙂 *fingers crossed lol*
XD don’t stress abt it!
Umm…haha no😭 Trying to find time to write is so harddd lol. I have been writing like random dialogue pieces but that’s abt it heh…hopefully this month I can write more. I’ll let you know when I do!
How about you? 🙂
That’s totally fine! XD I get it, I really do. I do that too! I have dialogue collections on my laptop bc the best dialouge pieces usually come in bits and pieces.
Please do let me know! I love hearing abt your projects!
I have been a lot! It’s starting to come together XD!! I’ve still got so much work to do with it, but idk, it just feels a little more cohesive now. It’s changed a lot since you last read it (Remember how I used to post regular chapters lol?) It’s been ages) and I may or not be making Keiryn Kaine’s half brother… I’ honestly so excited about Kaine’s whole arc… I hope you don’t mind if I info dump some of the project lol??
Sooo Idk how much I’ve told you, but Kaine and Everly have never met there dad. Eventually, Kaine decides to do find his dad after learning he and Everly are half siblings. Well, his dad turns out to be one of the main antagonist in Layson’s arc, and yeah… but Kaine is super determined. He can’t get him to change, but I think the takeaway is that Kaine needed to find his dad for closure, even if it seems nothing came of it. And, I think it’s going to be implied that his persistence changed his half brother Kieryn, who is still with their dad. I think Kaine’s going to still be struggling with depression when he gets back (He has been the whole story, but most of the people who know him just chalk it up to moody teenager lol) but he’s learning how to live with it.
Oh, and if you ever want to info dump on somebody about something you’re enjoying, go right ahead XD
"And so I left this world just as I had entered it. Confused."
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