Teary Scenes

[Elfwing]

Okay this may sound funny, but I need help with writing about people crying

A lot of it is happening in my current WIP, and I am so sick and tired of the phrases; “Tears welled up-“, “-eyes pooled with tears-” “-eyes misted up”  etc.

I’ve tried several new phrases but they all sound ridiculously cheesy.

Help!

I'm 'a homeschooler' because cookie-making writing artistic animal-whisperer isn't a job title

[Lydia S.]

@elfwing

*sighs happily* Emotional scenes!!! I love them… 😛

So, a thesaurus is a great place to start when searching for verbs and phrases that describe emotion well (The thesaurus on my computer is my constant companion and regular helper. You might want to consider double-checking the meanings if you use a word from there though, just to make sure they mean what you want them to and that they’re not bad words.). Verbs like ‘sobbed’ (I’m probably guilty of using that one too often…) and ‘whimper’ are great. You can say stuff like “His shoulders gave a silent heave/shudder,” “Her body trembled with pent-up sobs,” “Her face crumpled,” “He broke down/burst/melted/dissolved into tears,” etc. as well. Adverbs like ‘husky’ or ‘hoarsely’ are great too.

Hope this helps! 🙂

[Elfwing]

@lydia-s

Yeah my friends call me a tragedy writer but they also say the reason they like my writing is because some of the good guys die and not just the bad guys, so I stick to my plot mwahahaha I is evil

Ohhhhh thanks!!! I haven’t tried thesaurus before, not sure why, I’ll totally try that! thanks!

I also use sob/sobbing a lot XD and whimper, they’re great words for sad scenes and painful ones (which I also have lots of)

Thanks, it does help!

I suppose I’m afraid to use phrases like ‘shoulders shook with sobs” because I’m not sure if they are cliche, which I try to avoid at all costs with emotional scenes.

Also, I am scared about making the male characters cry too often in my books because I don’t want to make them seem wimpy. I mean, I know everyone cries in their life, but I don’t want to overdo it.

advice?

I'm 'a homeschooler' because cookie-making writing artistic animal-whisperer isn't a job title

[Anonymous]

@elfwing

First of all, I HAVE to comment on your awesome signature. A scone without jam is a lil sad. XD

Second of all, ugh I love emotional scenes but I relate so much to struggling with them. ESPECIALLY the ones with crying! Confession – I’m the kind of writer who tends to make my characters cry too much because I don’t know how else they can express their emotion when something super sad happens. That tends to be a problem, especially since one of my main characters is super stoic and his character is so that it takes a LOT to make him actually shed tears. And by that I mean a LOT. But I recently did a sad scene with him where he ends up crying much more than is really realistic, especially for his character type. I had a beta reader point that out. *takes deep breath* That was a long speech.

Before I come up with some phrase ideas for you, I would say probably be careful that you’re not putting toooo much of it in your own story. I heard a super helpful tip recently that making your character hold off on the crying as long as possible throughout the novel, actually makes the eventual crying scene much more powerful. That tip has helped me to cut down on that kind of show of emotion.

But there are plenty of situations when crying is absolutely necessary, and those scenes are great to write! I would say that the way you phrase it really depends on the situation (what is warranting the crying) and the character (their personality type, experiences, etc.).

Maybe you could give a certain character a kind of specific sign that shows they’re about to cry. Like, maybe your character first starts to show beads of cold sweat on their forehead? Or they blink a lot (maybe if they’re a character who’s embarrassed to show emotion in front of others)? Or the bridge of their nose wrinkles? You could show that action first to break up the monotony of simply telling.

Or, like I said before, it does depend a lot on what’s warranted this kind of reaction. For example, a crying scene with the character I was telling you about before happens because he feels guilty and is asking his sister for forgiveness for abandoning her for many years. (Run on sentence… sorry XD). So even though he is normally quite stoic, I think it would be realistic to intensify his reaction in this situation. So this is one of the most poignant crying scenes (I hope, LOL). The book is from his sister’s POV, so I phrase the crying by stating that his sister feels his heart jumping and his hand trembling on her hair (she’s embracing him at the moment). Then she pulls back and sees then that he’s crying.

That brings me to my last point: I usually like to show a character is crying through an action that doesn’t involve the eyes. Like you said, descriptions with eyes are pretty common, so it’s good to break away from that. Not to say you can never do it, but if you can think of a more creative way, it often is more poignant. I think it’s simply because the reader will already know tears come from the eyes, so it’s not so necessary to feel you always have to point that out.

I hope this helped! 🙂

[Anonymous]

@elfwing

Oh… and if this helps, I’ll add that my male character I was telling you about (Paul) is stoic because he’s the rock and foundation for the other characters of the novel, and he can’t show emotion because he’s got to be strong for his sister and nephews. They obviously already have a hard time given the fact that he’s an apostle and often gets tortured and imprisoned and other such horrible stuff… so it wouldn’t help matters if he was always showing his own emotion around them. So I don’t make him cry so much, but even though he isn’t usually very vulnerable, he is actually quite an emotional and sensitive character. He just believes in bearing it on his own. So there are definitely a few scenes where his emotional and sensitive nature has to show itself, because like with the reconciliation scene with his sister, it would make zero sense if he shed no tears. I wanted to show that he loves her and feels heavy guilt over his treatment of her, and if he remained distant during that it just wouldn’t be realistic at all.

My general rule with male characters is to remember that while they won’t show their emotion through tears as much as the female ones, they’re definitely still human and there’s no shame in crying (contrary to what they’re commonly taught). Just make sure they’re not crying all the time over trifling events, because that gets old, annoys readers, and worst of all, destroys scenes that are meant to be poignant.

I’ve got two examples from my two favorite books – I’ll insert them here – hope they help!

First example is Jean Valjean from Les Misérables. He’s an incredibly strong character, immensely loving and compassionate. When his adoptive daughter Cosette is cast out of his life, he feels he is an intruder and unworthy of her because of his ex-con past, and he leaves her wedding knowing he will not be missed. When he gets to his lonely apartment, he opens the valise that contains Cosette’s clothes she wore as a little girl. He spreads one of her little dresses out on the bed, buries his face in it, and sobs violently. That moment in the book just crushed the life out of me! It didn’t take away from his masculinity in the least and was certainly not wimpy – it showed how self-sacrificing and noble he was in his love for Cosette.

Second example is Atticus Finch from To Kill a Mockingbird. TKAM is full of heartrending events, and Atticus undoubtedly endures the most pain and hardship. That’s why I found it very interesting, when I first read the book, that Atticus literally never sheds a single tear in the entire novel. There’s just this one small moment where he gets tears in his eyes, but still none of them fall. Atticus is very businesslike, very straight-faced, and very unsentimental. But the book is written so that we know he is like this for the sake of his two small, motherless children. That makes the scene where he gets tears in his eyes very poignant because it’s not a usual happening for him. For characters like those, don’t feel like you need to make them cry buckets, because often it will just be enough to have them cry a little and show their emotion in other ways. Like Atticus’ daughter notices he acts tired sometimes, and to her it’s nothing but tiredness, but we as the readers know that it’s actually pent-up emotion.

Goodness, I wrote a lot! I hope you didn’t mind reading through all that, and that some of it helped! 😀

[Elizabeth]

@elfwing Oh this is such a good topic! Tears can be so difficult to write, for sure.

I don’t necessarily have a ton to add (Lydia and JC have covered the topic amazingly), though I will say that I rarely if ever read a guy character crying as wimpy–it can honestly be quite refreshing to see one cry, because it’s both strangely unusual to find in media and a Normal Human Emotion That Should Definitely Be Expressed.

Anyway, all that to say, I’m a big proponent of People Feeling Feelings, but I get the struggle. Can I ask what’s happening in your WIP? Or is that too spoiler-y? 😉

“Seven seconds till the end. Time enough for you. Perhaps. But what will you do with it?”

[Elfwing]

@joy-caroline

Hello again!

haha thank you! it’s a line from my first fantasy novel that the beloved Tyroll Rouronon says. He’s my readers’ favorite character, (is it pride to say he’s mine as well? XD)

I like the signature you have as well, it’s a powerful one that makes one stop and think… at least it does me. and thank you for the tips! they are very helpful, and it’s great to get helpful answers! don’t worry about them long, I don’t mind!

OH that is really helpful about not always mentioning the eyes… I never really think of that… and I like those examples you gave! Eyes and face show emotion well, the body actions can portray it well.

and you’re totally  right about personality playing a big part!! My (third?) main character is a young woman  who is the ‘suck it up, buttercup’ kind of gal, because she hates being a silly girl ‘like the rest of them’. so if she’s even just looking sad it means she’s really low.

One of the others is a serious, reserved young man who has PTSD so he will (very rarely and randomly) sometimes break down, but other than that you’d have better luck getting emotion out of a spoon, and as for crying… m’yeah it don’t happen.

I guess there’s a fine line about what you make a character- and especially a guy- cry about. huh.

I’ll have to figure it out, *back to the novel list to find out! Yes, you were very helpful and I do believe I have gotten some excellent ideas. Man, this forum is awesome!!

Thanks for the tips 🙂

I'm 'a homeschooler' because cookie-making writing artistic animal-whisperer isn't a job title

[Elfwing]

@lewilliams

Hello! oh yes you can ask, I don’t mind

The characters who would likely be crying now/soon:

A young man with PTSD and he’s about to enter a war in a place he has been before and hates it because of a really hard past being under the evil rule of a dark lord who trained him as an assassin.

A girl who’s the ‘be tough’ type, and is going home and will be upset when she sees her home (an island) has been burned to the ground, and everyone is more or less homeless, and that her little brother is now a two year old, and she hasn’t seen him since he was a baby, and the man she was engaged to can’t marry her due to political reasons, so she’s devastated about that.

A grandfather who was finally reunited to his grandson who in his past he’d enslaved in an evil life, and he thought that Klaiom had died in a really terrible way. he’s a more openly emotional type where you can see his emotions on his face and especially in his eyes, since they can and will glow when he’s angry or upset.

The grandson shows the least emotion in my entire book series combined, but he’s meeting once again to his grandfather and also the woman (now married to his grandfather) who took care of a girl he had loved dearly  who died tragically and he blames himself still because he couldn’t stop it.

this is what I have for this scene;

    Stailon didn’t know what exactly to do. He went to say something, but didn’t know what to say. Ataha withdrew slightly and watched the reunion.

Klaiom looked down, averting his eyes, as he’d done for so long around Stailon, and it hurt Stailon’s heart to see he still feared him.

“Klaiom, I-” Stailon shook his head, and tried to will his voice to work, “I ask your forgiveness for what I made you do.”

Klaiom struggled with himself in silence for a moment and then nodded, but said nothing, jaw twitching, it was clenched so tight.

Stailon breathed out shakily, and then almost smiled.

Klaiom looked up at his grandfather, and his eyes were full of tears, “You did not make me do all that, grandfather. I could have said no. It is my fault as well.” he stepped forward and the two embraced. There was a long moment of silence, but it was no longer bitter or strained.

After a moment Stailon stepped back and laughed slightly, “I’m worse than my wife for getting emotional sometimes, just ask her.” he said, motioning to Ataha with one hand while wiping away tears with the other.

Klaiom looked at Ataha with confusion, and she chuckled, “Yes, Klaiom, I am now part of this crazy family.”

 

Then with meeting the woman;

 

He looked away, “I-I am sorry I couldn’t save her.” he said quietly.

Ataha shook her head- almost fiercely- and her eyes were glinting, “That wasn’t your fault, Klaiom.”

Klaiom looked up, eyes glowing slightly, “But it was, wasn’t it?”

“Is that why you protect Rose?” Ataha asked quietly.

Klaiom slowly nodded, “She’s so much like Daphne, it’s frightening. Especially her attitude and sarcasm when you get her going…” his face was pained as he said this, and he fell silent as he looked eastwards, and straightened, “Well, she is safe, so I have to go with you. I have to trust Viktur knows what he is doing, though sometimes I wonder, his reaction times are a little slow.”

Ataha resisted the urge to laugh at the thought of Viktur being slow, and then they began walking westwards.

I'm 'a homeschooler' because cookie-making writing artistic animal-whisperer isn't a job title

[Anonymous]

@elfwing

That is so awesome that that’s actually a quote in your WIP! I love when characters talk about food they love, lol. Mine, sadly, never do. :'(

Thanks! I’m glad I could help.

Your characters sound very interesting… especially the one with PTSD. I always find those characters complex and layered. Mental health can definitely play a part in when, how, and how often a character shows emotion. And yeah, you have to be careful with those manly men characters. XD I think the main thing is just to be sure they have too much reason not to cry.

Yes, this forum is pretty awesome! Np 🙂

[Elfwing]

@joy-caroline

thanks! my family loves their good food, so it comes up naturally I guess lol

and I’m glad you find my characters interesting even from brief description! I love them myself *chokes up that I ended up letting several die*

Yeah Viktur Oak is my favorite character in my WIP, even over Tyroll, who has a part in all previous nine books, but yeah. Yeah Viktur is hard to upset around others, but when he’s finally alone and got some peace; “When people are idiotic, find a tree hack to pieces instead.”

sorry quoting my novel again. XD

yes thanks so much for your help!

I'm 'a homeschooler' because cookie-making writing artistic animal-whisperer isn't a job title

[Anonymous]

@elfwing

*cries* I understand the pain of killing off a beloved character… death scenes are fun to write tho (if you know what I mean).

Wow, nine books!? I didn’t know your series was so long; that’s awesome!

We stan quoting novels over here. 😛

[Elfwing]

@joy-caroline

Yes, they are, a good death scene is really satisfying, and in the case of my book, the hero and heroine’s deaths wrapped up the climax really well. I like a good death scene better than a romantic scene to be honest.

Yes I have… though I am thinking of making the last three and my WIP into a sequel series, because it’s central theme, though continued, has a gap in years and the plot shifts slightly with lots of new characters.

oh good, hehehe. but don’t worry, i have very few lines to quote worth quoting.

I'm 'a homeschooler' because cookie-making writing artistic animal-whisperer isn't a job title

[Anonymous]

@elfwing

I agree!

Ooh, gap in years are always interesting in a series rather than just picking up right away.

[Elfwing]

@joy-caroline

yes, I have a timeline of close to thirty years in the series right now, with gaps of up to ten years between some of them.

I'm 'a homeschooler' because cookie-making writing artistic animal-whisperer isn't a job title

[Evelyn]

@elfwing

I’m a little late BUT I’VE COME TO HELP! *pulls out binder of writing advice*

*skims through index* Ah, here we are, showing emotions. Crying isn’t always the best way to show sadness, and it’s not just an action used to show sadness. Tears are just little packages of emotion that your body sends out when it’s overwhelmed with emotion. That’s why some people cry when they laugh.

Anyway, back to crying isn’t always the best way to express sadness. It depends on the characters’ sensitivity, the severity of the situation, the circumstance itself, etc. A woman with 20+ years of military service doesn’t cry as easily as a 2 year old girl. Age also helps determine the sensitivity of a character. Toddlers and teens are usually much more likely to cry then adults and seniors. (Although that too depends on the individual.)

Hope any of this helps!

If you ask me about my book, I will talk for hours. Have a nice day!😊

[Author]

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