Home Page › Forums › Fiction Writing › Critiques › Novel Critique Requests › NEW and IMPROVED WIP!!!!!
- This topic has 520 replies, 16 voices, and was last updated 1 week ago by
Cloaked Mystery.
-
AuthorPosts
-
May 28, 2025 at 1:41 pm #203578
That was a short chapter, but pretty good!
Gerald handled that. You don’t question Gerald. (if you know you know)
May 28, 2025 at 1:45 pm #203579Yeah it was pretty short hahaha
thank youuu
#MakeNahimTakeABreak
(the real ones will know)May 28, 2025 at 6:47 pm #203589I like it! I like how you’re beginning to integrate action on Sef’s part. I definitely want to see an explanation for why she is stronger than other people the pythonos use. I’d guess her strength comes from hope, but she doesn’t seem to have any up until this point.
…
May 29, 2025 at 1:56 am #203594I’m confused…what gave you the impression that Sef is stronger than most people the Pythonos use? that wasn’t my intent at all…
The whole point of the chapter was to show more of her weaknesses and now I’m confused XDXD
#MakeNahimTakeABreak
(the real ones will know)May 29, 2025 at 8:49 am #203599I should have been clearer. XD I was talking about this chapter but also recent events in the book. One of the last chapters had this:
“Thisss one, Iver?” he slapped his knee, shaking his head. “You sssay your power comesss from this weakling?”
Iver stared at him. “She isss not as weak as she appearsss.”
Sef blinked hard.
And then Iver proves himself right. On the one hand, maybe this just means Sef believes the lies more than other people would. But I got the sense that Iver was referring to how long she has lasted without dying. If that’s true, Sef would have to possess more strength than a normal Pythonos’ slave.
As for the latest chapter. Maybe I was focusing more on Sef’s actions than her thoughts – because we have seen her in the same mindset throughout the entire book – but she did get up and spend time outside. That’s a step in the right direction. Before, she just stayed put.
I realize you’re thinking about Sef’s emotions, but as the reader, I guess I’m paying attention for any change or development.
…
May 29, 2025 at 1:35 pm #203606Ohhhh that makes more sense.
And then Iver proves himself right. On the one hand, maybe this just means Sef believes the lies more than other people would. But I got the sense that Iver was referring to how long she has lasted without dying. If that’s true, Sef would have to possess more strength than a normal Pythonos’ slave.
Sef doesn’t possess more strength, she believes the lies way more than anyone else. Because she believes the lies, she doesn’t die. So in a way, her severe weakness is what Iver calls “strong” because she gives him power and doesn’t die. So both things you said are right, but the only reason she doesn’t die is because of how much she believes the lies.
That does make sense, I think….
#MakeNahimTakeABreak
(the real ones will know)May 30, 2025 at 10:35 pm #203653If there’s any way I can help, let me know. Regarding the chapter, I’ll try to look at it as soon as possible. Btw, if you’re stuck, take a day or two to let your work sit and come back to it with fresh eyes and let your mind wander. That usually helps me when I don’t know what to do with a story.
“He sure is a frog-walker, he heaves a big sigh
He only lacks wings for to be on the fly.”May 31, 2025 at 3:52 pm #203660Ack, sorry I disappeared! It was garage sale weekend in our neighborhood.
First of all, girl, I love you so much ????
You’re the best and your personality is actually such a vibe hahaha
I appreciate you so much, you make me smile <3
Thank you!???
The thing is, if I make myself write as a routine, it will seem like a chore. Plus life is very crazy and uncertain because of all the stuff with my mom and I don’t want to overstress myself XD
Fair enough. The fun factor of a thing immediately decreases when you feel forced to do something.
Good chapter! I love that Sef is finally feeling some hope, even if it did come crashing down like that.? It’s good to see a glimmer of light in the darkness. I eagerly await the next one!
Don't throw sodium chloride at people. That's a salt.
June 2, 2025 at 8:20 am #203669July 25, 2026 at 9:54 am #212844@whalekeeper @theducktator @esther-c
Umm guys I need some help.
I think my story has outgrown all the powers and stuff. it just makes it complicated!!
The more I read books nowadays there are a LOT of books out there similar to mine. Like, there are all the rich people with powers, and they have control over the people who don’t have powers. And somehow a girl without powers always overthrows the rich people without powers and saves her people. which is how my story kind of goes.
Do you think it would be good to have the only people with powers be the Pythonos? I would still keep the different races, but just make it so everyone didn’t have powers. (It’s also really hard to write about people with powers without making it really cringe and cliche.) Everyone would still dislike the Paynes. And the Pythonos would still have powers.
Actually it might make it hit harder when the Pythonos come and take over, because nobody else has powers.
What do you think? I am gonna miss the powers because they were so fun! But I’m just trying to figure out how to make my book less cliche lol
#MakeNahimTakeABreak
(the real ones will know)July 25, 2026 at 10:55 am #212847I find that it is kind of difficult to actively try to make a story idea less cliche. In my opinion, execution is more important than the ideas themselves, so it’s definitely possible to work with concepts that are somewhat cliche without it feeling cliche.
It has been a while since I read anything from your story, so I probably don’t remember enough to offer specific advice, but I can give some general thoughts.
(It’s also really hard to write about people with powers without making it really cringe and cliche.)
I definitely understand what you mean here (although for some reason I would have a hard time describing why it can feel cringe or cliche.) If you want to keep all the races having powers, then my best advice would be to really think about how the powers interact with everything around them. What do people use them for? How do they affect the user’s relationships with others and society in general? People having magic powers would have significant effects on their society, and I think the more you can nail down concrete details, the more realistic it feels and the less cliche.
I am gonna miss the powers because they were so fun! But I’m just trying to figure out how to make my book less cliche lol
I would say that you should keep them if you feel like they add something to the story/setting, but if they’re just there because they’re cool, then it might be best to get rid of them. This sort of goes back to what I just said about concrete details. If you can make the powers feel like an integrated part of the setting, then I think they do a lot to make the world seem more alive, even if they don’t have very much plot relevance.
If you really want to keep them, I think it’s definitely possible to make them not feel cliche, but as I see it, you could also do without.
As for your overall goal of making things less cliche, I think you can apply the same idea to anything that seems cliche to you: think about how everything interacts with everything else in your story. I think that things tend to feel cliche when the reader can think ‘oh, they just did that because that’s what other stories do.’ If all the elements of your story are interconnected on a deeper level, then it stops being as much of a problem. Cliches are generally not well thought out, so when something fits really well with other elements of the story, it seems like you did it because it made sense and not just because you were copying what other stories do, even if it is a common trope.
Did that make any sense? I think I started rambling a bit there. Hopefully that helps.
-
AuthorPosts
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
