Home Page › Forums › Fiction Writing › Critiques › Novel Critique Requests › NEW and IMPROVED WIP!!!!!
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whaley.
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February 25, 2025 at 2:18 pm #198449
I’m going to sit in a brown study for a while, and get back to you. *Thumbs up*
"If I don't like something, it's probably sanctification. Ugh." -E.C.S.
February 25, 2025 at 2:32 pm #198451okay hahahaha sounds good lol
This lady thrives on the divine grace of Faith and the rich embrace of caffeine.
February 28, 2025 at 4:40 pm #198782Mmmm…that does make sense, I’m just not sure how to do that.
Instead of “hope”, my characters are trying to fix their problems themselves. Which might be a “false hope”, but I don’t really see it as hope. I understand what you mean, I’m just not exactly sure how to do that.
Ok! Yeah, again, do what you wanna do. But if you want some ideas or need a brainstorming partner just lmk!
Okay, thanks for your input! I will keep that in mind for when I have the draft written through and I’m going back to do rewrites!!!! I think I’ll be able to see what i want to do with it once I can see the big picture. It’s hard to tell what to do with it when I’m not even into the main MAIN plot yet and barely to the halfway point lol
Yes I totally get it!! You definitely don’t have to go through and try to fix everything in the first draft 🥴
So basically, Marcurious has never had a good relationship with people. He might be acting super rude and inappropriate on the outside, but on the inside he’s struggling with self-doubt and self-deprication. I don’t even think he realizes that yet. His only experience with love is using people to get what he wants, as that’s how he’s been treated and expected to treat people.
I am going to be showing more of his internal struggles later on in the book, and adding more into various scenes on my rewrites, because I know I don’t really do a good job of showing what his character REALLY is. So don’t worry, I’m gonna work on that XD
Sounds great! I totally understand what you’re getting at.
OMC
YOU THOUGHT IT WAS THE WHOLE BOOK?!?!?!?!
I guess I wasn’t really clear on that, but that never occurred to me that you thought it was the whole draft!!!
Yeah, we’re not even HALFWAY through the book… *coughs* my book’s gonna be really really long lol
🤣
Naw, I probably just missed you saying somewhere that it was still in progress.
Yeah that makes sense.
So Sef at this point is just so broken that she’s used to darkness, so just a little more isn’t anything different. It’s just intensifying Iver’s hold on her (which you’ll understand later on). It wouldn’t make sense for her to break down, because she’s so broken already.
Livia is on the run from Pythonos, so she’s so stressed right now she can barely think about her parents, and has to focus on the next thing, if that makes sense. I do sprinkle quite a bit of grief in it though, even if it’s not noticeable in this first draft.
Ok that makes sense! 👍
I’m so glad I can talk to you though because it helps me solidify my *big plans* *maniacal laughter*
Haha, I love it! So glad I could help!!
I think Esther’s comments have a lot to do with the ✨Three Ps✨ but I have to think about it some more
Really???? 👀
Tell me moreeee
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
March 1, 2025 at 12:02 am #198798Ok! Yeah, again, do what you wanna do. But if you want some ideas or need a brainstorming partner just lmk!
I will!!! TYSM!!! 🙃
Yes I totally get it!! You definitely don’t have to go through and try to fix everything in the first draft 🥴
ahhhh hahaha yeah, I’d definitely get in trouble with @ellette-giselle if I did that…. (jk jk hahaha)
Sounds great! I totally understand what you’re getting at.
great!!! I get so worried that nobody else understands what I’m talking about XD
Naw, I probably just missed you saying somewhere that it was still in progress.
I think I just assumed everybody knew that, mainly because I’ve been working on this project for literally over a year and I have never finished a book in my life…so the idea that this is the finished draft seemed ridiculous to me 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Ok that makes sense! 👍
YAYY
Haha, I love it! So glad I could help!!
Thank you so much <3
I don’t get to talk to people about my book very much, so thanks for letting me rant…it makes me feel so seen 🤣🥺💜
This lady thrives on the divine grace of Faith and the rich embrace of caffeine.
March 1, 2025 at 7:17 am #198801🤣🤣
Also, I’m so sorry I haven’t been reading! Life has been WILD!
No half-heartedness and no worldly fear must turn us aside from following the light unflinchingly.
March 1, 2025 at 10:08 am #198816For some reason I thought of you IMMEDIATELY (probably because we’ve had so many conversations about slapping your writing on paper and NEVER GOING BACK (something that I struggle to not do since I’m a perfectionist lol))
It’s okay!!! I completely understand and I can’t even imagine how hard the past few weeks have been for you… :/
So yeahhhh it’s all good!!!!
This lady thrives on the divine grace of Faith and the rich embrace of caffeine.
March 1, 2025 at 10:11 am #198817haha!
Well thanks for understanding. I’ll try to read it as soon as possible, but I’m not sure when that will be.
No half-heartedness and no worldly fear must turn us aside from following the light unflinchingly.
March 14, 2025 at 4:49 pm #200034March 18, 2025 at 1:00 pm #200260no I haven’t!!!
Oki, I’m going to explain this structure because it seems to work for a looot of stories! 🙃 It’s very broad/all-encompassing, except for some Eastern cultures and the like.
I did not invent all of this. I listened to Brandon Sanderson’s writing lectures and explained them in my own words. So just to clarify, I am not a writing genius. 😅
I apologize in advance for the length of this post. 🥲
Promises are the kind of assurances an author gives to the reader – something to look forward to in the story, or to rely on. When characters tell a bunch of jokes in the first chapter, the author is assuring the reader that the book will be light-hearted or witty. Usually, from reading the first half of a book, the reader will get a sense of what should happen at the end. It might be an emotion or a goal. (Hero will save the world, or get the girl, or become a better person, or overcome an exhausting flaw.) That is also an author promise. You can have lots of promises in a story.
A promise can be pretty abstract. For example, I read Mysterious Benedict Society when I was thirteen or fourteen. For many pages, the protagonist, Reynie, has very little idea of what’s happening. But from the very beginning, the reader gets the sense that Reynie is an independent child who secretly wants good friends and mentors. The author “promised” (kind of subconsciously) that Reynie was going to find those people.
Progress is just about making a list of steps towards a Promise, and spacing out the advancements. The key is to always move forward in some way, scene by scene. This makes your pacing more tangible.
You can literally make a bunch of milestones for the story, and sort them into different story threads.
I recently watched a dark fantasy mystery. The progress was all about finding information to solve the mystery of this dark horror creature. Thus, every scene was a step closer to obtaining information, or a step backward. (Oh, we have to find a tape from a scientific lab… It’s in code… One person can crack it, but he’s attacked by a monster…)
This is best done with active characters that make decisions all the time. You can’t have a protagonist who doesn’t care about making progress.
Sometimes a protagonist has no hope. And that’s okay. But from the books I’ve read, they were always trying something, even a little thing, to make the situation better. Or the story itself had a hopeful element to clue the readers.
I read a book where the hero had no hope, but he had a tiny fairy friend who kept asking him what he was going to do. Eventually he was taking care of the wounded, trying to make friends with the other hopeless, stealing supplies, etc. He didn’t know HOW to escape, but there was a sense of progression.
And then there’s Payoff. Which… doesn’t matter right now. XD
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*Deep breath* So. 🤣
Your story promises that Lilitu and Sef will reunite, and the Paynes (at least the important Payne protagonists) will overcome slavery/escape. It’s a great promise, I like it. It’s heavily foreshadowed through your characters’ perspectives, and even the prologue encourages us to root for Paynes.
This is one reason why I like the Livia POV!! The character works towards a tangible goal, and although we readers know her goal will probably change, we are counting down the chapters to when Livia decides to join up with Maricurious/join a rebellion/make a plan.
However, Lilitu and Sef aren’t as interested in triggering progress. Lilitu joined a rebellion, which is a good step, but it took a while for this to happen. Things happen to Sef, but Sef herself doesn’t act. I think if they worked towards small goals, even emotional ones, that would help a lot.
So, even if Sef doesn’t have hope, give her something tangible to progress on. It can be small. Maybe she finds a better way to access food. Maybe she helps other slaves.
There’s a saying… Something like, ‘a person’s identity isn’t determined by what happens to them, but by what they do.’ Or maybe I invented the quote. XD I don’t know, it sounds like something I’ve heard before.
Hope this makes sense!
"If I don't like something, it's probably sanctification. Ugh." -E.C.S.
March 18, 2025 at 1:04 pm #200261*Extremely embarrassed at the length of the post* Also Sara, just because I yapped a lot does not mean you have to ‘fix’ anything. I’ve explained how I would edit, but those are my opinions and this is your project. 😊
I also really like this structure I showed you, so this is more about me presenting an optional method to you.
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This reply was modified 1 week, 6 days ago by
whaley.
"If I don't like something, it's probably sanctification. Ugh." -E.C.S.
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This reply was modified 1 week, 6 days ago by
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