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Thank you so much <333 It makes me so happy when people compliment my writing, especially when I’ve been really insecure about it and worrying that it’s not good and I should just quit XD
And yeah, I love that scene too 🙂 thanks for reading!!
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333I love it. If that’s what God wants you to do, then go for it! I’m sure people will still love your book nonetheless. No book is perfect, and if I’m being completely honest here… sometimes hooks are overrated…. 👀😂
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
Idk…I just feel like that way has much better writing and is just more emotional XD
if I’m being completely honest here… sometimes hooks are overrated…. 👀😂
lol!
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333@esther-c @acancello @grcr @vinagirl @hybridlore
Introducing….Marcurious!!!
Here’s the newest chapter I wrote in my WIP:
Marcurious deftly snatched a ripe apple from the market stall, and sauntered away, holding his head high as if without a care in the world.
He pasted a look of innocence on his face.
I didn’t steal this apple. Nope. I paid for it fair and square, every part of his features seemed to say. A strategy he’d picked up over the years. It hadn’t failed him yet, and it wouldn’t fail him now.
He sunk his teeth into the flesh of the apple and warm sticky juice ran down his jaw. Closing his eyes in ecstasy, he savored every bite of the flavor, and then took another bite.
The taste reminded him of home. Of warm summer nights in the orchard, no one but himself and Emilia. He smiled as he remembered the feel of her lips against his, the way her hand fit perfectly in his, the sound of her laugh, and her contagious smile.
But those nights were naught but a distant memory, a wisp of a life that once was his.
He still remembered how Emi had cried when he told her he was leaving. It was the last night they spent together. He had held her close, telling her she could come with him if she wanted, but deep down they both knew she could not.
Emi was still in school, and she had a good family. She couldn’t leave. She wouldn’t leave.
Marcurious brushed away his guilt with the reasoning that Emi would just find someone else to replace him. After all, surely there were several other young men lined up for her affection, young men much more handsome and good-looking than he.
Young men that would stay with her. Something that he could not do.
He was a prince, and he knew that Emi could never resign herself to the life of a queen once he took the throne in six years’ time. He cared too much for her to imprison her with royalties and the pampering of a queen, locking her away inside the bowels of a castle. Emilia was headstrong and independent, the very things that attracted him, but he knew that she could never be happy if she were his wife.
So although it hurt her at the time, and hurt him as well, he had no choice but to leave her, and leave Erstonia behind in pursuit of a new life.
He had no use for a crown, no want for treasures. He wanted an adventure, he wanted to do things for himself and make a life for himself before the responsibility of ruling a country was thrust upon his shoulders.
The same night that he had left Emi, he took one of his horses and galloped away into the night.
He could have taken a car, however, he had always wanted to gallop off into the night as he had read of all the brave lads doing in the histories, and he considered himself the bravest of the brave.
He had ridden for many days, until he came to the Nordvick Strait. There he parted with his horse and crossed the Nordvick, a feat that he was still unsure of how he managed to come out unscathed. The waves had risen high around him, threatening to break his small raft into pieces.
He could have shapeshifted into a fish and swam across, but he was too exhausted and doubted he could keep the form for long. Once his form faded, he would have drowned, and he did not wish to drown.
But he had crossed, and he had added yet another thing to his list of accomplishments.
From there, he journeyed to Lir and saw the Capitol in all its glory, which was where he found himself now.
He loved having no responsibility, free to do whatever he pleased. In Andromeda, no one knew of his lineage, no one knew he would be king in six years, and no one would care had they known. He was tired of the special treatment, and the bodyguards that never let him do anything exciting or risky.
Tensions were growing between the nation of Andromeda and Erstonia, ever since the Pythonos had overrun Andromeda’s government several years ago . Marcurious remembered how his father Sparrow, the King, had sent troops across the Nordvick to aid, but to no avail. It was manslaughter. No Erstonian returned except those maimed beyond recognition.
His father had cut off trade to Andromeda, for he did not want anything to do with what the Pythonos were doing there, but the Pythonos threatened to wage war.
They never followed through, cowards that they were, but a war between Andromeda and Erstonia would be costly, brutal, and a bloodbath that both nations wanted to avoid at all costs.
Looking back, Marcurious knew it probably wasn’t the brightest idea for him, a prince, to go on a vacation to the very nation that wanted to destroy the Erstonian monarchy, but he wanted adventure, and adventure he was getting.
Most Andromedans were kind towards him, save for the Pythonos, which he actively avoided. All he had to do was avoid offending a Pythonos, and he was golden-
A slight breeze swept across the market, waving the banners over the various carts and trailers, bearing the foul stench of the Pythonos. Marcurious wrinkled up his nose in disgust as the smell only continued to get stronger.
Suddenly a Pythonos rounded the corner, dragging a crying girl by the arm. Marcurious bit his lip and watched with a sick feeling in his stomach as the Pythonos drew a knife from the scabbard at his side.
“Please!” the child sobbed, trying to pull away, “I’m sorry, I’ll never steal again-”
The Pythonos held the blade up and the sunlight reflected off of it.
Marcurious’s heart broke for the girl. No! He reminded himself, you have to keep a low profile– but it was too late, and he was already striding up to the Pythonos.
“Let her go,” he said calmly, drawing a hidden pistol and aiming it at the Pythonos’ temple.
“And why should I, you Erssstonian ssscum?” The Pythonos shoved him away, laughing.
“Unless you want to know what getting your eyes gouged out feels like, I suggest you let her go,” Marcurious hissed.
The Pythonos glared at him. “You have no power over me,” he growled. “And unless you want to know what it feels like to have your blood turn to fire in your veins, I suggest you turn around, and never come back.”
Marcurious stood there, seething with rage, as the Pythonos pressed his dagger to the panicked girl’s forearm, and dragged it across, smirking evilly as the girl screamed and writhed in agony.
He began to drag her along behind him.
“A week in the UNIT should teach you not to sssteal,” he whispered in her ear, and she whimpered in fear.
And then Marcurious stuck his foot in the Pythonos’s path, tripping him. It worked better than he could have hoped. The Pythonos stumbled, which gave the girl just enough time to yank her arm away from the Pythonos’ grip and dart away into the sea of people.
Marcurious stood there, stunned that his plan had actually worked.
By the time he realized he should probably run before the Pythonos did something uncivilized, it was too late. The Pythonos drew back his fist and socked him in the nose.
Marcurious let out a cry of rage and lunged for the Pythonos’ neck, but the Pythonos raised his hand.
“Scisssto!” he smirked, and a burst of light shot from his hands. Marcurious tried to get away, but he was too late. The spell engulfed him, and with growing panic, Marcurious realized that he could not move his legs.
“Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t kill you right now,” the Pythonos pressed the bloody knife to Marcurious’ throat.
Marcurious coughed. “Because I am just so amazing,” he flashed the Pythonos a smile. His idiotic statement obviously stunned the Pythonos enough for Marcurious to squirm away and shapeshift into a falcon before the Pythonos could regain his control over the spell.
Marcurious soared on the rising wind and laughed. He had bested his enemies once again.
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333Heyyy, I don’t think we’ve really met! I’m Sara (which you probably already knew haha!)
I have been stalking the topic where you’ve been critiquing RAE’s WIP…and I really like your critiquing style!
I was wondering…if you could maybe….critique mine too….?
I understand if you don’t have the time to help two people…I just thought I’d ask haha!
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333WHY IS THIS NOT WORKING?!?!
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333Also I forgot to mention…I don’t have all the exerpts from my WIP here on this forum. I will post them for you on here if you agree to help me. (because I didn’t want to take up a bunch of pages on here for no reason haha)
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333I’m so flattered you value my opinion!
I might be able to help a little, but I am a hobby writer so I can’t guarantee how often I’m able to critique/post, but I can get started on giving you my opinion on the excerpt I saw introducing Marcurious tomorrow perhaps. I wish I could guarantee you help, but I might have plans tomorrow, and I have several things I’m working on too. (it took me a couple weeks to get back to Rae on ch2 part 2 because holidays and my own WIPs)
Also, have you considered trying Google docs? I beta-read once and the writer had her story on there and it really streamlined the critiquing process!
Again, thank you so much for thinking of me!
We crazy people are the normal ones.
@savannah_grace2009 Ooh, this is really interesting! Haha, I noticed that about @scoutfinch180 too, it was very thorough!
Some day you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again. ~ C.S. Lewis
It’s completely fine, no rush on how fast you give me feedback! (: I understand we all have lives outside of writing and KP xD
I can get started on giving you my opinion on the excerpt I saw introducing Marcurious tomorrow perhaps.
Actually, I would prefer if you gave your opinion on the first few chapters of my WIP and kind of go over them in order?
I do have Google Docs. My Chrome account is Simona Savage (it’s an old pen name) so that will be how I can comment and email and stuff like that.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1kEue9BMyvSVGtUzEB1xgGD4kOTWecwOceQ26bFoHnIM/edit
That’s the link!! I look forward to hearing your thoughts!!
You wanted to critique my writing too, I think? If you want you can use the same link, or I can make you a new doc. Whichever you prefer (:
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333Interesting chapter!! I like it!
oh, and I really loved this:
“Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t kill you right now,” the Pythonos pressed the bloody knife to Marcurious’ throat.
Marcurious coughed. “Because I am just so amazing,” he flashed the Pythonos a smile.
One question… how old is Marcurious?
INTP.
Marcurious is between 16 and 18. I haven’t really figured that out yet haha!
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333Just so you know, it seems that you have that google doc set up as view only. It would probably be more useful if you had it so that we can make comments, but that’s up to you.
🏰 Fantasy Writer
✨ Magic System Creator
🎭 Character RPer
📚 Appreciator of BooksOops! I didn’t even notice that XD I will fix that!!
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333
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