My New WIP Chapter 1!!

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  • January 5, 2023 at 8:25 pm #128030
    MineralizedWritings
    @mineralizedwritings
      • Rank: Chosen One
      • Total Posts: 3006

      @lightoverdarkness6

      Woah, I really like it! I actually like it a lot better than the first version, and I liked the subtle hint something wasn’t right with him wincing in pain on the bus. Keep up the great work!

      "And so I left this world just as I had entered it. Confused."

      January 6, 2023 at 1:37 pm #128096
      Esther
      @esther-c
        • Rank: Chosen One
        • Total Posts: 3479

        @lightoverdarkness6

        I love this version a lot more than the first version!! I could feel the sibling dynamic even more and connected with Iris and Asher more easily. I can’t wait to read more if you ever share!!

        Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende

        January 8, 2023 at 11:02 pm #128508
        Felicity
        @felicity
          • Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
          • Total Posts: 812

          @lightoverdarkness6

          Yes! The last part about Iris’ memories was so touching. Good work!

          He must increase, but I must decrease.

          January 9, 2023 at 8:45 am #128528
          Light
          @lightoverdarkness6
            • Rank: Eccentric Mentor
            • Total Posts: 1644

            @mineralizedwritings @esther-c @felicity

            Thank Y’all!! Yeah, bc of your critiques and tips, I can already tell that I’m improving!! Thank you all again 😀

            • This reply was modified 1 year, 10 months ago by Light.

            #HugRikerSquad

            January 9, 2023 at 3:35 pm #128585
            Esther
            @esther-c
              • Rank: Chosen One
              • Total Posts: 3479

              @lightoverdarkness6

              Yay!!! That’s what KP is for! Everyone on here is great! 🙂

              Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende

              January 11, 2023 at 9:22 am #128777
              Light
              @lightoverdarkness6
                • Rank: Eccentric Mentor
                • Total Posts: 1644

                @esther-c

                Yes!! Everyone’s awesome. Some of the best friends I have 🙂

                #HugRikerSquad

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