Home Page › Forums › Fiction Writing › Critiques › Short Story Critiques › My Love Has Gone Across the Sea (WFS fan fic)
- This topic has 36 replies, 11 voices, and was last updated 1 year, 1 month ago by Esther.
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April 1, 2023 at 2:59 pm #138963
Yeah… um…
I can promise that it will not be Lukas.
*Sigh of relief* Okay good! 😅
I think he’s going to be in a sequel with Skylar and Fynn, so neither will they die. And I would definitely not kill off Ami or Ev. (I guess that narrows it down to six charries…) If you really want to know, I can tell you over on the spoiler forum. 😏
Ooh! Okay that’s good! Hmm….yeah tell me XD I’ll be on the spoiler forum!
#HugRikerSquad
April 1, 2023 at 3:06 pm #138968Ooh! Okay that’s good! Hmm….yeah tell me XD I’ll be on the spoiler forum!
Alright! I need to skedaddle at the moment, but I’ll get to it today or tomorrow. 😁
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
April 1, 2023 at 3:12 pm #138973April 2, 2023 at 1:09 pm #139030Oh girl. Thank you for this. I…did not know I needed this reminder. Thanks.
XD y’ALL aNd yOuR eXpReSsIve wRiTiNg aRe mAkInG mE eMoTiOnAl aGaIn
*standing ovation* *well not standing but I would be if I could be*
This…is amazing. It fits the song so well (yes I heard it XD I REALLY REALLY LIKE the music XD I like all the music for Wingfeather). I don’t have any critiques at the moment, I’m too blown away.
"...I did not say to the seed of Jacob, 'Seek Me in vain..."
(Part of) Isaiah 45:19April 2, 2023 at 1:26 pm #139031Oh my word, girl, that means so much!!! 🥲😆 You are too sweet!! 🥰 Thank you so much!!! 😊❤️
This…is amazing. It fits the song so well (yes I heard it XD I REALLY REALLY LIKE the music XD I like all the music for Wingfeather). I don’t have any critiques at the moment, I’m too blown away.
I’m so glad! That was my goal. 😄 (Definitely. music is ✨amazing✨!)
Aw, again, thank you so much!! 😊
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
April 2, 2023 at 3:56 pm #139061When I saw the title of this topic my mouth dropped open like YESSSS. I absolutely love the song and it makes me cry almost every time.
The story is bittersweet but really good. You did an amazing job!
He must increase, but I must decrease.
April 2, 2023 at 8:48 pm #139120I love it!!! I haven’t read WingFeather, nor have I ever gotten into fan-fiction, but I could tell why you wanted to give the context to the song, it’s very beautiful. I don’t really have any criticisms, but you mentioned realism, and I would say that this has far more of a romanticized vibe, but in a really good and emotionally fulfilling way. Well done!!!
He is perfect in Justice, yet He is perfect in Mercy, even when we fail Him. For this, He is good.
April 3, 2023 at 1:48 pm #139169Yes, the song is soooo good!!
Thanks so much!!! 😄😊
Thanks!!! 😃😊
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
April 4, 2023 at 4:16 pm #139268Oh my goodness this was so beautiful, so sad but so well-written!! Augh, what a tender, beautiful couple, that hurt when I realized she died 😭. I haven’t read the Wingfeather Saga (not yet at least!) so I was glad this didn’t need any background knowledge.
The only critique I might offer would be this: during Meira’s internal struggle about the possibility of Amatus leaving, we hear a lot about her feelings about the matter. I would imagine that her words and expressions would not have been lost on Amatus, so realistically I would have expected him to try and comfort her more, you know? It would encourage the idea that the theme of unselfish love was mutual. There’s a focus on Meira’s sacrificial action of being strong enough to let him leave, but the reader might appreciate some assurance from Amatus that he really believed this to be the best thing for both of them and wasn’t being insensitive, doing this out of a selfish ambition to “see the world” or something. A little bit of sympathetic dialogue on his part might be a worthwhile addition to remedy this, in my opinion. Hope this helps! 🙂
I have no special talent. I am only passionately curious.
April 4, 2023 at 4:53 pm #139273Thanks!!! 😄😊
Oh ok, that’s a really good point. That’s a really good idea. Thanks for the help! 😀
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
April 4, 2023 at 6:11 pm #139299@esther-c Of course, I’m glad I could say something useful!
I have no special talent. I am only passionately curious.
April 8, 2023 at 10:16 am #139589AHHHH @esther-c, why must you do this to me?!?! I just finished reading The Warden and the Wolf King last week and I HAVE NOT BEEN DOING EMOTIONALLY WELL SINCE, NOW I READ THIS AND AHHHHHH *can’t handle anything anymore* *sobs for a while*
*clears throat* well now that that’s out of the way… this was WONDERFUL! You captured TWS beautifully! The only thing that felt a little cheesy to me was how much true love was mentioned. Idk why but the phrase ‘true love’ has always seemed cheesy to me since I watched The Princess Bride. 😂 But besides that this was amazing and I love/hate you for writing this. 😭❤
I rolled the log over and underneath was a tiny little stick and I was like, "That log had a child
April 8, 2023 at 10:26 am #139592AHHH!!!! I’m so sorry!! 😭 But at the same time I’m so glad!! 😆😆
The only thing that felt a little cheesy to me was how much true love was mentioned. Idk why but the phrase ‘true love’ has always seemed cheesy to me since I watched The Princess Bride. 😂
Lol, I get that. Because of tons of movies and books that have been made/written, I feel like true love is often misrepresented or made to look cheesy. I tried to represent it well, but I can understand where you’re coming from. I kinda felt the same way. XD
Anyway, thank you so much!!! 😊😄
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
April 9, 2023 at 8:52 am #139673THIS IS FANTASTIC. I AM IN TEARS.
That’s one of my favorite songs, and you did so well with it!!! Ack…I have to calm down…
Anyway, spot on prose, girl!! The way you wove in the song was priceless. If you make edits, great, but DO NOT touch the storyline!! Esther, this is amazing. Truly.
"To death or to victory"
April 9, 2023 at 12:05 pm #139682 -
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