Home Page › Forums › Fiction Writing › Critiques › Novel Critique Requests › I’ve started my draft, would you guys keep reading this story?
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January 8, 2023 at 5:58 pm #128445
Oh I’m excited to see what the future holds too! Especially for Tauren!
You’re writing is so worth it!!!! 🙂
He must increase, but I must decrease.
January 8, 2023 at 6:01 pm #128447Thank you!! XD
You’re most welcome! =)
Yes yes! That’s book 2 stuff, but in roleplays I have him as a later character. He’s 17 rn, and his life…uh…changes a lot in the next while… no spoilers! XD he becomes a very young dad, because Maylee is adopted. A lot happens lol.
OHHHHHHHH that makes so much more sense. XD
Oh yeah… I’m not sure what to do there, thanks for the advice! It’s supposed to be implied by the other miners talking earlier (taurens eavesdropping) that some think he should be kicked out. He doesn’t even know what would happen, he just knows he might have to leave. Would it be better if I had him worrying about if he got kicked out? I might do that.
Ah. (maybe I should go reread the previous chapter) Layson strikes me as a character who tends to slightly worry over things but is trying to train himself out of that, if this is actually the case, then maybe let his imagination run wild, and being kicked out being one of the possibilities (in his mind)?
I actually wasn’t going to have that scene again, because the public voting is going to be a main event in the story. A lot of characters will be there and hear the verdict/vote on it. Does it still make since if I do that? You probobly wont see Layson again until the vote, it’s just assumed he was given the date at some point. Does that still work?
Yeah, that works. =)
Ok, thanks! That was a impromtu flashback XD I was editing and thought I should add some reasoning to how this happened. Maybe it would be better if I include that later next time he see’s Jonathan?
Sure, if you want to. It would also work if you just show us that he’s worrying about the consequences of getting caught (or just thinking in general) and then start the flashback. That way we at least know he’s thinking about things.
Yay! Thanks for the critiques too!
You’re welcome!
"...I did not say to the seed of Jacob, 'Seek Me in vain..."
(Part of) Isaiah 45:19January 8, 2023 at 6:09 pm #128449Ah. (maybe I should go reread the previous chapter) Layson strikes me as a character who tends to slightly worry over things but is trying to train himself out of that, if this is actually the case, then maybe let his imagination run wild, and being kicked out being one of the possibilities (in his mind)?
Hm idk. Layson is very carefree… to the extent it gets himself in trouble sometimes. I mean not many people would leave their home into a dangerous place because they heard somebody they don’t know needs help. Most people would just be like ‘that’s not my problem’. It becomes more important later, he just kinda does what he wants and adapts… until he can’t. i wouldn’t say he worries a lot, most people would be super worried about what he’s doing. He has a couple realistic concerns, but less than most people would. Being kicked out is a very real possibility, and most people would assume it would happen if he’s caught. It was in the previous chapter, but if you don’t remember, Tauren was eavesdropping on two miners who were saying Layson should be kicked out if found. he’s more concerned about how it affects his mom really 🤣 idk if that makes sense at all, maybe I need to reveal some more of his character soon.
"And so I left this world just as I had entered it. Confused."
January 8, 2023 at 6:14 pm #128451Thanks!
Yeah, I’m actually a little concerned about that. Book 1 is Tauren and Leesli, book 2 Layson and Maylee, book 3 Kaine, kendrick and Everly. I don’t want readers to go “what happened to T and L” . They show up frequently in book 3 and maybe late book 2, but I haven’t figured out any further character arcs for them. Book 1 is the fluffiest of them all, therefore the book 1 characters do not have as much to overcome. I need to think on it some, any advice is appreciated! I’ve still got more planned for them, but the focus does shift at some point. I need to figure out what they are up too while Layson is the mc, and again what they are up to while Kaine and Kendrick are the mc’s. I think the answer is going to come after I figure out how to tie in Keiryn, we’ll see.
"And so I left this world just as I had entered it. Confused."
January 8, 2023 at 9:20 pm #128480Yes sometimes when I run into problems like that the puzzle pieces drop into place over time. If I try to force ideas, my plots are too cliched. So I try to let it come naturally. 😀 If I think of anything that might help I’ll give you a shout out. Maybe you could write a sort of epilogue novella after the main books and tell what happens to Tauren and Lesli. *shrug*
He must increase, but I must decrease.
January 8, 2023 at 10:04 pm #128492Thanks! Great advice. I’ll give it some time.
Ah yes… the epilogue…. I’ve been thinking about that actually 😂 I’m not totally sure, but I kinda want Tauren and Lesli to get married after the book. Like when they are 28 and 30 or something, that would be in the epilogue. For some reason I don’t want it to happen in the book, I feel like waiting until afterwards works better. I might not do that though, It’s not supposed to be a part of the plot.
"And so I left this world just as I had entered it. Confused."
January 8, 2023 at 10:29 pm #128502Good idea to put their marriage in the epilogue. That would keep it out of the main plot and would be sort of like a last cherry on top to end the story. Ok, honestly do whatever, but I think that would be perfect. 😀
He must increase, but I must decrease.
January 8, 2023 at 10:35 pm #128503Yeah… they’re pretty shippable. XD
I just didn’t want it to get in the way of the friendship plot, and Layson and Everly is the main romance anyways. But yeah, I think they’d be really cute together XD
"And so I left this world just as I had entered it. Confused."
January 8, 2023 at 11:06 pm #128510Hm idk. Layson is very carefree… to the extent it gets himself in trouble sometimes. I mean not many people would leave their home into a dangerous place because they heard somebody they don’t know needs help. Most people would just be like ‘that’s not my problem’. It becomes more important later, he just kinda does what he wants and adapts… until he can’t. i wouldn’t say he worries a lot, most people would be super worried about what he’s doing. He has a couple realistic concerns, but less than most people would. Being kicked out is a very real possibility, and most people would assume it would happen if he’s caught. It was in the previous chapter, but if you don’t remember, Tauren was eavesdropping on two miners who were saying Layson should be kicked out if found. he’s more concerned about how it affects his mom really 🤣 idk if that makes sense at all, maybe I need to reveal some more of his character soon.
Ah, okay. I did remember, but I didn’t know (as I was reading it, now I do) if Layson is the type of character that would be worried about that anyways.
"...I did not say to the seed of Jacob, 'Seek Me in vain..."
(Part of) Isaiah 45:19January 9, 2023 at 2:08 pm #128561Sorry I forgot to reply to you! 😂
Yes, mwhahah. I have many a things planned for Layson.
"And so I left this world just as I had entered it. Confused."
January 10, 2023 at 8:07 pm #128744Anonymous- Rank: Wise Jester
- Total Posts: 76
Girl! 28K? That’s awesome! I haven’t read your whole story, I’ll be honest. Maybe sometime, but I can’t promise anything:) I am a little inactive because of CWW right now!!
I appreciate how you did the quotations right. As in, at the end of a paragraph when somebody’s speaking, you don’t put quotations at the end, because they speak in the next paragraph. Kudos to you!!
I like the flashbacks. Good job!! In the first few chapters, I felt like they were appropriately placed:)
January 10, 2023 at 10:23 pm #128750@booksandbeakers
That’s alright! It’s kinda long Ik lol.
I don’t quite get what you mean with the quotations, but lol I’m glad I’m doing it right! XD
Same, cww takes up a bit of time. I just finished a sprint that brought me up to 31k though!
Thanks for the encouragement!
"And so I left this world just as I had entered it. Confused."
January 12, 2023 at 8:15 am #128900Awwww. I so love Tauren and Lesli. You did a great job and I am worried about Layson. Also, very interested in the voting thing….wondering what they are voting on. 🙂
Elen sÃla lúmenn' omentielvo
January 15, 2023 at 3:18 pm #129204Anonymous- Rank: Wise Jester
- Total Posts: 76
@mineralizedwritings A little while ago I read some more! Kieryn is Lesli’s cousin!! I really like that surprise. So I think I read that you did italicize the thoughts of Tauren and Lesli but it wouldn’t work on KP?
So I haven’t read that far… but what is Lesli’s mom’s relationship with her brother Owen? Maybe that doesn’t matter. Sorry, I just always think in terms of relationships and how it will affect the story!!
January 15, 2023 at 8:09 pm #129239@booksandbeakers
Yup! I’m pretty proud of that plot twist XD
Yeah, on one post the italicizing wasn’t working, so you had to pay extra attention to the flow to separate the narration from the thoughts.
Good question! I haven’t put much thought into it because I have quite a few mc’s, so I might never get around to developing that. Owen is not a major character, he doesn’t exactly have a backstory other than no longer being with his wife. It’s focused a bit more on the affects on the kids, not how it happened.
"And so I left this world just as I had entered it. Confused."
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