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Thank you for the suggestions, I really appreciate it 🙂
Thank you!! I’m still editing it a ton, but that’s one of my many drafts I have that’s good enough to read 😀 I appreciate the feedback!
YAY!!!!! You shared some of your story!! THIS WAS EPIC!!!!! I was on the edge of my seat!! And that ending!!!! *mouth hanging open after reading the last part* EEEEKKK!!!!! This story is just FANTABULOUS!!!! I can’t wait to see where it goes!!! It’d tOtAlLy be a book I’d pick up and devour in a heartbeat!!!! LOVE IT!!!! <33 THANK YOU for sharing it!! It was an absolute pleasure to read!
God gives His hardest battles to His strongest soldiers.
TeenWritersNook.comso this may sound weird but sometimes u have to see ur writing somewhere else to realize “hey it’s not super terrible!” ROFL! Plus I’m an affirmation seeker….
that being said I think I’m gonna post another section! (Warning it’s long lol! But I LOVE sharing my stuff with others!)
This is from November’s POV
Why don’t you ever think before you speak? So stupid!
This, along with a variation of criticizing remarks is what my brain is yelling at me. Regret and embarrassment causes me to blush and my insides grow hot. I slip my hands into my pockets and refuse to look at Arabella, who’s been staring at me the entire time we’ve been walking.
“It isn’t your fault, November. You didn’t know.” Her silky voice lifts my spirits because I know she’s right, but remembering the look on Jocelyn’s face makes me feel terrible once again.
“Yea, sure.” I shrug.
“November, don’t be-” Ara pauses and looks ahead, her fair skin glowing under Cirque’s neon attractions. I follow her gaze, but all I see ahead are the many buildings, and the tall Ferris wheel rising to the sky. It flashes an array of different colors that dance across the buildings and down the cobblestone streets. Through the wheel, you can make out the top of the Main Tent, it’s red, white and gold flag waving.
“What’s wrong?” I lift an eyebrow, unsure as to what Ara is staring at.
“I’m not sure…” She squints, obviously confused. “I just felt like…” She stares up at the dark sky, her eyes shimmering, reflecting the lights.
A chill runs through my spine and my hackles stand on edge. Rubbing my neck, I try hard to shake off the cold sweat forming on my brow. I turn around, glancing in every direction, searching for the one who is watching us.
“You feel it to?” Ara grimaces. I nod, still searching, but no one is around. Other then the faint laughter and muffled conversations from within the attractions, all is quiet. A strong gust blows, ruffling my hair and tugging at Ara’s dress. I lasts only for a moment, but that’s long enough for me. Without asking, I grasp Arabella’s wrist and hasten to get out of site. She follows willingly for a few steps but then abruptly stops.
“Ara, come on!” Once again she’s staring up at the sky, but this time she points, telling me to look to. I glance up and see a tiny shadow in the sky. Upon further inspection, I discover it’s not a small shadow, but a bird. A raven from the looks of it. Or a crow. I honestly don’t know the difference.
Whatever it is, Ara seems entranced by it. While watching it effortlessly glide through the air might be entertaining, I can’t understand her reaction. “Ara?” I gently shake her wrist. With a gasp she turns back to me and I can tell she’s focused once again.
“Sorry! Sorry…” She pulls her lips tight and her brows knit together. “I don’t what happened. I just…” She glances back up. “I saw that bird and, I don’t know, I felt something.”
I cock my head. “I don’t follow.”
She sucks in a breath and shrugs. “Nothing. It’s probably nothing. Let’s go, I’m ready to get back to the Main Tent.” She leads the way, but I can tell from her expression that she’s still dazed and confused, as I am.
The ferris wheel’s lights grow brighter as we continue down the street. The road grows narrower as we go along, forcing the buildings to push together in a way that makes it all look like one structure. The signs in windows and above giant doors seem to scream at you, invoking your mind to wander.
The Most Incredible, Magical, Mysterious Fun House You’d Ever Imagine!
Oddities, Gizmos, Trinkets, Thinga-ma-jigs And Many More! Shop Now!
Join us, in the Never-ending maze of horror! (And jokes). But mainly HORROR! (Please come in. We desperately want company.) HORROR!!!
<p style=”text-align: center;”>
I blink, mouth half-open in awe at some of the weird and downright silly signs. One, however, catches my eye. Position on a post in the middle of the street is a white sign streaked with red paint that must have dripped into the cobblestone before drying. </p>
Beware the monsters! Do not venture into the Wood!
-RingMaster Zolten
“What do you suppose this means?” I rub my chin, staring at the curious warning.
“Some sort of joke? Or maybe a show for that haunted house?”
“Ya think so?”
“Absolutely not!” A voice from behind rings out, causing me to nearly jump out of my skin! We both spin around and stare up at the man standing before us.
<p style=”text-align: left;”>Dressed In a tan explorer’s coat (with gold trimming to make it look fancier then it is,) and matching pants, stands a tall, lanky fellow with a large bushy mustache. It moves as he grins, showing all of his white teeth, and, with a rather over the top bow, he shakes both mine and Ara’s hand.</p>
“Lander Adlelard, at your service!” The man’s sophisticated british accent meshes well with his look. He pulls a golden chain from his pocket, which is attached to a small clock. With a tug at his coat he pulls out a hanky and begins to clean the tiny thing, seeming to have forgotten about us.Ara and I glance at each other before she politely replies, “Nice to meet you. My name is Arabella, and this is my friend, November.”
“Ah, fine names! Yes, fine names! You are new, are you?” I open my mouth to speak, but he interrupts, “Well, of course you are! No one in Cirque would dress like that! No offense, mind you. No offense.”
I warily glance at Ara, feeling unamused at the man’s eccentric behavior. She merely shrugs and proceeds to talk with him, despite my warning looks. “Were you saying something? About this sign?” She taps her nail against the post, causing Lander to wince.
<p style=”text-align: left;”>“Oh, don’t touch it dear! Don’t jinx yourself!” His face pales and he sighs “We really should have a seminar for visitors. After all, it would be just like someone to wander out and get themselves eaten!”</p>
“Eaten?!” We cry simultaneously.“Well, I suppose not eaten. After all, the Wood is blocked by magic.”
“The Wood? This Wood?” I ask.
“Dear! A spot!” Lander cries as he ferociously wipes at his watch, ignoring us completely.
“Umm…excuse me, you were saying something about being eaten? And magic?”
“Hm? Oh! Of course! Let me explain. Outside of Cirque, is a Wood you see? Actually it’s a forest. Not sure why we call it a Wood, seeing as how there are multiple trees, so it would technically be Woods. Plural. Anyway, in this wood are horrible monsters, you know, the kind who like to attack and kill people, that sort of thing.”
“Monsters? Really?” I ask, growing all the more antsy.
“Yes, but don’t worry! The Wood is protected by magic, so no monsters can get out! And we can’t get in! Except…” He taps his chin and then waves a gloved hand in the air. “Nevermind.”
“So it is true then?” Arabella looks at the sign as I do, suddenly seeing It in a new light. No longer is it just a joke or a ruse, but a real danger.
“Yes, dearie. It is.” Lander nods, almost solemnly, but he’s quickly back to his seemingly crazy self. He eyes both of us intensely before clapping his together. “And you two are just perfect!”
“Perfect?” I take a step back, knowing I’m not gonna like where this is going. Ara does the same.
“Yes! You two can help me with something! You see, I’ve been having some trouble with my acts, and you two would be doing me such a favor if you provided assistance!”
“Well, uhh…You see, I don’t think we should-” Ara’s sentence is cut off when Lander grabs her by the arm and then does the same with me.
“Thank you!” He exclaims as he drags us away. We begrudgingly follow, unsure of what else to do. As we near one of the buildings, I begin to struggle some, not wanting to go any further with this maniac. But it doesn’t help. For such a skinny man, he has an immensely tight grip. Like a boa constrictor, his fingers tighten around my arm, making it nearly impossible to get away.
And even if I did, what about Ara?
Looking ahead, I see the bright sign hanging above the attractions door.
Lander the Great’s Zoo!
Zoo? That wasn’t anything like I was expecting. I figured it would be something like, Butcher’s Shop, or, Killing Strangers, the Game!
Perhaps this wouldn’t be so bad after all.
Skimming back over it I actually really like this scene. I think it gives off the funny, but also nervous side of November well.
#IfMarcelDiesIRiot
#ProtectMarcel
#ProtectSeb- Rank: Eccentric Mentor
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SAME! I always think hey, my writing isn’t as cringey as I thought when I see it somewhere other than in my Word doc. 😂
Imma read your stuff as soon as I get the chance. Don’t worry about it being long, the snippets I shared were INSANELY long!
Ooh, I love this scene and all your descriptions. I especially love how you crafted and described Lander:)
Here is a part of the scene where I introduce Anton. (The name Anton does have Russian origins btw XD ).
She breathed a sigh of relief upon seeing the circular framed door that was halfway hidden with snow and trees. She knocked and with the silence twisted the copper knob, pushed the door open, and walked in.
“Anton?” She called, “Anton, are you here?”
“Mejia! Is that you!?” Rang a voice from outside. Mejia rushed out and looked about.
“Anton?!”
“Here! Look up!”
She looked up and sighed. There, up in a pine tree, looming over the shelter, in the highest point, was Anton.
Clinging to a branch with a death grip, he sheepishly grinned.
“Just what do you think you’re doing?!” Mejia yelled.
“There was a nest up here and I wanted to see what species of bird it was inhabited by,” he yelled back down to her.
“What do you mean, ‘was’?”
“When I got far enough to see the eggs. The nest got loose and, well… I saved the eggs.”
“You know Anton, I- never mind. But I have got an owl with a bad wing and… do you need help?”
“We’ll come to think of it…”
“I’ll be up in a minute,” Mejia said. She put the owl in the shelter and climbed up to the boy.
“You know you really have got to stay out of trees,” Mejia told him, taking his satchel and giving him a hand to the trunk.
Anton. He was a boy that you could safely say had his strength lying within his mind more than anywhere else.
They spiraled down the tree, Anton with Mejia’s help slipped only twice and hadn’t lost any of the eggs.
“Thanks,” he said, making the final jump to the ground. They walked around to the door, walked in and there was the owl, looking completely bored.
“Oh, what a magnificent creature,” Anton breathed, he set the eggs in a pot. He unwrapped the wolf fur and noted the broken wing.
Immediately Anton walked to a wash pan, cleansed his hands, then rummaged through the shelves of jars and bottles.
I may post the rest of this scene later if I can make it a bit more legible XD
Hi to everyone in here!!! I wanted to share a short story I wrote the other day (it’s for a competition, but also wanted to share it here). It’s an alternate perspective for the first little bit of one of my books. Hope you guys like this! Just saying, it’s really long so read this if you have time on your hands XD.
Sje wrapped the parchment around the tiny shard with trembling hands. The sprite grimaced, opening a small leather pouch and putting the relic inside. Closing the little bag, he attached it to the thin belt encircling his waist and sighed.
“Are you sure you must go, Sje?” A voice from the front entrance startled him. He whirled around and relaxed when he realized who it was. “Reike,” he said gently, coming over to his fiancée. “We’ve discussed this. I need to bring the shard to the Cytopas Mountain of Terbica before the Ember family realizes that we sprites have it.”
“And what if something happens to Laerik?” Reike said. “What if he is not there to take the shard from you at Cytopas Mountain?”
“Nothing will happen to Laerik.” Sje held back a tremble from his voice. “He is the most capable sprite selected for the job.”
“I know, but…” Reike trailed off, biting her lip. “I’m worried about you, Sje.” At this, Sje gave a small melancholy smile, taking Reike’s hands in his own. “I will be fine,” he insisted. “I will return soon.” Reike gave a little smile at this.
There was a distinct pause in the conversation, and Sje looked down. Reike spoke softly. “Are you finished packing? It gets very cold in Terbica,” she said. “Yes,” he said. “I’ve flown out there more than once, you know.” Sje gave a little half-smile. The corners of Reike’s mouth twitched up.
“I prepared a flask of sugar-water,” she said, removing a large canteen from inside her cloak. “Thank you,” he said. “I can’t believe I forgot to make one up.” He gently took it from her, setting it inside his large cross-body satchel.
“Well,” said Sje, “I believe that’s everything.” He took the dark cobalt cloak from the nearby stool and pulled it over his head, his wings poking through the slits in the heavy material.
“I have one last thing for you,” said Reike. She pulled something else from inside her cloak, pressing the object into Sje’s hand. When Reike took her hand away, Sje’s eyes widened. It was Reike’s faemàtle.
“Reike, I-”
“Please, Sje, take it. Play it and be reminded of me while you’re gone.” “I can’t take your faemàtle,” he protested. “You love it so much.”
“I love you more, Sje. And that is why I am giving it to you. So that when I think of either, I will be reminded of not one but two of my greatest joys in life.” At this, Sje blushed. There was a moment of silence, and then he said, “I- I’ll take good care of it.” Reike gave a single nod.
Sje walked to the entrance, opening the small red door. He came outside into the cool air, Reike right behind him.
Sje took a few steps forth, and then stopped. He turned around quickly, coming back to Reike. Sje kissed her gently, and then ran forth.
He rose into the air, wings beating, and flew off into the set of the sun.Three Weeks Later
Sje flew peacefully through the clear, cold air. He had finally passed into Terbica two days before, leaving only a day until Laerik would take the shard from him.
Sje was glad that soon he would be rid of the shard, for having such an important object in his possession worried him.
Enchanted objects always were the most sought after, and required deft protection.
As a line of trees came into sight, Sje slowed. He couldn’t fly high enough to go over over forests or mountains, and had to traverse them on foot. Forests were more often than not quite scenic, and the slowing in travel didn’t bother Sje a bit.
He touched onto the ground. The forest before him seemed quite large, perhaps taking an hour or two to get through. Taking a drink of sugar water, he paused.And that was when they struck.
Two figures leapt forth from the shadowy brush at the entrance of the forest. They grabbed at him. “We know who you are!” said one. “Give us the shard of the Azure Diamond at once!” Sje’s eyes widened at this. The Embers had arrived.
He lashed out with a yell – “Never!” -, flinging a clawed hand into the face of one person, who squealed, leaping back in pain. The fingernails of sprites really were quite sharp.
Sje turned towards the other person, rising into the air for advantage. But then, brutal pain ripped through his right wing as a dart passed through it.
He gave a shout, spinning to the ground. Sje got up, angrier than he had ever been before. He leapt onto the assailant, who fell backwards, Sje’s fists flying and clawing as he screamed angrily in the language of the sprites.
The assailant was whimpering, trying to pry Sje off. But just then, something happened that made Sje stop cold.
Pain. Cold, ruthless pain, a thousand times worse than before. He felt the plunge of the blade. At this, he cried out, the thick intensity ripping through him. He crumpled to the ground, grinding his teeth as he pressed his hands to his side.
“How about you give us the shard now, fairy?” one of the hateful attackers said.
“It will never pass into your hands,” Sje said under his breath. Against every screaming instinct telling him not to, he rose to his feet and dashed into the forest.
“Hey! Get back here, fairy boy!” The attackers bellowed. Sje ran harder, his breath becoming increasingly shallow. He dashed and darted through the trees; all hopes towards eluding the assailants.
Just as his strength diminished, Sje saw a clearing. A small village nestled in it. He knew he couldn’t make it there, but perhaps he could yell for someone.
His energy finally depleted, Sje collapsed under a huge evergreen tree. His eyelids began to flutter closed, and Sje knew he was dying.
Reike, he thought. I…
His slowing thoughts were interrupted by a voice.
“Mister, a-are you all right?” A voice cut through to him, and his eyes snapped open, to reveal a young girl, blue eyes wide with concern. “No, I… I’m not all right, unfortunately. It appears that… my wing… is torn.” He tried to sit up, but the girl pushed him down with one chestnut-brown hand.
“I’d recommend you lay there, mister,” said the girl. Sje wondered why the human child cared.
“I can’t just lie here! I am in possession… of a very important object, and if the people… whom I suspect are following me… get their hands on this object, very… bad things will happen.” Sje protested, his breathing getting slower.
“Who are you?” said the girl, slack-jawed.
“Sje… head of the Ga’loran Wood Sprites,” said the sprite. “Ach! Why am I telling this… to a human?” The wide-eyed girl shook her head. “Oh, no, mister, I won’t tell anybody,” she said honestly. “I thought that the Ga’loran fairies were just myth, but gee, here’s a real live fairy just before me!”
“Sprite,” corrected Sje. “And you mustn’t tell anyone. Humans aren’t trustworthy.” The girl nodded, hung on the sprite’s every word. “At least I will die at someone’s side.” “Oh, no, don’t die now, mister,” said the girl quickly. She was so innocent, and Sje felt bad that she had to watch him struggle. “Not so easy, human child,” said the sprite, clearly struggling to breathe. “You think you got yourself a whole life to live… and then one of them Embers comes along… and gives you a good jab, and then… you say, why, life… isn’t long at all!”
“Oh, why, I’m sorry, mister,” said the girl, obvious concern in her voice. Sje detected that she had finally noticed his weeping wound.
“Let me have at you and wrap you up, mister,” the young girl said, alarmed. “No, child,” breathed Sje, color slowly draining from his cheeks. “My life cannot be saved.”
The girl cried out, “Isn’t there anything I can do for you, mister?” The sprite paused, and his eyes widened, and then fluttered again. “There is one thing… but you must promise to… do exactly as I say and… as hastily as possible, child. You must not tell anyone… what I have said to you.”
The child nodded quickly. “I-I promise, mister! Not a soul will know!”
Sje gave a solemn nod, drawing an obviously painful breath.
“I am in possession… of a single shard, of the Azure Diamond. Take forth that shard, and bring it… to the other Wood Sprites. Tell them that Sje sent you. They will know… what to do with it. But for the whole time… you have that shard, child, protect it… with your life. It cannotfall into the hands… of the wrong people.”
The girl nodded after a moment. “I will bring it to them, mister. I promise.”
“Good,” breathed the sprite, who was ever so pale now. “Thank you.” He took the leather pouch from his side and pressed it into the child’s hand, just as darkness washed over him.
For a moment, he fought the darkness, and then let it take him, for it felt so good. So inviting.I love you, he thought indistinctly, and let his life be claimed.
It was the end of one story, but merely the beginning of another.
(The original perspective is of the girl who finds Sje, Diel Saigon.)
Hope y’all liked it! <3
staring at the fields
if nothing's really real
i'll make the winter now my homeHere’s a part I like of my current draft. -_- Not a big fan of it in general. It’s currently titled Wings
Confusion flickered across Ave’s features. I stepped towards him. He patted my wing. She didn’t do anything to Snow. But that apparently didn’t’ matter to Jassie. The dark-haired girl wrapped herself in her wings and stood down. More footsteps pound in the hallway leading into the cafeteria, and in a moment Seven and Eurie emerged, Seven holding a bloody paper towel to his nose.
“Where did you take Snow?” Seven ran his free hand through his hair. He marched across the room until he stood towering over Melia. “WHERE DID YOU TAKE HER?”
Melia’s smile never wavered. “How’s your nose feeling?”
Seven’s hand flew out so quickly that all that could be seen was the pink mark left on Melia’s skin. Soon her entire face morphed into that shade, anger evident in every aspect of her body. She beat her wings against the air. Ave jerked me back, out of her wingspan, as her feet left the ground. The beating of her wings tossed my hair out of my face. Seven struggled to keep his footing as she kept herself at his height.
“I didn’t take her anywhere.” Somehow her voice remained steady. I would be on the edge of tears. “I do not know what’s happening, Seven. Don’t accuse people without facts.”
With that, Melia dropped back to the floor, landing softly on bare feet. Seven glared back down at her. Melia raised an eyebrow. “Would you like me to summon the guards again?”
“Heck no.” came from somewhere on the other side of the room. My eyebrows knitted and I turned around. Lante crawled out from under one of the overturned tables, stretching his large, white wings. “Melia, please don’t call them again.”
Melia shifted her stance, facing towards him. His white-blond hair matched her own, though their wings contrasted vividly. “Why? Don’t you want to know what they’ve done to us?”
“I do know.” His voice bordered on what Melia would call impudent. “I was watching the whole time.”
She walked past me, her wing brushing my arm. Ave moved to my other side. Melia jutted out her chin. “Then what, oh wise one, did they do to the–” She glanced around the room, “Seven of us who are gone?”
“They only took four.” Lante chook his head. “Rose, Modd, and Banes are still hiding.”
“So they took Snow, Emren, Krint, and Krista.” Melia crossed her arms. “Why?”
“Because they’re putting us down.”
Seven screamed. “How could you?”
The pen is mightier than the sword, but in a duel, I'm taking the sword.
ekseaver.wordpress.comhttps://ekseaver.wordpress.com/category/writing/short-story/ Also here’s a serial short story that I’m writing on my blog.
The pen is mightier than the sword, but in a duel, I'm taking the sword.
ekseaver.wordpress.comI really like that, it’s gripping! I love that. The dialogue is emotional. That’s quite good.
staring at the fields
if nothing's really real
i'll make the winter now my home@scripter-of-kingdoms haha, thanks. I don’t really like it tbh.
The pen is mightier than the sword, but in a duel, I'm taking the sword.
ekseaver.wordpress.com
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