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Hi everyone!
So, maybe I’m the only one, but there are times I wish I could take my favorite book or one I really like and go back to their first draft, just so I can know (Okay it really wasn’t that great!) ya know?
So….since we can’t really do that, I did have the idea that maybe (if u want to) we could post a small paragraph or whatever of our current draft (wether you have edited it some or not. If ur feeling bad about ur writing)
and ONLY FOCUS ON THE GOOD STUFF! No critiques! No advice! Just pure encouragement!! (Unless advice is asked for of course!)
And if u don’t wanna share don’t feel like u have to! U can still read what we share tho!
Who’s in?
@gracie-j @kathleenramm @issawriter7 @lexiwriter1217 @joy-caroline @scripter-of-kingdoms @devastate-lasting @scoutfinch180 @anyone-elseIll submit mine in just a sec!
#IfMarcelDiesIRiot
#ProtectMarcel
#ProtectSeb@godlyfantasy12 Sure, sure. Sounds fun! I guess I’ll post the beginning snippet of Those Who Were Given Another Yesterday…
A black cat wrapped its tail around the sign pole, and as it passed by, it disappeared into the shadows.
Luona was on his way home from work today. He was tired, and he had been for a long time, and it showed with those dark circles underneath his eyes. Late insomniac nights spent poring over books had caused them, with countless cups of coffee spread out over the desk, on the floor, on every available surface in the room…
Yes, he wanted to sleep. He desperately wanted to sleep. But he couldn’t. Not now, when he was so close…
But perhaps he should have let go of those goals of his, at least temporarily, so that he could have rested. Because if he had, then maybe, the end wouldn’t have started so soon.
As he stood by the crosswalk waiting for the signal to turn green, he took out his phone to check his messages. A text from Ava asking him if he wanted to come over to the café for some coffee, but that was unread, and from two days ago. He had last texted Thorn six months ago, but the man had never replied. Ranen had nine new messages for him, and Brycen had eight…
The light turned green, and Luona pocketed his phone. So many people today…but it wasn’t unlike usual. This was a city, after all.
But as he crossed, a strange ringing began to start in his head, the same one that had kept him up for many nights. Always momentarily, but…
Luona looked up, and time seem to slow.
In the middle of the crowd of people on the other side of the street stood a familiar figure. He turned, and met Luona’s eyes. Yes, that was him, black and white hair, purple eyes…
But it couldn’t be. Because…hadn’t they locked him up…months ago? What was he doing out here…?
The figure’s eyes widened in alarm just as a pickup trucked slammed into Luona, its horn blaring, tires screeching.
Blood, pain, pavement…then whiteness.
Lately, it's been on my brain
Would you mind letting me know
If hours don't turn into days“Now that we’ve eaten, why don’t you two tell me about yourselves? Where are you from? How’d you get here?”
“Well, answering your first question,” I dust the remaining crumbs from my top, “We’re from the Garden.”
“The…Garden?” Jocelyn’s eyes twinkle and I can already tell she’s trying to imagine our home. “Never heard of it…which is saying something! I’ve heard about quite a few lands!” She beams with ecstasy. “Tell me about it! What’s it like?”
“It’s beautiful,” I say. “My family’s castle Is built in the middle of mountain ranges, and we have a quaint village below. But the best part is obviously the garden part. It’s filled with flowers, and ginormous trees! There’s even a stream a little further in, and…oh the colors!” My mind buzzes with memories, taking me back home. For a second, I forget about November and Jocelyn. I forget about Cirque, and being stuck here.
For a moment, I’m home. With my family.
Of course, I’m not really, and I soon realize this as my gaze returns to Jocelyn’s bulging eyes. I can’t help but grimace, the pain of remembering almost too much to bear.
“Wow,” Jocelyn half-whispers, as if awestruck. “I wish I could see it!” She shakes her head. “Why would you ever want to leave?!”
I give a sad look at November and then gaze at the tile floor. In it I can see my reflection. A scared, ill-prepared girl who wants nothing more then to go home.
But I can’t. And it’s the worse feeling in the world.
“I wouldn’t…” I whisper. Jocelyn seems about to ask what I mean, but November interrupt her. Thankfully. I honestly don’t feel like getting into all the ins and outs of our adventure.
“As for your second question, we got here through a portal!” November grins confidently and then squints. “I uhh guess that sounds pretty weird…” He rubs the back of his neck and chuckles.
“Eh, not near as weird as some of the stories I hear.” Jocelyn smiles.
Wishing to change the subject, I ask, “What about you Jocelyn? Have you ever left Cirque?”
“Nah, why would I?” I sigh. I wish I could trade places with her. Feel the way she feels at this moment. Happy, safe, free from any predestined plan. “My uncle wants me to, one day, and has even offered to let me leave early, but I always tell him no. He doesn’t want me to have any regrets when I’m older, having never traveled like he did when he was younger.”
“Your uncle enjoys traveling?” I ask.
“Yep! Which, most Cirquians dream of traveling, once they reach the age to do so. But not me! I’d rather stay right here and someday take my place as RingMaster!”
“RingMaster?” November asks.
“Oh yea…I guess you two wouldn’t know what that is,” she laughs. “You see, my uncle is the leader of Cirque, the RingMaster. For generations my family has ruled with a kind, fair, and, of course, exciting hand! And one day, when my uncle decides to retire, or becomes too old, I will take his place as ruler!” Jocelyn’s face brightens and her eyes sparkle, as if the idea gives her more joy then she can contain.
“And…you want to be RingMaster?” I ask, a twinge of jealousy rising from within.
“With all of my heart,” to add to this she places both hands over her heart. “It’s always been my dream!” Nyx chitters, as excited as she appears to be. Jocelyn purses her lips and stares intensely at November at I.
“You know…I should introduce you to my uncle! He’d love you, I’m sure!”
So this is part of a scene, i don’t think it’s the worst, nor the best rofl but hey.
#IfMarcelDiesIRiot
#ProtectMarcel
#ProtectSebWHOA!! UR WRITING IS INCREDIBLE!!!! It literally felt like a movie playing out but in book form! Oh man!
#IfMarcelDiesIRiot
#ProtectMarcel
#ProtectSebTHIS IDEA IS TOTALLY AWESOME!!!! AAAANNNDD *gasps* this scene is just I N C R E D I B L E!!!!!!!!!! I LOOOOOOVE IT!!! I am sooooo hooked in this story, I totally wanna know what’s gonna happen next!!! I LOVE all the creativity!! And your MC sounds like soooo much fun to read about!!! THIS IS EPIC, GIRL!!!!!!! <33<33
God gives His hardest battles to His strongest soldiers.
TeenWritersNook.com@godlyfantasy12 Ah thank you! I visualized this scene as a comic before I wrote it, haha, but my art skills are very rusty, so I decided to try my best writing it instead.
Wow, yours is really good! I love the way you explain everything without info dumping! I always have trouble with that.
Lately, it's been on my brain
Would you mind letting me know
If hours don't turn into daysAlright, here’s a bit of the opening scene in my new WIP, Heir to His Crown (be warned: this is first draft material and is really cringy):
Never question the destruction one man can cause.
The shouts grew louder. They stilled my heart. They reminded me of the chaos one single man had brought upon my beloved country. Amadeo moved to the lone window behind me. I didn’t turn around. I already knew what I’d see out of it.
Amadeo sucked in a sharp breath. “Keenum, I think you should see this.”
I wondered how I would’ve reacted if he had said “Your Majesty.” Could I ever respond to such a high title? I was broken, scarred. I was no prince. My heart used to sink at that thought, but now I felt numb, almost dead, on the inside.
“Keenum,” Amadeo pressed when I failed to respond.
“It’s the same as all the other revolts.” Why should I care?
“I don’t think so, Your Highness.”
Perhaps it was his use of the very word I had been shoved away from that caused me to whip around.
“How so?” I stood from the table that had my small supper of beans and a roll resting upon it. My stomach felt all twisted inside from my previous meeting with him that food didn’t sound very appealing. I felt ready to send Amadeo away and fall on my cot but his words rang through my ear. Without an explanation, I wouldn’t be able to find sleep easy tonight.
“This revolt has a purpose.”
God gives His hardest battles to His strongest soldiers.
TeenWritersNook.comAAAAHHHHH OH MY GOODNESS!!!!!!!!! I…THIS….I AM SERIOUSLY SPEECHLESS!!!!!! This is sooooo good!!!! I. NEED. To. Read. More!!! I LOVED how it started and ended!!!!!! I always get excited when I see you share something you’ve written, you’ve got soooo much talent it’s INCREDIBLE!!!!!! <33
God gives His hardest battles to His strongest soldiers.
TeenWritersNook.comYou have an amazing writing style!
I loved your paragraph, it had me hooked beginning to end:)
Wow, I love it! It makes me want to read more of Heir To His Crown!
@issawriter7 *blushing* Thank you! I’m glad you enjoyed it!
Oo, yours is really great as well! I really want to know more about Amadeo and Keenum!
@abigail-m Thanks!Lately, it's been on my brain
Would you mind letting me know
If hours don't turn into daysAww, THANK YOU SOOO MUCH!!!!!!!! <33
You’re welcome!!!!!! <33 THANK YOU SOOOOOOOOOO MUCH!!!!!!!!! <33
God gives His hardest battles to His strongest soldiers.
TeenWritersNook.com@godlyfantasy12 This is such a wonderful idea for a topic!! Spreading encouragement around is such a beautiful thing. 😀 Thank you so much for sharing your excerpt!! Your character names are fantastic, for starters. November especially is so unique; I love it. 😀 I just want to give all of them a hug though–it sounds like they need it. Your descriptions are so lovely too–I could so easily visualize what your narrator was describing. It sounds like you have some really interesting worldbuilding going on!
@devastate-lasting You…you can’t just leave me hanging like that. O.O Wow, what a way to hook me in!! I absolutely love the voice you’re using, and the atmosphere is lovely. Plus, now I have so many questions…
@issawriter7 Oh wow!! Your opening line is amazing. I’m already asking so many questions. Who is the “one man”? I have to know more. Poor Keenum–I already feel so bad for him. :'( You have such nice dread and tension going on in the scene–I can already tell that this revolt is going to spell out some Very Bad News for Amadeo and Keenum. (Also, Amadeo? What an awesome name!! How did you decide on it?)“Seven seconds till the end. Time enough for you. Perhaps. But what will you do with it?”
Aww, THANK YOU SOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH!!!!!!!! <33 🙂 YESS!!!!! Yeah, I’ve been feeling really bad for Keenum. I’ve totally tormented him a lot so far. XD :,( YAY!!!! THANK YOU!!!!!! (Aww, THANKS SOO MUCH!!!! That’s one of my favorite names in the story so far!! So, there’s this song by Ryan Stevenson called “Amadeo (Still My God)” and me and my sisters were looking up what Amadeo meant ’cause we thought it sounded super cool. Come to find out it’s an Italian name that means “Lover of God” and I thought it was soo cool I knew I wanted to name a character that.)
God gives His hardest battles to His strongest soldiers.
TeenWritersNook.com
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