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@elishavet-pidyon @theducktator @keilah-h @hybridlore
Hello girls! I recently completed my first short story from Refuge Rangers! I thought I’d tag you since you’ve all been reviewing the guys moodboards. Here’s an glimpse of their characters in a story! Burd isn’t there…and I’ve yet to post about Zahn and Keiden. But I will soon! Lord willing…
In this story, I have 3 POVs. I’d love it if you could keep a sharp eye on how I wrote each POV, if it fit their character, and if they seemed to be different from each other. This was my first time doing this, so it’s like a practice run in trying to find each of the guy’s voices. Any other things you notice is greatly appreciated! The flowing of the story…the descriptions…ect…
🎶 I'm still dancing to the music in the garden that was so much brighter then...🎶
The story:
Starlit Night
A Refuge Rangers Short Story
“When was the last time you ate squirrel, Jace?”
Zahn looked up from his third stanza to spot Kyler poking a blackened rodent over the fire. Jace sat on the opposite side of the fire, scribbling away in his leather book. His blond head barely lifted at Kyler’s question.
“You mean the last time I ate scorched squirrel?”
Kyler scrunched his nose. “Scorched?” He prodded the meat with his stick as a frown spread over his face. “Perhaps you’re right,” he muttered. From his poistion against the pillar, Zahn laughed.
“Did I ever show you how to properly temper the flames of a stick fire?” A low baritone voice sounded from the far side of the Ring.
Zahn shifted his shoulders against the marble pillar, tilting towards the left to view the speaker. Beric sat on the broken stone wall which overlooked the commonlands of the refuge city. The blacksmith was tossing a rock in his left hand, a contemplative look spread across his face.
Kyler’s sharp voice echoed back. “If I can weld a hammer at the billow’s furnace, I think I can handle a small fire, Beric.”
Jace coughed.
“What?”
The boy finally glanced up from his book. “It’s just that you’ve never been able to handle a small fire. Ever. I mean,” he waved his pencil towards the charcoaled squirrel, “you’ve practically burnt poor Nutkin to a crisp.”
“I got distracted,” Kyler snapped back.
Zahn shook his head, chuckling quietly. Bending over his book, he resumed to untangle the knotted rythem on his song. The third stanza was just plain sticky. “Like a horse’s tail,” he mumbled as he scratched out the first two words and filled them in with new ones.
The atmosphere was mostly quiet for the next few mintues. Zahn continued to edit his song, adding in a few choice words and shading out the “sticky” ones. He just arrived at a point of mild satisfaction when a loud yell split the air.
“Watch it—Kyler!”
Zahn jerked his head up. Jace was furiously wiping his book with his hand. A sudden yelp broke through his lips and he began to even more vigorously shake his hand in the air. Kyler laughed loudly. Confused on what was going on, Zahn pushed off from the pillar and stepped closer towards them.
Jace finally ceased his rechless hand shaking and glared at the chuckling Kyler. “Would you please not burn my book?”
Kyler leaned back on the ground, his elbows touching the dirt floor. “Relax, Jace. It’s just a book. Those shavings would have burnt only a few words out. Besides, words aren’t that important.”
Zahn wasn’t sure which was redder: the flickering flames of the fireor the burning hot rage on Jace’s face.
“Excuse me?” The poet fired back. “If there weren’t any words around, you wouldn’t know how to build that fire. You wouldn’t know how to write your name. You wouldn’t know how to speak. If we didn’t have words, how could we preserve our history? Our past? How could we capture down the present for the future? How could we save the lessons we’d learned to keep the future generations from endless pain of repeating folly? Words have exsisted since the dawn of time. In fact, ‘In the beginning was the Word’. We are words. So how could you dare say that words aren’t special!”
Kyler blinked, a blank gaze upon his face.
In that moment of silence, Jace jerked away from the fire, carefully ensuring that his precious book was far away from the devilish fire.
Zahn’s eyes went back and forth between Jace and Kyler. Both were silent. Both looked cloudy, though the former’s pictured a sullen, gray-bluish sky tinted with rain, while the latter was beginning to build thunderclouds and lightning. Something had to intervein before the storm shot back.
“Shall I play a song?” Zahn leaned down, setting his songpapers on the stone floor.
Jace didn’t reply, his eyes glued onto his pages.
“Sure,” grunted Kyler. His tense shoulders relaxed as he settled back onto his elbows. Zahn smiled. Walking back to the pillar, he reached behind and pulled out his guitar. Running his fingers up and down the neck of the instrument, he fondly plucked each chord. Once ensuring everything was in tune, he strode back to the center of the Ring where the fire lay crackling. Kyler and Jace lay to the left and right, while Beric remained seated to the northward side.
Zahn began to hum, his tune lilting up and down in rapid procession, swinging his vocals into the old traditional songs of his Mozzerian forefathers. Without warning, the guitar broke into rtheymatic unision with his voice, matching each note perfectly. After a few stanzas of a unified tune, Zahn’s voice swung into the harmonic words:
“In the dale, the summer night falls,
And it ignites the stars in the sky.
As the zephyr fiddles through the tent,
And the dust settles on the trail.
Time flies past, do we note at all,
How the months have flown, one by one?
Time flies by, few of us are left,
And so many we knew are now gone.
They have passed on from us,
All their joy, their honor, and their glory.
But we know a brother of such,
Will be remembered all our lives,
For a brother born in adversity,
Will endure as long as we live.
Oh, the trials we bore together,
They were silent, scarlet, with no words to describe.
From the pain and blood in those days,
They remain inside us, vivid and stirring.
In our friendship we stand,
In unity we go on, pressing forward,
For those brothers who fell by the arrow,
Let us in our bond recall their valor.
They have passed on from us,
All their joy, their honor, and their glory.
But we know a brother of such,
Will be remembered all our lives,
For a brother born in adversity,
Will endure as long as we live.”
Zahn’s last words died with the echoing tune ringing in the air. He sucked in a deep, chest-filling breath, a smile spreading across his face. He looked around at his fellow friends. The change he’d hoped to incur looked like it had taken place.
Jace glanced at Kyler from across the fire, a guilty expression on his face. Mellowed from the tune and words of the song, the hot-headed blacksmith grinned back sheepishly.
Zahn nodded his head in satisfaction. His dosage had done both of them good. His fingers sent a restless iche through his hand and he suddenly pulled at the guitar strings, swinging into a fast-beat folk song.
He swunged around to face the poet, not missing a note in the racing tune. “Jace, how about you sing this one?”
Kyler’s voice jumped in. “Oh yes, I’d love to hear Jace sing.”
“Only to embarrass me further, right?” Jace sighed.
“Exactly. Last time I wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry.”
Zahn walked backwards towards his pillar. Jace rolled his eyes dramatically, before leaping up and joining Zahn’s music with the upbeat lyrics:
“Summer has arrived,
Loudly sing, cuckoo!
The seed is growing
And the meadow is blooming,
And the wood is coming into leaf now,
Sing, cuckoo!
Sing, cuckoo, now; sing, cuckoo;
Sing, cuckoo; sing, cuckoo, now!”
“Firebrands!” Kyler’s voice shouted over Jace’s singing. Zahn tilted his way. “I can actually understand you!” He had jumped to his feet, his finger stabbing at Jace. With the meloudious words still spilling from his mouth, Jace bent forwards in the dramatic, swooping bow.
A echoing laugh resounded from his now enammured audience.
Zahn turned his attention back to his instrement as he musically spun into the second verse. Jace’s voice followed every note:
“The ewe is bleating after her lamb,
The cow is lowing after her calf;
The bullock is prancing,
The stag cavorting,
Sing merrily, cuckoo!”
As the chorus began, Kyler’s voice added to the tune.
“Sing, cuckoo, now; sing, cuckoo;”
“Beric, come on!”
Zahn looked up to see Kyler beckoning towards the blacksmith. Beric dropped the stone he held with a big grin, joining his deep baritone voice with the lighter tenors.
“Sing, cuckoo; sing, cuckoo, now!”
Their voices swelled back into the last verse, Kyler and Beric halting at a few of the notes:
“Cuckoo, cuckoo,
You sing well, cuckoo,
Never stop now.
Sing, cuckoo, now; sing, cuckoo;
Sing, cuckoo; sing, cuckoo, now!”
“Play it again!” Kyler shouted to Zahn as he jumped over the fire in the poet’s direction. Laughter erupted as Kyler grabbed Jace’s arm and started skipping in a circle. Beric began clapping to the beat of Zahn’s playing, a wide grin rising on his face. Zahn played the song faster as Jace struggled to keep the words right while dancing.
“Sing cuckoo, now; sing, cuckoo!” Kyler and Jace shouted in unison as they blurred past Zahn. The musician grinned as he watch the two boys jerk about in all directions. There was no order whatsoever in their steps and leaps, but he didn’t care one bit. The beaming looks on their faces was all the reward he desired. He glanced at Beric. The blacksmith’s eyes were shining. Zahn turned back to the dancers. They’d needed a break like this. A moment of laughter and joyfulness.
Jace whirled out of Kyler’s grasp, spinning towards the pillars that bordered the Ring. Zahn’s keen eyes caught sight of a shadowy movement from behind the pillar. He opened his mouth to shout just as Jace crashed into a body. The stranger slammed into a pillar while Jace stumbled backwards. The poet gasped and bobbed to the ground when he saw who the person was.
“Prince Keiden!” he sputtered. “I—I mean, Keiden…”
The prince recovered from his crash into the hard stone and scanned the Ring, one hand before him as if to ward off an attacker. Zahn screeched a halt in his song, his eyes riveted on the prince’s face. Jace straightened and backed up nervously. An awkward silence hung in the air as the seconds ticked by.
The cough of a husky voice broke the stillness. “Good eve, Keiden.” Kyler’s voice sounded through the gap across the stone floor. His voice had lost all of its levity in an instant, but it broke the stiffness that had been spreading like a raincloud.
Keiden smiled and stepped down into the Ring. “Good eve,” he replied, nodding towards Jace. “I am glad to see you are all enjoying yourself. I did not know you were so skilled with the guitar, Zahn.”
“And Jace sings like an eagle,” Kyler cut in. They all laughed. Kyler’s bluntness seemed to dispell the awkward social barrier.
Jace strode back to the fire and crouched down at his book. Beric left his wall seat and joined Zahn at the pillar. Kyler returned to his burnt squirrel, while Zahn waited to hear Keiden’s news.
The prince looked straight at Zahn. “I came to talk to Guy.”
At that, another spell of silence hung over the rangers. A deeper, colder, silence. Zahn could see from the look on the prince’s face that he immediately felt it. Confusion quickly covered Keiden’s surprised expression.
Zahn shifted against the pillar. “He’s not here right now.”
“Ah. Well…” Keiden stalled, his eyes wandering over the surrounding ruins. He glanced back at Zahn and Beric. “Tell him I will not be here for the next few weeks. I am going to a counsel with my father. I brought the weapons he asked for. They are in the barn.”
Beric nodded.
Zahn offered a faint smile. “Thank you, Keiden, for your supplies. We couldn’t do our work without them.”
Keiden gave a quick nod. “I wish you all a good evening.” He stepped back towards the wall of broken pillars. He paused, turning slightly towards Zahn. “Would you accompany me down?”
“Of course.” Zahn set his guitar gently on the ground, propping up against the pillar. He followed the prince out of the Ring and towards the darkening shadows of the ruins. As they walk further away, Zahn caught the sounds of Kyler and Jace striking up the song again in acapella, urging Beric to join them.
Their voices gradually grew distant as Zahn and Keiden moved down along the broken walls towards the city. For a moment, they walked in silence, the night sounds growing louder with the ever deepening night. The wind rustled through the grass that sprouted up in rough patches among the rocks and stones. Chirping crickets began to creek their night melodies.
Zahn walked in silence beside Keiden, waiting for the prince to aniciate.
“If I should not know anything, I will not ask any questions.” Keiden’s rich voice echoed slightly through the beams and stone walls of the ancient castle.
Zahn shook his head. “It’s not like that. You’re new to the group and you only come occasionally, so there are things you don’t see.”
“Oh.”
Zahn’s left leg crunched on a twig. It snapped in half. “Guy’s never with us during the nights. He goes off by himself.”
“To where?”
“Out of the city.”
Keiden stared at Zahn with alarm.
Zahn shook his head again. “He goes into the caverns in the forest and spends the night there.”
There was another long moment of silence. What seemed to be seconds quickly turned into minutes. Zahn could feel the unspoken question looming in the air. It seemed to dance around his neck, whispering and chanting to be spoken.
They turned around a sharp corner that Zahn recognized to be the Monument. They were close to the city limits. His thougths turned back to the silent, but pestering question.
“It’s…an unspoke rule among us that we don’t ask him why.” He released a heavy sigh. “There are some things…well, many things of his past that he never tells us about.” In the darkening shadows, Zahn could just make out Keiden tilt his head down and up.
“He goes there as a way to…” hesitatation filled his mouth, “…cope.”
“I never noticed anything of that degree in him.” Keiden’s steady face helped Zahn settle the nagging uncertainty in his gut.
“He’s different during the day,” he replied. “And some days are better than others.”
Keiden abruptly halted, turning to face him. “Do you know?”
“Only minor bits and pieces. It has something to do with his family.”
A soft light sparked in the prince’s eyes. He turned away. The light of the city lanterns flickered straight ahead. Their entrance into the city was close. “I understand. Thank you for telling me, Zahn.”
Zahn extended an arm. “You’ve proven yourself trustworthy, and you are part of us. Brothers trust each other. Especially brothers under the King.”
Keiden grasped his arm and warmly shook it. “May God protect you and the others.”
“You as well.”
Keiden gave a nod, then slipped his arm from Zahn’s and hurried towards the lights.
Zahn stood there in the shadows for a long time, processing and replaying their conversation. Perhaps one day he would learn Guy’s story. He would always be ready to listen…but Guy would have to be willing to tell him.
Gazing up at the sky, he spotted the Big Dipper and the Great Bear constellation. Hundreds of other twinkling lights shone in the dark void. The night had fallen, and it was a stunning, starlit night.
******
The fire popped and crackled in a joyful rythem, sending its vibrating glow into the night’s darkness. The stars sparkled from high above like jewels stuck in a wall of black iron.
Kyler sat next to the fire, his arms crossed against his chest, his face turned upwards. He and Jace were alone in the Ring. Zahn had left with Keiden and not returned, while Beric had left to sleep in his quarters.
Kyler wanted to stay up and enjoy the marvelous night. The temperture was perfectly balanced with the cool wind and warm fire. And the stars…the sky was lit with a million diamonds.
He heaved a satisfied sigh, his eyes roving the luminecient galaxy. “I wish Taph was here for this.”
Jace looked up from his sketching. “Who’s Taph?”
“My sister.”
“You never said anything about a sister.”
Kyler grinned, but it pulled downards. “I guess not.” He dropped his gaze from the dazzeling night sky. “She would have loved the stars.”
Jace stared into the fire. “What is she like?”
Kyler furrowed his brow. He had never talked about her to anyone in detail. Beric never asked, which he was grateful for, but Jace’s simply-put questioning didn’t come across as offensive or annoying as it always did. He couldn’t speak about her to others…but perhaps he could to Jace.
He knelt down and sat with his legs criss-crossed. “She’s…” he closed his eyes, pictureing her face. Her warm smile. Her sunny face. “She’s like a daisy. Beautiful, yet plain. Gentle, yet strong. She has the warmest smile and the brightest look in her eyes.”
He turned his head to spy Jace staring intently at him, almost as if he was trying to physically see his words.
“What color is her hair?”
Kyler cocked his head. “Why would you want to know that?”
Jace waved his pencil in the air, drawing imaginary circles. “So I can see her too.”
Kyler fought a bursting laugh. “You are odd, Jace.”
“Well if I can’t see her, I can’t draw her.”
Kyler shook his head, but a smile spread across his face. “Her hair was a brown color. Not a dark brown, but sort of like a nut brown.” He pointed to one of the sapling twigs lying near the fire. “It looked like that.”
“Did she look like you?”
Kyler shrugged. “I suppose so.”
“What about the shape of her nose? Was it sharp like yours?”
Kyler scrunched his face. “How am I supposed to remember that kind of detail?”
Jace shrugged. “Was worth the asking.”
“Well,” Kyler closed his eyes again, recalling Taph’s face to mind. Laughter danced in her brown eyes. “You promise?” she asked. He grabbed her wrist and spun her around. “I promise.” He whispered, holding out a daisy to her.
“Kyler?”
“Kyler?”
Kyler didn’t hear. Taph’s smiling face warped into the dark clouds of a October evening. Their cottage stood there, the licking flames reaching up to the darkening sky. The knights dragged her away, and he couldn’t do anything to stop them. He fought; he kicked; he screamed…he couldn’t get to her.
“Kyler, help me!” Her voice pleaded with him…tore into him…but he couldn’t. Come. To her aid. He couldn’t keep his promise. He failed. He—
“Kyler!”
Kyler jolted, his eyes snapping open. Jace’s face morphed into his vision, then sharped. Kyler’s lungs gasped for air, his hands reached up to hold his head.
“Are you alright?” Worry loomed in Jace’s eyes.
Kyler sucked in another breath, forcing his hands down. “Her nose was smoother than mine,” he stated. “It wasn’t as sharp either.” He hoped that was a good enough answer, but he could already feel the tension floating in the air. It hadn’t been there before.
Thankfully, Jace didn’t reply, but jotted some notes in his book.
Kyler stared at the dying embers of the fire. No longer at ease, he began to clench and unclench his hands into a fist.
“What…” Jace hesitated, “happened to her?”
Kyler didn’t turn his head or say anything.
A hurried tone crept into Jace’s voice. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”
The wind gave a sudden gust, rendering the fire to half its blaze. Kyler shifted closer to the dying flames, bringing his knees up to his chest. Instinctively, his arms wrapped around them. As it had always done in times past, the warmth from having his body bundled together brought comfort to him. He relaxed slightly, able to clear his throat. He shot a quick glance at Jace. The boy’s face was covered with shadows, making it hard to read his expression. Kyler turned his eyes back to the last flickering licks of the fire, giving a sideways nod.
“Knights from the Keledone king confiscated our land and took us as slaves because of some debt issues. They tricked us. Rubbish with new land laws and all that.” Hard bitterness seeped into his voice at the memories.
“They took Taph to be a servant girl in the palace ‘cause she was pretty. It should have been me. I fought them, but…I couldn’t stop them. I should have died. I should have never worked for them.” He stared hard into the fainting slivers of fire, his face resonating the same heat. “Taph was all I cared for. Living’s worthless without purpose. The only one I have left is this.”
A moment of silence hung in the air. The sizzling of the dying fire and the whisper of the wind were the only sounds audible to Kyler’s ear.
Finally, Jace’s voice broke the black silence. “I’m sorry.”
Kyler grunted. He drew his hand back, releasing pressure from his leg. He hadn’t even noticed his hand had been gripping his knee.
He looked over at Jace. The fire no longer gave any light, but the sky was full of bright stars, spreading a clearness through the dark night. He could just make out Jace’s form. One arm dangled over the boy’s raised knee while the other rested on his left leg that stretched out. A slender, dark object entertwined between his fingers—his pencil.
“You know, I never had any siblings. At least, not that I can ever remember.” A tint of laughing sadness echoed in Jace’s voice. That’s what Kyler called it. Laughing sadness. And he could never describe it beyond those two words.
Kyler grunted again, a faint smile tweeking the left corner of his mouth. Breaking his gaze from the smouldering coals, he looked over at Jace. The boy looked uncommonly grave.
“You were a street orphan.” Kyler meant it to be a question, but it came out more as a statement.
“All my life,” Jace replied, his cheerful demenor immediately returning. Out of the corner of his eye, Kyler could see Jace as he leaned back against the ground, bringing his hands up to rest behind his head.
The poet continued. “At nighttime, I used to climb the highest building, lay down like this, and stare at the stars. I used to believe they were different worlds before and think of what the people who lived there were like.”
Kyler coughed a laugh. “You and your imagination.”
Jace chuckled, before falling into silence. A cricket chirped in the quiet. The wind had quieted to barely a trickle of air.
“Life has a bigger purpose, Kyl. Bigger than this.”
“It must be bigger than me, then.” Kyler edged closer to the cooling coals, wishing the live warmth would return.
Jace’s voice returned. “Ha, you’re right. It is bigger. He is bigger.”
Kyler grunted. “Now I know what you’re talking about.”
“Who we’re talking about,” Jace corrected.
“You.” Kyler rebutted. “You’re the one talking about Him, not me.” He stood up, stretching his legs. “Have you ever tried counting them?”
A laugh erupted from Jace. “I tried every night for years. I even created a system for capturing down the numbers and counting them. Have it down to a T.”
Kyler grinned, glad to be drifting off their previous topic. “Race me in counting.”
“What?”
Kyler didn’t miss a beat. “Three, two, one. Count!”
Their voices snapped in the air, chanting numbers at a neck-breaking the speed. Kyler nearly choked with laughter as he strove to count faster than Jace. The boy was true to his word. He could count incredibly fast.
“Forty-five, forty-six…” Kyler jabbed his fingers at the sky, trying to count the stars in order and not recount the ones he’d already counted.
“Sixty-three, sixty-four, sixty-five!” Jace’s high-pitched voice rang in Kyler’s ears. It seemed that the people down in the city should be able to hear the boy.
“Fifty-five, forty-six, bleh—fifty-seven…” Kyler’s eyes blurred from staring at the sky. He had never seen so many stars before. The billions of twinkles began to play with his mind, leaping out at him from nowhere or melding together in a brilliant mesh of light. He dropped his hand, gasping forth laughs. “You win, you win!” He shouted at Jace who was still shooting numbers. Jace halted in his counting, letting out a whoop.
Kyler covered his ears. “Blazes, you must have woken up Beric.”
The boy cackled with laughter. Kyler joined him for no reason, doubling over and laughing so hard that tears pricked at his eyes. It felt so good to laugh like that. Just to laugh, talk, and even dance with a friend. Kyler glanced over to Jace’s shadowy form jerking back and forth with his laughter.
He didn’t have many friends…if any…but Jace was one.
Kyler looked back up at the stars. The sky was brimming with dazzling lights. I hope you can see them, Taph. Wherever you are.
******
“Do you see the North Star?”
He peered through the window, hands eagerly pressing against the panes. “Is it that big one?” He pointed a finger upwards.
She came and stood beside him. Taking his small hand in hers, she guided his index finger to where the noble star shone.
“That’s the one,” she whispered.
“My star,” he breathed.
She gave a warm, rumbling chuckle. He beamed at her. How he loved that caressing sound. She bent lower until her face was level with his. He watched her gray eyes lift skywards.
“When the sun and the moon came together, the North Star was born, and its light gave joy to both the day and the night.” She turned her face to his. A twinkle sparkled in her eye, brighter than the comets outside.
He breathed in the air with awe. “Papa is the great moon,” he mused. With a sudden childish impluse, he flung his arms around her neck. “But I love the sun best.”
She pulled back and planted a kiss on his head. “And you will always be my little North Star.”
“…you will always be my little North Star.”
Guy’s eyes opened. He jolted up into a sitting position, sleepiness fleeing in an instant.
“…you will always be my little North Star.”
Her tender words echoed within his mind, ringing with sweetness and love. How long had it been since he’d last heard that voice?
Guy sucked in a deep breath, holding it in for a moment before letting it slowly out. He turned his hands over and examined them. The stars from above gave just enough light to see them clearly.
Clean.
He turned them over once more and rubbed his right palm to ensure nothing was covering them. His thumb dragged against his rough skin, halting at the thick callouses below his fingers. Taking another deep breath, he hesitatingly released the tension in his shoulders while running his hands through his tangled hair. He dropped his hands to his sides as he peered up through the looming rocky walls to the open space above. Shining with exubrance and magnanimity, the North Star towered high in the sky. It looked to be about midnight.
Guy dropped his gaze and stared at the blanket spread out from underneath him. What was it?
“…you will always be my little North Star.”
Her words echoed again. Guy breathed in shakingly, covering his face with his hands. At least it hadn’t been a nightmare. It had actually been…delightful. A sweet dream. Something that was unheard of. Maybe he would dream again.
“Don’t count to have your blessings twice, Guy,” he muttered, dropping his hands. And yet, he couldn’t help but yearn to see that scene again. To be whisked back there in his mind.
He tenitantly lay down, whisps of fear fluttering throughout his body. If only he could rewind time, then everything would be alright.
Wishing is ridiculous. He’d told himself that time and time again. But he still did wish he could change the past. Despite all he’d told himself, he couldn’t stop longing for what once had been. For what could have been. He wanted to laugh again. Truly laugh. He wanted to forget forever. He wanted—
An echoing drip sounded farther inside the cave, snapping Guy’s thoughts to the present. It was the same old drip. He’d listened to it for hours in the past, trying to calm his racing heart by breathing to its slow rythem. That sound was his sole companion in the darkness. That…and the twinkling stars above him. Neither the drip nor the stars cared who he was. They didn’t care about what he did or what he had done. They were silent and complacent…much like the darkness that he wrapped himself in. It was safe…when he was all alone with them.
It was just like any other night in the cave. Everything felt the same. Everything looked the same. Everything sounded the same. But tonight he hadn’t had any terrors. At least, not yet.
Guy looked up at the sky, gazing at the sparkling beauties that had once brought so much joy to him. Now they also served only as a reminder…but somehow, their light was still…comforting. The North Star still held that same magesty and mystery that it had eminated when he would look at it behind the panes of a glass window.
Perhaps every once in a while he could sleep without horror.
Perhaps…every once in a while he could forget the pain of the past and only remember the joy and peace.
Perhaps…every once in a while, the deep dark night could be lit bright with stars.
And if not, then perhaps…he could at least pretend it was so.
The End
🎶 I'm still dancing to the music in the garden that was so much brighter then...🎶
Wow, I really liked reading this! Are you planning to use the characters in a novel?
The POVs seemed pretty different, I think. Obviously, the longer we spend with the characters, the more we’ll get to know them and see their differences, but I got the impression that Zahn was the peacemaker, Kyler likes to tease and instigate things, and Jace is a bit quieter and introspective, maybe?
I did notice a few times that some words you used were either typos or not words at all (or words I’d never seen.)
tenitantly lay down
Tentatively, or hesitantly?
Other than that, there were a few typos, but I don’t know if you wanted actual editing or just like, opinions on this.
Anyway, please tag me if you post more!
"Don't shine so that others can see you. Shine so that through you, others can see Him." ~ C.S.L.
Yes! I’m planning, Lord willing, to write a book with these guys in it.
I did notice a few times that some words you used were either typos or not words at all (or words I’d never seen.)
Thanks. I think I caught all of those.
The POVs seemed pretty different, I think. Obviously, the longer we spend with the characters, the more we’ll get to know them and see their difference.
Great!
I got the impression that Zahn was the peacemaker, Kyler likes to tease and instigate things, and Jace is a bit quieter and introspective, maybe?
Thank you! Based on your feedback, I think I will edit the story a little, mostly in Zahn’s part. He is a peacemaker, but is also very introspective and thoughtful. I think I didn’t show that aspect of him that well, so I’m going to add some things for that.
Yup, Kyler is just like that.
Now, Jace…yes, Jace is introspective and quiet for certain things. He’s like Zahn in a way, but also different. Zahn is introspective in the large, idea-like, invisible things, while Jace is introspective in the small, everyday, tangible things. Jace is thoughtful like Zahn, but he’s far more down-to-earth and simple-minded. Not simple-minded in a bad way, but in like how Jesus talks about child-like faith. He takes things as they are and sees the beauty in them.
Zahn is thoughtful in a higher, more heady way. Tough reading and thinking…philosophical…
Another way I put it is that Jace is like The Chronicles of Narnia, while Zahn is like The Lord of the Rings. Does that make sense? Both talk about deep subjects, but Narnia is more like a man, while LOTR is more like an elf. I hope the picture is working…
Did that difference come across in any way? That’s one thing for me to find out: how to write those two differently. They are both introspective but in different ways.
Lastly, any thoughts on Guy’s POV? What kind of vibe does he give?
🎶 I'm still dancing to the music in the garden that was so much brighter then...🎶
I definitely got that difference, but having you explain it helped even more.
Is Jace younger than the others? You described him as a boy multiple times.
Guy… we didn’t really get much there, but I got the impression he is haunted by his past. Lol.
"Don't shine so that others can see you. Shine so that through you, others can see Him." ~ C.S.L.
Okay, great! I’m glad you felt that difference.
Yes…Jace is the youngest. Everyone else is in their twenties or thirties…Jace is the only one with the word “teen” in his age. Everyone views him like their little brother.
Guy… we didn’t really get much there, but I got the impression he is haunted by his past. Lol.
Heehee…yup. If there’s anything people will take away from Guy’s part, it’s probably that.
🎶 I'm still dancing to the music in the garden that was so much brighter then...🎶
Gotcha.
"Don't shine so that others can see you. Shine so that through you, others can see Him." ~ C.S.L.
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