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I loved that scene so much! It was so bittersweet and all the flashbacks were really cool to read
“Nothing says autumn like slurpin’ apples.” -my uncle
Awww. I love it! Loopylins right, the flashbacks are awesome!
"Would you kindly...?"
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@mineralizedwritings aww, I love it. 💖💖💖
It just made me cry…and I love it XXD
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@acancello love it!!!! ❤️❤️
Aww this was really good! Some of the flashbacks were a little confusing to read, but if it’s going to be a graphic novel later that will probably be easier 😉 Thanks for sharing it!!
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@esther-c @godlyfantasy12 @mineralizedwritings @euodia-vision @lightoverdarkness6 @hybridlore @koshka @loopylin @acancello @smiley @anyone-else-idk-lol-XD
I just wrote this chapter in my main WIP.
My boys…I just…I love them so much y’all…😭😭💖😭😭
Chapter 32
Riker walked into the compound, boots crunching against ice and snow, his coat pulled on even tighter than normal.
He kept the small package close to his chest. As special as it was rare, it was sliced gingerbread for the men of Barracks 9.
The guards on duty had paid him no mind, him being an officer…and besides, they were trying to enjoy their night too.
Even though they were surrounded by bloodshed and the carnage of war, everyone tried to enjoy Christmas.
It was special to so many…and even though the entire world was crumbling, people still celebrated.
Riker arrived at Barracks 9 and slowly eased the door open. He stepped into the barracks.
Several heads turned to face him…even more than he remembered.
“Riker! Riker, what are you doing here?” Yosef asked, rushing over from where he had been sitting beside Isaiah, who was still recovering from a harsh cold, in the middle of the room on a bench.
Riker smiled gently at the sixteen-year-old. He gently opened the package. “I brought gingerbread for Christmas…”
Yosef’s bright brown eyes lit up. He turned around to face his father. “Abba, Riker-!”
“I heard.” Isaiah slowly rose to his feet, with Bruno’s help, and walked over, still looking a little weak. “Thank you, Riker. Adonai bless you, my son…what a wonderful Christmas gift. We couldn’t ask for anything better.”
“What about getting out of this place?”
“Leon, not now.” Bruno snapped, turning to face Leon, who was descending the bunk he had been laying on.
Leon landed on the floor and slowly walked over. “Gingerbread? What is this…a way of trying to earn our appreciation?”
“Leon…I’d never try to earn anything from any of you…I don’t deserve it.”
“You’ve got that right,” Leon raised an eyebrow, “but why are you really here?”
“To give you something you can celebrate Christmas with…I know it’s a special time of year for a lot of people.”
“Who do you think you are…coming to see us on Christmas of all days?”
“I know I shouldn’t be here, Leon…and I’m sorry, again…I’m sure Christmas must be hard for you…”
“Hard? You better believe it’s hard! My wife is dead…I’m stuck in this hole, and my kids are nowhere around!”
“At least your children are safe, Leon…now leave the poor man alone.” Isaiah whispered, gently and softly, his patience somehow never wearing thin.
“I’m sorry Leon…I-I didn’t know what was going on.”
“Even if you had…would you have been brave enough to save Aadelheide, or would you have been a coward?”
“I’m sorry Leon…I know that none of you deserve this…you’re innocent.”
“…But do you deserve this?”
Riker’s gaze fell to his snow-covered jackboots. “No, I don’t…I deserve much worse.”
“Worse? Riker, don’t-“
“It’s okay Isaiah…I know what I deserve.” Riker lifted his head and forced a smile he didn’t feel…not one bit. “Let’s just say that I already know that there’s a special place in Hell for a man like me.”
Isaiah’s gentle, calloused hand rested on his shoulder. “Riker…”
Riker pulled away. “I’m sorry…none of you had to hear that. Here, feel free to eat all of the gingerbread…I hope everyone enjoys it.” He handed off the gingerbread to Yosef, who watched the entire exchange with a concerned gaze.
“Riker, did anyone ever tell you that everyone deserves Hell?” Isaiah whispered.
“Me more than most…a mistake and a murderer belongs in Hell.”
Leon raised an eyebrow. “Mistake?”
Riker faced Leon again and slowly nodded. “I’m a mistake. My father had to be right about something.”
Leon stared blankly at him, confusion in his dark brown eyes.
None of those words were supposed to escape.
“I’m sorry…I-I have to leave.”
Isaiah, Yosef, and Bruno all called for him to stay, but Riker didn’t…couldn’t…listen.
He left the barracks and closed the door behind him.
He made his way out of the camp, ignoring his throbbing head…his mind full of memories.
He left out the large gates and walked out onto the streets.
He ran.
Riker pumped his legs, pumped his arms, tears falling in droves, trying to drown out the memories…the pain…the grief…the guilt…the shame.
Day in and day out, he saw people suffer in the camp.
At night, their faces floated before his eyes…and he lost so much sleep.
He deserved it…of course he did…because he deserved so much worse.
Riker wiped tears away, still running, unable and unwilling to stop.
Snow fell, leaving small spots of white on his uniform and face, which quickly melt.
Lights weren’t allowed with the blackout, but even as Riker ran past houses, both intact and bombed-out, a sound reached his ears.
Singing…Christmas carols and hymns. Voices, some high, some low…coming together as one.
Family…love…faith…all coming together to create a melody.
Riker wiped more tears away.
He’d given Leon and the other men of Barracks 9 gingerbread…they deserved to celebrate Christmas.
But Riker didn’t…not one bit.
His wife and kids would be in America…celebrating Christmas together along with Iris’ parents; talking, eating, singing, and opening presents.
But Riker wouldn’t be there.
Aadelheide…Fin…Jennie…all dead because Riker had failed.
The people he’d killed did nothing to deserve death…when Riker had done everything to deserve death.
He didn’t deserve Christmas.
He was too far gone for God to redeem…nor would he ever assume that God would even want to redeem an evil man like him.
He was a mistake.
It was all he had been told he was…all he had ever been…all he would ever be…what he was always destined to be.
Riker stopped by a tree, too tired to run any longer. Tears blurring his vision, sweating profusely, he ripped off his gloves, unbuttoned his coat, took off his uniform cap, and dropped all three onto the snowy ground.
He leaned against the tree and slowly sank down the trunk. He didn’t care that the snow was cold…maybe it would be just enough to numb his pain.
Riker looked up at the bright, starry sky above. “Aadelheide, Fin, and Jennie…they didn’t have to die. They did nothing to deserve death. They faithfully followed you…so why…why didn’t you take me? I deserve nothing less than death…take me instead, before I kill anyone else!”
Snowflakes landed on his cheeks, mixing with his tears.
He heard no voice…not even a small whisper. God didn’t hear him…nor did Riker expect him to.
Riker didn’t even want to hear himself.
His mother, his beloved Jennie, had always told him that hatred was wrong…he knew it was wrong to hate other people.
But that didn’t mean Riker didn’t hate himself.
Riker raised his knees up to his chest and buried his face in them.
Body going numb…heart shattered in a million pieces…Riker sat in the snow…and wept.
~*~
Leon laid on the wet straw, unable to focus…barely able to think.
It was Christmas.
Leon was twenty-five now.
Twenty-five…stuck in this place…left without a wife…without his kids around.
Stuck with nowhere to go…no one to turn to.
He closed his eyes against the pain. He clenched his fists, fighting back the emotions he didn’t want to deal with.
He was angry at Riker…angry at God…angry at all of the people that had put him in this vile place.
But when the anger faded…when night fell…when silence came…anger seemed to fade, and in its wake…brokenness settled.
Leon was alone.
God didn’t hear him…God didn’t answer him.
Leon slowly opened his eyes, and tears fell.
He thought God loved him…yet the God that he thought loved him…abandoned him.
Not many understood what it felt like…seeing all the hatred…all the pain.
Not many understood what it felt like to see a total disregard for human life.
Not many understood what it felt like to look around at the destruction…the death…around and realize that the God you thought loved you had abandoned you when you needed him most.
Against Leon’s own will, more tears fell.
Tears of loss.
Tears of grief.
Tears of pain.
Tears of sorrow.
Tears of abandonment.
Tears of anger.
Tears of brokenness.
Tears of loneliness.
Tears of…hopelessness.
Leon laid on his back, his back still aching from still-healing whip wounds, staring blankly, vision blurred by tears, at the cracked, damp ceiling above him.
Isaiah and Yosef’s Bible study droned on…but Leon didn’t listen…he couldn’t.
He couldn’t even muster the strength to get angry at their study.
He couldn’t even muster the strength to get up.
He had wasted tears…wasted prayers.
Leon used to have so much.
He had his wife…his kids…his house. He had his friends. He had his faith…his church family. He had his freedom. He had his hope…he had his God.
But now, all he had left…were ashes.
@freedomwriter76
😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
I love it girl!! But it’s soooo sadd 😭😭😭
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@hybridlore tysm 💖💖 yeah, i know…it made me cry while writing it 😭❤️ this is kinda the part of this book (continues into the sequel) where Riker/Leon are kinda going through their darkest moments…heh 😅
@freedomwriter76
I think I speak for most when I ask
Where are the happy scenes in your WIP
Cause so far I’ve only read scenes that make me cry
But great chapter I love it!!!
Do me a favor…. Tell Cress I meant it
-Thorne@freedomwriter76
😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Yes!!! xD
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@smiley thx 💖💖
@smiley @hybridlore ok…ok, listen…I do have some happy scenes, but more than most, they’re bittersweet…not fully sweet. Leon/Riker are going through a lot…and with Riker not having his family around, Leon separated from his kids and in a concentration camp, what happy scenes do y’all expect me to write!? XXDI mean….Riker has the resistance group around, but tbh, Leon is kinda in a really bad place right now…heh.
@freedomwriter76 @smiley
It’s Christmas!! XD Write happy for that! It can be bittersweet because Leon misses his kids. Lolol girl, you’re enjoying this way too much 😅🤣
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i cried over this chapter, you know 😂😂
truth be told though, with everything going on, it’s hard for Leon/Riker to find “happy” things around them…since both of them are men without God in their lives…it’s even harder for them to do so. I meannnnnn…I got an idea for a happier scene with Riker…but Leon…not so much, poor boi 😅😭
(
i could totally have a long convo between Leon/Isaiah tho…*gasps* now I must!!!)@freedomwriter76
yeah, I get it girl, just joking 😅
Oooohhhh you must send it to me!! xD I reallyy want to read that.
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