Home Page › Forums › Fiction Writing › General Writing Discussions › A Place to share/write whatever we’re working on: Worldbuilding, plot, etc
- This topic has 2,156 replies, 40 voices, and was last updated 3 months, 2 weeks ago by The Ducktator.
-
AuthorPosts
-
July 31, 2023 at 12:41 pm #152522
@freedomwriter76
AHHH I LOVE IT BUT ITS SO SADDD 😭😭😭
"Be careful, for writing books is endless, and much study wears you out." Eccl. 12:12
July 31, 2023 at 12:43 pm #152523Anonymous- Rank: Chosen One
- Total Posts: 8156
@hybridlore TYSM! 💖💖
ahhh, sameeeee 😭😭💖😭😭
July 31, 2023 at 12:54 pm #152524@freedomwriter76
Awwww
*cries*
that was terrible!!! why would you do this to that family????!!!!!!
But great writing!
Do me a favor…. Tell Cress I meant it
-ThorneJuly 31, 2023 at 1:49 pm #152525@freedomwriter76
Ikr ;(
"And so I left this world just as I had entered it. Confused."
July 31, 2023 at 1:58 pm #152526@freedomwriter76
Awwwwww, that was so sad! 😭
I rolled the log over and underneath was a tiny little stick and I was like, "That log had a child
July 31, 2023 at 3:49 pm #152528@freedomwriter76
Thanks!
I looove your scene! It’s so sad, but amazing, it feels like it happened in real life.
- This reply was modified 1 year, 3 months ago by Allison.
"Would you kindly...?"
July 31, 2023 at 3:57 pm #152530@freedomwriter76
Aww, Himmler!! 😢
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
July 31, 2023 at 3:58 pm #152531@freedomwriter76
Aww, Himmler!! 😢
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
July 31, 2023 at 4:02 pm #152532Hey!! I’m glad you’re back! 😉
Thanks, girl! Glad to be back! 😊
Yeah… not a huge fan of research, so at this point I’m thinking I’ll probably stick with contemporary, and just outline reallyyy well so that it doesn’t drag, or place it in some vague historical setting and do the same.
Yep… outlining… 😬😂
I think the historical aspect adds to the plot since I feel like it’d be more likely for someone to be in her situation… if that makes sense, since treatment and stuff was less advanced back then. And then I don’t have to worry about keeping details right for treatments, because… lol I have zero experience with this stuff. So that’s an idea.
Oh yeah, that makes sense. I can see that.
That’s true! That would be easier, I’ll definitely consider that! Again I’m not sure if it would really work for what I was thinking with less advanced treatment and stuff… but maybe? Tbh, I’m probably overthinking it xD
Yeah, I’m not sure either. XD I don’t quite stay up to date on how medical practices change I’m just grateful they have. 😂
Ooohh she sounds like a good author! Maybe I’ll have to check those out for “research” xD
Definitely only for “research” 😏
Yeah, I really appreciate it! Haha I rant a ton, so I totally get it! Thanks for your help!! ❤️❤️
You’re so welcome! Glad I could help!!
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
July 31, 2023 at 4:04 pm #152533Woah… I’m not sure why it posted twice.
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
July 31, 2023 at 4:07 pm #152535Yeah, research xD
Thanks again!
Oh don’t worry about it, lol. Happens to me allllll the time 😅
"Be careful, for writing books is endless, and much study wears you out." Eccl. 12:12
July 31, 2023 at 7:19 pm #152545@hybridlore @esther-c @freedomwriter76 @euodia-vision @whalekeeper @Anyone whos interested!
Heres another piece of my book. The kids are now on their way to find there parents. I have calculated the time it would take them to walk 7 hours driving (around 16 days!) and here is a piece of their adventure! Warning! Tense scene with mob and people burning down buildings.
“I think we’re going the right way.” Sam remarked. “Might want to check the road from time to time.”
I nodded and turned towards what I thought was the road, but when I broke through the trees all we could see was the mountain range.
“Aww great. We’re lost.” Hugo said, turning around to go back into the woods.
“Wait.” Sam whispered. “Look!”
We followed his gaze and saw the faint outline of a town. A very small town, with hardly any buildings.
“That’s not Bermill.” I said. “Too small. No skyscrapers.”
“Not Windy Pines.” Sam laughed. “Luckily we’re not going in circles.”Hugo grinned. “Should we go to it?”
I looked at Sam who looked at me. “Should we?” we asked each other at the same time.
Hugo decided for us. “Yeah, let’s go see what’s there.”
He adjusted the bag on his shoulder and trudged off towards the town with Sam and I close at his heels.
Coming closer to the town, I could see that we made a mistake. Smoke poured out of many of the buildings, the sound of people yelling and screaming made my head spin. Waves of people armed with signs, swords, guns, sticks or just swinging their arms and punching everything in sight. A mob.
“Come on Dale! Open your doors!”
“We’ll become hungry also, you can’t hide it from us!”
“Open your doors!”
“Food! Water! Supplies!”
We heard their screams before we saw the people. Hugo stopped and looked around wildly.
“Quick, we got to hide!” He hissed, throwing the bag off his shoulder and lowering himself down in the three foot tall grass. Sam and I did the same.
From our view, we could not see any part of the town, except the tips of the roofs on some stores. It was pretty safe.
People kept screaming and cussing and yelling. It was getting pretty violent.
One man yelled. “Break the doors down!” And within a second we could hear the pounding on wood and windows. Soon to become splintering wood and shattering glass. A man inside yelled. The people outside screamed and yelled. Charging inside the store making the roof shake. A man inside yelled something and the people yelled right back.
After a few seconds of silence a man yelled. “Go! Paxton, go!”
The crowd gave an angry roar and I heard the sound of someone running across the grass right towards us, only one person.
Smoke began to rise from the little store.
I raised myself up a little bit to see who was coming, but Sam who was next to me roughly pushed me back down.
The person was running fast, and within seconds I saw the tip of a cowboy hat. The hat turned around to look at the store and put on a burst of speed, crushing the grass in their trail. They ran right through the grass to where we were hiding, tripped right over Hugo and fell, skidding.
The person was a boy about Scott’s age. He sat up, rubbed his dirt covered shoulder and opened his mouth in shock when he saw us.
Before he could talk, Sam motioned him to lay down, which he did.
“What are you doing here?” The boy hissed.
Sam shrugged. “No clue. Were lost.”
Before anyone else could say anything, flames leaped through the roof of the store. The boy bit his lip.
I looked at him. He seemed so brave and strong. He was also a little handsome, but I would never admit it.
His hair and eyes were brown, the color of chocolate. He wore a cowboy hat, blue jeans, red and orange plaid shirt and cowboy boots. He was tall and muscular and looked a little intimidating because of the shotgun he had slung across his back.
We all waited in silence for a long time. Not knowing what to say or when it would be safe to pop up and survey the wreckage. The boy’s brow wrinkled in anger. His brown eyes flashed with hatred as we listened to the mob destroy the town.
As night fell, I was cramped from laying down so long. The boys were also shifting uncomfortably, but we could still hear the mob, although it was a little more faint.
The boy sat up and rubbed his eyes. “I’m lucky no one came after me.”
“Yep.” Sam said.
The boy looked at Sam. “Who are you?”
Sam cleared his throat. “Samuel Seaborn Smith from Windy Pines. Our parents and friends were kidnapped and we are trying to find them.”The boy nodded. “And who are the other two?”
Hugo stuck out his hand, which the boy took. “Hugo Jim Walton.”
I waved shyly. “Shauna Sarah Smith.”
He looked at me for a second before turning away. “I’m Paxton. The town you are sitting in is Boreville.”
“Is that close to Bermill?” I asked.
“No. Around five and a half hours, driving.”
“Well that’s a lot closer than we started at.” Sam said, then he told Paxton our whole story from start to finish. To my surprise, he listened to every word, looking interested.You guys have come a long way.” He grinned. “Not as weak as I thought you were. Well, let’s wait till the mob calms down and we can go search through the remains of the town.”
We nodded in agreement and hunkered back down into the grass. Since we had no food or water we laid down to sleep. Paxton stayed sitting up on his knees. He looked at the town as he lovingly fingered his shotgun. Hugo and Sam began to snore, but I stayed awake, staring at the stars.
I could hear Paxton moving around and pulling out grass which confused me. Within minutes he had a blazing fire going in a patch of dirt. It was nice to feel heat after lying in the cold for so long.
He saw that I was awake and smiled. I sat up a bit higher and pulled my fingers through my tangled hair.
“How ya doing?” He asked, poking the fire with a stick. “Long journey?”
I just nodded, not daring to answer. I was already feeling too shy.
“I wish I brought some food.” He sighed wistfully. “Hopefully pop’s store didn’t get entirely destroyed.”
“Your dad owned a store?” I asked carefully, not wanting to make him sad.
“Yeah. Pop and I. Before Ma passed, she helped us open it up so we could make a living in the new town. This town. Where are you from again?”
“Windy Pines. We lived in a neighborhood, six houses down from Hugo and his sister, my best friend, Jean. She’s the one who’s been kidnapped along with their parents and my parents also.”
He nodded, concerned. “You know, I do know the way to Bermill-”
“You do?” I interrupted.
“Yes. But it’s not going to be easy. The fastest way would be through the swamp. That way.
He jerked his finger towards the town. “Not a pleasant place, but the fastest.”
“Swamp? What’s wrong with that?”
“Besides the bugs and alligators, getting lost at every turn and everything else that will eat you alive? That’s about it.” He said, smiling.“How are we going to get there?”
“By horse. It will be the quickest.”
That’s it so far. I might change Paxtons last name and Borevilles name, but other than that, I think its pretty good!
"Would you kindly...?"
July 31, 2023 at 7:36 pm #152546Ooohh awesome!!! This is really interesting!! 😁
"Be careful, for writing books is endless, and much study wears you out." Eccl. 12:12
July 31, 2023 at 7:37 pm #152547July 31, 2023 at 11:02 pm #152552@freedomwriter76 @lightoverdarkness6 @acancello @hybridlore @esther-c @godlyfantasy12 @whalekeeper
I’ve been doing some writing out of order…
“I think you can do it.” Tauren squeezes Lesli’s hand. “If you can’t solve it, it’s not your problem. I know you’ll try your best, but none of this is your fault. You were young, you wanted to live your life away from trouble, you’ve done that and now you’re going back to try to bring it all together again.”
“Yep.” Lesli says, setting her face. The sadness dries away, replaced by determination. “I can do this.”
Tauren smiles, letting go of her hand. “I’ll see ya.”
Lesli nods before turning the corner. “Seeya.”
Her footsteps grow distant as she tromps through the dark mines. Under the yellow familiar glow of her headlight, she walks the paths through the outer reaches. Lesli glances around the mines, memories flooding back. The bridge comes into her field of view, swinging on its ropes just as before.
“But why does it swing? It’s as if it’s alive…”
“I don’t know! Ominous, isn’t it. You go first.”
“Me?”
“Yes, You!”
“Why me?”
“I might break it! Come on, the ropes will barely feel your weight.”
“I’m going!”
Lesli touches the bridge’s edge with her foot, watching as it swings lightly from side to side. She smiles, feeling her eyes almost gloss with tears. Lesli runs across the bridge, her satchel swinging wildly behind her. The familiar parts of the mines come into view. First the worn gravel ground, looking just as she left it. Then the more frequent ceiling lights, basking the mines in golden hues. Lesli keeps walking, waves of emotion coming over her.
“We can’t hold onto you as a worker anymore… I’m sorry…”
Lesli runs through the mines. She slows to a jog, her heavy boots weighing her down.
“Come’on Tauren!”
“Don’t be scared! We’re doing this together.”
“I don’t know how to use this pickaxe…”
“I’ll show you. It’s hard work, but don’t worry, you’ll get stronger!”
Lesli takes a deep breath as she turns into the breakroom. She flips on the light switch, exhaling slowly.
“Lesli… I don’t know if I can do this. My back hurts.”
“You can do it. Here, let me help you, where does it hurt?”
Lesli exits the room, walking towards the residential halls. Darkness shields most of the hallways, other than the occasional lighting on a doorpost. Lesli stops in front of one of the lit doors.
215… That’s where Tauren lived!”
Lesli sucks in a deep breath. She glances over to the side. A dark door with a broken knocker and old doormat stands next to Tauren’s old unit. She walks over with caution, reading the door number with her headlamp. She stands in front of the eerily dark door.
It’s ok. If all fails, I just go back home empty handed and live like nothing happened here. Besides… I know mom will be at least a bit happy to see me.
Lesli knocks very loudly. She waits on the doormat, shifting her feet nervously.
The door slowly opens. Lesli shuts off her headlight, peeking inside with wide eyes. An older man stands dumbfounded in the doorway. His eyes sag with exhaustion. He strokes his medium length beard with his hand, staring at Lesli in the entryway.
“Dad?” Lesli says hopefully. Her words come out half as loud as she expected. “…Dad!”
“Lesli…” Terran turns away for a moment, taking a deep breath. “How did you get here?”
“I walked.” She says quietly, her eyes falling to his feet. She tries to smile, but her eyes draw back behind him to the messy and disarrayed house; shrouded mostly in darkness; other than a small desk lamp.
“Oh…” He brings a hand up to his face, rubbing his eyes.
“Can I come in…?”
“Yeah yeah…” He moves aside to let her in, shutting the door behind her softly.
“Mom?” Lesli turns around to peek down the hallway. Silence greets her eerily. She turns with a knowing gaze to her dad, who shakes his head.
“She left.”
“No…” Lesli frowns, her face quivering. She sits down at the dining room table across from her dad, who covers his face with his hands.
“I’m really sorry Lesli. It took me a long time to realize how much damage I caused.” He sighs, pulling his hands away from his face. Lesli takes off her mining helmet and sets it on the table. She nods.
“It’s ok.” Lesli sets her chin on her hand. “Sorry about mom.”
Terrance nods, putting his face back into his hands.
Lesli leans back in silence, looking around the once beautiful home. Scattered papers cover parts of the kitchen counter. A large pickaxe sits by the sofa, leaning against the wall.
“Tell me something about you.” Terrance says, the frown momentarily leaving his face. “You look all grown up now.”
Lesli pauses, scattered memories materializing in front of her face.
“So, this is the world we were meant to live in all along…”
“…it’s beautiful.”
“Layson?! Layson!!” “You’re back!” “Are you ok?!”
“I’m ok… it’s good to be home.”
“I’ve seen so much…” Lesli smiles, but it quickly turns to a frown. “I miss how you were when I was little… I wish that you could have seen it all.”
Terrance nods, wiping one of his eyes. “I wish too.” He furrows his eyebrows. “I’m so sorry Lesli…”
“It’s ok.” Lesli pulls a packet of photographs from her satchel. “I’ll show you some of it.”
She takes out a couple pictures, laying them out on the table.
“This is Everly, she’s an outsider I met… she lives next door. She married Layson, and they have a family.. and she has a little brother named Kaine. We’re friends with them.”
Terrance picks up the picture of Layson and his family, looking at it thoughtfully.
“There’s Tauren, that was taken soon after we left.” Lesli pulls out a picture of Tauren dancing barefoot on packed dirt.
“Hmm.” Terrance smiles.
“That’s me, Tauren took that picture.” Lesli hands him a photograph of her standing proudly in front of the waterfall.
“Look at you.” Terrance smiles thoughtfully. “Man. That place looks like a dream.”
“Does. The stars are incredible too. I couldn’t capture a picture of it… but the sky… like the ceiling out here… has it’s own natural lights.”
“Wow.” Terran smiles, sifting his fingers through the pictures. “Lots of Tauren in here. He looks older.”
Terrance takes out a picture of Tauren and Lesli sitting together, his arm tightly around her shoulder. He flips it around to show Lesli.
“Still friends?”
“Yeah.” Lesli laughs.
“I’m not gonna pry. Don’t worry.” He sighs, setting the picture down with the rest.
“Well… how do you feel? Looks you’ve had all the adventures that little girl could have wished for.”
Lesli gathers the pictures with a sigh. “I’m happy.” She straightens the edge of her photo stack against the hardwood table. “It makes me sad seeing you like this though.”
Terrance shakes his head.
“Where’s mom?”
“She’s living with her brother. I tried… but she wasn’t willing to take a second chance on me.”
Lesli wipes a tear from her eye.
“Everyone leaves Lesli…” Tears gather in Terrance’s eyes. “Everyone leaves me.”
Lesli cries, getting up out of her chair to hug her father.
“You… your mother… sometimes I wonder if I’m even here.” He squeezes her gently. “It’s a dark place to live in.”
Lesli sobs, resting her head on her dad’s shoulder. “I’m so sorry…”
“It’s my fault.” He says softly, as if the conclusion had been made ages ago.
Lesli slowly lets go, walking back over to her seat. She looks around the unit again, the messy apartment looking nearly uncanny against her memory.
“I was hoping to stay a night or two… if that’s ok.”
“Sure.” Terrance smiles. “However long you want.”
Lesli gets up, walking back towards her old room. She watches the pictures lining the walls. Her and Tauren, smiling so wide and innocently with wooden medals from the latest dance competition. Her being held by her father and mother as a baby, both her parents infectious love showing in their faces as they proudly hold up their newborn. Lesli sniffles slightly, holding her sweater sleeve up to her face.
I’m not ready for this…
Lesli opens the door, flipping on the light. It flickers, then basks the room in a warm yellow glow. Lesli gasps, finding it just like she left it. She walks over to her bed, collapsing into the dull pink comforter.
- This reply was modified 1 year, 3 months ago by MineralizedWritings.
"And so I left this world just as I had entered it. Confused."
-
AuthorPosts
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.