Home Page › Forums › Fiction Writing › General Writing Discussions › A Place to share/write whatever we’re working on: Worldbuilding, plot, etc
- This topic has 2,156 replies, 40 voices, and was last updated 3 months, 3 weeks ago by The Ducktator.
-
AuthorPosts
-
February 16, 2023 at 6:21 pm #133250
Absolutely! It’s really cool. But at the same time…I don’t know how to answer that struggle yet XD hence why his story is on hold at the moment.
@freedomwriter76
XD They sure do!
*stares at all the characters trying to sneakily take the wheel of the story* *glares*"...I did not say to the seed of Jacob, 'Seek Me in vain..."
(Part of) Isaiah 45:19February 16, 2023 at 6:41 pm #133263Anonymous- Rank: Chosen One
- Total Posts: 8156
@gwyndalf-the-wise. Those stubborn characters. 😆
February 16, 2023 at 8:37 pm #133316@freedomwriter76
Thankfully Derek’s is actually something I want to do. I have a different story and there’s this character who says he’s gonna need to be killed off and I don’t want to do that. XD
but unfortunately he’s probably right"...I did not say to the seed of Jacob, 'Seek Me in vain..."
(Part of) Isaiah 45:19February 17, 2023 at 3:23 pm #133449Oh yeah I get that. The ‘oh no times ticking away!’ response 😂
Yes. It’s so stressful! Like, why do I feel like I have to figure out my life in a couple months????
I’ll pray for you!
Thank you so much, sister! You’re in my prayers too!
That’s great you can talk to your parents about it! I’m that way with my mom. I’ll be all panicky and then we’ll talk and I realize I can stick it out a bit longer 😉
Moms are awesome. Just AWESOME. <3 <3
You’ve graduated, right? Is that the hard decision? Like to college, work or internship kinda thing?
Yeah, I actually graduated early, so I’ve been out of school for two years now, and I’ve only recently decided I want to get some education in writing/publishing. But the where, when and how is the question. 😉 Also, a job…
Idk, I’m doing well right now, but I seem to live on some kind of emotional rollarcoaster as of lately, which isn’t fun.
Certainly not fun. It’s been like that a little bit for me too.
I’m also just dealing with some stress because I feel like everything is just changing so much for me in a short time, since my sister moved out I just like grew up two years or something 😂 idk how to describe it. I do my own stuff now, have my own room, I’m learning to drive and doing more stuff alone, idk, emotional growing pains? Is that a thing? I think it’s harder for me because I don’t have friends my age doing the same thing with me.
Yes, emotional growing pains is a thing! And though you may feel alone, trust me, there’s so many of us going through that same thing too. It’s all new and stressful and we’re unsure of everything. But we’ll learn, and the Lord will help us. I recently got my driver’s license and am trying to get the hang of being by myself more, (growing up in a big family, I’ve hardly ever been by myself anywhere so it’s really weird!) and having to do things on my own. It’s tough, but we’re tough, girl, and with the Lord on our side, we’ll be ok.
I just got a lot done for plotting book 2! It’s weird, usually I have all these little interactions I want, but I can’t figure out the bigger picture, for some reason it was opposite this time? I know Layson’s motives and everything, but I haven’t figured out the interactions that move the story forwards. I’m super excited because I get to start world-building the historical sites, ruins, and other bunkers of the world 😃
That’s awesome! World building is so much fun!
He must increase, but I must decrease.
February 18, 2023 at 12:10 pm #133574💛💛💛
It’s tough, but we’re tough, girl
I need this on my wall XDXD
Never mind, I think I’d be too embarrassed XD lol
"And so I left this world just as I had entered it. Confused."
February 18, 2023 at 6:39 pm #133650Okay if I jump in?
I have this “interview” that I did to figure out more about Esia (I didn’t know she had an aunt, but apparently they’re very close)
Interviewer) Mind telling us a bit about yourself?
Esia) Absolutely! Um, okay… where to start? Oh! I know, obviously you’re probably wondering what’s up with my awesome fashion sense.
I) Uh, no, actually-
E) Well, I got my hi-tops at this awesome little shop on 4th street – near that smoothie place? Love their Mango Bliss, it’s absolutely stellar. Where was I?
I) Well-
E) Oh right, my shoes. Aren’t they awesome? I wear them every single day. Most people don’t notice but they’re actually special-edition glitter shoes.
I) That’s nice, but-
E) And my bangle bracelets are from ALL over the place – my Aunt Keia travels all OVER the world, and she sends me one for my birthday every year, that’s why I have 19!Wama-lama-bama-lama
God is king but rock 'n roll might be secondFebruary 18, 2023 at 11:00 pm #133672Lol! That’s funny 🤣 quite an interview
- This reply was modified 1 year, 9 months ago by MineralizedWritings.
"And so I left this world just as I had entered it. Confused."
February 20, 2023 at 8:13 am #133794@freedomwriter76 @godlyfantasy12 @mineralizedwritings @felicity @princesachronicle22 @thearcaneaxiom @any-one-else
(Freedom, I finally got some of it down!! 😅) Okay, here is a small part of a scene I’ve been working on! This first two parts are just showing some of Dylan’s life, a little bit anyway. The next part gets intense. And the last part is good, its kinda intense too though. There’s nothing intense in this first part though ;).
Dylan
I sat on a small couch in one of the rooms of the old, abandoned warehouse that served as our headquarters, pondering over many things. But what dominated my thoughts was a single word. Or, rather, a name…Asher.
The spunky young boy that I had been ordered to capture. I didn’t really know the reason that my father had to hold the boy captive; no one did. My father was a secretive man, keeping his ideas to himself. I had almost given up wondering why he was so paranoid, so discreet.
But I hadn’t given up wondering why my father, Vance, had captured him, and still held him captive.
I thought of the boy’s kind spirit, outgoing personality, dry humor, and even when he was surely afraid, the bravery that he had shown time and time again was astonishing.
But what struck me most was in the brightness of his eyes; the happiness that he seemed to carry with him always, even when was uneasy or scared. But lately, the brightness and happiness that stayed near him seemed to be diminishing. The surrounding darkness that filled the old storehouse seemed to be having an effect on him. Of course, I was used to it.
I’m too far gone, I thought. Too far gone.
But I couldn’t shake the peculiar feeling that I got every time I was around him.
While I was deep in thought, the door opened. I stood up quickly. One of my father’s messengers stood in the doorway.
“Yes, what is it?” I asked impatiently. “I haven’t got all day.”
The messenger jumped a little at my harsh tone, and I secretly relished the respect and power that I had from being Vance’s son.
“O-oh, yessir. Mr. Vance wants you to meet him in his study.”
My eyes widened. Now it was my turn to be a little shocked.
“R-right now?” I asked incredulously.
He nodded quickly. “As soon as possible.” I thanked him and he withdrew from the room, closing the door quietly behind him. As soon as I heard the door click, I immediately jumped up from my seat and started getting ready to meet my father. He never called me into his study unless it was something important.
I dashed around the room, trying to make myself presentable. My father commanded respect from employees and acquaintances alike, not only through his charming personality and nice clothes, but his calm, thought filled demeanor.
Finally, I was ready. I exited the room and proceeded to walk swiftly down the hall, passing several other people. I greeted them with a short, courteous nod.
I stopped outside the study door, took a deep breath, ran a hand through my dark hair one last time, then knocked quietly.
A rich voice answered almost immediately. “Come in.”
That deep voice always gave me chills. I shook it off.
It’s just my dad.
I slowly opened the door and was met with a familiar scene. The spacious room featured the pine flooring and that…old wallpaper that I despised. In the center of the room was placed a large mahogany desk and comfortable looking swivel chair.
Well, I say comfortable looking swivel chair. It really was comfortable. I knew from experience. I thought back on that moment. My seven year old self wanted to sit in my daddy’s special chair. So, when he was out, I slipped into this room, and pulled myself up into the huge chair. While I was sitting there, enjoying the sensation that ‘I was the boss now,’ my father walked into the room. Of course, I was embarrassed and a little frightened that he would be angry. He wasn’t. He merely smiled, a little painfully. He had walked over to where I was, sat me in his lap in the chair, and said, “Dylan…do you know the importance of this chair to me?” He then proceeded to tell me that his father had given it to him when he was about twenty. His father was killed a few short months later. He told me that he would give it to me when I was twenty, and that I would one day be ‘The boss.’
I smiled at the memory.
#HugRikerSquad
February 20, 2023 at 9:45 am #133801This is really good! I love it, but I do have one note. Why does Dylan say “Too far gone”? I’m assuming that he’s suggesting that he has strayed from redemption because of his actions and position in a gang of sorts. But you said that he was Vance kidnapped him as a baby. This is his life, his moral compass would be based on what Vance and Vance’s wife had taught him. He would have no frame of reference of what he was too far gone from. It’s funny that we were talking about this in the chat chat, but I suggesting watching Last Airbender for this kind of stuff, study both Zuko and Azula specifically. From what I can tell, it sounds like Dylan’s relationship with Vance is not abusive. Which I’m sure is possible, but would be quite a rarity in that kind of environment. But even if it’s not abusive, Vance would teach Dylan that this is how the world goes. For Dylan to say he has lost redemption means that he must have been taught that what his dad and therefore he does is wrong to some extent. It’s easy to say that Dylan can see someone get tortured and realizes that this is wrong, but would that really be the case? When a child sees a parent do something, normally that child will want to follow in like manner, this is just childhood phycology. There does tend to be a primal moral compass when one is really young, but it is usual trumped by parental conditioning. For Dylan to have a redemption, he needs something to help him recognize that this is bad in the first place. This could still be something that happened in his childhood, maybe positive influence from his adoptive mother or something, and for that influence to be grounded in his consciousness. Then for Vance to do something that contradicts that, causing doubt in his child mind. Dylan would then be unsure, which parent does he trust? He would then eventually favor his father, as his father further takes him in, and begins to train him and stuff. But he would still have that doubt, that feeling that this is not right, then he meets Asher, the boy who validates those doubts.
OOOORrrrrrr
It could be something that occurs later in his life, where his paradigm of right and wrong falls apart, likely with Asher. Asher seems to be the turning point for Dylan either way from what I understand. If it’s a later thing for Dylan, he would be confident in his position, he is the bosses son, and he has no regret, no worry of being too far gone, because what does that even mean, he’s on top! Meeting this boy would be what breaks the paradigm, maybe he shows kindness to Dylan, something he didn’t expect. This boy is supposed to be afraid, he’s supposed to hate me, he’s my enemy. This would be the beginning of doubt for Dylan. He still wouldn’t have a concept of being too far gone at this point though. When he finds out that Asher is his brother though, that his whole life is essentially a lie, everything would fall apart for him, but he would likely still try to hold on to the idea that he’s the bosses son, and so he’s entitled.
Either way, it would be a long, painful process for Dylan to break down his old concept of reality, feel guilt and remorse for what he believed and done, then build up a new concept of reality. If you go with the first option, I say keep the gone to far part, if it’s the second option, then I say use it, but use it later when Dylan’s idea of self begins do break down. Again, I really, REALLY recommend watching Avatar the Last Airbender. In the end, this is your writing, not mine. Whatever you do though, I think that it’s great writing, and I can’t wait to see more!
He is perfect in Justice, yet He is perfect in Mercy, even when we fail Him. For this, He is good.
February 20, 2023 at 9:58 am #133802I love it!!!! This was a great insight to Dylan as a character
Love is patient. Love is kind. Love never fails. -1 Corinthians
And guess what? His is eternal (:February 20, 2023 at 2:15 pm #133816Anonymous- Rank: Chosen One
- Total Posts: 8156
@lightoverdarkness6. Ahh, girl, I love it!!!! 😍😍😍😍
I love Dylan already…😉😏😜😍
Btw…will Vance get a redemption arc…???
Just a question…🤭💕
February 20, 2023 at 2:20 pm #133818Anonymous- Rank: Chosen One
- Total Posts: 8156
@godlyfantasy12. @lightoverdarkness6. @princesachronicle22. @mineralizedwritings. @felicity. @thearcaneaxiom. @esther-c. @gwyndalf-the-wise. @anyone-else-interested!!!
Soooo…I’ve been working on my draft of Freedom’s Fire and I just got to the point where I introduce a few more charries…so…thought I’d share!!! 😉
GLOSSARY:
Opa~German for Grandfather
Oma~German for Grandmother
“Can you read it again, Daddy?”
Riker smiled up at his daughter, Eli sitting in his lap on the carpet in the apartment’s small living room. “How many times do you want me to read this book, Naja?”
“A lot of times.”
Riker turned to face his ten-year-old son with a grin. Jonathan smiled back, sitting on the couch, before burying his face back in his new book.
Naja held out the book. “Please, Daddy?”
Riker laughed and nodded. Patted his knee. “Come on, I’ll read it to you again.”
Naja smiled brightly and plopped down onto Riker’s lap. Riker moved Eli to his other knee.
As much as Eli couldn’t hear the book being read, he loved to see the pictures.
Riker opened the book, ready to read the fairytale yet again.
A knock sounded.
“I’ll get it!” Iris called from the kitchen, where she had banned Riker from coming, insisting he needed to relax rather than help her make dinner.
Naja jumped up. “Oma! Opa! Auntie Angelina!” She took off after Iris.
Riker laughed. Set the book on the armchair behind him. “She’s not interested anymore.”
Jonathan laughed and nodded, putting a bookmark in his book. “I guess not.”
Riker lifted Eli into his arms and stood. Eli ran his fingers along the toy train in his hand.
Voices carried from the front foyer.
Riker smiled at his oldest child. “Come on, Jonathan, we should probably go see everyone else.”
Jonathan nodded, and he walked beside Riker to the front door.
Naja was already in her grandmother’s arms, her small arms around her neck.
Riker’s mother looked up and gasped. “Riker, darling! We didn’t know you would be here!”
Iris laughed, offering Riker a playful smile. “Neither did I, Jennie.”
Jennie handed Naja over to Riker’s sister and came forward.
She wrapped her arms around him in a hug, and Riker wrapped his free arm around her, giving her a brief kiss on the forehead. “I’ve missed seeing you, Mama.”
“And we have missed you.” Jennie replied with a smile, but her attention was quickly changed to Eli. “My grandbaby Eli!” She reached for him, and Riker handed him over.
Eli merely smiled and wrapped his arms around Jennie’s neck, clutching his train tight in his fingers.
Riker’s sister came forward, Naja still in her arms. She looked up at Riker with a playful smirk. “Have you gotten taller or am I just mistaken?”
“Maybe you got shorter, Angelina.”
Angelina set Naja on the floor and raised an eyebrow. “You must tease me, Riker?”
Riker wrapped an arm around her, giving her a hug. “What else are older brothers for, Ang?”
Angelina wrapped an arm around him, hugging him back. “You’re a pest, but how I’ve missed you.”
“I’ve missed you too.” Riker whispered, giving her one final squeeze.
He pulled away from the embrace and faced his father. “Good evening, Father.”
He stuck out his hand.
His father merely took his hand and shook it. Quickly turned his attention to Jonathan. “Are you doing well in school, Jonathan? Hopefully you’re doing better than your father ever did.”
Riker merely smiled, brushing off the words.
Iris frowned.
Jonathan’s eyebrows furrowed together.
Jennie turned and gave her husband a sad, small smile. “Franz…”
Jonathan slowly nodded, eyebrows still furrowed. “I’m doing well…there’s not a whole lot to do…we mostly do Youth stuff. Learning how to march…sing songs…things like that.”
“That’s not school.” Angelina mused; distaste apparent in her tone.
Riker nodded in agreement. Learning how to march…though he knew it was a part of the Hitler Youth, it didn’t mean he wanted his son to be doing it.
At least they’d soon be on their way to America, fingers crossed.
Iris smiled. “Well, would everyone like to go to the living room? I almost have dinner finished.”
Jennie’s eyes lit up. “Iris, dear, you’re such a doll. But why don’t you let me help?”
Iris shook her head. “You’re a guest, Jennie. I wouldn’t ask you to help.”
“But you haven’t asked, I’ve offered. Let me put my coat and hat up, and I’ll come help you in the kitchen.”
Iris glanced at Riker, maybe searching for help. But Riker wasn’t going to stand in his mother’s way…besides, serving was her way of showing love. He offered his wife a soft smile. Mouthed, ‘she just wants to help.’
Iris smiled and nodded. “I know.” She whispered.
Jennie carefully handed Eli over to Riker, and Riker took his youngest child into his arms.
Naja had already rushed away, but Jonathan still stood beside Riker.
Angelina smiled. “I’m going to go help Mother and Iris in the kitchen.”
Riker nodded. Watched her, Jennie, and Iris leave. Turned to face his father again. “You can sit in the living room if you’d like, Father.”
Franz nodded, walking into the living room, Jonathan right behind him and Riker behind them, Eli still in his arms.
Franz tossed the fairytale book aside and sat in the armchair.
Naja played on the floor with her doll, so Riker set Eli down beside her.
They played with dolls and trains, Naja making sounds and doing voices for her dolls, Eli just having fun.
Jonathan went back to his book, and Riker settled on the couch beside him, an arm around him.
“Riker.”
“Yes, Father?”
Franz took out a lighter and a cigarette. Lit his cigar. “Get me a drink from the kitchen.”
Riker nodded. Stood to obey.
Naja looked up. “Isn’t there another word, Opa?”
Franz raised an eyebrow, taking a puff from his cigar. “What in the world are you talking about, Naja?”
“Mama and Daddy always say to use the word ‘please’ when asking for something or telling someone what to do, Opa. Mama and Daddy say we have to say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ because it’s the nice thing to do!”
Riker smiled at his daughter, proud that she remembered. “Thank you for remembering, Naja, but-“
Franz let out a puff of smoke. “Always have to be perfect with those manners, do you? Saying ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ is polite, I suppose. But you also have to obey your parents.”
Naja nodded. Smiled brightly. “I know, Opa, because Mama and Daddy talk about that too!”
Franz nodded. “Right, Naja, you’re supposed to obey your parents,” his gaze turned to Riker, his coal-colored eyes piercing. Riker swallowed the bile that rose in his throat and ignored the sudden pounding in his head, “…if only your father had learned that lesson sooner.”
Naja turned to face Riker, eyebrow raised in question, lips pursed in curiosity.
Riker shook his head, offered his daughter a small smile, and turned to his father with the most authentic smile he could muster. “I’ll go get that drink now.”
February 20, 2023 at 2:28 pm #133822@freedomwriter76
Love it! And I love Riker 😭😭😍
How rude of his dad to say that stuff in front of the kids! 💢😠
"And so I left this world just as I had entered it. Confused."
February 20, 2023 at 2:31 pm #133825@freedomwriter76 Naja reminding Franz to say “please.” 🤣🤣🤣 That was too funny.
Where'd I get ya this time? The liver? The kidney? I'm runnin' outta places to put holes in ya.
February 20, 2023 at 2:33 pm #133827Anonymous- Rank: Chosen One
- Total Posts: 8156
Love it! And I love Riker 😭😭😍
Aww, thanks!!!! 💕💕💕💕💕
Ahh, IKR!? He’s just so precious!!!! 😍😍😍😍
If you don’t mind me asking, what is it exactly that you love about Riker??? Just kinda curious to see WHY everyone loves him…🤭
How rude of his dad to say that stuff in front of the kids! 💢😠
IKR!? And he gets worse…🤐💢😠
-
AuthorPosts
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.