- This topic has 2,156 replies, 40 voices, and was last updated 4 months ago by
.
-
Posts
-
Thanks =)
Yw!!
XD I’ve done that before too. Like a character was wearing a hat but they were running and it was windy and somehow it magically manages to stay on their head the entire time…
😂 Lol
I’ll be honest I was laughing so hard when I was reading those because the mental image of Ev trying to do all those things in handcuffs was hilarious.
I was too when you pointed it out to me! 🤣
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
: D
I’m curious to know what happens with Asher and Ev’s relationship! (Asher’s betrayal is my favorite arc in your book)
"And so I left this world just as I had entered it. Confused."
(Sorry I’m a little late to the discussion)
I like it! I think the pacing is good. Although, it felt a little redundant with the same status quo shift three times over with the soldiers holding guns. That wouldn’t necessarily be unrealistic in any way though, so I think it’s fine. As for Dao, he seems fun. I immediately thought of Tom Bombadil though. He is essentially just Tom Bombadil in pretty much every way in his personality, use of music, and role in the story as far as this chapter goes (Which is pretty Dues ex Machina). I wouldn’t say this is bad, and the fact that your self aware of it is already a really good thing. Deus ex Machina should be generally avoided, but I think that it can still be useful in the right situations, and I think this one is reasonable as long as you don’t overuse it later. It depends on the kind of story your telling, the themes you want to give and stuff like that. Stuff happens, sometimes the right person does just come at the right time to help. As long as the characters are still put into situations where a Tom can’t help, and they need to sort things out themselves to grow as characters.
Thanks for sharing, good job!
He is perfect in Justice, yet He is perfect in Mercy, even when we fail Him. For this, He is good.
- Rank: Chosen One
- Total Posts: 8156
@esther-c I’m replying days late…🤦♀️
That sounds so cool!!
Awww, thanks!!! They’re a lot of fun…XP
There’s ma boi Fin!!! 😆 (He’s so awesome!)
I bet Esther’s pretty cool! 😜 Is she Jewish?
Haha, yep!!! There he is!!! 😉 (Aww, I’m so glad you think so!!! ❤️ He’s one of my favs 😜)
She is really cool!!! (my sister originally came up with her when we were talking/acting out my book stuff and she just fit perfectly into the story XD) And she is Jewish! 😁
I’m curious to know what happens with Asher and Ev’s relationship! (Asher’s betrayal is my favorite arc in your book)
Yes, me too! Lol. The conflict definitely doesn’t end in book one. (Let’s just say that maybe Asher was partially lying about his motives for turning them in… 😏)
I like it! I think the pacing is good. Although, it felt a little redundant with the same status quo shift three times over with the soldiers holding guns. That wouldn’t necessarily be unrealistic in any way though, so I think it’s fine.
Ok, awesome!
As for Dao, he seems fun. I immediately thought of Tom Bombadil though. He is essentially just Tom Bombadil in pretty much every way in his personality, use of music, and role in the story as far as this chapter goes (Which is pretty Dues ex Machina). I wouldn’t say this is bad, and the fact that your self aware of it is already a really good thing. Deus ex Machina should be generally avoided, but I think that it can still be useful in the right situations, and I think this one is reasonable as long as you don’t overuse it later. It depends on the kind of story your telling, the themes you want to give and stuff like that. Stuff happens, sometimes the right person does just come at the right time to help. As long as the characters are still put into situations where a Tom can’t help, and they need to sort things out themselves to grow as characters.
Ok, I’ll keep that in mind! 😀 I will say, a lot of things in my trilogy are based off of either things in real life (it’s dystopian so…) and based off of things other authors did. Sometimes it’s obvious, like with Dao who is based heavily off of Armulyn the Bard from the Wingfeather Saga. Another time, which is not as noticeable, is when one of my charries gets out of a situation by pretending to be sick, which is based off of the time Bilbo and the dwarves escaped the trolls. (Which I only know from the movie. 🙃) Anyway, I’ll definitely keep that in mind and make sure he doesn’t show up as a Tom too often. 🙂
Thanks for sharing, good job!
Of course!
Thank you for the feedback! 😄
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
@freedomwriter76
I’m replying days late…🤦♀️
Naw, you’re good. 🙂 (I still have to write the next RP for the Character Castle! 😬 I kept forgetting. 😣 I’ll try my best to get it written tomorrow. 😀)
Awww, thanks!!! They’re a lot of fun…XP
Yw!! 😊
Haha, yep!!! There he is!!! 😉 (Aww, I’m so glad you think so!!! ❤️ He’s one of my favs 😜)
😄 I mean, who couldn’t like him?? XD (Or any of your charries, really. I haven’t met one of your charries that I haven’t liked. ☺️ Except for maybe the people like Frida or Hans. 😬)
She is really cool!!! (my sister originally came up with her when we were talking/acting out my book stuff and she just fit perfectly into the story XD) And she is Jewish! 😁
Oh that’s so awesome!! 😄
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
I LOVE the mood boards!! I really like Kylie already!! And Sato Akela…he seems like a very good villain 😨
Thanks! That’s good. I was digging into his back story the other day and realized that he was part of the CCP (Chinese Communist Party), got fired, and came to the U.S. to try to start over. His love for money and power got him involved with the wrong people and that’s how he ended up where he’s at now.
He must increase, but I must decrease.
- Rank: Chosen One
- Total Posts: 8156
Naw, you’re good. 🙂 (I still have to write the next RP for the Character Castle! 😬 I kept forgetting. 😣 I’ll try my best to get it written tomorrow. 😀)
🥰 (aww, that’s okay, girl! Take whatever time you need! ❤️)
Yw!! 😊
❤️❤️❤️
😄 I mean, who couldn’t like him?? XD (Or any of your charries, really. I haven’t met one of your charries that I haven’t liked. ☺️ Except for maybe the people like Frida or Hans. 😬)
IKR!? ❤️❤️❤️XD (Aww, girl, that makes me so happy!!! 🥰🥰🥰😁 Haha…yeah…I don’t like them either 😅)
Oh that’s so awesome!! 😄
Thanks!!!❤️🥰
@freedomwriter76
🥰 (aww, that’s okay, girl! Take whatever time you need! ❤️)
Thanks. 😅 😊
IKR!? ❤️❤️❤️XD (Aww, girl, that makes me so happy!!! 🥰🥰🥰😁 Haha…yeah…I don’t like them either 😅)
Yes!! 🥰 (I’m so glad!! [Let’s just say that encouragement is something I personally need to work on. It’s so much easier when I’m texting with someone or talking with y’all here on KP than in person. 😅])
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
- Rank: Chosen One
- Total Posts: 8156
Thanks. 😅 😊
Yw!!! ❤️❤️❤️🥰🥰🥰
Yes!! 🥰 (I’m so glad!! [Let’s just say that encouragement is something I personally need to work on. It’s so much easier when I’m texting with someone or talking with y’all here on KP than in person. 😅])
(I totally get that, girl…same for me! XD😅)
@freedomwriter76
(I totally get that, girl…same for me! XD😅)
XD
Praise the Lord that He still loves us despite our mistakes and that He is always there to help us overcome sin! ❤️❤️
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
- Rank: Chosen One
- Total Posts: 8156
@esther-c Amen to that!!! ❤️🙏🏻
- Rank: Chosen One
- Total Posts: 8156
@godlyfantasy12 @esther-c @lightoverdarkness6 @gwyndalf-the-wise @loopylin @euodia-vision @thearcaneaxiom @keilah-h @anyone-else-that-knows-about-my-Marvel-fics-lol-and-are-interested-lol
SOOOO….I wanted to share this scene I wrote for my 2nd Fic in my 4 book series. 😉
I feel so bad for ma boi Steve in the beginning of this scene 😭
A punch.
Bombs blasted. Rubble fell. People died. Innocent civilians screamed.
Another punch. The sandbag creaked.
Snow and wind whipped around him. “Bucky, no!”
His best friend fell, screaming…screaming…kicking…screaming.
Another punch. His knuckles cracked open. Blood fell.
The plane continued to lower. “You know, I still don’t know how to dance.”
The sounds of sniffles and the feel of tears came through the microphone. “I’ll teach you. Just…be there.”
The sandbag went backwards and came back again.
“…Thank you, Steve…for everything.” And Alex’s last, fleeting breath left her lips.
The hardest punch yet. The chain broke. The sandbag slammed against the wall. Blood trailed from his knuckles. Tears coursed down his cheeks.
Silence met him in the cold gym.
No other voices. No other people.
Because he didn’t want them in…didn’t want to let them close…didn’t want them to see the real Steve Rogers underneath.
He walked into the bathroom adjacent to the gym. He washed his bleeding hands clean. He cupped water into his hands. Washed his face and beard. Smoothed back his blonde hair. Wiped tears from his eyes.
Everyone was downstairs, but that didn’t mean they wouldn’t come up here.
If Steve could just reassure them…if he could just convince them he was fine…maybe one day he’d believe it too.
Steve turned the faucet off.
He grabbed two rolls of bandages off the counter, wrapping his still bleeding knuckles as he walked out of the bathroom and back into the gym.
He finished bandaging his hands. Brushed a flyaway strand of hair out of his eyes.
He picked up the broken chain and sandbag, setting both aside, hanging up a new chain and bag.
Quiet footsteps sounded.
Steve briskly turned on his heel.
Ryo looked up at him with big, dark brown, almond shaped eyes, taking a long sip from his dinosaur sippy cup. He removed it from his mouth. “What you doing, Stevie?”
Steve let out a deep breath. It was just Ryo. “I was just practicing a bit, and now I’m cleaning up.”
“I help!” Ryo cried, setting his cup on a nearby, small table and rushing back over.
Steve smiled faintly. “I’m not so sure if there’s anything you can help out with, buddy.”
Ryo pursed his lips. “I help…”
Steve smiled. He bent down and lifted Ryo into his arms. “I appreciate the thought, Ryo, but I’m already done.”
“You fast, Stevie?”
Steve gave Ryo a grin. “Very fast.” He tickled Ryo’s stomach.
Ryo giggled and pushed his hand away. “Stevie, you silly!”
Steve kissed his forehead, grabbed Ryo’s sippy cup, and walked out of the gym and into Ryo’s room, which was only across the hall.
He set Ryo and his cup down.
Ryo got a small box of blocks off the shelf. “Stevie, build with me!”
Steve sat down on the colorful rug.
Ryo plopped down into his lap and they began to build with wooden building blocks.
Every time a tower was finally made, Ryo knocked it down and giggled.
Alex used to play with Ryo like this all the time…being an older sister to a little orphan boy that she loved.
“Stevie…don’t cry…”
Steve blinked back tears.
Ryo wiped tears from Steve’s eyes with his small, sticky, chubby fingers. “Why Stevie sad?”
Steve smiled softly. “I’m okay Ryo…” he bit his lip, “I just…miss Alex.”
“Alex here, Stevie! She right here!” Ryo replied, pressing his small palm against his chest where his heart was.
Steve didn’t speak. He couldn’t.
So he just wrapped his arms around Ryo and held him close. Held him tight.
Ryo wrapped his small arms around Steve’s neck. “I love you Stevie.”
Steve gently kissed the side of Ryo’s head. “…I love you too, Ryo.”
He held the toddler tighter, closer, knowing nothing in the world could ever make him let go.
“Aww, what a picture-perfect moment!”
Steve turned around.
Ryo giggled. “Stank!”
Tony rolled his eyes, standing in the doorway. “There you are, you troublemaker. You slipped away upstairs while no one was looking, didn’t you?”
Ryo giggled, coming out of Steve’s arms. Steve let him go, slowly lifting to his feet. “Is something wrong Tony?”
“No, just realized Ryo was missing. Also, you haven’t eaten since breakfast, so maybe you should go downstairs and go eat something. And don’t say you’re not hungry, because you and Bucky are always hungry.”
Steve had to smirk. He couldn’t help it. “Uh huh. Was everyone working on a plan or something?”
“We were…and this little troublemaker decided to sneak away.” Tony said, motioning to Ryo.
Ryo laughed. “I sneak away!”
Tony just smirked at the toddler. “You spend too much time with Loki.”
“Uncle Loki!” Ryo squealed. He reached his arms up to Tony. “Tony, Tony! Up!”
Tony sighed but complied, reaching under Ryo’s arms and swinging him up onto his hip. “You’re such a troublemaker, you know that? Guess I’d better take you downstairs. Give poor Steve here a break from your craziness.”
Ryo giggled. “You silly, Tony!”
Tony laughed. “You’re crazy.” He kissed Ryo’s forehead.
Steve picked up Ryo’s sippy cup and handed it to Ryo. “Can’t forget this.”
Ryo took it and began drinking.
Tony nodded. “Yeah, we really can’t. That would be a complete disaster. This kid can’t live without his sippy cup.”
Steve raised a half-smile, once again reminded of the fact that he wasn’t as alone as he thought he was. “That’s true. Alright Tony, let me through. I am hungry.”
Tony laughed and stepped out of the way of the doorway. “I knew I was right.”
@freedomwriter76 UGH RYO!!! I would DIE FOR THIS KID!!! Okay not that far BUT FR XD
#IfMarcelDiesIRiot
#ProtectMarcel
#ProtectSeb
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.