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In the first chapter, the biggest thing I noticed was a lot of telling/info-dumping. It’s not wrong to give some background in the first chapter, but the key word is “some.” I felt like there was a lot of information about her father and how he had disappeared a while ago. I absolutely love how you described Sef missing him, but I do think that it would be better to sprinkle that information in slowly and in later chapters. A few sentences throughout the first chapter is all you really need to get the idea across in the best way possible.
Okay! Yeah, I get that and I’ve been trying to work on that.
I love your prose though! It’s so good!! Your descriptions are so beautiful and vivid. Like, I’m jealous. XD (Description is my weak point). For real though, I love reading your writing. Oh, and I thought this little part was good foreshadowing into Sef’s struggle
Thank you so much! 🙂
Okay so question-I’ve heard a lot of people (in videos on novel writing) say that you shouldn’t start with your character waking up to start their morning. So should I change how I start the story? I’d still have the same scene where Neveah tells Sef that she is going to have a child, but should I make it so it doesn’t start with Sef waking up?
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333Okay! Yeah, I get that and I’ve been trying to work on that.
Awesome!
Okay so question-I’ve heard a lot of people (in videos on novel writing) say that you shouldn’t start with your character waking up to start their morning. So should I change how I start the story? I’d still have the same scene where Neveah tells Sef that she is going to have a child, but should I make it so it doesn’t start with Sef waking up?
Oh yeah, I’ve heard that too. Umm… I don’t know. I think it’s up to you. I feel like it doesn’t take anything away from the story. Maybe try writing an alternate beginning and see how you like it. If you want to share it, I could read it too and compare it with the original.
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
(I’ve rewritten the beginning of my main WIP so many times. 🤣)
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
I’ve heard a lot of people (in videos on novel writing) say that you shouldn’t start with your character waking up to start their morning.
What??? I’ve always found it funny when characters do that. Especially in movies. I guess it’s different there since you’re seeing it, but I don’t think it’s be that bad in a book.
Where'd I get ya this time? The liver? The kidney? I'm runnin' outta places to put holes in ya.
@freedomwriter76 @esther-c
Those are all such good names 😭 Now I’m never going to choose… (jk, I will, but seriously those are good)
“Everything is a mountain”
Glad I could help 😁
I have an ongoing list of names for characters. I add to it whenever I find a unique name or one I like.
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
@esther-c @freedomwriter76 @smiley @highscribeofaetherium @jonas @whoever
I just typed this out to get the jist of a short story idea. I’d like any thoughts or feedback, whether negative or positive. it’s called One Bullet
One Bullet
Once there was a great and mighty city, with people who believed in heroes, in the ones who made it their duty, their vow to shield them, to protect their families. I say once, for it is, I think, that way no more. Or maybe it is. I can’t tell. Maybe they trust someone who mediates problems more than someone who squeezes a trigger. I squeezed the trigger.Tillit was my home for my entire life. I am a third generation native, and a fourth generation Protector. My job: simply to help stamp out crime. Tillit was the testing ground, a possible formula spread over a city to maybe cure the World of evil and crime in the next hundred years. City by city. Tillit has the most gorgeous gardens that calm the soul. The most friendly people who great you every morning with a hearty hello. Children who help seniors as often as they play, because they have been told that it is just as satisfying. It is. Fathers who spend evenings with their children. Mothers who tenderly care for both child and home. Weekend pleasantries. Date night restaurants. Tillit is a place that is, in general, just a harmonious specimen of kind people who are blind to social status, skin color, and anything other than who you are on the inside…I say “in general” because most Protectors are not as friendly as the normal civilians.
I’m…I was a level two Protector, too young to be anything more, and with too much potential to be anything less. I don’t have the level one boring roadway stake outs, neither do I have the level three able-to-order-everyone-else-around-for-no-reason. I was an escort guard mostly.
About a month ago, there was an unfortunate accident. Many were killed in the sudden breaking out of flames in an office building. Electrical issues we told the public. In one of those offices worked a brilliant, industrious woman, by the name of Mrs. Adeline Hits. She died in that building. Later it was discovered by the public press that the “electrical issues” was really a purposeful bomb placed by an anonymous person, who loved to cause chaos for the fun of it. He did minor jobs here and there, nothing much…until that bomb.
Mr. Hits was a powerful business man in Tillit. He vowed to find the identity of the man who killed his wife. Whether he found the right person or not, we don’t know. He pinned down a well-known salesmen, by the name of Erich Enbizer, claiming it was he. We could see no definite proof, not enough for the Protector’s to lock up a man, barely enough to get our attention. When we turned down hits, we made a huge mistake. Next thing we know, Hits gave us an ultimatum: Kill Enbizer in 24 hours, or he would blow up four blocks of apartment houses. The protectors chose to keep the possibly innocent Enbizer alive and stop Hits.
I still remember the moment, assigned to take Enbizer to a safe bunker with five others. I still remember the car ride, and how when I stepped out in front of Enbizer, the others coming in formation around us, that I knew what I had to do in the moment. I turned around and with one draw, one squeeze, and one bullet, Enbizer dropped dead.
“Blake, no!” The words yelled by my best friend as the body hit the ground.
I’m in prison now, wondering whether I was being a hero, or a fool. Hits was bluffing, but we didn’t know. I thought what I was doing would save many lives at just the price of one, but it isn’t the mindset that makes something right, it’s the action. I’ve taken a possibly innocent life, but also a possibly guilty one. I don’t know, am I a hero? Or am I a villain?
"You need French Toast."
#AnduthForever (hopefully 💕)I haven’t edited it at all.
"You need French Toast."
#AnduthForever (hopefully 💕)Ooh, that sounds really neat, I’d definitely read something like this! I can’t think of any feedback to give rn. But yeah, I love the idea! Tag me if you end up posting it!
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
Really interesting! Would this be the entire plot of the short story? The biggest problem I see is that the plot is quite simple, but it takes quite a long time to set it up. Have you considered using this in a full length book? I think it could make a very interesting character backstory. Otherwise, I’m sure you could make a good short story with this, but it’s just a thought.
🏰 Fantasy Writer
✨ Magic System Creator
🎭 Character RPer
📚 Appreciator of BooksIt’s just a short story, and it is meant to be simple. Often the simplistic things are the hardest. What I love to write are the things that draw out a certain trait, make the reader to stop and think, or are often not done.
Even though Blake is only planned to be for this story, the struggle of “am I a hero or a villain” is Alpha’s.
"You need French Toast."
#AnduthForever (hopefully 💕)Maybe I wasn’t clear. It isn’t a bad thing that it’s simple. It’s that you spend so much time at the beginning setting things up, which seems overly complicated compared to your central idea. Sorry if that was confusing.
🏰 Fantasy Writer
✨ Magic System Creator
🎭 Character RPer
📚 Appreciator of BooksOkay…so I’ve been worried about my story becoming too graphic…and I was wondering what you thought of it.
The parts I’m concerned about aren’t until the second part…which is a while away from the first chapter…so if you wanted to jump to those ones (or just give me your thoughts on the other ones) that would be great!
https://editor.reedsy.com/s/p8SdhuQ
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333Ok! Yeah, I was planning to continue reading your book today, since I haven’t touched it in a while (😭). I’ll get back to you about it by the end of the week 👍
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
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