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Thanks!! Yes, siblings are so much fun, irl and in stories. XD
Thanks so much!!
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
@esther-c wow banter lol
That was a funny brother scene!
I’m assuming Asher is the oldest, followed by Ev, and then Lukas is the smallest??
Where'd I get ya this time? The liver? The kidney? I'm runnin' outta places to put holes in ya.
thanks! It was fun to write 😁
Yep! You got it. Asher’s 21, Ev’s 17, and Lukas isss… either 13 or 14. I can’t remember. XD
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
@loopylin @rae @otherpeopleI’mstrugglingtonamebecauseIdontwanttobotherpeople (Tags are so useful, eh? XD)
Character name needed!
Okay, so I have a cute side character. He is from Project Chrysanthemum/Baztet, and he is basically Babs and Marcel’s little brother. He is super scrawny and weak, has fluffy white hair with orange speckles underneath (like the opposite of Babs!), glasses, and might be a limited shapeshifter (that detail’s still on the fence for me). Personality-wise, he has a kind of magically-induced dementia, but doesn’t let that stop him from being a shadow, following the other kids around. He’s one of those kids who gets way too excited if you give him the chance, and he’s start bouncing around, talk-talk-talk, and annoying you.
As an older kid, I imagine him interested in science fiction, jamming with Marcel in his own way. And if he could shapeshift, just randomly turning into a giant lizard monster in front of Babs to give her a heart attack.
I’ve called him Ransom up til now, and I’ve tried Ben, but it’s not quite hitting for me? I want something that could be in a fantasy story, but isn’t so fantastically spelled that you can’t pronounce it XD And I want to be able to age him up, and it doesn’t sound too babyish.
“Everything is a mountain”
I’ve called him Ransom up til now, and I’ve tried Ben, but it’s not quite hitting for me? I want something that could be in a fantasy story, but isn’t so fantastically spelled that you can’t pronounce it XD And I want to be able to age him up, and it doesn’t sound too babyish.
I don’t know what name would fit him best exactly, but if you want something more fantastical-sounding, then try Behind-the-name and Nameberry. they are baby-naming sites, but both take names from throughout history, and you can request names from certain nationalities and languages.
We crazy people are the normal ones.
I’m a personal fan of Ransom, but I think that might be because it’s unusual, sounds cool and begins with a ‘R’…
- I think Ezra is a nice name, it means “Jehovah helps.”
- Jack sounds like something neat to me for whatever reason
- Aiden means “little fire”. It’s an Irish name.
- I also personally like Felix.
Idk if this is really helpful or not, but those are just some personal favs.
"You need French Toast."
#AnduthForever (hopefully 💕)Or Peter
“Nothing says autumn like slurpin’ apples.” -my uncle
@scoutfinch180 (I love your name btw) @rae @loopylin
Thank for the suggestions 😛 I do still like Ransom and I will use it somehow, whether or not it’s for this character. I’ll let all these names simmer some more. Right now he will go by Ben, until something sticks.
Also completely random, but I really like him as a character now XD I named him Ransom originally because he always got kidnapped, and Marcel and the other kids always had to save him. He was boring. But now things are changing.
Aurgh, maybe I should stick with Ransom because of that joke.
#writerproblems
“Everything is a mountain”
@esther-c ah, cool!
@whalekeeper hmm yeah I don’t have suggestions….I can hardly name characters myselfWhere'd I get ya this time? The liver? The kidney? I'm runnin' outta places to put holes in ya.
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@whalekeeper Ngl, I like the name Ransom for a character like that😂
Other suggestions:
- Blaze
- Ace
- Puck
- Coyote
- Zalaph
- Cassiel
- Arek
and that’s a few random names, LOL!
He sounds awesome!!
Some name ideas…
- Axel
- Jett
- Orion
- Zayn
- Roscoe
- Benedict
- Kieran
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
Though Ransom could just be a nickname some people call him…
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
Ok! So I finally have some feedback for your WIP. (Sorry it took so long 😭)
In the first chapter, the biggest thing I noticed was a lot of telling/info-dumping. It’s not wrong to give some background in the first chapter, but the key word is “some.” I felt like there was a lot of information about her father and how he had disappeared a while ago. I absolutely love how you described Sef missing him, but I do think that it would be better to sprinkle that information in slowly and in later chapters. A few sentences throughout the first chapter is all you really need to get the idea across in the best way possible.
It’s hard to figure out where to put that info and how you should do it, believe me, I know. I struggled with that so much in my first few chapters (and I’m still doubting what I decided to do 🤦🏻♀️). Where you put that information is totally up to you, but my advice would be to not dump that all on the reader in the first chapter. It doesn’t seem like a lot of info, but to a reader who’s immediately thrust into a new storyworld, it can be.
I didn’t notice anything else that would be too much of a problem. Sometimes it’s hard to recognize telling or info-dumping in your own writing, so it just takes practice, reading books that do it right, and trying to recognize it in books that don’t do it right.
I love your prose though! It’s so good!! Your descriptions are so beautiful and vivid. Like, I’m jealous. XD (Description is my weak point). For real though, I love reading your writing. Oh, and I thought this little part was good foreshadowing into Sef’s struggle:
Ever since her father had left, Neveah had been sick. Sef wondered if Neveah had lost her will to live after her husband had abandoned her.
It’s your fault, a voice said in Sef’s mind.
No, she tried to silence her thoughts, but to no avail.
Your father left because he didn’t love you.
You weren’t enough.
Your mother became sick after your father left.
You made your mother sick.
Your mother is going to die, and it’s all your fault.
Sef tried not to listen, but the voices had begun to whisper in her ear ever since her world started turning upside down.
I’m excited to read more and see the rest of this story. Keep up the good work!!
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
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