- This topic has 2,156 replies, 40 voices, and was last updated 3 months, 1 week ago by
.
-
Posts
-
@freedomwriter76
That works so much better! I’m excited to see what you come up with for Nano!
I agree with Freedom, I think the only main thing I noticed was the characters were a bit confusing in the beginning. I didn’t know if we were looking at two of Viktor’s friends, but then I realized one was his father. Maybe change a little of the wording around that, something like this?
Andric, Viktor’s father, leaned against the fence Viktor had helped him build, still unstooped by age despite being in his early fifties.
But it’s really up to you. When I go back and study the wording, it’s not really confusing, just for someone who might have skipped past some of the words I didn’t know what was happening. Anyway, nice job!
"Be careful, for writing books is endless, and much study wears you out." Eccl. 12:12
- Rank: Chosen One
- Total Posts: 8156
@hybridlore Thx girl 😊💕
@freedomwriter76
Oooh yeah! I like that! I hadn’t noticed that issue before, but that does make sense. And it also really shows how much the brothers really love each other. (I don’t know what you’re planning to do with this story, but it’s also could be a point of conflict among the brothers because some might want to leave and others want to stay… 😐 Just an idea. 🤷🏻♀️😉)
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
- Rank: Chosen One
- Total Posts: 8156
@esther-c Aww, glad you like it <3 And yes, really shows their love for each other🥹
ngl, i like that idea and i was kinda thinking the same thing…‘_’- Rank: Chosen One
- Total Posts: 8156
@mineralizedwritings @smiley @keilah-h @koshka @elishavet-pidyon @euodia-vision @hybridlore @godlyfantasy12 @lightoverdarkness6 @lightoverdarkness6 @anyone-else-idk-lol-XD
So, I wrote a scene for The Bois’ book, Against All Odds.
I feel so sad for all of them
*sniffs*
‘In the beginning, God created-‘
“We’re not going anywhere…we can’t.”
“Well we can’t keep living here! Why don’t we just leave? They won’t care one whit anyways.”
Joshua took in and let out a deep breath, looking up from his Bible and telling himself to stay out of it, telling himself to not get involved in Leo and Jakob’s argument.
“Jakob, don’t pretend to be ignorant-”
“Ignorant!? Who’s the one that wants to stay here and let them abuse all of us?”
Reuben groaned and covered his ears with his hands, trying to blot out their words, slowly rocking back and forth on his heels on the floor.
Wolfgang seemingly ignored all of them, immersed in the book he was reading.
Joshua would be wise to stay out of it too.
Joshua refocused his eyes; he flipped to a much further book in his Bible. ‘For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only-‘
“I don’t want to stay here, Jakob, but we have no other choice.”
“No other choice!? We can just leave!”
“And go where!?”
“Hey, both of you quiet down,” Joshua stepped in between his oldest and middle brothers, “the whole town is going to hear you.”
Jakob slowly nodded; he lowered his voice. “Joshua, which do you think is best? Should we stay here, or should we go somewhere else and take everyone with us?”
“Wolfgang isn’t eighteen-“
“Doesn’t matter…we could hide him. Which choice is better?”
Joshua bit his lip. Truthfully, would either choice work out? Joshua wasn’t quite so sure.
“…Moving out.”
“I knew you would-“
“But I think we should trust God and wait for him-“
“Not this again.” Leo groaned; he turned on his heel and walked away from Joshua.
“Leo, God is good-“
Leo spun to face Joshua in an instant. “If God was so good, then how come he’s let all of us get hurt? No, Joshua, I’m not going to trust God on any of this. We’re staying here because we have no other-“
“Yes we do!” Jakob argued, stepping forward to stand beside Joshua.
“No, we don’t…you may think it would work out fine, but they would find us…we wouldn’t be able to hide Wolfgang forever, and things could turn out even worse than-“
“Leo, we have to trust-“
“Joshua, just…stop.”
“Leo, stop being such a-“
“Such a what, Jakob? An older brother that’s trying to protect all of you? An older brother that’s trying to succeed at taking care of his brothers for once?”
Jakob scoffed. “Leo, you are being ridiculous-“
“Leo, what if this is our only option? We can’t stay here…you know we can’t. Maybe Jakob is really right. And we can trust God with this-“
Leo groaned. “Can you stop it with all the talk about God?”
Joshua stiffened.
He’d seen God work miracles…he’d felt God’s changing love. He had to share it with his brothers, even if they didn’t want to hear it. “Leo, can you at least try to listen-?”
“Apparently, he can’t. He won’t listen to anyone except himself-“
“STOP IT!”Joshua jumped and turned to see Reuben standing, fists clenched and at his sides. “We’re brothers…we’re supposed to love and listen to each other.”
Jakob snorted. “Tell that to-“
“Don’t pretend you’re innocent. Why can’t we all just listen to each other? Why can’t we agree on this? Maybe you should ask Wolfgang since he’s the one that we’d have to hide if we left! But no, the only people you’ll listen to are yourselves!”
Joshua blinked and offered a hand to his second youngest brother. “Reuben…”
“None of you will listen to the other…you keep interrupting other…I can’t take it! I thought all of you loved each other…I thought we all did! Maybe…maybe you’re doing what father did…maybe you are all turning into our parents!” Reuben yelled; he rubbed his nose on his sleeve, turned, and fled from the room, slamming the door open.
“Reuben, wait!” Leo cried, chasing after their brother, leaving the door open behind him.
Silence settled…unsettling silence.
The silence broke with the sound of their father’s hard and harsh voice. “Jakob, get in my office this instant!”
Jakob smiled, but it was devoid of any happiness. “Guess that’s for earlier.” Jakob muttered; he did a small mock salute with two of his fingers and left the room, closing the door behind him.
“Is Reuben right…?”
Joshua turned on his heel and met Wolfgang’s blue eyes with his own brown.
Fear danced in Wolfgang’s blue eyes. He was optimistic, yes, but deep down, Joshua knew that he was just as afraid as they all were. “Wolfgang, what-?”
“Is he right that you, Jakob, and Leo are going to be like Father and Mutti? Are you going to hurt me and Reuben too?”
“Wolfgang, we would never hurt you.”
“But Reuben-“
“He was mad at us, and he had every right to be,” Joshua settled on the bed at Wolfgang’s feet, “but what he said…it’s not true, Wolf. You know that we would never hurt you, don’t you?”
Wolfgang shrugged, but slowly, he nodded. “Yeah, I guess.”
“We could never hurt you or Reuben. We love both of you…we’re brothers, after all,” Joshua pulled Wolfgang into a gentle hug, “and we will always love each other.”
Wolfgang’s round cheeks turned up in a smile; his head rested on Joshua’s chest. “Will we always be together?”
Joshua closed his eyes and rested his head on top of Wolfgang’s. “…Always.”
@freedomwriter76
So uh, Jakob is mine!!! Like how rueben is Min’s
I love him, like a lot!!!
But to be fair I love them all, just Jakob a little more
Do me a favor…. Tell Cress I meant it
-Thorne- Rank: Chosen One
- Total Posts: 8156
@smiley Haha, okay then XD I guess you can have Jakob (but i believe @euodia-vision has claimed Joshua, lol!)
Aww, that makes me sooo happy!!! (i feel like Jakob is overlooked😭)
i understand completely…I do love Jakob too (and I’m starting to love him even more as I write him more 😝🥰)
@freedomwriter76
Aww I love it!! Also I love that Rueben said so little compared to the rest, but it’s so true.
"And so I left this world just as I had entered it. Confused."
- Rank: Chosen One
- Total Posts: 8156
@mineralizedwritings Tysm! 💕 I know, it seemed so fitting for him to be the one to stop them for some reason XD
I feel so bad for all of them😭
@freedomwriter76
Haha, okay then XD I guess you can have Jakob (but i believe @euodia-vis has claimed Joshua, lol!)
Yayy, and I’m not shocked, we just like to claim your charries
Aww, that makes me sooo happy!!! (i feel like Jakob is overlooked😭)
You can always count on me to like the overlooked characters XD
i understand completely…I do love Jakob too (and I’m starting to love him even more as I write him more 😝🥰)
I enjoy characters who have a sympathetic bitter side (like his anger to his father and step mother), but also a soft side for those they love (like him to his brothers and the girl he loves)
Do me a favor…. Tell Cress I meant it
-ThorneI just read it! It feels so nice, I feel like I could be there in the atmosphere. I think it would be nice to have some more descriptions of the characters. It’s easier for me to remember the names if I have some more attributes. You have a lot of general vibe characteristics (mannerisms) which is really good, that’s the kind of thing my writing lacks lol, but I would like to know more about clothes/hair. It’s those attributes that I connect with the names, and you’ve got a lot of names going on so it might make it easier to keep them separate.
Oof yeah, college will do it. I’m doing college rn too! Def more work than hs, this is actually my hardest quarter because I have psyc and chem.
I’m doing ok thanks for asking! God’s really been testing our family this past few years, but I’m doing alright, just weird actually not knowing what’s next. Drawing and writing keeps me pretty busy outside of school, and attempting to keep up with roleplays here XD
How are you doing?
"And so I left this world just as I had entered it. Confused."
“I can’t explain this feeling, you’ve gotta feel it to believe. To know what it’s like. It is like an ache of the heart, but it devours the chest. It pains me, it throbs. I feel like crying, but I’m stronger than that. Or am I? No one understands.
“It tares, it shreds from the inside out. It pulls me down as I struggle to get up. It suppresses the laughter of my heart. It kills my joy.
“Those words keep ringing in my ears, ‘Are you sure you aren’t angry at God?’ It drives me insane. I want to cry out, to yell, to scream in agony. I wasn’t sure then, but now the words have left my lips, ‘I hate You!’
“It is emotional, the condition of heart. But I would prefer the physical pain over this. It knawes, slowly, ever so slowly at my heart. It destroys you from the inside out. And it is always there, even if you don’t feel it, but it’s always there.
“Ask me how I’m doing, I’ll reply fine. But fine doesn’t mean fine, at least not anymore. Fine means I don’t want you to worry, to ask those questions I don’t want to answer. Leave me alone! Your words of ‘comfort’ don’t last. God has forsaken me, left me in a fog. I am dead.”
"You need French Toast."
- Rank: Chosen One
- Total Posts: 8156
@mineralizedwritings @smiley @keilah-h @koshka @elishavet-pidyon @euodia-vision @hybridlore @godlyfantasy12 @lightoverdarkness6 @lightoverdarkness6
Part 2 of the scene above!!!
I may have gotten a little carried away writing Jakob XD
a bit of Glossary: Mutti is the German word for mother; Frau is the German word for Mrs. 😊 (they are in italics, but I didn’t put in the work to italicize them again for KP XD)
Jakob paced back and forth in Felix’s office, unwillingly waiting for his father to return from a sudden meeting with other officers.
He didn’t want to be in his father’s office…but he had no other choice. They were still living with their parents, and they were all adults…except for Wolfgang, of course.
A piece of paper lying on his father’s desk caught Jakob’s eye. Did he dare risk it? Jakob stepped close to the desk and peered from above. Thank goodness Ezekiel and Fin had trained them when they joined the Violet Iris’ a year or so ago…now Jakob could read things upside down.
Plans…plans to try and destroy all possible resistance. A list full of names of those deemed “traitors” to the so-called fatherland that needed to be arrested, and soon.
And Ezekiel was at the top of the list.
Voices echoed from the hall, and Jakob stepped away from the desk, his heart beating so hard he could feel it in his head.
Was that what the meeting was about? Was that why Jakob had seen more than just Totenkopf officers like his father? Was that why he had seen Gestapo agents?
Was Ezekiel about to be arrested or even killed?
Everything in Jakob told him to run, to go find and warn Ezekiel, but he couldn’t move…not if he wanted to make sure his brothers stayed safe. One life for another…why did war have to bring such hard decisions? How did someone choose one life to save and let the other perish?
“Honestly, Hans, it’s practically impossible to find capable men for the job these days. Several of them hardly even have an education, and even less of them use their brains for something useful. Not to mention the fact that many of them don’t want to do the work.” Felix muttered, opening the office door, his younger brother, and Jakob’s uncle, on his heel.
Jakob turned and gave his father and his uncle a smile. “Father. Oh, and Uncle Hans. Did the meeting go well?”
Hans scoffed. “Hardly. Not much use to have a meeting when barely any of the men are even willing to try and do a good job. At least I have a few that are moderately capable, but I need them at the camp for other duties.”
Felix’s hard gaze shifted to Jakob. “Jakob, I need you to leave the office. I and Hans have something more…private to discuss.”
“Father-?”
“I will speak with you later. Now leave, Jakob.”
Jakob nodded. “Of course, father,” he turned to Hans, “and it’s good to see you, Uncle Hans.”
Hans merely grunted and sat down in front of Felix’s desk; Felix sat down behind his desk, and Jakob slipped out the door, softly closing the door behind him.
He was free. He could find Ezekiel-oh, he couldn’t leave without it seeming suspicious.
Jakob walked down the stairs, pondering his options, fuming deep inside. If it wasn’t for his parents, he could-“Riker?”
Standing close to the living room, leaning against one of the pristine mansion walls, the SS Lieutenant turned and smiled faintly. “Jakob.”
Maybe Jakob had just found his answer. Jakob stepped close to Riker, dropping his voice to a dangerous whisper. “I was in my father’s office…he had a list of people that they want to arrest. Ezekiel’s name was at the top of the list.”
“…Anyone else?”
“Not any names I recognized. Is there anything-?”
“Shh, I’ll handle it. Are all of you safe?”
Jakob scoffed. “Hardly. Leo wants to stay here, and he won’t listen to anyone else. We could leave, we’d just have to hide Wolfgang…but Leo said we’d never be able to pull it off.”
“Leo may have a point.” Riker mused, glancing around the room, keeping a close eye on everything around.
“Are you seriously going to take his side!? We can’t stay here, Riker. This family is poison. I don’t want to be here, and I know my brothers don’t either. Leo only wants to stay because he thinks it’d be easier and safer.”
“And you don’t agree with him?”
“Why would I!? What they’ve done…I hate them for it. They have no reason to abuse all of us, and yet they do. What they’ve done is unforgiveable, and I don’t want any of us to suffer it more. My father and stepmother deserve to die for what they’ve done, even if I have to do it myself-“
“Jakob,” Riker’s dark blue eyes met Jakob’s brown even though Riker had to look up, his eyes full of sincerity yet concern, “hatred is why we’re in this mess.”
“But if they can suffer as much as they’ve made us suffer…”
“I’m not saying they don’t deserve it…trust me, I know what an awful person deserves since I am one-“
“Riker-“
“-And I know that you’ve been hurt, but I still don’t think taking their lives would solve anything.”
Jakob looked away, somehow unable to look Riker in the eyes anymore. “…You sound way older than almost twenty-eight.”
Riker shrugged. “I had to grow up fast, same as all of you did.”
Jakob turned to face Riker again, and he was met with understanding.
Riker understood more than anyone else Jakob had met…such an odd and unfamiliar feeling.
“Lieutenant Schind, welcome. I didn’t know you were here! Did you come with Hans?”
Jakob turned to see his stepmother walking into the room, donned in the expensive clothes she favored. Hair always in the fanciest of bobs, clothes always ironed to perfection, even in her fifties many saw Frida Baumann as an epitome of beauty.
Outside beauty, maybe, but most certainly not internal.
“Yes ma’am,” Riker gave a small bow at the waist, “and it’s a pleasure to see you again, Frau Baumann.”
“How long will you be staying?” Frida asked, but she cast a furtive, scrutinizing glance Jakob’s way.
“As long as Hans is here, and I don’t know how long that will be.”
“Have you eaten?”
“No ma’am, not since this morning-“
Frida tsked. “That will not do. I shall have to ask Christina to prepare something for you.”
“I don’t want to impose.”
“Nonsense. She’s the housekeeper and cook, it is her job to take care of everyone here and guests who come here.”
Jakob’s fists clenched at his sides. Frau Adelmann meant everything to him and his brothers, yet Frida treated her as if she was no more than a measly, worthless servant, worth less than dirt under her feet.
“Jakob, go tell Frau Adelmann to prepare something for Lieutenant Schind, and also ask her to make some tea and some scones for me and the girls.”
Jakob nodded, but fury pulsed in his heart. “Yes, Mutti-“
“Frau Baumann, I do not have any men under my command with me, and I need an errand run, but I dare not leave until Hans is finished with his meeting. Could I perhaps use your son here for an errand?”
Frida rose an eyebrow. “Jakob? I would hardly think you would want a-“
“Jews are worth nothing more than servants for us, if even that, Frau Baumann, wouldn’t you agree?”
Jakob resisted the urge to face Riker. He couldn’t, not without risking the safety of everyone involved in the Violet Iris resistance. Besides, he knew Riker was playing a part that he didn’t truly want to play.
Frida smiled and nodded. “True. Well, Lieutenant Schind, if you need Jakob, then I suppose I shall tell Christina myself. Jakob?”
“Yes, Mutti?”
Frida’s eyes narrowed; her eyes darkened with warning, even a threat. “Don’t mess this up, or else.”
“Yes, Mutti.”
Frida nodded in approval and turned, her heels clicking quieter and quieter as she walked away.
Jakob turned to Riker. “Why-?”
“Go warn Ezekiel, Jakob…fast.”
“Riker-“
“Go, Jakob. Before it’s too late.”
Jakob nodded and slipped out the front door. He got far enough away from his house and ran as if lives depended on it.
Because there were lives that did.
Including his own.
- Rank: Chosen One
- Total Posts: 8156
@rae I love that…it sounds amazing 🤩
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.