A Place to share/write whatever we’re working on: Worldbuilding, plot, etc

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  • #156874
    whaley
    @whalekeeper
      • Rank: Chosen One
      • Total Posts: 3402

      @mineralizedwritings

      Everyone reads for different reasons. I think I’m in a stage of life where I write and read to process emotions, barely for fun. Like I don’t even care too much if writing is similar or too emotional– I just need it. So naturally it felt like something was missing from your writing; but in reality; we probably write/read for different reasons.

      Yeah. And maybe it helps people on here to share those emotional elements and feel heard, which is one way to go. I HaVe EmOtioNs ToO, I just don’t necessarily need to talk about them on here. Except I worry that can turn into a bad thing. If I’m avoiding sharing them, is that bad? Am I insecure?? XD

      Like, I’m sixteen. I have mood swings, I cry when I think too long about my place in this world, all that jazz.

      I want to participate, because everyone else seems to be having so much fun.

      I don’t want people to think “Whaley is cold and distant, that’s just the way she is”

      Hugo? I’ve never met him before! What’s he like?

      Oh! He is Seb’s adoptive older brother!

      He is super sweet, and actually very concerned with people’s emotional well-being. Because Seb is, well, cold and distant, they bounce off each other a lot.

      I don’t think the dramatic emotions are the only thing worth writing about!

      I don’t think you think that at all! And I don’t think anyone on here is a bad writer because they write that sort of stuff. Some people prefer small doses, while others want a lot more. It’s personal preference.

      I personally love the emotional moments I’ve seen so far in your WIP 😉 They are very well thought out and thought-provoking.

      And I remember reading that about the dystopian genre too XD Do you remember when I starting writing that kinda dystopian fantasy, the angsty one? Oh my goodness XDXD Like, there was something in the idea, but I got way too invested in the edginess…

      There’s probably a looooot of teens here on kp (myself included) who write to process/express emotions, and you poor Whaley seem to be sick and tired of it 😂😂

      Maybe I’m just that sensible mom friend who just watches the chaos unfold XD Seriously, you just summarized my highschool life in that one statement…

      Me like all the time lol

      It’s actually gotten a lot better though. I think just this last year I’ve been working on not caring as much about what other people think. I find that 90% of the times I’ve thought I messed up and start over thinking, everything is just fine XD and by trying to fix something that is just fine I usually accidentally turn it into a problem ;(

      Exactly XD And when you’re so emotionally drained you start worrying you’ve hurt someone’s feelings, or will, and after you go through all that stress, it was for literally nothing.

      I remember this one time… A guy from church came over unexpectedly to talk to my dad, but the kids were all awake and because they were around, he didn’t get to talk to my dad as much as he wanted to. He looked disappointed afterwards.

      I didn’t know what he wanted to talk about. I didn’t even know the guy. But for some reason, I cried myself to sleep worrying about it… 😭

      “Everything is a mountain”

      #156885
      MineralizedWritings
      @mineralizedwritings
        • Rank: Chosen One
        • Total Posts: 3006

        @whalekeeper

        Yeah. And maybe it helps people on here to share those emotional elements and feel heard, which is one way to go. I HaVe EmOtioNs ToO, I just don’t necessarily need to talk about them on here. Except I worry that can turn into a bad thing. If I’m avoiding sharing them, is that bad? Am I insecure?? XD

        Ok, isn’t everyone insecure to an extent lol?

        LOL I get it. I’m a little insecure, and I have gone overboard sharing emotions here on kp before, around when I first joined. I mean I straight up ranted to somebody I didn’t know that well… I now know everyone pretty well and am a little more socially aware so I haven’t done it like that  again XD Long as you aren’t bottling emotions up too much, it’s fine. Besides, we know you have a life outside of kp, and just because you don’t share emotions here, doesn’t mean you don’t elsewhere.

        Also, everyone processes differently. a lot of my general angst and confusion about getting older was best processed through writing, sometimes poetry, and drawing, all things I do by myself. It does help to have somebody else to talk to though, my sister and I have talked at length about all things growing up. Ig what I’m saying is if you process emotions alone best, that’s ok. Long as you are in some way processing them  XD

        Like, I’m sixteen. I have mood swings, I cry when I think too long about my place in this world, all that jazz.

        XDXD yeah… it’s toned down a lot for me the last year, but when I was 16/17 I cried a lot over general sadness not too connected to my life events or anything, and tbh it’s just a phase and uh…. enjoy it while it lasts?

        Ok I’m wierd, I kinda miss it because I like being melancholy. It does something for me lol.

        I want to participate, because everyone else seems to be having so much fun.

        I don’t want people to think “Whaley is cold and distant, that’s just the way she is”

        I’ve never felt you were cold or distant! I have felt that I know you in a different way than  I know the other people here, but that normal. People are different, and it’s good to have different types of people in your life!

        I really get the wanting to participate thing. emotions and the whole fangirling thing is so interwoven into writing these days, it’s hard to participate if you don’t do it. I’ll be honest here, I never was that kind of person. But all the writing communities I’ve been a part of (From my sister and her friends to kp) have it as a prime focus. It isn’t wrong necessarily, but I’ll admit I changed a little, and my writing probably changed a little, so I could be included. Now you got me thinking… how would my writing have been different if I was involved in a different group??

        Anyways, no one should have to be a part of it to feel included. It’s just fluffy fun and it’s not everyone’s thing.

         

        Oh! He is Seb’s adoptive older brother!

        He is super sweet, and actually very concerned with people’s emotional well-being. Because Seb is, well, cold and distant, they bounce off each other a lot.

        Awww sweet!

        I don’t think you think that at all!

        I didn’t think that you thought that I thought that at all!

        Now this.

        This is called the spiral of overthinking.

        😂😂

         

         

        And I don’t think anyone on here is a bad writer because they write that sort of stuff. Some people prefer small doses, while others want a lot more. It’s personal preference.

        I personally love the emotional moments I’ve seen so far in your WIP 😉 They are very well thought out and thought-provoking.

        Aw thank you!! Almost all are based on my life in some way… I’m just a super emotional person and I do that. It’s hard to tell whether it adds to my wip or takes away from it sometimes, I worry sometimes my wip has too much personal weight.

        And I remember reading that about the dystopian genre too XD Do you remember when I starting writing that kinda dystopian fantasy, the angsty one? Oh my goodness XDXD Like, there was something in the idea, but I got way too invested in the edginess…

        Lol yes I do remember that… when we were both the new people here on kp?

        Honestly though, dispite what you say about it, you’re descriptions really shone in that excerpt of writing. I still have a vivid video in my mind of it in all it’s edgy glory XD.

        I think I complimented you on the sentence…. “Soon there would be more than dirt under his fingernails.”

        Because I too, was going through a mild edgy phase. It was implied you were referring to blood, right? XD

        Exactly XD And when you’re so emotionally drained you start worrying you’ve hurt someone’s feelings, or will, and after you go through all that stress, it was for literally nothing.

        Yes. I overthink so much, it’s actually been a point of conflict in relationships, I can’t drop subjects because I’m worried I must fix a problem!

        I remember this one time… A guy from church came over unexpectedly to talk to my dad, but the kids were all awake and because they were around, he didn’t get to talk to my dad as much as he wanted to. He looked disappointed afterwards.

        I didn’t know what he wanted to talk about. I didn’t even know the guy. But for some reason, I cried myself to sleep worrying about it… 😭

        Girl… 😭😭 it’s wasn’t your fault lol

         

        Oh and also I know you said you don’t really share your feelings here on kp, that’s totally ok, not every does or feels comfortable doing so. But if you ever did need somebody to talk to, you can tag me 😊

        "And so I left this world just as I had entered it. Confused."

        #156888
        whaley
        @whalekeeper
          • Rank: Chosen One
          • Total Posts: 3402

          @mineralizedwritings

          LOL I get it. I’m a little insecure, and I have gone overboard sharing emotions here on kp before, around when I first joined. I mean I straight up ranted to somebody I didn’t know that well… I now know everyone pretty well and am a little more socially aware so I haven’t done it like that again XD

          It happens XD And then you realize what you’ve done a week later, and it’s too late.

          Besides, we know you have a life outside of kp, and just because you don’t share emotions here, doesn’t mean you don’t elsewhere.

          Good point. This is true. For me at least 😂 I hope no one here lives only on KP.

          Ig what I’m saying is if you process emotions alone best, that’s ok. Long as you are in some way processing them  XD

          Luckily I have people to talk to, even if they don’t necessarily relate to my situation. I’m glad you have someone to talk to. ❤

          XDXD yeah… it’s toned down a lot for me the last year, but when I was 16/17 I cried a lot over general sadness not too connected to my life events or anything, and tbh it’s just a phase and uh…. enjoy it while it lasts?

          Ok I’m wierd, I kinda miss it because I like being melancholy. It does something for me lol.

          It’s so weird knowing I’m in a phase but unable to leave it, you know?

          Yeah you ArE WeiRd MiN, who likes being a moody teenager?? 😂 Okay, it’s not bad, just challenging.

          I’ve never felt you were cold or distant!

          Now you got me thinking… how would my writing have been different if I was involved in a different group??

          Idk, your style is very solid, if that makes any sense. Maybe it would take some influence, but still have the same vibe 😊

          Anyways, no one should have to be a part of it to feel included. It’s just fluffy fun and it’s not everyone’s thing.

          Like you, I think I could learn to have fun through it, if I swallowed my internet persona and tried it XD

          Awww sweet!

          Yeah, he’s one of my oldest charries!

          Now this.

          This is called the spiral of overthinking.

          I wonder how far we can actually spiral like that, without making a conscious effort?

          Aw thank you!! Almost all are based on my life in some way… I’m just a super emotional person and I do that. It’s hard to tell whether it adds to my wip or takes away from it sometimes, I worry sometimes my wip has too much personal weight.

          Ofc 😊

          Idk about the personal weight thing… I think it’s all about how much a person depends on it. It’s fine as long as you are aware of what you’re doing.

          Lol yes I do remember that… when we were both the new people here on kp?

          Yup XD

          Honestly though, dispite what you say about it, you’re descriptions really shone in that excerpt of writing. I still have a vivid video in my mind of it in all it’s edgy glory XD.

          I… hope that’s an okayish thing? At least now?

          It was implied you were referring to blood, right? XD

          YUP XDXD

          Okay okay okay although, in all fairness to my younger self, the characters were actually play-fighting and would never have done that to each other.

          Buuuut yes it was edgy 😅

          Girl… 😭😭 it’s wasn’t your fault lol

          I got over it… it made NO sense in hindsight 😅

          Oh and also I know you said you don’t really share your feelings here on kp, that’s totally ok, not every does or feels comfortable doing so. But if you ever did need somebody to talk to, you can tag me 😊

          Maybe I will 😊❤ And you can too, ok?

          “Everything is a mountain”

          #156934
          Anonymous
            • Rank: Chosen One
            • Total Posts: 8156

            @mineralizedwritings @whalekeeper @smiley @joy-calle @anyone-else-with-advice-?-XD

            Sooo…I wanna ask/talk to y’all Gals for a sec XD

             

            I’m starting the process of writing Leon/Riker’s 2nd Novel (Broken Shackles), and I’m trying to figure out how to fill in all of the gaps I have for it, because the war is over, so I kinda have to focus more on internal conflicts

             

            So, here’s the jist of what’s going on with both of them:

            Leon- Struggling with intense/dangerous hatred (has his revelation moment when he comes close to murdering someone…😬), immense grief, and alcoholism; trying to care for his kids, and angry at God for “taking Aadelheide away”.

            Riker- Dealing with immense guilt, regret, and shame; dealing with even more PTSD that the camp caused, staying hidden, and forced to stay with his father to hide from the Americans (trying to stay alive so he can reunite with his wife and kids), still trying to help people to (unknowingly) “earn” atonement for the things he’s done

             

            but there are sooooooooooo many things that I don’t have filled in, like what’s exactly gonna happen, y’know?

            and Leon, with all of his hatred and alcoholism…I’m trying to find out how to make him still lovable and relatable, which I think I’ll do by showing those good sides of him (like playing with his kids, protecting his kids from the aftermath of war around them, etc), but that still doesn’t fix a bunch of plot holes

             

            I know how I want/need this story to end, and I know that both Leon/Riker have to come to their breaking points before God steps in (Leon when he realizes how far he’s drifted and realizes he’s lost everything except his hatred and alcohol; Riker when a certain thing happens involving Leon), but it’s still a question of how do I get them there and keep a reader engaged when the book is a lot more internal conflict than outside things going on?

            Any advice? 😅

            #156938
            MineralizedWritings
            @mineralizedwritings
              • Rank: Chosen One
              • Total Posts: 3006

              @freedomwriter76

              Ah ok… so it’s like you have most of the emotional story beats but not the physical ones– like the actual things that are happening?

              Ok idk why, but just reading what you wrote (I’ve been in such a rainy mood lately, like all my art seems to have umbrellas ect in it lol) I imagine like Leon or Riker sitting in a coffee shop looking out the rainy glass… realizing what they’ve become… idk. I like having my character have refection moments. Are people staring at him because he looks down? Or does he look normal, because it’s the same as everyone else?

              But I mean that doesn’t help a lot, just a thought and what I like to do.

              Where is Leon living rn? Maybe if one of them is struggling to find a stable home to live in (I know Riker is, what does he do about it? Does he try to go anywhere while he is staying with his dad to get away? How does he handle the stress of living with his dad again? I’d imagine it causes some bad memories to surface, does he take it in stride, or really struggle?) If Leon is struggling to have a stable to home to live in, or pay rent ect, it could cause some more action/things for him to do. Moving to a new place without his wife would be disorienting, like starting a new terrible chapter.

              Random idea, but because you might need scenes to get out all these emotional plot points you have planned, what if one of them has a elderly neighbor they see (Riker? He might find it to be doing some sort of good) I was just remembering how in TFATWS Bucky is hanging out with an older man who is loneley after his son’s death, maybe Riker does the same? It would make him go places, and you could use a character like that to probe him a bit, and see how he relfects, or whether he does at all.

              Hope that might have helped a little!

               

              "And so I left this world just as I had entered it. Confused."

              #156941
              MineralizedWritings
              @mineralizedwritings
                • Rank: Chosen One
                • Total Posts: 3006

                @whalekeeper

                It’s so weird knowing I’m in a phase but unable to leave it, you know?

                You’ll leave it eventually. Like I said. ENJOY IT WHILE IT LASTS!!  😁😁😁 Lol

                Yeah you ArE WeiRd MiN, who likes being a moody teenager?? 😂 Okay, it’s not bad, just challenging.

                YeAh WeLl I LIkE It

                DeAl WiTh It

                 

                YUP XDXD

                Okay okay okay although, in all fairness to my younger self, the characters were actually play-fighting and would never have done that to each other.

                Buuuut yes it was edgy 😅

                XD Girl you were so edgy, there’s absolutely no way I could have inferred that was play fighting. XD It nearly read like some kind of death game

                Ok that’s a little exaggeration.

                Maybe I will 😊❤ And you can too, ok?

                Sure thing 😊😊

                 

                 

                "And so I left this world just as I had entered it. Confused."

                #156945
                hybridlore
                @hybridlore
                  • Rank: Eccentric Mentor
                  • Total Posts: 1575

                  @freedomwriter76

                  If your readers love the characters enough, I think even with a slower plot, the story will still work! But yeah, I see what you mean.

                  So, you say that you don’t know what’s going to happen… that makes me wonder, is the sequel absolutely necessary? Like, for the character’s arcs, and everything, or was the story really finished in the first book? That’s something I would ask myself, but from what you shared about Leon’s alcoholism and hatred, and Riker’s PTSD, it sounds like you might.

                  Maybe brainstorm ways you could take plot events from your other books in the series (I think you have a bunch planned for the family/friends, right?) and see how you could add events that will tie them together… idk, I’m just throwing stuff out here cause I don’t really know specifics XD.

                  I’m sure after the war, there’s still a TON of things going on, and it might be interesting to play with things like Jewish characters struggling to get jobs (idk if that’s realistic or not, though) or like, prejudice against them. Is Riker hiding from the Americans because he was part of Hitler’s army?

                  XD I don’t know too much about the aftermath of the war, but hopefully you can come up with some great plot ideas for it. I’m sure it was still a hard time (especially for the Jews.)

                  How many books do you have planned for Leon and Riker?

                  WE ARE REVIVING THE PROTECTION SQUAD! *steals Joseph, Julian, and Sabina from Ellette*

                  #156964
                  Anonymous
                    • Rank: Chosen One
                    • Total Posts: 8156

                    @mineralizedwritings @hybridlore Ahh, y’all are amazing!!! Thank y’all sooo much!! <3

                     

                    @min

                    Ah ok… so it’s like you have most of the emotional story beats but not the physical ones– like the actual things that are happening?

                    Precisely XD

                    Ok idk why, but just reading what you wrote (I’ve been in such a rainy mood lately, like all my art seems to have umbrellas ect in it lol) I imagine like Leon or Riker sitting in a coffee shop looking out the rainy glass… realizing what they’ve become… idk. I like having my character have refection moments. Are people staring at him because he looks down? Or does he look normal, because it’s the same as everyone else?

                    Hmm…that is an interesting thought, idk I may do something similar…although it probably wouldn’t be a coffee shop, lol 😝

                    But I mean that doesn’t help a lot, just a thought and what I like to do.

                    I meannn, they definitely need moments to contemplate their life tho, don’t they XD Ahhh, my bois are gonna be a mess for a while 😅

                    Where is Leon living rn? Maybe if one of them is struggling to find a stable home to live in (I know Riker is, what does he do about it? Does he try to go anywhere while he is staying with his dad to get away? How does he handle the stress of living with his dad again? I’d imagine it causes some bad memories to surface, does he take it in stride, or really struggle?) If Leon is struggling to have a stable to home to live in, or pay rent ect, it could cause some more action/things for him to do. Moving to a new place without his wife would be disorienting, like starting a new terrible chapter.

                    At first, Leon lives with his mother-in-law, who opens up her home to him, and afterwards, she probably pays rent for a home…but idk exactly yet…that’s a really interesting thought. It’s really hard when he first moves into his mother-in-law’s house tho…since it’s the one Aadelheide grew up in 😭

                    As for Riker…he tries to get outside to be away from his dad, and also will likely visit Ezekiel at least once and maybe a few others. As for handling his stress…uhhhh, he probably doesn’t handle it very well, honestly 😅 Ignores it, mostly…typical Riker for you XD It does incur bad memories, and honestly, I think he’s barely able to stand it, which is why he sometimes even finds places to sleep outside away from his father’s house, sometimes in the rain…the baby 😭

                    Random idea, but because you might need scenes to get out all these emotional plot points you have planned, what if one of them has a elderly neighbor they see (Riker? He might find it to be doing some sort of good) I was just remembering how in TFATWS Bucky is hanging out with an older man who is loneley after his son’s death, maybe Riker does the same? It would make him go places, and you could use a character like that to probe him a bit, and see how he relfects, or whether he does at all.

                    Ooooh, now I do like that XD (Yesss, Yori Nakajima!!!!! 😭😭 i’m so sad how it ended between him and Bucky, ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh *faints*)

                    *GASPS* It could be Leon’s mother-in-law!!!! or Isaiah…or somebody! 😂 I really like the idea of it being Louisa tho…I wanted Riker to meet/connect with her anyhow, and she would be a God-fearing person in his life that would love on him as if he were her own son 💗💗

                    I may have to go with Louisa now XD

                    Hope that might have helped a little!

                    It did!!! Tysm!!!

                    #156967
                    Anonymous
                      • Rank: Chosen One
                      • Total Posts: 8156

                      @hybridlore

                      If your readers love the characters enough, I think even with a slower plot, the story will still work! But yeah, I see what you mean.

                      Aww, well, thank you!! <3 That is encouraging XD

                      So, you say that you don’t know what’s going to happen… that makes me wonder, is the sequel absolutely necessary? Like, for the character’s arcs, and everything, or was the story really finished in the first book? That’s something I would ask myself, but from what you shared about Leon’s alcoholism and hatred, and Riker’s PTSD, it sounds like you might.

                      It is because their Arcs didn’t end in Freedom’s Fire…like, not at all 😅 They’re both stuck in very dark places in their lives, and their struggles will be what brings them to surrender to Christ <3

                      Maybe brainstorm ways you could take plot events from your other books in the series (I think you have a bunch planned for the family/friends, right?) and see how you could add events that will tie them together… idk, I’m just throwing stuff out here cause I don’t really know specifics XD.

                      I’ll 100% be connecting things 😉 OH, don’t worry! I haven’t really told anyone too much about the Sequel yet, so I wouldn’t expect y’all to have too many ideas of what’s going on xD

                      I’m sure after the war, there’s still a TON of things going on, and it might be interesting to play with things like Jewish characters struggling to get jobs (idk if that’s realistic or not, though) or like, prejudice against them. Is Riker hiding from the Americans because he was part of Hitler’s army?

                      There was a lot going on 😅 Well, a bunch of Jews were looking for a place to live and even more of them were looking for places where they could get to England, America, etc. One thing that is going on in Leon/Riker’s town is hatred/prejudice against both sides…Germans attacking Jews, Jews attacking Germans, all while the American forces are trying to keep peace, heh. Like, one of the men Leon knew in the camp, Aaron, is leading a group of Jewish and even non-Jewish prisoners from the concentration camp that have made it their mission to make the Nazis “pay” for their crimes, mostly by…uh…killing them, thereby taking “Justice” into their own hands…so yeah, their town is a mess 😅

                      And yes, Riker was in the Schutzstaffel (SS), more specifically the Totenkopf (Death Head) division, which ran/organized the Concentration Camps.

                      XD I don’t know too much about the aftermath of the war, but hopefully you can come up with some great plot ideas for it. I’m sure it was still a hard time (especially for the Jews.)

                      Thx girl <3 It was honestly a hard time for all of Germany. A lot of people who put their full belief in Hitler didn’t know what to believe anymore, and so there were a lot of really…lost people, y’know? Plus a lot of their cities were destroyed, children were left without education, and so many people in their nation were dead…so yeahhhh, Germany was a mess after WWII and for many years afterward 😔

                      How many books do you have planned for Leon and Riker?

                      Well, they both appear in more than one novel, but as for their own books where they’re the MCs, I have 3 planned. 😉

                      #1: Freedom’s Fire (1944-1945)

                      #2: Broken Shackles (1945-1946)

                      and

                      #3: Fully Redeemed (1952-1953)

                       

                      Leon/Riker’s arc is mostly completed in the Sequel, but in the third one, they’re still struggling with a few other things, and that’s why they have a 3rd novel 😊

                      #156984
                      MineralizedWritings
                      @mineralizedwritings
                        • Rank: Chosen One
                        • Total Posts: 3006

                        @freedomwriter76

                        Yw!!

                        (Yesss, Yori Nakajima!!!!! 😭😭 i’m so sad how it ended between him and Bucky, ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh *faints*)

                         

                        Wait… how did it end?? Ik Bucky told him what happened and he did it, was there something else?

                         

                        Oh Riker… so sad. Actually Kaine does a similar thing… he sleeps in trees sometimes XD And one time he slept with Jonathan’s horses because he didn’t want to be alone (Everly moved out after she married Layson, but still comes to visit most days) ;(

                        "And so I left this world just as I had entered it. Confused."

                        #157024
                        Smiley
                        @smiley
                          • Rank: Chosen One
                          • Total Posts: 2210

                          @freedomwriter76

                          I’m sorry I never replied, for some reason my emails aren’t working well and I’m missing a lot of comments

                          But girl!!!!! These poor boys

                          I can see where internal conflict can be a struggle to make interesting so here are a few ideas

                          those good sides of him (like playing with his kids, protecting his kids from the aftermath of war around them, etc),

                          I can see what you mean… but if he’s struggling with alcoholism or something, maybe his breakthrough occurs when he like snaps at his kids or something

                          Not too dark or anything (if that makes sense) but enough to make him realize what he’s become

                          And it would be a really sad moment, because all he has left is his kids, and for him to realize that now he’s hurting them with his words or actions would just be super rough for him

                          And also just really showing the grief behind the anger and stuff, like whenever you start to feel that he’s becoming unlikeable show his grief again, explain the pain he’s going through

                          Grief is such a strong word and it causes people to go as far as insane, so it should never be taken lightly in a book

                          I don’t know his wife very well, but I recommend figuring out exactly how she’s affected him, like how she brought out the best in him, you could also have an item of hers or maybe an old note she left him, and now he grasps that when he’s in deep depression, and maybe during the breakdown he holding that or something

                          Just some ideas

                          For Riker… I’m not sure how mature you want this book to be???? Because a man in his position would no doubt think about taking his life…

                          I don’t know maybe that’s too dark or depressing, but that’s just my observation

                          Anyway I don’t have very many ideas for him, but I do like Min’s and him becoming friends with like Leon’s mother in law or something

                           

                          Do me a favor…. Tell Cress I meant it
                          -Thorne

                          #157027
                          Esther
                          @esther-c
                            • Rank: Chosen One
                            • Total Posts: 3480

                            @freedomwriter76

                            I totally understand your concern.

                            I’d say that in the first chapter that’s in his POV, showcase his positive character traits, but also give us a glimpse into his internal conflict so we see that he isn’t as perfect as he seems on the outside. Slowly revealing his backstory like you said you’d do will also help readers start to like him before they find out all the terrible things he’s done. XD Because obviously the way he acts will differ depending on the people he’s around and if he’s particularly struggling that day.

                            Also, not every MC or every character is going to be likable. I think the most important thing is that you love the character and writing from his POV,  and that he is realistic.

                            I hope this helps a little! Good luck!

                            Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende

                            #157084
                            Anonymous
                              • Rank: Loyal Sidekick
                              • Total Posts: 110

                              @freedomwriter76

                              Everyone has already given you such great advice that I’m not sure what else I could add, but I’ll chime in and say I think giving Riker a mentor would be awesome! Not sure if anyone already said this, but I think it would be even BETTER if his mentor dealt with guilt/shame over something in his past, too . . . That way they could relate to each other and find healing thru that relationship.

                              I’m doing that with Mica and Russell’s relationship in Heart of a Father (I don’t believe I’ve told u about Mica yet?).

                              Basically, Mica’s son was murdered while walking to school just because he was Black (this happened the year after the SCOTUS Brown v. Board of Education ruling). Mica’s husband Jeremiah, tho he was very ill from grief for a long time afterward, chose to forgive their son’s killer, but Mica spiraled into a very intense state of hatred (very similar to Leon, in fact). Even more similar to Leon, she has her breakthrough moment when she sees a small white boy being beaten up on the sidewalk and almost does nothing.

                              On that note, I will say that when we look at a character’s actions objectively only, that’s when they’ll be unlikeable to the reader. Mica’s actions are obviously awful (she takes her hatred out on others, especially her husband, and deeply hurts Jeremiah in the process although he’s always forgiving). So if we just looked objectively at her unkindness to others and her verbal abuse toward her husband, she would be an unlikeable character. But since we delve deep into her heart, her suffering and her pain, her unimaginable grief over losing her son in such a horrible way, her very understandable desire to avenge his death . . . that’s what makes her likeable because we both ache for her and relate to her.

                              So in conclusion, I don’t think you have to worry about Leon being unlikeable as long as you honestly portray his grief over his wife’s death, his love for his children, etc. The “unlikeable” parts of him are things to which everyone can relate to some extent, so I’d say they strengthen his character.

                              Going back to Riker, I think it’d be great for him to have a mentor who can relate to him in his brokenness rather than always being just the “oh wise one.” For example, Mica and Russell. Mica meets Russell 18 years after her son’s death, and by then she has chosen to forgive – but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t still feel pain, and she also struggles with guilt/shame over her past hateful actions. Since Russell struggles with immense guilt and shame over his past as a racist, and also suffers from severe PTSD and grief due to his best friend’s death, he and Mica can relate deeply to each other and they both find healing in that relationship. I just love their mother-son relationship, it’s so adorable 🥰 and I love how they both grow thru it. It’s not just Mica being the wise one all the time, though she certainly gives Russell wonderful advice and helps him greatly. They both draw encouragement from each other.

                              Anyways. Hope this long-winded post helped somewhat 🙂

                              #157174
                              Anonymous
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                                @joy-calle @esther-c @smiley Thank y’all sooo much!!! Y’all are so helpful! Love y’all! <3

                                 


                                @mineralizedwritings

                                Well…it was hinted that Bucky will never speak to Nakajima again…or the Asian girl he went on a date with…he just watched them outside through the window at the restaurant he regularly went to with Nakajima 😭

                                 

                                Aww, Kaine 🥺😢

                                #157345
                                Anonymous
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                                  @godlyfantasy12 @koshka @elishavet-pidyon @lightoverdarkness6 @mineralizedwritings @whalekeeper @keilah-h @smiley @hybridlore @esther-c @euodia-vision @anyone-else-idk-lol-XD

                                   

                                  OK…I have finally written the first chapter of Leon/Riker’s 2nd Novel: Broken Shackles

                                   

                                  ma bois…❤️🥹❤️😭❤️

                                   

                                  anywho…here’s Chapter 1!!! (although it’s liable to change a little over time, lol XD)

                                  Sunlight beat down. Sunlight bounced off of silver skull and crossbones and glistened off flecks of sweat.

                                  He shivered, feeling cold even in the sunlight.

                                  Boots pounded against dirt like drums, kicking up dust.

                                  Two guards, donned in exquisite black and silver Schutzstaffel uniforms marched in between two vastly different columns.

                                  One of smirking, silently jeering guards and officers, some giddy at the thought of a “traitor” being caught.

                                  The other of trembling prisoners, barely alive, terrified in that they knew what punishment in the camp was like.

                                  Corralled in between the two marching guards was Fin. He gave a smile as he passed, a smile devoid of fear.

                                  Fin was marched up to Hans and a waiting pit.

                                  His heart…it beat so hard that he heard it in his head.

                                  Fin spoke, but he didn’t hear.

                                  Hans gave a sudden nod, and Fin’s wrists were roped together; a blindfold covered his eyes.

                                  Blood from Fin’s wrists dripped onto the ground, staining the dust a bright red.

                                  Hot tears coursed down his cheeks as he watched Fin.

                                  He closed his eyes so he wouldn’t see.

                                  A quick breeze blew by, and his eyes shot open. Cold metal danced before his eyes, and a loaded barrel made his mind focus.

                                  He was the one that was meant to die.

                                  Riker awoke with a start, sweat perspiring from every inch of his aching body.

                                  He threw off the bed covers and sat up.

                                  He rubbed his eyes to make the memory tainted by a nightmare disappear.

                                  It wasn’t real…it wasn’t true. Riker was alive…he was…he was alive.

                                  He was alive…he was alive when…when he should have died.

                                  Riker groaned and covered his face with his hands.

                                  Moonlight streamed through the slightly open window of his childhood bedroom, dimly illuminating his trembling and bruised form.

                                  It wasn’t real. It wasn’t. Riker just had to keep reminding himself of that.

                                  The end though…it was true. Fin had been innocent, yet he was killed.

                                  Riker was guilty, oh so guilty, and yet he survived.

                                  Riker really was the one that was meant to die.

                                  Riker slowly sank back down, settling in a laying position. Tears burned his eyes; his body continued to tremble, sending shivers up and down his spine that pierced his bruised body.

                                  Sleep would refuse him. He knew it would.

                                  The nightmare flashed before his eyes, mingling with the images of lives he had taken.

                                  The people he’d killed…they deserved nothing that they had received.

                                  Innocent lives taken…and no one was held responsible.

                                  Blood stained his hands, innocent blood.

                                  No one could wipe his hands clean.

                                  Nothing could bring back all of the people that had died by his hands.

                                  Tears chilled his warm cheeks.

                                  His eyes closed.

                                  Riker slipped back into darkness.

                                  ~*~

                                  The light of early morning danced behind him. Dust crept out from beneath his new boots, threatening to make him cough.

                                  After two months of treatment, Leon had finally been able to leave the camp. He was grateful to the American medics that treated him, and he had promised to reunite with Isaiah, Yosef, and their family soon.

                                  But first, his kids.

                                  Leon walked down the dirt path leading up to a small, white, pristine farmhouse, admiring the scenery around him.

                                  The sun still shone, birds still chirped, crops still grew, and flowers still bloomed as if war never came.

                                  A man bent over a water spigot in the front yard looked up, blue eyes instantly filling with scrutiny.

                                  Leon rose the best smile he could muster and rose a hand in greeting. “Hello. I-I’m Leon…Leon Wagner. Is this…is this the Müller home?”

                                  “It is,” the man walked towards Leon, “but who are you?”

                                  “I’m Isabel, Elias, and Albert’s father. Ezekiel told me that my kids were living here, and I wanted to come get them-“

                                  “You’re the father? You are Mr. Wagner? Eliza, come quick!”

                                  “I’m coming Otto, I’m-who is he?”

                                  Leon rose his head to meet the blue eyes of a young woman carrying a basket of eggs.

                                  “It’s the father, Eliza…it’s Leon Wagner.”

                                  Eliza gasped and quickly set down the basket; she ran to Leon and took his hands in her own, tears in her eyes. “Oh, how we have prayed for your safe return! I can see it…Albert looks just like you, the sweet child. Oh, how I and Otto have prayed that you would come to get your kids soon!”

                                  Leon swallowed hard. How long would it take until he got used to kindness again?

                                  “H-have my kids been happy?”

                                  “We have done our best to keep them so,” Otto laid a hand on his wife’s arm, gently pulling her into his embrace, “and it has been a joy to see them thrive here.”

                                  “Isabel will be overjoyed to see you…she has not forgotten you, of that I am certain.”

                                  Leon almost choked on a sob. “She-she hasn’t?”

                                  “Oh, dear, no…she still wants you more than she wants us. We’ve tried to help her understand, but she is just a child, and she wanted her Daddy and her Mutti. Oh, how happy she will be!”

                                  Isabel remembered him. Leon only hoped that she would recognize him.

                                  “Mr. Wagner, forgive me for being blunt, but may I ask you a question?”

                                  Leon faced Otto and nodded. “O-of course.”

                                  “…Why is your wife not with you?”

                                  Greif slammed Leon in the chest, sucking the breath out of his lungs. Leon took in a deep breath and spoke even though his voice cracked. “Heaven.”

                                  “Oh, I’m so sorry for your loss…”

                                  But Otto didn’t know the half of it. A burning anger at those responsible for Aadelheide’s death coursed through his veins; Leon’s fists clenched at his sides.

                                  God…Riker…Leon hated them both.

                                  A creak of wood echoed in Leon’s ears; he turned.

                                  Doll in hand, curls bouncing with a faint breeze, Isabel stood on the edge of the porch; her bright blue eyes so much like her mother’s filled with childlike innocence and confusion.

                                  Leon’s heart softened just at the sight of his precious daughter, and tears coursed down his cheeks in droves. “I-Isabel? It’s me…it’s Daddy.”

                                  The doll slipped from Isabel’s hands; doll discarded, Isabel ran.

                                  Leon fell to his knees on the dirt; he enveloped his daughter into his arms. His tears mixed with hers.

                                  “Isabel…oh, my sweet Isabel.”

                                  He covered her head and cheeks with kisses; he rocked her in his arms; he held her as close and as tight as he could.

                                  Albert and Elias were brought to him, and Leon rocked all three of his precious gifts, vowing that he would never let anyone make him let go again.

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