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- Rank: Chosen One
- Total Posts: 8156
@mineralizedwritings I love the scenes!!! 💗💗 I can really feel Tauren’s inner conflict in these two scenes, and I love that. Fabulous!!! 👏👏👏
@freedomwriter76
Honestly, I love both XD
and I do agree that starting with a fight is a great way to get someone reading
“I can do this all day” 😉
perhaps some resemblance?
Oh my word, my Dad said the same thing 😂😂XD that’s the vibes I got too, but where’s the Bucky? XD seriously you should do a crossover fic where Leon and Steve meet, and then Riker and Bucky would meet, those two would be so sad
sorry, I shouldn’t be filling your mind with fanfic ideas when you’re trying to edit XD
Do me a favor…. Tell Cress I meant it
-Thorne- Rank: Chosen One
- Total Posts: 8156
@smiley Aww, thank you! <3
ikr? XD What better than a fight? 😂😅
XD that’s the vibes I got too, but where’s the Bucky? XD seriously you should do a crossover fic where Leon and Steve meet, and then Riker and Bucky would meet, those two would be so sad
sorry, I shouldn’t be filling your mind with fanfic ideas when you’re trying to edit XD
Man…everyone’s getting those vibes 😂XD trueeeeee xD
GIRL…I would have way too much fun with that XD You’re good…I still come up with plenty of fanfic ideas on my own…besides, I’ve already had a similar idea before, so you’re good, lol! 😊😉XD
“I can do this all day” 😉
perhaps some resemblance?
I was thinking the same thing… XD
@freedomwriter76
great job girl!!!! I love seeing the people’s first draft and then their edited one cuz you read the first one and you’re like “Wow, this is so good!” and reading the edited one, you’re like “Oh, wow, this is even better and I didn’t think it could be!” That might just be a me thing, but oh well. XD
I rolled the log over and underneath was a tiny little stick and I was like, "That log had a child
@whalekeeper @lightoverdarkness6 @smiley @euodia-vision @freedomwriter76 @acancello
A snippet for anyone interested, it’s unedited lol
The smell of womens perfume and expensive aftershave fills the usually grimy hallway. Incandescent lights from above the large hall illuminates the strange mix of people. Miners wearing their usual overalls and work boots stand in line for coffee next to primly dressed women from the professions district. They stay close to one another, eyeing the dirty and rougher society through a scrutinous gaze. A young girl, clinging to her mothers layered skirt, looks up at Tauren with a curious gaze. Her small earrings sparkle under the inadequate lighting from the shop stands. Tauren waves at her awkwardly. She smiles and waves back, before being quickly shuffled aside by her mother.
“I’m–” The mother looks over at Tauren, taking a moment to stare at the rip in his oversized flannel. “So sorry–” She fakes a smile.
“You’re fine.” Tauren smiles back, hoping to make the newcomers feel welcome for the day. He looks back at Lesli, only to find she had been staring at the women and child herself.
“What?”
“That dress must have cost a fortune. Not even wedding dresses have petticoats here. It’s considered… a waste of fabric.” Lesli stares off at the women as she walks away, keeping to the side and holding her daughter close through the crowd.
Tauren looks over at Lesli, feeling her arm slip into his. “We’re going to stick together, right?”
“Yeah…” The crowd moves as one body, only small groups pushing against eachother. “This place wasn’t made for this many people.”
“I guess it’s the best they could do, the professions district is smaller and could never fit all of us.”
“Yeah.” Tauren pushes through the crowd, pulling Lesli along with him. “Let’s go find a seat before all the good ones are taken.”
“I want one on the side so we don’t have to step over all these fancy people if we need to leave.”
“Sure.” Tauren smiles at Lesli’s use of ‘fancy people’.
Lesli takes in a deep breath as they pass a small group of men from the professions district, all dressed in formal attire. The sweet smell of cologne wafts from the groups direction.
“What is that, pine?”
“I smell lavender.” Tauren says, pulling Lesli along through the crowd as she tries in vain to catch every new scent filling the busy hall.
“Not the Lavender, the other smell.”
“I dunno.” Tauren replies, looking around the ballroom for a seat on the side.
“Oh, wow! Her dress must have like 5 different layers in it.” Lesli leans away from Tauren to get a better look. He stays focused on the task at hand, pinning her arm down with his.
“Please don’t stare.”
“It’s cool though!! How do you think they have so much money?”
“I dunno. Most of them have vital professions.”
“More vital than laborers?”
Tauren ignores the question, moving to sit on one of the many chairs set up in the ballroom. Lesli plops down next to him, straightening out her skirt. She promptly looks back up, staring at the back of the man in front of her.
“Maaaan all these people are so stylish.” Lesli sulks, still staring at the man ahead of her, dressed in an off white dress shirt with a dark brown waistcoat.
“That guy’s outfit would look great on you. Probably even your size–” Lesli’s whisper is cut off by a harsh glare from Tauren.
“You’re so EMBARRASING!” Tauren yells through a stiffened whisper. He sighs, straightening his glasses on his nose. “I hope nobody heard you. Yes, it’s stylish though.”
"And so I left this world just as I had entered it. Confused."
I LOVE how Lesli just embarrasses Tauren with her genuineness XD She can be bold when she wants to. Such a mood, on both sides.
“Everything is a mountain”
Thanks!
XD Yep, she’s pretty fun to write.
"And so I left this world just as I had entered it. Confused."
@mineralizedwritings @loopylin @freedomwriter76 @calyhuge @keilah-h @whoeverwantstogivemewhatfor
I was wondering if you guys might want to help me out 😛
I don’t get very many critiques. Not because I’m perfect, just because that kind of stuff hasn’t been dished out to me lately. I would love to have some more to work with, because although they automatically send me into cry mode… reading them is a great way to improve.
Do you girls (and one lone guy lol) have any advice for me on how to tweak my style for the better?
I don’t have any specific snippet I need help with – and I don’t have time to find one because ScHOoL. But I figured some of you have read enough of my writing in RPs and snippets, and you might have some thoughts.
If you need a snippet anyway, I can find one when I come back.
Just some critiques? Pretty please? Like, tell me all the things I don’t know about myself. Rip my heart out and feed it to an axolotl. Just please…
“Everything is a mountain”
Dude, I love your writing style so much though! I’m trying to find something in your role plays, but I might be better at critiquing a snippet (sorry you’re busy with school! If you can’t find one, that’s alright.). I’ll keep looking, though.
“Nothing says autumn like slurpin’ apples.” -my uncle
I really haven’t read enough of your writing to give a critique lol! All I know is your world is avatar-esk (Did the phoenix child idea stem from the avatar?) and is very unique. I could say that all the ideas from your world don’t seem super tied together, but I haven’t read enough to say that. Your writing style is very unique and I really like it! The only thing I could say about it is that I never have felt personally connected to Seb. He’s the only one I’ve read a lot of. He is super cute and quirky, but I never have related to him. That being said, I haven’t read any emotional scenes with him in it. Everything about him is outward– his appearance, showy behavior, ect gives me the vibe he never shows his real self (if that’s what you’re going for, you totally nailed it) but also leaves me wondering who he really is, in a sense, I have never felt like I knew him.
Y’know how us Bucky fangirls talk (Oh MygOodNesS PoOr BoI!!) ? I fan over Seb in the opposite way. Not because I have any reason to feel for him, but because his flashy behavior demands attention. (and he’s hilarious)
That’s not necessarily a bad thing at all, just something I noticed. It depends on your goal with him.
(I feel Like I should note here that I’m a emotional person who gravitates towards emotional plots and characters. I like to be sad, happy, even depressed because of books sometimes. I know there’s some people out there who could care less for emotions, and more for a well thought our plot. It just depends on the reader.)
Ok I don’t like saying all that about Seb because I haven’t read much of your writing!
In the wise words of Aakashi Keiji, “How utterly presumptuous of me!”
I haven’t read much about your worldbuilding at all, but from the bit I have read it felt very creative and unique but not super tied together. But that being said I’ve only read one short thread about your worldbuilding. I got vibes of ‘very cool but a little confusing.’ I am a person who functions by rules though. I know not everyone writes a hard system into their books.
Also I’m so sorry critiques make you so sad! Everyone of us, even the best published authors, could find something wrong with their writing if they tried hard enough. We want you to have fun, not strive for perfection 😊 Striving for perfection does make us better, but it can make the things we love and enjoy stressful.
Also idk about you, but roleplays are my place to have fun and not care about how amazing they read (You can save that for your book!). If you try to make everything perfect, it can get stressful. I personally wouldn’t make roleplays a demonstration of your writing skillset unless you really want to.
"And so I left this world just as I had entered it. Confused."
@freedomwriter76
I love the scenes!!! 💗💗 I can really feel Tauren’s inner conflict in these two scenes, and I love that. Fabulous!!! 👏👏👏
Lol I’m sorry some how I never got back to you! Thank you so much! <33
"And so I left this world just as I had entered it. Confused."
This might just be me being a grammar perfectionist, and you haven’t done it in a while, but I have noticed a couple times you have written sentences like this:
“He stopped at the door, listened.”
I’ve seen actual published authors do this too, so it’s probably not a big deal, but when I see it, it distracts me from the story because it sounds really clunky.
“He stopped at the door and listened.” Flows a lot better and doesn’t make you feel like you accidentally skipped something while reading. Most of the time, commas can’t replace “and”s.
But again, I haven’t seen you do this in a while, and it’s only a little thing.
“Nothing says autumn like slurpin’ apples.” -my uncle
Seriously, though, your writing style is my favorite. I can’t wait to read something you publish.
“Nothing says autumn like slurpin’ apples.” -my uncle
- Rank: Chosen One
- Total Posts: 8156
Honestly, I don’t think I have anything to add, but girl, let me tell you this: Your writing style is uniquely you!
Your writing is sooo unique, and honestly?? I’ve never seen anything like it. The way you describe your characters and the setting…everything just comes alive in my head, and I absolutely love that <3 Your characters, your story, everything you write feels so lively and alive…and I absolutely ADORE that.
So girl, you keep doing you…and never push for perfection, because none of us can ever acheive it.
Keep Writing, Keep Hoping, Keep Practicing, and most of all…Keep Dreaming✨✨
You’ve got this girl 💗💗
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