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I wrote almost 2 pages!!
#IfMarcelDiesIRiot
#ProtectMarcel
#ProtectSeb- Rank: Chosen One
- Total Posts: 8156
@godlyfantasy12 Congrats!!! (i meant to do the sprint with you…but I got off to spend time with my bro and sis) BUT CONGRATS, GIRL!!!!! 🥳🎉🎊 You’ve got this 😉
@koshka @sunny421 @freedomwriter76 @godlyfantasy12 @joycalle…Iforgotyourtag @Idon’tknowwhototag
Hi everyone! I know I’ve been floating about in shadowy silence, so I’m sorry if I haven’t commented on some of y’all’s excellent work. Maybe I’ll be able to go back and give some thoughts as I’ve really enjoyed reading them.
Anyway, now that long and overdrawn introduction is out of the way, I’d like to share an excerpt that needs some opinions.
*Grandly lays out a wrinkled parchment*
Lo and behold the prologue of From Bondage book 1 in the Kingdom of Shadows.
Far beyond the green-white cliffs when the land began to rise into wooded hills there ran a crooked wall. Time had ground away most of the mortar between its gray stones leaving it to stretch along the road like a withered serpent. In the evening light it would look over the passerby as the wind hissed threats through cracks in the masonry. Yet, if one was brave enough, and stood tall enough, a strange sight might have been seen on the other side.
A village huddled in its cold shadow. Smoke and noise issued from the smithy and sickening smells from the tavern. Some children wander the street, and some adults as well, busy with the final preparations for the night.
But through the darkening gloom a few of the sun’s last rays might have caught in the upturned gaze of one of the children. His face perhaps, was streaked with dirt, and his clothes were certainly no better, but his eyes lifted hungrily to watch the sun beyond the wall between them. Clear blue they shone for the moment the light lingered inside them.
Darker, darker.
Dusk.
A sigh slipped out of his parted lips as he turned away, the shadows of night gathering in the shackle on his foot.
Back on the road the passerby might step back. His head shaking, he’d hurry on, quick to get away from the leering wall and its village before he had as little light as they did.
A brisk walk down the road would have find a town and a chance glance to his left, a great house. Its stately battlements were softened by the gleam of tall, narrow windows. With the passing of generations, the need for fortifications seemed to have faded. Now those windows watched the passerby with undisturbed suspicion. Yet if one had the eyes to see – and took the time to look – another sight might have been seen.
There in one window the last of the light fell down onto another boy. His forehead leaned against the pane as he watched the sun slide away into the depth of the sky. A thick book lay unheeded in his lap, unable to fill the wonder in his green eyes like the shifting light outside could. Shadows from the room at his back slid across the page and over his face.
Darker, darker.
Until the sun was gone.
He stared after it for a moment more, before sliding out of the window, his book falling to the floor.
So the sun set in Carwell, and night came to dwell behind a wall and a window.
It’s obviously very rough draft, but my sister told me to share it. XD
Oh! And I just recently found a new favorite song. XD It’s Control by Dylan Woodward, and I love it for Alwin.
You have listened to fears, child. Come, let me breathe on you... Are you brave again? -Aslan
@elishavet-pidiyon (I probably spelled that wrong lol)
Awesome!!
Any noun can become a verb if you don't care enough.
@elishavet-pidyon (I was close XD)
Any noun can become a verb if you don't care enough.
@highscribeofaetherium (your were)
Thanks!! This is my second (third?) Try at the opening.
You have listened to fears, child. Come, let me breathe on you... Are you brave again? -Aslan
AHHHH, beautiful! Symbolic! Lovely! Suspenseful!
Alwin and William are so heartachally adorable. (Especially with you know what in the first chapter. *Glares at evil guard* *quietly stuffs Alwin in secret closet*)
First Grand Historian of Arreth and the Lesser Realms (aka Kitty)
Fork the GorkGreat job! I love your descriptions and the style of your writing, it’s really beautiful!
WE ARE REVIVING THE PROTECTION SQUAD! *steals Joseph, Julian, and Sabina from Ellette*
- Rank: Chosen One
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Awww, thank you! For reading! My crazy opening! And liking it!
I’m glad you think so. Although I think there are some snotty Alwin chapters ahead. *Wry laugh*
Yes of course. That dreaded next chapter. Don’t worry, it will get worse. 😁😅
Thank you! That means so much. I’m still trying to figure out my writing voice – or at least the voice I want to use for this series. Can I ask if there’s anything specific you like about this snippet? (Which I just did ask, but oh well. XD)
You have listened to fears, child. Come, let me breathe on you... Are you brave again? -Aslan
@freedomwriter76
Thank You!!! It’s an experiment. 😉
Is there anything you liked/thoughts/suggestions?
And yes, I think she is turning to kidnapping. XD
You have listened to fears, child. Come, let me breathe on you... Are you brave again? -Aslan
@freedomwriter76
YES. I. AM.
But only for his own protection, so it’s a good thing, right? Of course right.
First Grand Historian of Arreth and the Lesser Realms (aka Kitty)
Fork the GorkI don’t know why, but I pictured everything going frosty as the sun fell away, and the sigh coming from the first boy was so clear to me… If that makes any sense. XD❤
“Everything is a mountain”
FRIENDS
GUESS WHAT
I had a… I don’t know… revelation XD About story mechanics!! I had it like, a month ago, and I dismissed brain-storming further because I was busy. But now…
Okay, so think about this.
There are so many kinds of character arcs, right? Rags to riches, redemption, etc.
But have you ever considered other, additional ways of categorizing them… ways that might help you better understand why you write the way you write, and ESPECIALLY broaden your horizons? Broaden the way you think through arcs?
Here’s one simple way to think about arcs that I’ve discovered.
All arcs fall under these two umbrellas – either the character is surviving evil, OR is ridding themselves of evil.
What do I meeeeeeaaaaaaan?
I like to think of them as passive and active, because the first just has to exist without breaking in order to succeed, whereas the latter has to handle himself. Which is nearly impossible.
The character may be enduring great hardship, such as grief or abuse thrust upon them, and has to be strong despite of it. The character doesn’t necessarily have to change themselves, they just have to survive through it without joining the dark side. (Passive.)
OR they have a fatal flaw. Something they must overcome with every good bone in their body, even if they don’t notice its subtle effects at first. The fight is raw and real, if only to themselves, and leads to a better, more heroic person in the end. (Active.)
So far. I have not come across a hero which did not fall under one of these two.
Both have their own strengths and weaknesses. And it’s just fascinating to think about, especially what trends in literature may have developed these tropes waaaay back when.
However, I’ve discovered a popular trend… the first, AKA, the Passive.
Like, A LOT of writers use this trope. On here, too.
Why is that? Is that type more attractive, and for what reason? What difference would it make if you switched? Why did you choose what you chose?
“Everything is a mountain”
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