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So, if you’ve ever snooped around my conversations with @theducktator, we’ve had some quarrels between squirrels and ducks. So now I’ve started to write a series. The first story I’m currently working on now is about the Squirrel Kingdom and I will write another story on the Duck Kingdom, and then a story where there is conflict between the two kingdoms (mwahahahaha). I don’t have it all figured out, but this is probably my favorite story idea so far. If anyone is interested, I would like some feedback on this beginning scene (or any feedback is great):
You may think that most squirrels are normal. That they just run around in a suburban yard eating the bird feed. Or climbing a tree in the backyard forest stashing their acorns. Well I am here to tell you that those squirrels that you see are outcasts of what really goes on, deep in the forest. Squirrels that go hunting for bird seed did not decide to do it, but I can tell you that most of them are not innocent of a crime committed in the Squirrel Kingdom, a crime not forgivable to any who were loyal to their country and to their lord.
To know what truly did happen, you must know what this kingdom is. The Kingdom of the Squirrels is a large kingdom with villages spread out and a large capital city. Most of the villages are small but are self-sustaining high in the treetops and, for most of the time, are located where the forest is the oldest. Now I understand that some of you younger readers may try to go look for these villages, but I must tell you that your efforts will be futile since the squirrels are excellent at hiding, and always know when someone is coming close to their village. But if you wanted to find their city, I am sorry to say that even I don’t know where to find it, for the squirrels are excellent at hiding their things. And even if a squirrel were disloyal to the Squirrel Kingdom, they would not reveal it, for squirrels have a high regard for secrecy and would not reveal another’s secret.
Our story begins in this great city, the city is full of hustle and bustle. The squirrel is an active animal, and so is its city. Stores are always a center of conversations, craftsmen are always working at their skills, and the streets are full of running squirrels. The city of the Squirrels consists of a central byway that is high in the treetops. Off from the central road are many bridges and side roads that run along the trunks of the trees. The stores and shops are constructed similar to a Hobbit Hole, but in the side of the trees. One squirrel on this fine day in particular was in a hurry.
@anyone-who-likes-animals-or-squirrels-or-is-just-interested
Bestest Teddy Bear
#AnduthForever (❤️)Sorry the format is weird
Bestest Teddy Bear
#AnduthForever (❤️)@liberty @koshka @elishavet-pidyon
You write animal stories, right? (If I tagged the wrong people by accident, sorry)
This seems like your forte.
You're extra special <3
#AnduthForever (💕)Ooo! It sounds intriguing! Squirrel stories are always so much fun! So, I’m assuming something terrible happened between the squirrels and ducks?
"He who never quotes will never be quoted." ~Charles Spurgeon
The answer is yes if you can’t hear the sarcasm
Bestest Teddy Bear
#AnduthForever (❤️)😂 Thanks! I didn’t hear the sarcasm.
"He who never quotes will never be quoted." ~Charles Spurgeon
Squirrelies! I love the fluffies. They are very intelligent. Unimaginative people completely discredit them. I think some of your rogue squirrels are running a gang in our town. XD The initiation rites include darting between the wheels of a car.
( @rae You definitely tagged the right people. 🙂 )
As for feedback, the idea is fantastic! A secret squirrel kingdom deep in the heart of the oldest woods? A band of exiles with unknown crimes in their pasts? I am intrigued.
Now I understand that some of you younger readers may try to go look for these villages, but I must tell you that your efforts will be futile since the squirrels are excellent at hiding, and always know when someone is coming close to their village. But if you wanted to find their city, I am sorry to say that even I don’t know where to find it, for the squirrels are excellent at hiding their things.
It’s redundant to say the squirrels are good at hiding twice. It made this bit feel like it was going in circles, which is sad because it’s an important part of that intro.
And even if a squirrel were disloyal to the Squirrel Kingdom, they would not reveal it, for squirrels have a high regard for secrecy and would not reveal another’s secret.
Love the oxymoron between the squirrel’s loyalty to secrets and apparent lack of loyalty to their country.
Overall, very good! I’m interested to see where it goes.
You have listened to fears, child. Come, let me breathe on you... Are you brave again? -Aslan
A secret squirrel kingdom deep in the heart of the oldest woods? A band of exiles with unknown crimes in their pasts? I am intrigued.
YAY! I had a good idea!
It’s redundant to say the squirrels are good at hiding twice. It made this bit feel like it was going in circles, which is sad because it’s an important part of that intro.
Yeah, I’ll see if there’s a way to not repeat but still have the same impact.
Love the oxymoron between the squirrel’s loyalty to secrets and apparent lack of loyalty to their country.
Thanks!
Overall, very good! I’m interested to see where it goes.
Me too. Thanks for the feedback!
Bestest Teddy Bear
#AnduthForever (❤️)Sorry I took so long to respond here. I saw this when I was sick and forgot to get back to it. Anyway, I enjoyed that and don’t really have feedback beyond what others have said.
To err is human; to arr is pirate.
Ahh! Animal fantasy! I adore this stuff so much. Yes, one of my series is a bunch of wolves and foxes and possibly sea faring black footed sand cats all picking fights with one another. It’s great fun. XD
@raxforge
I definitely approve. We need more animal fantasy that isn’t down right weird. Squirrels are hilarious, and a secret kingdom of squirrels sending exiled tractors out into the known world absolutely needs written.
First Grand Historian of Arreth and the Lesser Realms (aka Kitty)
Fork the Gork
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