Navigating Family Stereotypes: The Second Part – Siblings

By Rachel Leitch

Here we are, back again to look at some more common stereotypes when writing fictional families.

To recap what I said in the last article: due to overuse, some popular tropes have now devolved into stereotypes that don’t scratch the surface of what a family really is.

In the last article, we took a look at how to combat these stereotypes when creating families in general and when creating parents for your characters. We thought about how to portray tough relationships without them being stereotypical and how to dig beyond the title of “mom” and “dad.”

This second part is going to be the fun part: siblings.

Does My Character Need Siblings?

I originally was planning to say yes. But an editor pointed out a much more true point–stories should only have characters that are relevant to the plot. 

So the better question is are siblings relevant to your plot? 

Similar to what I said about families in general, evaluate what effect siblings will have on your character’s internal and external battles. If they won’t have a bearing on any of those things and would end up just being extra names in a story, don’t just add siblings to the story in the name of representation. 

If you find the answer is yes, siblings would be relevant, then make the most of them. Some characters may need a big family. For others, one or two siblings will make the most sense with the story and accomplish the need quite nicely. 

Next, we’ll explore how to write specific siblings without having them fall into the bratty, argumentative stereotypes. 

Some Siblings to Study:

Oldest Children

Alright. I’m going to try to contain the rant. But as an oldest child myself, I could give you a list a mile long of examples of this stereotype.

Oldest children in fiction are the ones who can do no wrong. They are perfect and love to remind people that they are perfect, usually their unsuspecting siblings. They always have it all together and are pursuing a crazy prestigious career. And they love nothing more than to boss others around and remind everyone how they are better than them.

Where Did This Come From? Oldest children naturally feel a sense of leadership and responsibility when it comes to their siblings. They naturally feel the desire to protect them from harm and are willing to go to great lengths to make that happen.

But especially when oldest children have experienced hurt in their own lives, that sense can come off as controlling—when really, they’re just desperately trying to assuage their own conscience, make everyone happy, and protect the ones they love the most.

The Problem Is . . . The bossy oldest stereotype ignores that heart. It just shows the often-annoying side effects and never dares dirty their fingers with the deep love and good intentions underneath. As a result, oldest children become the faceless jerk of every story.

How Do We Fix This? We’re bossy. I’ll admit it. See my hand in the air?

So the trick in your story is to explore why they’re bossy. What drives them? Do they want to impress a parent? Do they want to protect their siblings from a hurt they themselves feel? Have they simply been expected to be the mature one, forced to grow up too fast? Dig deep into your oldest child’s soul and see what comes out.

Some Oldest Children to Study:

Middle Children

We love middle children, don’t we? It’s hard not to love them! They always seem to know the perfect balance between the bossy oldest and the spoiled youngest. They hold the family and the siblings together when no one else does. They’re low-key and chill, peace-loving and sipping their chai even when the world is in flames around them. Yet, somehow, all their hard work is always overlooked.

Where Did This Come From? Quite frankly—this is all true! Middle children are amazing. I often look at my own sister and try to figure out how she handles it all. Much like oldest children are naturally born to protect, middle children are naturally born to mediate. They’re used to being sandwiched between the oldest and the youngest, used to being the bridge.

The Problem Is . . . We mistake this ability to mediate as meaning they’re chill and chai-sipping all the time. While they might be that way on the outside, there is A LOT happening on the inside—enough emotional conflict to fuel an entire book, really. To write this stereotype is to ignore their feelings and to ignore that chill looks different for everyone.

Then, to put the cherry on the sundae, middle children are often written as the “forgotten” child. While this may be a struggle a few of them face, it’s not true of the rule. And by writing them as forgotten over and over again, we’re reinforcing the idea that they are forgettable.

How Do We Fix This? Find your middle child’s unique brand of chill. For some, chill does look like sipping a chai. But what if chill looks like running around and planning all the aspects of a party so the family can relax? What if chill looks like withdrawing from a situation and spending some time alone in their room? What if chill looks like offering up their own ideas to try and improve a situation? Your possibilities are endless.

When you dig beyond the “chill,” you’ll often find a lot of things your middle child might have been hiding—sadness, fear, anger. Find out what makes them feel their negative emotions.

And make sure your middle child isn’t forgotten. Even if a certain family member overlooks them (if it’s necessary for your story), make sure someone else sees.

Some Middles to Study:

Youngest Children

Ah, the youngest children. They get everything they want with just a toothy grin. That unique superpower will work either one of two ways in their young lives—they’ll either become ridiculously innocent or ridiculously entitled.

Where Did This Come From? Youngest children do hold a special place in the family. They’re the last one, so even the smallest things are a different kind of special because it’s the last time the family might experience it. Whether they receive hand-me-downs or (especially if they’re the opposite gender of the sibling above them) get it brand new, they receive a lot. They can be very in tune with other family members. (Read: They’re the ones to send to ask for something.)

The Problem Is . . . This stereotype assumes youngest children want it all. Sometimes they can be a little out of tune with other siblings’ struggles just because they never had to face this problem, but this stereotype assumes the youngest children are just out for more. It villainizes them.

How Do We Fix It? As an oldest, I understand it a little bit. Oldest children can also be portrayed as “parents’ pet.” It’s hard to be accused of being the favorite when you did nothing to bring it on yourself other than be born.

How does your youngest child feel about the attention they may or may not be receiving? What are they doing with the unique assets and situations they have that other siblings may not? Your youngest child has a special advantage in the story, an advantage that can deeply shape their motivation.

Some Youngest Children to Study:

Only Children

As much as I support giving a character siblings whenever possible, only children are also real people and need to be represented. In books, only children are worse than the youngest children. Since their parents have no other children, they are unbelievably spoiled and receive little to no discipline. They do what they want, when and how they want to, and anyone who stands in their way had better beware.

Where Does This Come From? As a paraprofessional at an elementary school, I can call an only child a mile away. Especially as children, they do have a tendency to struggle with things like sharing and being kind to other students—not always on purpose, but simply because they don’t understand anything different. They’ve never had to do this at home. It’s the norm for them.

The Problem Is . . . This stereotype dismisses all only children as selfish simply because they have no siblings. There is a difference between someone who is privileged and decides to be selfish, and someone who is privileged and chooses to overcome their weak areas, or even someone who is privileged and simply doesn’t know any better.

How Do We Fix This? Recognize your only child’s unique strengths and weaknesses. They may have some privileges or points of view that other characters don’t have. They may have character qualities shaped by different experiences. Commit to letting your only child experience things they’ve never experienced before. Let them always be learning and trying again.

Some Only Children to Study:

Conclusion:

We’ve made it through the stereotypes of the traditional family unit. Maybe this article has helped you think of siblings in a new way—whether that be your fictional siblings or your siblings in real life.

No matter who you are, there’s always more going on beneath the surface. The behavior on the outside is always coming from something on the inside. Sometimes what’s on the inside is good intentions. Sometimes it’s a hidden fear or anger. Sometimes it’s a wave of confusion or sadness.

Everyone has a story. Even siblings.

So what about your fictional family? How will they defy stereotypes and add to your plot? And while you’re at it, share your favorite fictional siblings in the comments below!

I’d love to chat with you.