@trailblazer
Active 6 months, 3 weeks ago- Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
- Total Posts: 758
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SLAYING SARAAAA ✨✨ replied to the topic My Work In Progress in the forum Novel Critique Requests 3 years ago
Well, Sef wasn’t at her house when Neveah and Hanna were kidnapped. They were leaving the slums, and were walking down the path. It was a whole “group” thing, if that makes sense.
Sef saw them being taken when she was on her way back from the well.
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SLAYING SARAAAA ✨✨ replied to the topic My Work In Progress in the forum Novel Critique Requests 3 years ago
Cassian is Lilitu’s older brother. (I’m pretty sure it’s in there somewhere? idk, now I’m second guessing myself, haha)
I don’t know, I probably should know, but I don’t know where Cassian is, lol. I guess he just wasn’t in the scene? He’s old enough to work, so probably doing that or stealing something to feed his family. Characters are…[Read more]
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SLAYING SARAAAA ✨✨ replied to the topic Hi guys! in the forum Start HERE 3 years ago
Hi Divinity, I’m Sara 🙂 I’m a freshman in high school. You’re going to love KP!
I am working on my WIP, and am trying to fix some problems with it, but I am making some progress (I think???).
I have 2 horses,
too many chickens(you can NEVER have too many chickens!!!!), 1 dog, 4 cats, and a herd of cows. We farm and ranch in…[Read more] -
SLAYING SARAAAA ✨✨ replied to the topic My Work In Progress in the forum Novel Critique Requests 3 years ago
One thing to consider might be to actually not show what happens to Neveah until later in the story, instead of following her. That way you could linearly follow Sef and Lillitu up through this chapter. Cutting to Neveah and Ottoline after Sef and Lillitu jump off the cliff could be a great way to add tension. Always cut when your audience…
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SLAYING SARAAAA ✨✨ replied to the topic My Work In Progress in the forum Novel Critique Requests 3 years ago
Here’s Sef’s reaction:
Chapter 4: Stolen
***revisal, the new segment at the end****
“Hush,” Cassian squeezed her tighter. Sef sobbed into his shoulder.
“I hate you!” she yelled in his ear. At that moment, she really believed it.
“Yes, I know,” he smiled sadly, knowingly. Sef soon got tired of crying and struggling and so she…[Read more]
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SLAYING SARAAAA ✨✨ replied to the topic My Work In Progress in the forum Novel Critique Requests 3 years ago
Think of it like your giving your readers a plate with a cheeseburger, but when they reach out to grab it, you pull it away, and throw a burrito at them. Sure burrito’s are great, but the readers were excited for that cheeseburger, and maybe a burrito is better served pushed towards them on a plate, instead of thrown at their f…
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SLAYING SARAAAA ✨✨ replied to the topic Character Party! in the forum General Writing Discussions 3 years ago
Got it!
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SLAYING SARAAAA ✨✨ replied to the topic Character Party! in the forum General Writing Discussions 3 years ago
Haha! I’m glad! Hugo is so funny, (I based him off my brother so I have plenty of ideas, lol!)
Oh I bet!
My brother’s more annoying than funny. He’s 7 and likes to pretend he’s a cat and meow ALL THE TIME.
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SLAYING SARAAAA ✨✨ replied to the topic The Chat Chat in the forum General Writing Discussions 3 years ago
Sometimes I bring some taffy or chocolate to school and throw it into a crowd to see what happens.
Oh my gosh that’s hilarious
I should try that! Though my school doesn’t have “crowds”, we’re too small for that, lol. (There’s 120 kids in the whole school, K-12)
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SLAYING SARAAAA ✨✨ replied to the topic The Chat Chat in the forum General Writing Discussions 3 years ago
Hi, nice to meet you!
We do have one role play going on that you can join (I know because I made it, lol) if you want. We’re pretty far along, but you can hop in anytime! It’s the one titled “Character Party” on the General Writing Discussions session. If you happen to join, you might want to read all the previous RP’s so you…[Read more]
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-GRCR- replied to the topic Hi guys! in the forum Start HERE 3 years ago
Hey there!
I’m GRCR! I’m a fiction writer, avid artist, a journalist for my fictional newspaper, and a character lover, (I love my people so much that I wish they were real, lol). I enjoy listening to music and imagining my characters singing the songs. And, I enjoy 2D and 3D animating.
Anyhow, welcome to KP! 😁
Here are some que…[Read more]
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-GRCR- replied to the topic Characters of England | A 19th Century Role Play in the forum General Writing Discussions 3 years ago
@freedomwriter76 @smiley @whalekeeper @anyone-else-in-this-RP-that-doesn’t-already-know…
Hey…
I’m going to be entirely inactive at 9:30 pm, and I won’t be back on until October 4th…. the Jeffersons can go home if you guys want (we can pretend they received and important letter about something extremely urgent…) or they can just tag…[Read more]
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SLAYING SARAAAA ✨✨ replied to the topic Character Party! in the forum General Writing Discussions 3 years ago
@trailblazer @acancello @freedomwriter76 @esther-c @grcr @mineralizedwritings
Ottoline
Her hands shook as she fingered the delicate blue fabric. This is for me? She wondered. What kind of person do they think I am? She could never wear that, she decided. This was too beautiful a dress for someone like her. She ran a hand through her tangled ha…[Read more]
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-GRCR- replied to the topic Character Party! in the forum General Writing Discussions 3 years ago
@esther-c @acancello @savannah_grace2009 @trailblazer @mineralizedwritings
Hey guys…
I’m going to be entirely inactive at 9:30 pm, and I won’t be back on until October 4th…. Lane can just tag along in whatever happens during this role-play or you guys can just pretend he isn’t there until I come back (I don’t really mind whatever)…. So y…[Read more]
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SLAYING SARAAAA ✨✨ replied to the topic My Work In Progress in the forum Novel Critique Requests 3 years ago
Oh, sorry, it is chapter 6!
Well, two years have passed, and Sef has been abused, so that changes her personality a little bit. They both get older and more mature. What do you mean by different, like personality?
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Esther replied to the topic Character Party! in the forum General Writing Discussions 3 years ago
@trailblazer @acancello @freedomwriter76 @savannah_grace2009 @grcr @mineralizedwritings
Amir
Amir quickly hopped up out of the pile of shoes, bouncing on one foot for a moment as he regained his balance. He pasted on a goofy grin. “I’m fine,” he said with a chortle.
Thankfully, nobody really cared or payed attention to him for very long. But i…[Read more]
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SLAYING SARAAAA ✨✨ replied to the topic My Work In Progress in the forum Novel Critique Requests 3 years ago
I’m putting more thought into the 4th chapter. Then I’m going to make it so Lilitu gets 2 chapters. What do you think of the revisal?
Chapter 4: A theif
“Git your grubby fingers off that bread!” Lilitu froze. He looked longingly at the loaf of bread which might as well have been a bar of gold, before turning to face the e…[Read more]
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SLAYING SARAAAA ✨✨ replied to the topic Another Project I'm Working on in the forum General Writing Discussions 3 years ago
Wow, how are you so good at creating magic systems? i’m so jealous, lol
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hybridlore replied to the topic Another Project I'm Working on in the forum General Writing Discussions 3 years ago
I like the idea of the table with the powers intersecting!
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SLAYING SARAAAA ✨✨ replied to the topic Character Party! in the forum General Writing Discussions 3 years ago
“A masquerade party?” Amir said, completely bewildered. “Why?”
“Maybe they’re torturing us,” Hugo joked, “what could be worse than dressing up and dancing with girls?” He laughed, seeming to have made a full recovery.
Girl I legit started laughing!!!
“That’s strange,” Amir commented from the floor, “these clothes, this rack here.…
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