TheShadow

@linus-smallprint

“Lyen names” is good, especially if it works for your world. Random thought, this topic reminded me of a character from Tintin, he usually says “blistering barnacles!”

@kyronthearcanin

Same XD

@ellette-giselle

Ack, that’s hard. I like both a lot. *Dramatic sign*… probably Turin, I like his rash behavior a little more. Aaron’s great too though.

@keilah-h

Love the quotes XD

@ellette-giselle

Lol those are great

@ellette-giselle

He is lol.

This section was good, Aaron has a lot of guts to go do that. Man, 14 hours?! And Turin’s such a good friend. I don’t think I have any critiques for this one.

@linus-smallprint

Hmm, yeah this specific topic can be hard. “Great snakes” is one exclamation I don’t think sounds like a swear word. Shakespearean words may also be a good substitute, although they might sound a little silly. “Balderdash” and “zounds” could be used too.

@ellette-giselle

Wow, that went from 0 to 100 real quick lol. Those scenes were great, Turin’s character has definitely grown on me. I have to agree with you, it’s really annoying when Christians are portrayed as perfect with no flaws whatsoever. I know for a fact I’m not perfect XD

@keilah-h

Thanks for the description, she sounds cool!

@keilah-h

I would join as well.

@keilah-h

That would be fun XD

@kyronthearcanin

Your welcome! My charrie Eldred should like your characters (he has a pet wolf).

@ellette-giselle

The newest section was really good!! I don’t have any critiques for it, I like Aaron’s character a lot so far, and the point about God making the seed grow. I also liked how Aaron was afraid but trusted God, it felt realistic. Nice job!

@ellette-giselle

Ok, though I agree with Sara that the paragraphs are a little long.

@kyronthearcanin

I don’t think we’ve met before so hello!! I’m Shadow, nice to meet you! Your charries sound great, the wolf idea is really cool!

@ellette-giselle

Ok, the last section on the first page was good, but when Aaron is telling Turin about how sin entered the world and when Christ lived for us, I think someone learning about it would ask one or two more questions to understand it better. Other than that, it was good. I have to go help my brother now with something, so I will read…[Read more]

@ellette-giselle

Sorry, I have been slacking with giving feedback lately. Summer is really getting ahead of me lol. I will try to give you feedback today after I read over the sections you posted.

@savannah_grace2009

Thanks so much for tagging me!! Sorry I haven’t been keeping up, summer has been a little crazy XD. Thank you for the link to the chapters too, that’s so nice! I’ll try to catch up as soon as possible.

@theducktator

I think that would make more sense, so probably.

@whalekeeper

I don’t have much to add since @thearcaneaxiom points were really good (nice job!)