TheShadow

@ellette-giselle

He is lol.

This section was good, Aaron has a lot of guts to go do that. Man, 14 hours?! And Turin’s such a good friend. I don’t think I have any critiques for this one.

@linus-smallprint

Hmm, yeah this specific topic can be hard. “Great snakes” is one exclamation I don’t think sounds like a swear word. Shakespearean words may also be a good substitute, although they might sound a little silly. “Balderdash” and “zounds” could be used too.

@ellette-giselle

Wow, that went from 0 to 100 real quick lol. Those scenes were great, Turin’s character has definitely grown on me. I have to agree with you, it’s really annoying when Christians are portrayed as perfect with no flaws whatsoever. I know for a fact I’m not perfect XD

@keilah-h

Thanks for the description, she sounds cool!

@keilah-h

I would join as well.

@keilah-h

That would be fun XD

@kyronthearcanin

Your welcome! My charrie Eldred should like your characters (he has a pet wolf).

@ellette-giselle

The newest section was really good!! I don’t have any critiques for it, I like Aaron’s character a lot so far, and the point about God making the seed grow. I also liked how Aaron was afraid but trusted God, it felt realistic. Nice job!

@ellette-giselle

Ok, though I agree with Sara that the paragraphs are a little long.

@kyronthearcanin

I don’t think we’ve met before so hello!! I’m Shadow, nice to meet you! Your charries sound great, the wolf idea is really cool!

@ellette-giselle

Ok, the last section on the first page was good, but when Aaron is telling Turin about how sin entered the world and when Christ lived for us, I think someone learning about it would ask one or two more questions to understand it better. Other than that, it was good. I have to go help my brother now with something, so I will read…[Read more]

@ellette-giselle

Sorry, I have been slacking with giving feedback lately. Summer is really getting ahead of me lol. I will try to give you feedback today after I read over the sections you posted.

@savannah_grace2009

Thanks so much for tagging me!! Sorry I haven’t been keeping up, summer has been a little crazy XD. Thank you for the link to the chapters too, that’s so nice! I’ll try to catch up as soon as possible.

@theducktator

I think that would make more sense, so probably.

@whalekeeper

I don’t have much to add since @thearcaneaxiom points were really good (nice job!)

@theducktator

Eldred and Rosalind are at the cabins too.

@keilah-h @rae

Trevor

The creature raised its claw, but before it could slash Trevor he jumped to the side. Then, before he could realize what was happening, Fairy had defeated it, and it lay on the ground, motionless.

Trevor stared as Silvanis kissed Fairy on the forehead, then realized everyone was watching. “Uh, you guys didn’t see tha…[Read more]

@ellette-giselle

Thank you!!

@keilah-h @rae

Silvanis does have a plan in all this. Don’t worry, he’d never let serious harm come to Fairy.

I was starting to wonder at the end there lol

Trevor

“Great plan, Trevor, just omit the Silvanis and Sniper part. Fairy will handle it alone. If anyone disagrees, they answer to me.” As Silvanis said this, his skin began to glow.…[Read more]