TheShadow

@keilah-h@theducktator @rae @princesachronicle22@kyronthearcanin

Poor Natalie and Bob, it seems like they’re having a rough time XD

Eldred 

Wolf-like people? Maybe they are like the ones in the fairytales mother and father used to tell. Eldred thought.

The duck, Queen Natalie, and Stephen had been talking, and as they did Natalie grew more an…[Read more]

@linus-smallprint

“Lyen names” is good, especially if it works for your world. Random thought, this topic reminded me of a character from Tintin, he usually says “blistering barnacles!”

@kyronthearcanin

Same XD

@ellette-giselle

Ack, that’s hard. I like both a lot. *Dramatic sign*… probably Turin, I like his rash behavior a little more. Aaron’s great too though.

@keilah-h

Love the quotes XD

@ellette-giselle

Lol those are great

@ellette-giselle

He is lol.

This section was good, Aaron has a lot of guts to go do that. Man, 14 hours?! And Turin’s such a good friend. I don’t think I have any critiques for this one.

@linus-smallprint

Hmm, yeah this specific topic can be hard. “Great snakes” is one exclamation I don’t think sounds like a swear word. Shakespearean words may also be a good substitute, although they might sound a little silly. “Balderdash” and “zounds” could be used too.

@ellette-giselle

Wow, that went from 0 to 100 real quick lol. Those scenes were great, Turin’s character has definitely grown on me. I have to agree with you, it’s really annoying when Christians are portrayed as perfect with no flaws whatsoever. I know for a fact I’m not perfect XD

@keilah-h

Thanks for the description, she sounds cool!

@keilah-h

I would join as well.

@keilah-h

That would be fun XD

@kyronthearcanin

Your welcome! My charrie Eldred should like your characters (he has a pet wolf).

@ellette-giselle

The newest section was really good!! I don’t have any critiques for it, I like Aaron’s character a lot so far, and the point about God making the seed grow. I also liked how Aaron was afraid but trusted God, it felt realistic. Nice job!

@ellette-giselle

Ok, though I agree with Sara that the paragraphs are a little long.

@kyronthearcanin

I don’t think we’ve met before so hello!! I’m Shadow, nice to meet you! Your charries sound great, the wolf idea is really cool!

@ellette-giselle

Ok, the last section on the first page was good, but when Aaron is telling Turin about how sin entered the world and when Christ lived for us, I think someone learning about it would ask one or two more questions to understand it better. Other than that, it was good. I have to go help my brother now with something, so I will read…[Read more]

@ellette-giselle

Sorry, I have been slacking with giving feedback lately. Summer is really getting ahead of me lol. I will try to give you feedback today after I read over the sections you posted.

@savannah_grace2009

Thanks so much for tagging me!! Sorry I haven’t been keeping up, summer has been a little crazy XD. Thank you for the link to the chapters too, that’s so nice! I’ll try to catch up as soon as possible.

@theducktator

I think that would make more sense, so probably.